Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 19
By Wade Kwon[Share on Twitter]
- the great pumpkin claus
Time for tricks and treats,
so let’s put up the Christmas
decorations now. - the unbathed
Boy, dog conspire
to stay in the yard and far
away from the tub. - middling life crisis
It’s not so much the
timing as it is the waste
of years and minutes. - the fastidious and the fury
The napkin rings must
be just so, the dining room
dust free. Perfect clench. - graveyard of broken gadgets
Old cell phones, iPods
don’t head to the farm, but to
a wiry grave. - five by five
High five. Nine to five.
Take five. Five-finger discount.
Five years and counting. - when i’m not creating
A faint snore marks the
onset of slumber, dreaming
up new ideas. - the mountain
The mountain to climb
is not made of piled earth but of
paperwork and debts. - paroled
Sometimes employees
don’t recognize freedom till
they’re sprung from their jobs. - the cracks are showing
Battered spirits seek
shelter against the bumps and
bruises of living. - the right candy
The right candy is
whatever lands in your bag
from trick or treating. - ghost hunters
Some people see ghosts
not on Halloween but in
the car, the closet. - being scared
Can’t get the scream out
with all the blood and noise and
fleeing for your life. - hell house 2010
Bingo addicts, file
sharers, sexting pervs, oil
spillers and furries. - an excuse to be trampy
Demure? Bah, humbug.
Ladies, make this Halloween
one we won’t forget. - trick rolled
Step 1: Ring doorbell.
Step 2: Ignite bag of poo.
Step 3: Run for it! - costumes for 2010
Like Button, Old Spice
guy, Baby Lady Gaga,
“Inception” … somehow. - pig in a garden
Snout sniffs for morsels
hiding in the soil, curled
pink tail wiggles round. - cooling trend
The shorter days, the
longer nights, darkness roams with
frosty companions. - a house cleaning, of sorts
The G-men pulled some
bad apples in a barrel
full of rotten ones. - bundled up
Inner warmth powers
non-electric blanket while
curled up on the couch. - talk therapy
The voices within
have come to a decision:
sausage, extra cheese. - the next destination
Riding on the bus
listening to the motor
strain for one more mile. - rivalries
Friends come and go, but
bitter rivalries endure
for generations. - the ancient book of numbers
Yellow pages filled
with obscure methods to reach
people on the stay. - smf
In times of madness,
shake your tiny fists of rage
at an uncouth world. - the 33
Even in the dark
bowels of the earth, hope lives
for the survivors. - to kill a mockingbird 2010
Boo Radley scurries
between McMansions scouting
for diversity. - chat affair
Hi. What’s up? Nothing,
u? Same. K. Dinner? Maybe.
Lemme know. Later. - devils in disguise
These days, evil ones
parade naked in the streets
to blind, cheering crowds. - to be someone else
Slip on the guise of
a better persona to
explore your psyche. - holiday sprint
Dash to the malls, dress
up for parties, cook tons of
food, play overtime. - ballad of the ballot
Sometimes, they voted
for. Sometimes, against. But they
made the time to choose. - firehouse of democracy
The electorate
stood their ground, scribbling in dots
amid fire trucks. - the birthday boy
The birthday boy gets
cake, presents, a pony ride
and lots of warm hugs. - the coalition of the unwilling
They will not change their
ways, their hearts, their minds, not for
all the sense around. - even cold november rain
Never mind darkness,
we can find a way. ‘Cause noth-
in’ lasts forever. - a faint gobble
Somewhere at a plant,
your Thanksgiving turkey rides
a death conveyor. - for the pregnant tweeter
When will the fetus
come and meet us? Will he greet
us or just tweet us? - one-hour computation
Daylight Saving has
little interest but compounds
bad sleeping habits. - for kathy
Deadlines pass, but great
words filled with vitality
endure forever. - belief system
Even the thinnest
of beliefs can withstand the
mightiest of blows. - if everyone else is insane
The boundaries of
sanity are far more per-
meable than hoped. - dust to dust
Will any of the
pettiness matter when we
reach the end of days? - the do nothings
The do nothings gab
and commend themselves on a
job not done at all. - the guest who wouldn’t leave
He won’t take the hint,
leaving germs and sickness strewn
about the household. - intersection crash
Limited time and
many opportunities
collide at junction. - subtle product placement
This haiku is brought
to you by Halliburton
and Diet Pepsi. - blogging while driving
Mixing SEO
and MPH seems like crash
course in 404. - the countdown has begun
Shoppers will invade
stores at the crack of dawn, then
rush home for football. - in the walmart parking lot on a freezing night
Two girls wander with
empty pitchers begging for
change, not dirty looks. - put a ring on it
Engagement season
ends with tears, starts with wallet
turned to ice pebble. - invasion of the giant balloons
The mammoth cartoon
figures float with sharp eyes peeled
for sharp points en route. - the hunt for skinny jeans
Pair after pair trot
into the cold fitting room,
dismissed in a huff. - the tsa handshake
Weary traveler,
worry not for bombs in your
genitalia. - all about pacing
Small bites and lots of
chewing can get you through the
feasting holiday. - funereal advice
The preacher told the
staid mourners to love more, love
now and love freely. - fit to be yuletide
Christmas shopping done?
Commendable achievement.
And yet we hate you. - turkey watch, day 4
Up to our giblets
in leftovers, with nary
a taste for sevenths. - winding down the year
Do we look back at
what was done, to now for what’s
left, to next year’s goals? - bumper people
The rain is just an
excuse for lousy drivers
to come out and slay. - winter’s bane
The humidity
and heat have flown south for the
season. In comes chills. - the think tank
As the tub filled with
water, the overworked mom
sank into her thoughts. - simple gift cards
Get whatever you
want at the earmuff outlet,
up to 10 dollars. - the problems of others
I can only guess
at the problems of others
while self pitying. - it starts in the oven
The scent wafts from the
cookies-to-be to noses
innocent till now. - naughty nice real-time data
Children text Santa
with ever-changing toy lists
while ignoring joy. - hot holiday items
Jobs, health insurance,
groceries, bills paid on time,
working cars, quiet. - imaginary flurries
The chill in the air
would burst forth with snow, but the
clouds will not comply. - last night of hanukkah
A blessing: May you
be sealed totally for good.
Let’s spin the dreidel. - worn down
Life has a way of
wearing down the spunk and the
spirit. Damn it all. - 40 years and 40 nights
A few gray hairs, a
set of wisdom wrinkles, an
eye for horizons. - santa from the south pole
Gun rack on the sleigh,
sticker of Calvin peeing
on Easter Bunny. - eyes front
Why do I look when
I pee? I’ve seen this show at
least a million times. - when it gets this cold
When it gets this cold,
squirrels become popsicles
and eyes become ice. - cookies for dinner
Sweet temptations lure
us from a balanced meal to
a late sugar crash. - a colder, harder kind of snow
The children were thrilled
to leave school early and build
a sleetman at home. - responding to a full heart
The world always needs
more love. Let some out so all
can share in the warmth. - best journalism advice i ever received
Be fair, be accu-
rate. Or, if that fails, just be
fairly accurate. - flip, flip, flip
The page turns. The words
caress the battered mind like
a salve. The page turns. - the show-off
The illusionist
stepped before the audience
and made them believe. - long live darkness
The sun goes down and
stays down while the moon frolics
amidst frozen stars. - restless pajamas
The hours seem like
eternities as wee ones
wait for reindeer thuds. - mall madness
The parking lot is
crammed. The food court is seething.
Clerks are winging it. - all reindeer are go
Comet is pumped, and
Dasher and Donner want to
lead. Rudolph? Aglow. - don’t need no presents
Don’t need no new tie,
or sauce pan or video
game. Just your Yule smile. - as planned
Did the year go as
planned, or was it a jumble
of events and lulls? - just like the ones i used to know
A white Christmas came
to Alabama, draping
Dixie with surprise. - say goodbye to 2010
Vuvuzela, top
kill, Antoine Dodson, double
rainbow, Inception. - the happy hour of a so-so day
The jukebox cranks up
to drown sorrows in pop hits
as bottle caps fly. - the creature under the deck
The creature under
the deck only emerges
for cans of cat food. - the odometer on the calendar
It’s about to be
11:11 on
1-1-11! - the renewal
Do not fear what is
to come, what cannot be made
to obey. Be bold. - the fields of winter
Desolate the land
stood, outstretched, barren, yet full
of seeds for blooming. - stride
Hit it and go far,
break it and fall off the path,
maintain it and run. - nothing but the hum of the lights
Morning cubicle
sits amongst the herd. Coffee
steam rises in wisps. - the silly hour
Late at night, we’d stop
cramming, start roaming, looking
for mischief and snacks. - the miracle worker
The father crawled from
bed to journey in darkness
work and come home late. - milk sandwich
Worse than snow forecast
in the South? Pre-snow stampede
in the bread, milk aisles. - the year so far, an early report
Snow threat, possible
national championship,
shooting in Tucson. - championship rings
The toughest team wears
the fanciest rings, which makes
no sense in real life.
• • •
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Sunday, January 16, 2011, 2:38 pm
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