The fierce stuffed bobcat
serves as tabletop lookout,
permanently crouched.

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Evenhanded voice
can smooth roughest of journeys
with dulcet output.

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Pitch white countryside
hatched with straight slivers at foot
of majestic range.

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When someone suggests
“milkshake,” it’s stuck in my head
if not on menu.

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When you’ve got it, you’ve
got it. When you don’t, make sure
you can purchase it.

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1. Houndstooth jockstrap.
2. Find a way to bring back the Statue of Liberty play.
3. Trademark motivational bumper sticker, “Get thee behind me, Saban!”
4. Get sweet tattoo of Big Al …
5. … and get that stupid “Dolphins Forever” tattoo lasered off.
6. Recruit large impressionable teens to beat the holy hell out of other large impressionable teens for 12 or so Saturdays.
7. Paunch it up with steady diet of Golden Flake and Coca-Cola.
8. Give 110 percent. Take the team to the next level. Play with intensity.
9. Finally, finally splurge on premium unleaded gas.
10. Walk on water. Then turn water into dirty, well-trod wine.

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Bitterness isn’t
a good way to live out your
limited lifetime.

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Influenza or
common cold or some type of
walking pneumonia.

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The Crimson nation need fret no more, at least, until spring practice. Nick Saban, formerly of LSU and most recently of the Miami Dolphins, agreed to be Alabama’s next scapegoat football coach, to the tune of $30 million over eight years. Saban is expected to let diehard fans down almost immediately.

Meanwhile, the big men of radio may have landed the biggest radio deal in state history. Morning team Rick and Bubba have jumped from Citadel to Cox (in Birmingham, from WYSF 94.5 FM to WZZK 104.7 FM) for possibly $10 million plus over five years. Wouldn’t it have been cheaper just to ship them to Tuscaloosa, do the show and coach the team?
• Tuscaloosa News: Saban headed to Alabama

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Icy bin contains
frosty bagged treasures that were
once cooked leftovers.

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If you’re gonna break 2006’s homicide count, you’ll need an early start. No more than two hours into the new year, Wyteria Rogers, 20, was shot to death in her car. Monday afternoon, a second victim, a man in his mid-30s, was also shot to death in his car.

For the record, 2006 ended with 109 murders, with Francisco Ostiquin Cervantes, 32, not found until Monday but killed over the weekend. Forty of those cases are unsolved. (Full list.) Our new new resolution: Buy bulletproof vests and windshields.
• Birmingham News: Police investigate three homicides

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Welcome back to the
grind. Lots to do, but first, how
about some coffee?

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Capt. Kirk will be part of the festivities in June at the — we’re not kidding — Space Camp Hall of Fame induction banquet at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville. William Shatner will be among the first inductees into the hall, while Space Camp celebrates its 25th anniversary. Shatner’s previous visit to Huntsville was in 1997 at the Star Trek 30th anniversary celebration.

Shatner’s not the only big name. Among those invited (but not confirmed) are Secretary of State (and Birmingham native) Condoleezza Rice and “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno. Now there’s an interesting question: Who would win in a fight: Kirk or or the wrath of Condi? Condi. Or, CON-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-DI!!!!

(Bonus after the jump.)
• Huntsville Times: Space Center lands star-studded lineup

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(more…)

Cure for hangover:
More drinks, plus a week’s worth of
downtime. Quiet, please.

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Happy New Year! Wishing you a joyous and safe 2007, and 365 days of wonder.