Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 5
By Wade Kwon- could be verse
Real poems have lines
like “somber remembrance” and
“enchanted embrace.” - breaking point
Ultimate test of
customer service: Can you
give me change for 10? - overheard while shoplifting
If you think that’s bad,
wait until you hear about
my other gallstone. - mea gobble
Message to turkeys:
Sorry about the slaughter,
but you taste too good. - all at once
Highways and airports
fill with travelers en route
to a home somewhere. - macy way
Airy procession
marches down streets to delight
chilly spectators. - gift shift
Elusive perfect
present hides among aisles of
discounted baubles. - relative riddle
Is Uncle Stan gay
or just really fond of tea
and muscle-bound men? - osaka connection
Even an ocean
can’t separate lovebirds from
two home continents. - mayhem next month
Who would win: Christmas,
Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Solstice
or Drunkenness Day? - passing of the plates
Turkey leftovers
still squat in corner of fridge
as pumpkin pie goes. - cole’s law
When I fall in love,
it will be forever … I’ll
never fall in love. - the santa cause
Kids, don’t ever stop
believing in magic of
holiday giving. - and the whole world laughs at you
Ranting at hecklers
projects undignified air.
In the end, poise counts. - the resolution will not be televised
To me, HD looks
same with wider pic and less
money in wallet. - clear and present arranger
Holiday shopping
nets more gifts for me than for
loved ones on long list. - ribbit relations
Thinking back, I thought
he really said was “Can’t we
all just get a frog?” - volunteer state
Lend a hand to those
who need it and reap rewards
you can’t imagine. - for kids from 1 to 92
Although it’s been said
many times, many ways, Mer-
ry Christmas to you. - bare necessities
Shopping in comfort
in your underwear makes for
awkward trip to mall. - without a paddle
Xbox, Wii, Gameboy,
PlayStation, PC, Mac and
cell. But what of Pong? - peak, a view
Snow-covered mountain
looms like crystal pyramid
sent from wintry land. - scrooged at 2:15
I’ve seen this movie
too many times on cable.
Well, once more won’t hurt. - second hand schedule
Not so much that I
can’t sleep as that I can’t seem
to follow the clock. - on to lacrosse
Football season won’t
go away, even after
stench overwhelms me. - for extra credit
Pop quiz: This year was:
a) blessed; b) abyssmal; or
c) full of surprise? - chrono-metrics
I find time stands still
when my eyes remain open
and life meanders. - spatial deliveries
Deliveries pile
up on doorstep, as Christmas
cheer comes in boxes. - my muse
Tall, willowy, with
a hint of danger. Also,
fully stocked with meth. - 2 soon 4 1040
Columns of numbers
hide deductions and details
for IRS use. - mini-blizzard in dixie
Electric snowflakes
dot lampposts along blacktop
bereft of powder. - to my hair and/or mistress
You may think that you’re
worth the time and trouble but
don’t flatter yourself. - more like egg-not
Holiday eggnog,
so much better than plain ol’
regular eggnog. - circle of labor
Soon, new arrivals
take still-warm seats of those who
moved on to next jobs. - faded yellow ribbon
In case you didn’t
remember, we’re still at war
somewhere over there. - for the rest of us
Air those grievances.
Happy Festivus, Georgie!
Now pin your father!! - panic! at the newsstand
Critics’ year-end lists
cite whole other culture I
missed while watching crap. - sock it to me
Empty stocking hangs
on mantel, soon to be stuffed
with holiday gear. - like a bowlful of jelly
I heard him exclaim …
“Happy Christmas to all, and
to all a good night!” - tide of indifference
Seriously, let’s
not discuss football for at
least six, seven months. - supersized, thanks for asking
Holiday pounds to
melt away like so many
pre-resolutions. - vacation on the bed
Days off turn into
sick leave as body recoups
from start of winter. - squeaky wheel and deal
I’ve registered a
complaint, while you merely whine.
See the difference? - one year at a time
Can’t look ahead to
new year until old year stuff
gets taken care of. - ticking of the calendar
Even one day can
make all the difference if
it is one well spent. - impotent potables
Cure for hangover:
More drinks, plus a week’s worth of
downtime. Quiet, please. - priorities in the new year
Welcome back to the
grind. Lots to do, but first, how
about some coffee? - freezer frame
Icy bin contains
frosty bagged treasures that were
once cooked leftovers. - what has crippled the office
Influenza or
common cold or some type of
walking pneumonia. - sour time to shine
Bitterness isn’t
a good way to live out your
limited lifetime. - money talks
When you’ve got it, you’ve
got it. When you don’t, make sure
you can purchase it. - crave theater
When someone suggests
“milkshake,” it’s stuck in my head
if not on menu. - rocky roads
Pitch white countryside
hatched with straight slivers at foot
of majestic range. - tone ref
Evenhanded voice
can smooth roughest of journeys
with dulcet output. - feline fixture
The fierce stuffed bobcat
serves as tabletop lookout,
permanently crouched. - suicide squeeze
Miles of nothing bring
unnatural end to desperate
townsfolk all alone. - bad blood
Pint-size donation
pricks at good will when needle
hits nerve while in vein. - pulpy love
Those stacks of paper
seem archaic with scanners
to digitize all. - maladays
Concentration: shot.
Feeling of queasiness: yep.
Illness: reigns unchecked. - state of the artifice
Cool folks disregard
uncool masses for sake of
keeping up image. - cynic’s oath
Even if I trust
you, which I don’t, your lies can’t
move me anymore. - crash saga day 1
Computer hard drive
conks out after strange doings.
I meant to back up! - crash saga day 2
Long night yields relief
as copied ones and zeroes
migrate to backup. - crash saga day 3
Laptop teases with
on-again, off-again boot.
Why can’t you behave? - crash saga day 4
Faithful computer,
you made it through mid-’00s.
Alas, short circuit. - morsels, more so
Dining among friends
provides more than sustenance,
as luck would have it. - against the migraine
Never mind what the
doctor, common sense says — it’s
all in your headache. - ever too late
Catching up ain’t no
fun when the falling behind
is surging ahead. - identity heft
It’s not enough to
know who you are if no one
else knows who you are. - through panoramic panes
Great outdoors appears
warmer from safety of walled
indoors during winter. - ode to friday
Weekend seems like a
good idea after five
(or so) working days. - dial m for mirth
Familiar voice greets
me from afar with touching
sentiment and wit. - plebeian, heal thyself
Should I worry more
about the things I eat or
the wanting of sleep? - artistry deity
Act of creation
isn’t god complex but more
like feat of mortal. - the lost rumination
Thoughts lost in maelstrom
of distraction set noggin
reeling without end. - payback’s a brunch
Revenge is a dish
best served with a knowing smile
and unanswered glee. - a model’s life
Stand there, hold this and
don’t look directly at the
camera, OK? - shill the beans
If I told all my
secrets, and all their secrets,
who would believe me? - one-a-half-way street
Trust takes time for me,
but only because others
give it so freely. - your guide to the super bowl
Hard to say if bear
would beat colt, unless colt is
really a pistol. - pro-crastinate, anti-quate
Why put off things now
when you can stop completely
and relax awhile? - cut-rate convo
If you have time to
talk later, feel free to do
talking for me, too. - not my problem
If nobody takes
responsibility, then
no one is to blame. - things to do while driving
Eat, talk on phone, change
CD, adjust heat, yell at
other car, primp, nap. - black valentine
2/14 horror
movie? Easy. Regular
day plus expectation. - bigger and better
The accomplishments
somewhat make up for what is
missing in this life. - funny girl
Her one-liner brings
easy laughter and sense of
possibility. - cells’ bells
The place where I come
from is not far from the place
where I’ll return soon. - pop pop pop
Late at night, gunshots
pepper dreamscape with horrid
bursts of mad chatter. - cupid human tricks
Hearts, flowers, candy,
nothing but tokens on a
bad greeting card day. - shiversmith
Bitter winds add to
misery of too much snow
in blitzing blizzard. - critical ass
Toughest audience
weighs in every time I look
in any mirror. - the adhd post
Short attention span
makes for cheap gag when– hey, what
happened over there? - what the world needs now
Believe in power
of love, or live without hope
of better planet. - fitzgerald was right
I have witnessed the
elite put on their pants one
pressed leg at a time. - cold snapped
Thawing has begun.
Resume circulation of
blood and start warming. - hell hath no furry
Catlike reflexes
are just no match for doglike
imbecility. - take his side
The other me lies
on a beach, sipping cold drinks
and not wondering. - enroachment
Horrid little bug
scampers across countertop
in once clean kitchen. - kidding kapers
An insulting jab
meant as a compliment shows
just how far we’ve come. - afternoon amble
Dog on a leash and
baby in a carriage head
down street together.
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