Wade on Birmingham

Nothing but winners

By

Paul “Bear” Bryant, legendary football coach at Alabama, passed away 25 years ago today at 69.

We share a few of our favorite jokes we’ve heard time and again.

Auburn vs. Alabama, SEC Championship. Fourth down. One yard to go, 2 seconds left. It was 15-17, Bama leading.

Pat Dye beseeched the Lord. God said, “Pat, go for the touchdown and run right.”

Pat Dye gives the instructions to his players; the play executes, Bama stops Auburn’s offense just short of the goal line, ending the game.

Bama won.

Pat Dye was distraught. “Why, Lord?” and God said, “I don’t know. Bear, why did we tell him that?”

•

Contrary to popular belief, Bear and Shug were good friends.

Once upon a time, they were on a road trip and Shug felt the call of nature. Bear pulled off the road and Shug ran into the brush.

“Bear, there is nothing back here to wipe with.”

Bear replied, “Hell, Shug, use some leaves or something.”

Shug says, “There’s nothing in reach.”

So Bear says “Have you got a dollar?”

“I think so,” says Shug.

In a few minutes, Shug shows up at the car door with his hands covered with with you know what. Bear says, “What happened? I thought you were going to use a dollar.” Shug replied, “I did, but have you ever tried to wipe your butt with three quarters, two dimes and a nickel?”

•

These two gentlemen ended up sitting next to one another at a sports bar. The first one asked, “Are you an SEC football fan?” The second replied, “I love SEC football!”

The first gentleman, who had a tattoo of the Bear on his left buttock and one of Vince Dooley on his right, promptly hopped off his bar stool, pulled down his trousers, and said, “If you’re such a big SEC fan, tell me who these guys are!”

The second man looked, paused for a moment, and said, “Well, the one on the left looks like the great Bear Bryant, the one on the right looks like Coach Dooley … and the one in the middle has got to be Terry Bowden!”

•

Terry Bowden went to heaven and God showed him his new house. They came upon a small house with one worn out Auburn banner hanging from the front. God told Terry that this small two-room house would be his and he should feel honored because most people do not get their own house.

As he started to enter the house he noticed high up on a hill a beautiful mansion with columns all around it. There were Alabama flags flying and a large Alabama banner hanging from the balcony over the front porch.

Terry told God that he appreciated his house but wondered why The Bear got such a beautiful mansion with new flags and such a large banner.

God told Terry, “That’s not the Bear’s house — it’s mine.”

•

Q: How many Alabama fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but it takes a roomful to sit around and talk about how the Bear would have done it.

•

The definition of an atheist in Alabama is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.” — Wally Butts

2 Yips for “Nothing but winners”

  1. The Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic
    Sunday, January 27, 2008, 10:00 am
    1

    25 years later, are we still looking for our Bear?

    I knew the anniversary was coming up, but had forgotten about it until I read an excerpt on The Birmingham News’ blog asking readers to share their memories of Paul William “Bear” Bryant, Sr. Saturday is the 25th anniversary of the d…

  2. 25 years later, are we still looking for our Bear? - Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic
    Sunday, July 10, 2022, 1:23 pm
    2

    […] Alabama jokes posted over at Wade Kwon’s blog […]

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