Wade on Birmingham

Vote 2024: Sample ballots for Jefferson, Shelby County primaries

Thursday, February 29, 2024 by Wade Kwon

Vote mural

Photo: 7beachbum (CC)

Next Tuesday is Super Tuesday. Are you ready to vote in Alabama?

Vote 2024Voters in 16 states will head to the polls for the primary election. We have the sample ballots for Jefferson and Shelby Counties for the primaries.

Find your polling place/districts.

Check out the top federal, state and county offices up for grabs. And peruse the Alabama Voter Guide 2024, with voting procedures and frequently asked questions.

For easier viewing, you can print, download or zoom to full screen with each ballot.

Vote next Tuesday, with runoffs on April 16.

• • •

Sample ballots for all 67 counties.

• • •

Jefferson County: Democratic ballot

[Mobile version]

Jefferson County: Republican ballot

[Mobile version]

• • •

Shelby County: Democratic ballot

[Mobile version]

Shelby County: Republican ballot

[Mobile version]

• • •

Alabama Voter Guide 2024


[Mobile version]

• • •

Also:

• • •

More Vote 2024 coverage.

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 66

Saturday, January 13, 2024 by Wade Kwon

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  1. parking entrepreneurs
    They tow all makes with
    enthusiasm and greed.
    What a slimy scam.
  2. surprise, it’s wholesome
    Click on a cartoon
    to discover heartwarming
    vibes and pure intent.
  3. love your body
    We mourn what shape we
    could have been and fret over
    the shape we’re in now.
  4. the gift card that never came
    Checked the mailbox each
    day for a special surprise.
    All I got was junk.
  5. matching glasses, matching tennies
    We look so cute side
    by side in identical
    pairs of specs and sneaks.
  6. where did we park again?
    I placed the pin in
    the map app, but it led us
    to an empty lot.
  7. the time to go costume shopping is 2 weeks ago
    Getting down to the
    crummy outfits and props left
    on the empty shelves.
  8. bones all the way down
    Scare the kids with a
    massive show of creepiness …
    12-foot skeleton!
  9. ode to big brother
    To the blindsides and
    vetoes, the hook-ups and back
    doors, and showmances!
  10. writers vs. chatgpt
    No way John Henry
    could shovel as much crap as
    the modern AI.
  11. strikes across america
    The labor movement
    is reawakening with
    vigor and vision.
  12. dishwasher on strike
    No more scrubbing pots
    and pans, rinsing utensils
    or spraying soiled plates.
  13. pivot to video
    On the one hand, too
    cumbersome and dull. On the
    other hand, TikTok.
  14. shiny new fences
    Plank by plank they went
    up, to hide their hideous
    yards from the neighbors.
  15. tricks 2023
    Egg their electric
    car; ask if treats are keto
    friendly; indict them.
  16. the parade of t-shirts
    Her love of music
    shone brightest in the shirts she
    wore to big concerts.
  17. if i should fall down
    Call the police, call
    the paramedics and get
    me some painkillers.
  18. the hits of yesteryear
    I remember most
    of the songs charted in my
    adolescent days.
  19. too weak to declutter
    Stuff stays stuff because
    the alternative is to
    get rid of some stuff.
  20. the chores no mores
    You could clean the house,
    do laundry, wash dishes. Or
    live in grownup filth.
  21. the tracker
    Know where your loved ones
    are at all times, or until
    they turn off the app.
  22. most popular weirdos
    They seem to be the
    It Couple when it comes to
    eclectic groupies.
  23. rocket rest area
    North Alabama
    along I-65 stands
    a Saturn 1B.
  24. halloween 2023
    A million Barbies
    and Kens in a sea of pink
    outfits and cocktails.
  25. we’re all shilling something
    Artwork, classes, books,
    pimento cheese, necklaces,
    essential oils.
  26. first amendment
    Freedom of speech, press,
    religion, assembly and
    call on government.
  27. candy opus
    There’s nothing like Trick
    or Treating in the wild and
    receiving full bars.
  28. the annual sickness
    From outta nowhere,
    a sore throat and an achy
    head to wreck my week.
  29. at the movies with taylor swift
    Thirty-foot-tall star
    struts and sings with the whole world
    singing along, too.
  30. rain at the amphitheater
    Waiting for the band,
    a storm swoops in to drench us
    for a few minutes.
  31. the age of streaming
    They used to bundle
    channels. Now they bundle shows
    and movies. Can’t win.
  32. the power of now
    Measuring time in
    minutes? Try moments to keep
    you present always.
  33. keep your unpopular opinions to yourself
    Eastern Europe, the
    Middle East, reparations,
    abortion and guns.
  34. peak fall
    Wrapped in a sweater,
    walking through leaves with a hot
    mug of fresh cider.
  35. humanitarian pauses
    When we stop for a
    moment and let people live
    without doubt or fear.
  36. not everything has to be a musical
    A book to a film
    to a sequel to a play
    to another film.
  37. women and poc and queer artists
    See their movies, buy
    their books, hit their concerts and
    spend to support them.
  38. those who have seen war
    Those who have seen war
    clamor for peace and friendship
    among our nations.
  39. forgot priming
    Move all furniture,
    tape all edges, put down tarps,
    mix a color, paint.
  40. nose-to-tail dining
    A piece of chicken
    gnawed to the bone. Very clean
    and very Asian.
  41. the interminable job listing
    Must have these 20
    skills. Five years experience.
    For “entry level.”
  42. crumbs everywhere
    On the seat and in
    the folds of clothing. On the
    floor and round the mouth.
  43. more options than time
    Do power users
    learn all the shortcuts? Or do
    they make do with some?
  44. no encores
    The house lights came on.
    The audience stopped clapping.
    The house lights came on.
  45. waiting for the tow truck
    Smoke is coming from
    the engine. At least nothing
    is on fire. Yet.
  46. the right analogy
    It can crystallize
    a thought or lock in a way
    to visualize.
  47. the perception of crime
    Are these streets safe? It
    all comes down to personal
    experiences.
  48. inflation deflation
    Shopping at the store
    brings shock after sticker shock.
    Just trying to eat.
  49. the invisible pedestrians
    They walk in the tall
    shadows of night, not very
    streetwise nor secure.
  50. no strangers at the table
    Breaking bread, sharing
    wine. All are welcome at this
    motley gathering.
  51. unleash the mariah
    I just want you … Make
    my wish come true. All I want
    for Christmas is you.
  52. celebrity memoirs
    Before they were some-
    body, they were nobody.
    Everybody cheer.
  53. hot christmas gifts 2023
    Some kitchen device,
    bitcoin gift card, custom soap,
    bulletproof clothing.
  54. the world is slowly dying
    A warming Earth needs
    not an infestation of
    us callous mammals.
  55. the seventeenth best leader
    Sometimes you gotta
    lower your standards to put
    anyone in charge.
  56. tv as homework
    Watch each show with a
    notebook to remember all
    the names and events.
  57. kicked off tiktok
    Stand up for what you
    believe and be lumped in with
    all the cranks and scum.
  58. life in a food desert
    Surrounded by fast
    food and gas marts, unable
    to buy fresh items.
  59. the cardboard rainbow
    Picking paint colors
    from dozens of shades of green
    and gray leaves me blue.
  60. painting the rec room
    Tape down the edges.
    Don’t drip on the carpet! Make
    sure the paint’s even.
  61. to kill a mockingbird
    Small town justice plays
    out before a young girl’s eyes
    in the dark Deep South.
  62. too many apps
    One for banking, one
    for texting, one for social
    media et al.
  63. modern christmas shopping
    Visit stores and sites
    or give all your money to
    Amazon.com?
  64. i’m not comfortable in this body
    The shape I’m in is
    unrecognizable to
    my earlier self.
  65. do re mi ay ay ay
    Forget the hits. Hang
    on to novelty songs that
    unite us in hate.
  66. mr. fixit
    He can take any
    household project and turn it
    into one less chore.
  67. exercising privilege
    I can ignore things
    in the news and retreat to
    my secret safe space.
  68. apartheid state
    Those in power keep
    residents under foot through
    violent enforcement.
  69. lessons in love
    Learning that you are
    capable of giving and
    receiving true love.
  70. the suspect mold
    Becoming tired
    from out of nowhere. Having
    trouble with breathing.
  71. counting my spoons
    Plan for the day: Take
    out the trash. Eat leftovers.
    Spot clean the bathroom.
  72. setting boundaries
    No, Mom, you can’t talk
    to me that way. It’s over
    the line and too harsh.
  73. the recurring trip to the in-laws
    Oh, the terrible
    food and mandatory group
    pic. Family sucks.
  74. the cooking equation
    A question of base
    ingredients, prep tools and
    time before dinner.
  75. forming habits
    Incremental change
    brings gradual but steady
    improvement each day.
  76. a chance to shine
    We all need a chance
    to shine, to show off our skills
    and benevolence.
  77. what we have left of the year
    Not counting weekends
    and holidays, no time left
    to dillydally.
  78. the darkness and the coldness
    Let winter come. Let
    it bury us in chilly
    nights. Let winter come.
  79. their christmas day tradition
    Hit the cineplex
    to watch the worst movie while
    giggling in horror.
  80. fancy scoops
    The chefs conspired
    on gourmet ice cream flavors
    never seen before.
  81. even kwanzaa and hanukkah
    Multicultural
    Santa respects and loves all
    holiday customs.
  82. joy to this world
    I used to have the
    holiday spirit. Got to
    get that back somehow.
  83. appointments of fate
    What planner you pick
    determines if your new year
    goes well or badly.
  84. the creature in the crawl space
    Some animal is
    roaming down there and leaving
    gifts of poo and stank.
  85. the tiniest country
    It sits atop an
    offshore platform and boasts a
    robust royalty.
  86. banned words, 2023 edition
    AI, X, EGOT,
    ChatGPT, FYP
    and dystopian.
  87. the joy of creation
    Words and music, knives
    and paintings, whatever you
    make really matters.
  88. the party to end all parties
    Let’s have one more toast
    to celebrate before it’s
    2024.
  89. a clean slate
    Time to start anew.
    New hopes, new dreams and new goals.
    The new year awaits.
  90. will there be enough time this year?
    For getting enough
    exercise, reading books or
    planting a garden.
  91. pretend snow
    A pretend blizzard
    with a pretend fire for
    a pretend snuggle.
  92. will it start?
    Press the button. No.
    Press it again. No. Press. No.
    Press. No. Press. Yes. Whew.
  93. crisp $100 bills
    Barely used, always
    welcome. Peel them off and show
    everyone who’s boss.
  94. life in a war zone
    Crowding in basements,
    feeling the booms of shelling,
    too aware of death.
  95. gift card jubilee
    Where to eat and drink,
    to shop and spend this heaping
    virtual bounty.
  96. mom in the wild
    Nurtures, but also
    accuses. Sometimes friendly
    but also prickly.
  97. kid chefs
    A kitchen alive
    with activity as they
    whip up gourmet meals.
  98. midlife crisis van trip
    Gone for 3 days to
    find himself. Only to come
    back still douchey.
  99. escape with fiction
    Enough self help! She
    wants to lose herself in a
    mystery romance.
  100. the helper
    Issuing gentle
    reminders, keeping eyes on
    the clock, pitching in.
  101. those darn personality tests
    They purport to show
    our true selves. But they distort
    our complex nature.

• • •

Read more Wade’s 101.

Read more poetry at Wade’s Daily Haiku.

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Wade's Daily Haiku | Photo: Steve Johnson (CC) https://bit.ly/23DJ3yF

Happy 2024!

Monday, January 1, 2024 by Wade Kwon

Happy New Year! Have a terrific and radiant 2024.

Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 25, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Video: “All I Want for Christmas …”

Merry Christmas!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 23, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Video: Comedian Leslie Jones saves your Thanksgiving
from family quarrels. 

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! Enjoy this clip from “The Daily Show.”

Happy Veterans Day!

Saturday, November 11, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Video: Livestream of the 2023 National Veterans Day parade

America’s biggest parade is back, and the route is a little bit different this year.

The 2023 National Veterans Day parade starts at 1 p.m. downtown and runs till 4:30 p.m.  The video livestream above will have coverage of the event starting at 1:30 p.m.

2023 Veterans Day Parade Route

Map: National Veterans Day parade route

Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 31, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Video: A SAG strike-friendly holiday.

Happy Halloween!

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 65

Wednesday, October 4, 2023 by Wade Kwon

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  1. not-so-temporary classrooms
    Learning in trailers,
    an age-old tradition for
    overcrowded schools.
  2. the haunted bathroom
    The toilet would flush
    by itself, because ghosts need
    to relieve themselves.
  3. battle of the deplorables
    They jabbed in comment
    sections and heaped insults on
    those they found too “woke.”
  4. rip tina turner
    She prowled the stage as
    the queen of rock ‘n’ roll no
    matter the decade.
  5. the morning pledge
    Never too soon to
    get the school children voicing
    patriotism.
  6. say what, grandma?
    She asked if I knew
    how to speak the language; I
    just shook my head no.
  7. ai ex machina
    Dost thou require
    sustenance? ERROR ERROR
    ARCHAIC LANGUAGE
  8. the tale of the billionaire submarine
    Suddenly, their steel
    coffin implodes over the
    briny ocean floor.
  9. gathering of the neighborhood
    They came with chairs and
    dishes to celebrate and
    watch the fireworks.
  10. mongolian barbecue explained
    The chefs take your bowl
    of fixins and fry it on
    a circular grill.
  11. the summer of leisure
    Watch bonfires, play
    video games, sleep in and
    eat whatever’s there.
  12. plans for the future
    Higher learning or
    trade school? Move out or stay home?
    Get job or study?
  13. flirting with menus
    He would text her the
    link to restaurants and wait
    for her decision.
  14. the ungrateful undead
    Elderly dad huffs
    at daughter, the volunteer
    caregiver for years.
  15. sweat everywhere
    On the forehead and
    chest, in the pits and butt crack,
    dripping dripping wet.
  16. the fallen watermelon
    The gourd crashed into
    the kitchen floor, leaving chunks
    of red everywhere.
  17. punching up, punching down
    One is funny, and
    the other is scoring laughs
    without dignity.
  18. the job no one wanted
    They went back and forth,
    disagreeing over who
    was more qualified.
  19. the alumni gathering
    They got off Facebook
    long enough to exchange toasts
    and share old stories.
  20. i have only my imagination
    My brain takes me to
    crazy situations and
    exotic places.
  21. barry
    Hitman turned actor
    discovers himself onstage
    and can knock ’em dead.
  22. bye bye, braces
    Metal contraption
    making teeth straighter comes off
    with nary a scratch.
  23. party math
    Number of guests times
    units of food divided
    by flavor appeal.
  24. darkest timeline
    Doomscrolling poisoned
    by suggested followers,
    dumb posts, sundry ads.
  25. enshittification of the internet
    Build a great product,
    then let it rot as they hone
    in on short-term gains.
  26. writers’ strike, day 81
    Writers have always
    struggled with getting fair pay
    for all they create.
  27. the struggle to find meaningful work
    The job listings run
    together in a blur of
    keywords and must-haves.
  28. escape to nashville
    Head down to Broadway
    and check out honky-tonks with
    their blaring music.
  29. prescription hassles
    Tried mailing it and
    faxing it and calling it
    in. Just want my drugs.
  30. finding scapegoats
    We can’t blame ourselves.
    The responsibility
    goes to another.
  31. greedflation
    When they raise prices
    just because they can, it’s a
    struggle to get by.
  32. cop city
    A police training
    site that the people don’t want
    in their wooded lot.
  33. wither the absurdist?
    We’ll always need a
    dose of comedy in some
    unexpected ways.
  34. what is the nature of creativity?
    Imitation or
    originality? Where
    does it all come from?
  35. the spend-the-night bag
    Pajamas, mouth guard,
    book and saline solution
    for a night from home.
  36. fifty years of hip hop
    Bronx born with rapping,
    DJing, graffiti and
    break dancing in one.
  37. there’s a better poem here somewhere
    First draft needs a lot
    of revision to make it
    to its final draft.
  38. global boiling
    Last month will be the
    hottest month ever until
    this month breaks records.
  39. hottest trend of the summer
    AC repairman
    sweats it out each house call as
    he brings back coolness.
  40. barbecue wings on wheels
    Rolling through the town
    to bring lunch options to some
    hungry office folk.
  41. who still uses cash?
    Cash is king, except
    dealing with those coins and bills
    ain’t worth the hassle.
  42. who still uses checks?
    Let me go find my
    checkbook and a pen and write
    out the transaction.
  43. roadtrip to atlanta
    Watch the clock so we
    can time our arrival to
    avoid rush hour.
  44. summer sleep schedule
    The sheer delights of
    staying up late and rising
    whenever you choose.
  45. the hottest auditorium
    Movie fans sweat it
    out for 2 hours in a
    room without AC.
  46. school will never be the same again
    Who needs thinking when
    you have AI to do your
    homework in a blink?
  47. the kidnapping that wasn’t
    She claimed to see a
    baby on the road and led
    officers astray.
  48. the unintended consequences
    Roe v. Wade is dead,
    as are women who have been
    denied basic care.
  49. reading round the clock
    Plenty of time for
    binging and doomscrolling, need
    to make time for books.
  50. the comedian’s decline
    The punchlines need to
    be punchier, lest the laughs
    become scantier.
  51. bojack horseman
    Former sitcom star
    spends his days aimlessly drunk
    and melancholy.
  52. even worse than the court of public opinion
    The court of public
    opinion in the age of
    social media.
  53. walking for peace
    They traveled from North
    to South Korea through the
    DMZ gauntlet.
  54. the historymakers
    Black notables grant
    interviews about their lives
    for posterity.
  55. pick a direction!
    They agonized for
    weeks about the new project.
    Deciding was tough.
  56. the external lung
    Strap your face into
    the silent contraption that
    breathes life into sleep.
  57. mostly couples goofing around
    A strange assortment
    of TikToks and Reels that bring
    smiles and make your day.
  58. fun around the pool
    Float around with friends,
    sipping coladas, swatting
    insects, keeping cool.
  59. smoke gets in your eyes
    Gas crisis: We choke
    on bad air from fires a
    continent away.
  60. long distance affair
    She ran off to be
    with her married lover, just
    to end up alone.
  61. a life beyond numbers
    Up until this point,
    he depended on stats to
    manage him daily.
  62. the sleep clinic
    Take a bed, get wired
    up and go to sleep. In the
    morning, some answers.
  63. the goat of mountain brook
    Billy scampered to
    unknown streets, finding ways to
    escape his captors.
  64. ads are everywhere
    A flower blossoms.
    Try new Metamucil Plus.
    The petals shine bright.
  65. an almost concert
    The show must go on,
    except when the artist is
    too sick to perform.
  66. down with patriarchy
    Let men run the world,
    they said. What could possibly
    go awry, they said.
  67. summer’s end
    Pack up the swimsuits,
    put away the sunblock, get
    ready for the fall.
  68. the day the ac died
    Sob in horror as
    the house transforms into a
    gigantic oven.
  69. a billionaire’s whims
    Indulge in petty
    payback while desperately
    trying to seem cool.
  70. mercury northward
    Next year, we’ll look back
    on this summer as coolest
    one in our lifetimes.
  71. kickin’ ass for the working class
    Join together and
    fight the greedy CEOs
    for a bigger slice.
  72. drive-through and through
    The big revamp leads
    to a restaurant with more
    cars, fewer diners.
  73. foodie fantasy
    I want to try all
    the restaurants, if I can
    find them when open.
  74. somebody hates these cans
    These cans are begging
    to be organized, not just
    left there on some shelf.
  75. on forgetfulness
    I seem to have lost
    track of recent memories,
    the scope I don’t know.
  76. have you tried not socializing?
    We could go out, or
    spend the evening quietly
    in our fine jammies.
  77. could’ve sworn it was a parking lot
    Before anyone
    realized it, a surprise
    Waffle House popped up.
  78. did we win the war on terror?
    Seems like we gave the
    terrorists more reasons to
    fight back everywhere.
  79. analysis paralysis
    Too many choices
    leaves us unable to pick
    one among the crowd.
  80. feeling blah
    Depression sometimes
    lurks as demotivation
    to do anything.
  81. painting in the warehouse
    A sweaty, dusty
    task turning black to white in
    several even coats.
  82. on the 60th
    Addie Mae, Carole,
    Cynthia and Denise, may
    they rest in power.
  83. foot-in-mouth disease
    Without trying, he
    managed to insult most of
    the staff. What a dolt.
  84. four indictments
    Such is the state of
    our democracy when one
    leader’s out on bail.
  85. the hidden weight
    She refused to step
    on a scale, the tyranny
    of numbers ended.
  86. atomic nightmare
    Unleashing the bomb
    has brought us to the brink of
    nuclear holocaust.
  87. a day at the cineplex
    Warm popcorn and cold
    soda, heated seats and fun
    fans. Roll the movies!
  88. the overnight guests
    They need a respite
    from the stuffy abode and
    myriad of pets.
  89. lo–fi hip–hop beats to study/relax to
    Late into the night,
    he pored over his textbooks
    looking for answers.
  90. fall is coming
    Fall is coming. Fall
    is here. Fall is a blessing
    each and every year.
  91. gathering in nashville
    Four friends hit the town
    for musical adventures
    and grand fellowship.
  92. birthday boy
    He brought his buddies
    to the pool where they could swim,
    splash and celebrate.
  93. the yelling kind
    Screaming rage sets off
    my anxiety, a fear
    reaction triggered.
  94. withering inspiration
    Someday, the muse will
    stop dropping by and all things
    creative will die.
  95. game show dreams
    Let me guess the price
    of a waterbed, so I
    can win on TV.
  96. people who need church the most
    “Jesus was a dang
    lib’rul, needs to toughen up
    against illegals.”
  97. double duty
    Why wash the dishes
    before sticking them in the
    dishwasher? No clue.
  98. the awful waffle
    Small booths and semi-
    filthy bar await diners
    starving for vittles.
  99. ova here
    Hard boiled, over
    easy, scrambled, hollandaise,
    omelette and just raw.
  100. senior discount
    The older you are,
    the more you can save by just
    being not dead yet.
  101. what is a cult?
    A charismatic
    leader working on raising
    funds and brainwashing.

• • •

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Read more poetry at Wade’s Daily Haiku.

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Happy Labor Day!

Monday, September 4, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Video: Why we celebrate Labor Day

Happy Labor Day! The U.S. Department of Labor put together this video on the importance of workers.

Happy Independence Day!

Tuesday, July 4, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Video: Gloria Gaynor performs “I Will Survive”
for “A Capitol Fourth” TV special.

•

Happy birthday, America!

Enjoy this musical celebration from the 2022 “A Capitol Fourth” special.

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 64

Sunday, June 25, 2023 by Wade Kwon

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  1. getting lucky
    Luck can be found in
    a four-leaf clover or a
    session of hard work.
  2. the long detour
    She missed the turn but
    cheerfully announced that we’d
    get there soon enough.
  3. kinda like macrotransactions
    Microtransactions
    give unfair advantages
    to those who can pay.
  4. to renew ourselves
    Blossom in the sun.
    Breathe deep the seasonal air.
    Bounce toward the new.
  5. videosis
    The algorithm
    feeds us reel after reel as
    we stare in stupor.
  6. the youngest leader in the world
    She will stand up to
    dictators and still get down
    with her compadres.
  7. the forever artist
    The machine cranks out
    Picassos in the style of
    modern day Rembrandt.
  8. defense against the dark artists
    What will deter the
    all-consuming computer
    from scanning it all?
  9. the woman who tore down women
    Assured in her own
    gender, the author decried
    others as faux girls.
  10. peddling lies
    Even they couldn’t
    be bothered to feign interest
    in the dreck they sold.
  11. school’s out for springtime
    Sleep in and play games.
    Put homework and studying
    on the back burner.
  12. and for her next job …
    A better health plan,
    more time off and, of course, a
    bigger salary.
  13. brunch impossible
    All the late risers
    and church folk eyed the waiting
    list with deep hunger.
  14. paperwork of getting older
    Where do we keep our
    accounts? Who’s our main doctor?
    What are the passwords?
  15. the old man at the door
    She found him in need,
    as ungrateful as ever.
    Still, she didn’t run.
  16. the lost art of pranks
    Have we lost our touch
    with practical jokes and their
    hilarious ends?
  17. well-publicized trysts
    Their encounters caught
    on pics were the only proof
    of enduring love.
  18. new flavors of every food
    Weird potato chips,
    cereals from candy bars
    and mincemeat cookies.
  19. return to office or else
    Bosses need someone
    to boss around, have under
    foot, doing the work.
  20. lunacy in the bedroom
    The grunts and flailing
    limbs, awkward positions and
    preposterous faces.
  21. happy birthday, jen!
    Older and wiser,
    happier and sexier,
    primed for a great year.
  22. other birminghams
    Michigan, Kansas,
    England, Indiana and
    three in Ohio.
  23. the landfill fire
    Bad garbage with good,
    set aflame and still smoking
    after all these months.
  24. the pastel ritual of spring
    Easter bunnies and
    spring chickens team up to hide
    fancy eggs from kids.
  25. i’m an introvert ama
    I like to talk one-
    on-one and explore the vast
    reaches of the mind.
  26. making radio
    A cup of coffee,
    some fresh tunes, a hot mic and
    a little banter.
  27. flea market finds
    Branded candles and
    patriotic flags, T-shirts
    and some handmade soaps.
  28. home movies
    Why bother with the
    pricy theater when we
    can watch on streaming?
  29. shopping mall makeover
    A new store here, a
    refurbished store there. Shoppers
    flock to their havens.
  30. the intuitive eater
    Listen closely and
    you will hear your body ask
    for the correct food.
  31. compulsive saving
    Squirreling away stray
    dollars in case of rainy
    year. It pays to save.
  32. hot flashes, cold stares
    The bed is too hot.
    The bed is too cold. The bed
    is not to blame, dear.
  33. your tax dollars at work
    Give every paycheck
    and give more at tax time and
    get cheap governance.
  34. the tattered yard
    Mud holes surrounded
    by sprouting weeds and patchy
    grass. Needs an upgrade.
  35. she takes good care of me
    A place for me to
    unwind, to be fed, to be
    treated like a king.
  36. tornado alley
    Beware the darkened
    skies and nearby polygons
    for they bring ill winds.
  37. the reign of the drag queens
    A man in a dress.
    But won’t somebody please think
    about the children?
  38. the case of the $80 cinnamon rolls
    Apparently the
    kind rich folks eat on their yachts
    while sipping champagne.
  39. standing room only
    A sea of bobbing
    heads, a breeze of skunky weed,
    a band set to rock.
  40. to the dump
    The pickup only
    gets AM, hauling off our
    treasured pile of junk.
  41. the great car cleanup
    We reach over and
    under seats to collect the
    mountains of discards.
  42. gen pop
    Alabama builds
    more prisons while the people
    suffer in silence.
  43. the super closet
    The wire shelves and
    baskets give every item
    a place to hang out.
  44. puppy training pays off
    The obedient
    dog demonstrates his newfound
    calmer demeanor.
  45. shorties at a concert
    Enjoy the back of
    someone’s head while sipping on
    an overpriced beer.
  46. the poet’s charade
    Is this really a
    verse about me or someone
    else? It’s up to you.
  47. weaponizing southernness
    Who are these weirdos
    selling biscuits in our back
    yard? Pricy and twee.
  48. jackass, md
    He barely glances
    at the patient and huffs that
    he’s late to dinner.
  49. all growing because of climate change
    Hurricanes, fires,
    droughts, rain showers, heat waves, floods,
    blizzards, tornadoes.
  50. but i don’t get dance
    Their artistry moves
    you, their athleticism
    inspires wonder.
  51. the death of a potato chip dynasty
    The damn yankees snatched
    up a hometown favorite
    just to watch it die.
  52. the hardest person to forgive
    You screw up, and you
    get upset. But it’s OK
    to be imperfect.
  53. dead to the world
    He would not get up,
    despite the yelling and the
    banging on the door.
  54. the next big leap
    Ready for a change,
    stepping out into the world
    of books, beer, BAs.
  55. football on skates
    Drop the puck, y’all, and
    let the brawl commence. Even
    the South loves hockey.
  56. fail, fall, fool
    Will it be a good
    summer if you’re repeating
    the 10th grade?
  57. counting macros
    This bite will cost me
    18 calories and an
    extra 20 reps.
  58. summer’s coming
    Only a few more
    school days to go till the great
    forgetting begins.
  59. don’t pay me in candy, weirdo
    I expected cash.
    Instead, I got a Twix and
    a goddamn Mars bar.
  60. journey on the mississippi
    Paddling along the
    grand waterway in search of
    an old legacy.
  61. living in trailers
    A cheap version of
    the American dream, home
    sweet mobile home.
  62. too much celebrating at janet jackson
    The party guy is
    carefully escorted from
    his seat to the door.
  63. the vinyl vanguard
    Fans who want a piece
    of the artist collect disks
    of recorded songs.
  64. hot to trot
    Several suitors
    vie for sexy time with a
    foxy bachelorette.
  65. the graduate 2023
    BA in TikTok
    with minor in CRT,
    ready for the real world.
  66. tcby not
    Everyone has that
    one business they can’t support
    because it sucks bad.
  67. learn the ropes
    Knots: fun to tie, hard
    to remember, not just for
    Boy Scouts and sailors.
  68. ode to my therapist
    Listening to my
    nonsense and giving tips for
    over a decade.
  69. listening is a superpower
    It takes focus and
    selflessness. We must truly
    engage with others.
  70. careful folding
    Perfect creases turn
    common paper into a
    magnificent crane.
  71. cookout prep
    Scrape the grill, prep the
    meat, stock up on charcoal and
    locate the lighter.
  72. streamer’s paradise
    An effortless way
    with words, a gift for wasting
    precious time online.
  73. gendered ghetto
    When you don’t fit the
    standard categories for
    awards in your field.
  74. addicted to combat
    If the U.S, is
    good at one thing, it’s fighting
    in war after war.
  75. ticketma$ter
    An artist must sell
    tickets, but must they use the
    worst company? Yes.
  76. the challenge of cheap social media
    To learn more about
    us, endlessly scroll through our
    random Instagram.
  77. on strike
    Writers bond while on
    the picket line, gathering
    momentum each day.
  78. dietary needs
    More sugar, more carbs,
    a radical change in what
    I consume daily.
  79. amphibians after hours
    Tiny frogs hopping
    into the pool to play and
    swim all through the night.
  80. tome sweet tome
    She searched box after
    box, looking for an old book
    that’s been on her mind.
  81. green tea at the japanese supermarket
    It’s here somewhere in
    the aisles, hiding among a
    bevy of products.
  82. date night
    Get gussied up for
    an evening of fancy drinks
    and lavish dining.
  83. moping around the house
    Too alone with no
    plans, no activities, just
    me and depression.
  84. a fitness competition
    Who can do the most
    sit-ups, squats and miles? Winner
    gets a hernia.
  85. murder city
    Bullets are flying,
    people are dying, and the
    cops are in the dark.
  86. summer travel pro tip
    Better get to the
    airport early, so they can
    cancel your first flight.
  87. carbon zero
    Take out all the stray
    dioxide and pump it straight
    into solid ground.
  88. spirited away: the drama
    Master film becomes
    whole new beast as staged play with
    fantastic puppets.
  89. try this one stupid trick to vanquish censorship
    Banned books are the best
    books, but you’ll have to find that
    out all on your own.
  90. what a drag brunch
    Fabulous ladies
    bring mimosas, croon Gaga
    and spread love to all.
  91. baker’s lament
    The layers aren’t quite
    flat enough, and the icing
    is full of loose crumbs.
  92. attention deficit
    We compete for her
    favor, thinking up ways to
    win her heart and mind.
  93. a depressive state
    Not so much dreaded
    as defeated. Familiar
    feeling of the funk.
  94. the block of new garbage cans
    Up and down the street,
    they stand at attention for
    the garbage truck’s hook.
  95. mid-morning bathroom break
    He came from nowhere
    to use the facilities,
    slipping out softly.
  96. correspondence corner
    It’s always nice to
    get a thank you note, written
    with care and kindness.
  97. summer is here
    Sprinklers and lightning
    bugs, cold drinks and barbecues,
    longer days for fun.
  98. phantom boxcars
    The alarms clanged with
    the gates down, but no train passed
    through the lone crossing.
  99. roe v. wade, 1973-2022
    Five justices quashed
    women’s reproductive rights
    in a single vote.
  100. the first anniversary
    Today, we drink to
    our couplehood after 1
    year of lovely dates.
  101. for the siskels and eberts
    Can a critic who
    hates the work offer a good,
    fair-minded review?

• • •

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Happy Memorial Day

Monday, May 29, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Video: 2023 National Memorial Day Concert

Happy Memorial Day!

Enjoy music and more from the 2023 National Memorial Day Concert in Washington.

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 63

Thursday, March 16, 2023 by Wade Kwon

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  1. death of a friendship
    They couldn’t see each
    other as they are now, but
    as who they were then.
  2. stages of braces
    Anticipation,
    soreness, weird accent, soreness,
    swishing out food bits.
  3. it all comes down to a sliver of voters
    Everyone sticks to
    their parties, and a group of
    moderates then chooses.
  4. crucial conversations
    Moving from fight or
    flight to safety for all who
    fill up knowledge pool.
  5. final stages
    He’s going to talk
    with his dad about elder
    care choices to come.
  6. exploring the world of food
    They tried every new
    restaurant, reading menus,
    picking cool dishes.
  7. the return of beavis and butt-head
    Teenage duo wreak
    havoc while cracking jokes at
    music videos.
  8. the little burrito shop
    A family-run
    place where the burritos rule
    and the tacos strut.
  9. where’s the mistletoe?
    A sprig can lead to
    a first kiss can lead to one
    more kiss can lead to …
  10. funny ornaments
    Old school art projects,
    sports mascots, talking cartoons
    and assorted kitsch.
  11. it’s the bought that counts
    Gift cards are perfect
    for control freaks: Spend this much
    at only this place.
  12. tiktok: where issues go to die
    If it’s not happy
    happy, if it spotlights a
    cause, it’s banned all right.
  13. four bags of clothes
    One to donate, one
    to trash. One to sell, one to
    give to a dear friend.
  14. but who will stand for the white man?
    Embracing the right’s
    Christian nationalism
    makes for holy war.
  15. war crimes in ukraine
    Putin brandishes
    his military might by
    killing families.
  16. visions of winter
    Southerners dream of
    snow, but wake up to icy
    nightmares all around.
  17. thermodynamically deficient
    Shivering around
    the house, in the car, at the
    store. Always too cold.
  18. shopping maul
    Should we still look for
    the perfect gift, or will we
    make do with these socks?
  19. virtual lap, virtual ear
    Santa takes time to
    field last-minute Zoom calls from
    those good boys and girls.
  20. a christmas wish
    Could we lay down the
    guns for a day and start a
    little peace on earth?
  21. thirty marvel movies and counting
    Are we tired of
    movies based on comic books?
    Watch IP freely.
  22. what i did in 2022
    Met my girlfriend, got
    new job and computer, paid
    off all debt, walked miles.
  23. hankering for tales, tall and otherwise
    More people are swayed
    by compelling stories than
    dry facts on their own.
  24. over before it started
    Let’s resolve to make
    ourselves better in— Screw it
    and pass the cheesecake.
  25. closing the year in a tizzy
    Spending the last week
    hurriedly trying to do
    everything listed.
  26. the quiet countdown
    Nine, eight, seven, six,
    five, four, three, two, one. Happy
    New Year, we whisper.
  27. new year’s wish
    Hoping for growth, peace
    and all things wonderful in
    2023.
  28. pandemic year four
    The virus surges,
    and the death toll rises. Why
    aren’t we doing more?
  29. photos of who i am now
    The most glaring change
    is the biggest smile that you’ve
    ever partaken.
  30. old knees
    The legs work fine, save
    for creaky joints that sometimes
    need a little rest.
  31. gingerbread housing
    The roof leaks icing,
    the windows are all muddy,
    the walls are falling.
  32. pocket computers
    Use them to record
    moments, calculate bearings,
    learn about the world.
  33. suggested food trucks
    Pancakes, whiskey snow
    cones, pies, chitlins, kimchi and
    deep-fried everything.
  34. hop on a plane
    Take flight on an old
    747 to
    visit a new land.
  35. southwest gone south
    Their planes stood frozen
    on the tarmac. Their agents
    unable to move.
  36. streaming meltdown
    How do you win fans
    with mediocre programs
    and rising prices?
  37. reverse to-do list
    She added items
    already done to keep track
    of her performance.
  38. alas twitter
    Whoever thought that
    tweeting would prove to be more
    trouble than its worth?
  39. murder central
    Bodies drop every
    day in the city. Nothing
    slows down the killing.
  40. first time in south america
    Hopping continents
    to embrace new people and
    absorb more culture.
  41. hiding the special ice cream
    It resides in the
    secret freezer to keep those
    pesky roommates out.
  42. the nonviolence way
    Yell from the streets, march
    to and fro, let everyone
    know why we’re angry.
  43. the office cleanup
    Pack, trash, shred, file, place
    on shelves, stow in baskets, sweep,
    rearrange, compact.
  44. lower your standards
    Why have the best when
    you can have fourth best? Why try
    for unreachables?
  45. the lone birthday present
    It wasn’t much, but
    it was enough to stave off
    lonely bitterness.
  46. infinite diversity in infinite combinations
    The franchise, in its
    seventh decade, plows ahead
    with more fun and shock.
  47. internal calendar
    We feel a younger
    age than we are. Our spirit
    shines through our wan flesh.
  48. on the minibike
    The youngster puttered
    around the farm, causing the
    chickens to scatter.
  49. family gathering
    Young’uns running the
    halls, parents in the kitchen,
    Grandma in the den.
  50. the loudest children on earth
    They open their mouths
    like normal kids but emit
    high-decibel booms.
  51. yipping and yapping
    Doggy duo ruled
    room with microaggressive
    barks and energy.
  52. closed for private party
    You can’t come in: We’re
    busy celebrating your
    being kept outside.
  53. epic house party
    Lots of food and drink,
    a great endless playlist and
    friends and family.
  54. the tech revolution
    Easier to text
    the children than shout over
    and over for them.
  55. putting the “ai” in haiku
    This is a haiku
    about the nature. Pine cones
    come from cones of pine.
  56. the blizzard
    Trapped indoors with no
    means of escape. Surviving
    until help arrives.
  57. nepo babies
    Well, these Hollywood
    roles won’t cast themselves, will they?
    They’ll be stars, big stars!
  58. add 45 days
    It takes 21
    days for a new habit to
    take. But that’s a myth.
  59. the kayak incident
    My partner went for
    a swim. When he tried to climb
    back in … in I went!
  60. the long withdrawal
    The blinding headache
    of weaning yourself off of
    caffeine pierces all.
  61. what’s the steering wheel doing way over there?
    Everyone here drives
    on the left. There’s no way I
    can get used to it.
  62. beach bummed
    Got my sunscreen on.
    Got my cold drink and good book …
    uh oh, here comes rain.
  63. party barge
    Beer and booze for all
    as we swim and cavort and
    snorkel in the bay.
  64. nightly facetimes
    I needed to see
    that face, that smile, on my screen
    while away from home.
  65. the podcaster’s dilemma
    To let the guest shine
    or to hog the spotlight while
    showing off their smarts.
  66. improv rules
    Learning how to build
    each other’s ideas while
    not going for laughs.
  67. bite by bite
    They finished off the
    remaining ice cream and licked
    the bowl super clean.
  68. forming new habits
    Every action you
    take is a vote for the type
    you wish to become.
  69. strip mining memories
    Creative process
    includes plumbing deep depths of
    psyche for details.
  70. the chatgpt dad joke
    I asked the chatbot
    for a doctor’s note, but it
    gave me excuses.
  71. and chicken thighs
    Food is love. Cooking
    special dishes for special
    someone takes real heart.
  72. ai takeover
    An approximate
    thinking engine is enough
    to fool most of us.
  73. the path of elder care
    A winding trip through
    insurance and nursing homes
    and health aides and death.
  74. party at amanda’s
    Head to basement for
    rocking out with local band,
    banana in hand.
  75. i love you
    I said it, and I
    meant it. Don’t know why it took
    so long to utter.
  76. furry rave
    Dress for bed and for
    a party with some panda
    PJs and glow stick.
  77. tying the room together
    Throw out the shabby
    old rug, and throw down a new
    beauty to walk on.
  78. the pegasus effect
    Governments use these
    military-grade tools to
    spy on civilians.
  79. black life revealed
    Zora studied new
    cultures by taking part in
    songs and rituals.
  80. the dinner that almost wasn’t
    He forgot to make
    the reservations, and the
    joint was filling fast.
  81. moving offices
    They cleared out their small
    cubicles, hit the lights and
    left the rest behind.
  82. the lasting of ‘the last of us’
    Wandering through a
    hellscape of zombies and rogues.
    *shakes fist at fungus*
  83. the evolution of amazon
    Books to everything
    to knock-offs and “Lord of the
    Rings” and prescriptions.
  84. one step back
    Twists and turns on the
    road to sobriety can
    include relapses.
  85. why are we afraid of black history?
    Destroy all of our
    libraries and flog teachers
    who do not obey.
  86. a one thread count
    Sheets made of burlap
    that scratch the skin and crackle
    when placed on the bed.
  87. a dozen concerts on the calendar
    Wherever the bands
    play, whatever time they start,
    we’re gonna see them.
  88. pothole city
    Cars bounce and tires
    pop on the unkempt roads of
    our metropolis.
  89. the message of hip-hop
    A true 21st-
    century town crier who
    tells us where it’s at.
  90. race cars and thimbles
    Traipsing through a flat
    Atlantic City to buy
    property for cheap.
  91. the death of twitter
    All that was left was
    a self-styled pretender and
    adoring minions.
  92. quite the racquet
    Not enough spaces
    for tennis, pickleball. We’ll
    settle it in court.
  93. junk food jamboree
    Patties and buns in
    juicy combat to decide
    best burger in town.
  94. the magic window
    Glimpses of life on
    active rotation, highlights
    and precious moments.
  95. puzzlers
    Spending time sorting
    by edges and colors to
    build a large portrait.
  96. brighter days ahead
    The lie of the clock
    is that it’s earlier than
    it was yesterday.
  97. the modern awards show
    Flashy staging and
    slick graphics with the same old
    bigwigs and speeches.
  98. f is for fentanyl
    Kills without remorse
    this opioid scourge that hides
    in everyday drugs.
  99. pie oh my
    Cherry, chocolate,
    chess, apple, pumpkin, Key lime,
    blueberry, pecan.
  100. am i hungry?
    Learning to trust the
    body for signals to feed
    and to stop feeding.
  101. yelp wanted
    Scroll through the choices,
    pick a new restaurant for
    dinner on a dare.

• • •

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Happy 2023!

Sunday, January 1, 2023 by Wade Kwon

Miss Fancy, Avondale Park

Photo: T.K. Mc

Happy New Year! May 2023 be fanciful and wondrous.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 25, 2022 by Wade Kwon

Video: Darlene Love performs “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”
on “The Late Show with David Letterman.”

Merry Christmas!