Wade on Birmingham

Wade’s 101: Headline retrospective

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  1. City council puts meeting videos, bickering sound clips for sale on iTunes
  2. Missing cats return with no explanation of disappearance
  3. Fan discovers either ‘Alabama’ or ‘Auburn’ could work in football-themed punchline
  4. Dance recital fails to spark love of arts in parents
  5. Engineering firm debates best crack pipe material
  6. Chimp remains mum on gubernatorial candidacy
  7. English Village candle store burns down over four days; smells like pumpkin, lemongrass
  8. Forest Park crone asks neighbors to turn down ‘wi-fi racket’
  9. Leave a penny, take a penny program nets three cents, plastic button
  10. Jocks, nerds reach tentative peace accord
  11. West End woman can’t find a man
  12. Delivery guy can’t find house of ‘Al Cayda’
  13. Last mall standing wins a Hooters
  14. Accountant who misplaced precious cash to give seminar on how not to lose precious cash
  15. It’s always something with that Roebuck
  16. City’s young professionals getting old
  17. Midfield woman’s ‘bun in the oven’ was literal, not figurative
  18. March declared Black Geography Month
  19. Five Points South muggers form union
  20. Gardendale residents suspect gambling, pancakes at corner church
  21. Local high-stakes pinochle tournament fails to attract drunken card sharps
  22. Bus driver ignores ‘exact change rule,’ but just this once
  23. Skate punks ruin park experience for taggers, gang bangers
  24. Transportation department plans to sell ‘Traffic Cam Topless Hotties’
  25. Alabama, Auburn head to bowl cities for practice, curfew violations
  26. Category 4 Iron Bowl scheduled to hit Auburn on Saturday
  27. Shoppers snag big-screen TV sets for Puppy Bowl II on Animal Planet
  28. Amusement park boasts shorter lines, fewer visitors than ever
  29. Best Albums of 2005 list eschews albums for compact discs
  30. Local TV news crimestopper unit mugged in time for sweeps
  31. State of the city: Alabama
  32. Lonely billionaire recluse fails to change after discovering true meaning of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa
  33. Former Birmingham Fire linebacker tosses football with nephews
  34. It’s official: I’ve become my mother, if my mother were still living at home with her parents
  35. Recruiting season begins to thin out footballer herds
  36. Fatter kids to provide abundant Soylent Green
  37. Glossy social mag reveals hot parties, facelifts
  38. Downtown law firm litigating at an eighth-grade level
  39. Spring planting begins with disheartening review of barren yard
  40. Limestone quarry to be turned into dirt pile, then Starbucks
  41. Moving party offers only pizza, lite beer to tired sweaty pals
  42. Southside research lab invents potential cure for winter blahs
  43. Girl Scouts ‘shocked’ that Thin Mints cause fat customers
  44. City council wins visitation rights for lobbyist in heated custody battle
  45. Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers
  46. Weekend forecast: baby shower, with occasional drooling
  47. UPS guy, Fedex dude maintain friendly rivalry despite similar routes
  48. Supermarket samples revealed to be sales gimmick
  49. Transit board misses meeting because of heavy traffic
  50. Car dealers abandon downtown for underwater lair
  51. Seeking better life, onion ring stows away in french fry container
  52. My grandmother can’t read this blog
  53. City council approves $50,000 to hire own mayor
  54. New customer still feels vaguely uneasy about cell phone plan
  55. Developer plans SoSo (So Southside) housing/retail complex
  56. Imposter groundhog ruins winter, spring for Birminghamians
  57. Tire retailers fight to legalize potholes
  58. Weekend festival to feature ‘found art’ made from rejected art school projects
  59. Vulcan changes name to ‘Bama_Stud75’
  60. School fund-raiser marred by exposed payoff scheme to ‘seed pushers’
  61. East Lake woman can smell your weakness, and it’s tiny muffins
  62. Teen fans use camphone to document concert, car ride, late-night trip to gas station mart
  63. Mailman bites tongue over Dora bachelor’s magazines, Netflix choices
  64. Gas meter reader can’t count that high
  65. Sudden cold brings hunters out of hibernation
  66. Bar patron accepts free drink, yet fails to ‘loosen up’
  67. State organizes intervention for Jefferson County
  68. Colleges settle rivalry by throwing ball at elevated metal circles
  69. Paintball players gunned down during deer hunt in park
  70. Governor asks to boycott travel to moon
  71. In Birmingham, urge to kill rising, fading, rising, fading
  72. Adamsville family grudgingly draws for Secret Santa exchange
  73. Sanitation workers take turns standing in ‘bitch spot’
  74. Milo’s owner: Teens ‘up to no good’ in parking lot
  75. Nickelback, Metallica take radio station’s playlist changes personally
  76. Gubernatorial candidates stump for votes from citizens, jurors
  77. Carmike bargain movie patron demands $2 refund for $1 ‘Lord of War’
  78. Summit shoppers ignore Jesus’ return for bargain hunting
  79. Church bulletin’s swimsuit issue completely sold out
  80. High school wrestling team to be featured on gay-themed cable channel
  81. Sale at mall food court leaves shoppers queasy, bloated
  82. Midfield pharmacist fills prescription for laughter, Lortab
  83. Forest Park partner promises to clean gutters without really meaning it
  84. Museum field trip results in horseplay, shouting
  85. Secret of Bessemer smokehouse’s barbecue sauce? Thiamin hydrochloride
  86. Passing storms cause outage of lower right corner of TV picture
  87. Hamas announces Alabama gubernatorial candidate, Ron ‘Bubba’ el Fayid
  88. Area residents continue to pack on pounds, citing unusual cold weather, buffet specials
  89. Road work crew falls in giant interstate pothole
  90. Co-workers shun SEC betting pool champ
  91. Faith-based coaching leads Daphne to state 6A championship game
  92. Tuscaloosa promises to stop stealing water, cable from Birmingham
  93. New sticker features Calvin peeing on blue dot
  94. Animals running wild, untaxed in Shelby County
  95. Southside restaurant hostess aspires to be part-time server
  96. Part of me wants Italian, part of me wants barbecue
  97. Frigid forecast causes run on soup, DVDs, moonshine
  98. Office mates’ droning actually kinda soothing
  99. City Hall undergoes renovation to accommodate mentally challenged councilors
  100. Get your Valentine’s hopes up now, before it’s too late
  101. Local music scene feels underappreciated

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