Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 45
By Wade Kwon[Share on Twitter]
- a very special election
It’s shocking what a
few hundred thousand voters
can achieve as one. - elfcare
Santa’s workers bled
and toiled while breathing in
sawdust and benzene. - the wretched tale of retail
The mall is dying
a death by a thousand clicks
for online shopping. - home surveillance
To wreck our right to
privacy, Elf on the Shelf
can’t beat Alexa. - the endless space opera
It ain’t over till
the Wookiee growls and the droids
beep at each other. - everyday contrivances
The writer seeks an
adventure while strolling, a
hero while snooping. - run-down town
The run-down town with
the run-down park and run-down
school and run-down kids. - old man comes a’callin’
Dreary visitor
settles in for a long un-
welcome appointment. - overheard in the next car
Ashamed and brittle,
the passenger belted out
insult after insult. - not the santa I know
He gets a little
wound up getting ready for
a lap around Earth. - winter warmup special
A big bucket of
hot cocoa with marshmallows
the size of a fist. - the unselfish season
Dare we remember
the reason for the season,
thinking of others. - in anticipation of being all grown up
She would dream of get-
ting older, filling out her
curves, dating, driving. - the re-wrappening
Gifts that were almost
good enough headed to those
houses less worthy. - describe 2017
Kleptocracy. Sex
monsters. Women’s movement. And
Russian collusion. - the fluidity of the moment
Time marches to its
own mysterious beat:
tick, pause pause pause, tock. - middle option freestyling
Thanks, Fort Lauderdale,
and I’ll take you up for the
day at your house or - the final score
Was it a year of
missed opportunities or
big life-changing moves? - mmxviii
Three hundred sixty-
five chances to find love and
fulfillment ahead. - squirrel in the engine
A stowaway stayed
warm by the engine block at
10 mph. - regrets, she’s had a few
Her life flashed before
her eyes, a tangle of loves
and not speaking up. - a bitter pill unswallowed
Rancor and mistakes
of a career gone by spring
forth with purest bile. - appetizing formula
Basic equation
of bread and oil yields a
complex expression. - deep state of the union
The bureaucracy
hums along with nary a
care in the world. (wink) - backup doorbells
One chime sends the dog
barking and the other one
yelping in alarm. - the lost shipment
Every package ends
up somewhere, but not always
the right where. Nightmare. - tribal customs
Fandom brings us all
together but also keeps
us far, far apart. - caste systems
Give us your tired,
your poor. We need them to fuel
this corrupted realm. - retail restlessness
The walk-in by a
customer slightly lessens
the rampant boredom. - see rocks in the city
A fake mountainside
begs me to hug it closely
while ascending it. - catch it!
Influenza, or
what the kids call it now, “the
flu,” it’s gone … viral. - a cure for the unexpected
An acute case of
irony deficiency
needs only bluntness. - extended hibernation
With the icy wind
and bitter cold, we find our
shelter in plush quilts. - to get more candy bars
Boys go to Jupi-
ter to get more stupider.
Girls go to Mars … - severe management alert
The threat of snow is
an excuse for the working
class to shun labor. - the hole proverb
People who live in
glass dictatorships shouldn’t
throw stones. (Or insults.) - kids’ marathon
Endless wailing for
McDonald’s for 26
minutes in the car. - mt. inadequacy
Testing each foothold
while climbing the great indoors
1 yard off the mat. - double trouble
I met another
me the other day. Kinda
strange if you ask me. - the x factor
No bumps in the road
until a giant pothole
derails everything. - the dearest of dunderheads
Prattling with close pals:
Familiarity breeds
hilarity. Ha! - facing the rock
Hold on even though
fingers are aching, muscles
are straining. Upward. - skyscrappers
Women hold up half
the sky, nearly crushed by the
weight of oppression. - the nightly celebration
Back yards with clinking
glasses, strings of lights dangling
from limbs, gunfire. - away with words
The narrator sped
up so fast that paragraphs
had to be gulped whole. - lives in boxes
Her DVDs, his
books, their cutlery, plus a
few old memories. - the alarm that cried ‘wolf’
No one ran for the
exits. Smoke filled the hallway.
Flames lapped the ceiling. - to make amends
Go forth, with heart in
hand, seeking forgiveness but
expecting nothing. - liquid disposition
One more slug. That’s all
I need to make it through the
day, to numb my pain. - it even has a weird pronunciation
Precious daylight in
short supply. Someone has to
be the mini month. - the reluctant rodent
A shadow holds the
entire hemisphere in
its icy power. - in pursuit of love
Maybe it’s behind
that tree, or inside that old
café. Keep looking. - the welcoming dank
An abandoned place
for hardy and foolhardy
misfits to explore. - knew attitude
A rebirth within
my own skin liberates me.
Zero fucks given. - lost in time
Recapture glory?
But nostalgia is poison.
We must move forward. - the unfashionable stairwell
The crew removed the
broken escalator step
by step by step by … - fifth-wave feminism
Tools for ladies. Shoes
for ladies. Potato chips
for ladies. Not men! - the introvert’s guide to rsvp’s
No answer means no.
No means no. Maybe means no.
Yes? Probably not. - the two koreas
Hopeful, scared. Urbane,
withdrawn. Planning, reaction-
ary. Hand in hand. - the marathon
More women rush past
the starting line with hopes of
being elected. - the power of then
The past has a hold
on us stronger than any
debt or blood promise. - write down seven times
Not every first draft
leads to a meaningful book
or flowing sonnet. - so many flavors of love
Passionate. Endless.
Platonic. Codependent.
Mutual. Selfless. - field guide to homo sapiens
Do not interact.
Merely observe. Gaze deeply
into human hearts. - till the muffler gives out
Sputters and lurches
make for a troubled ride on
a car’s last journey. - the hunt for ice cream
The fluffiness. The
sharp delight of an untried
flavor. Frosty joy. - the call of duty for a 10-year-old
Who made that lone child
the human shield for his class
-mates? He volunteered. - the invisible receptionist
Only a ghost haunts
the abandoned desk at the
front of the office. - the all-spin zone
The humble snowboard
sends riders high into the
sky with bold panache. - the comeback
Her knees rebuilt. Her
arm fractured. Ready to ski
at full tilt boogie. - the devilish landlord
Beat the tenants. Break
the leases. Ignore the gripes.
Holler for the checks. - cautiously optimistic
Keeping the champagne
in storage while watching each
small step for progress. - the plain bus stop
No shelter, no bench,
just a patch of dirt next to
a sun-bleached marker. - the five rings
Let the continents
of people rejoice in games
and good sportsmanship. - when one becomes two
She would face the day
with a bit more grit and a
heap of wistfulness. - intelligence quotient
We know more than we
let on, and sometimes a whole
lot less than we should. - the price of johnny’s soul
What is the devil
doing with a gaudy gold
fiddle anyway? - eternal precipitation
the ground is damp the
house is damp the dog is damp
the shoes are muddy - an awkward hollywood minute
The stars shone on the
red carpet, burning with rage
at their mistreatment. - oscar haiku 2018
splish splash
Tale as old as time:
Girl meets fish. Girl boinks fish. Girl
goes off the deep end. - red carpet 2018
Who are you wearing?
How did you approach your role?
What jerk harassed you? - serenade of horns
That one car blocking
the whole intersection while
tying up traffic. - the power of fear
It either keeps us
from doing what is needed
or immobilized. - commandeer in chief
My hair is stupid.
I hire crooks and liars.
Make me President. - with cinema and marvel for all
I pledge allegiance
to Black Panther. Wakanda
forever. Amen. - seething with joy
The gift was a joke,
which became a trojan horse
for a bigger joke. - the woofers play
Two pups circle each
other while a third explores
a left tennis shoe. - the storms of connection
Arm in arm, they shared
an umbrella, not letting
rain or cold stop them. - black swans and unicorns
The petting zoo had
just black swans and unicorns,
nothing to cuddle. - she draws you
The charcoal pencil
reveals a fragile soul in
the piles of wrinkles. - kids do the darndest things
Make signs, shout slogans,
fight violence, participate
in democracy. - on intelligence
Some is good, extra
can’t hurt, less artificial
and more natural. - personality test 2018
Someone’s Netflix queue,
their Instagram profile pic
or their latte tastes. - leprechaun in training
She has the vape pen
and the tattered hat, but lost
her pot o’ bitcoin. - mechanical malfeasance
A simple oil
change turned into an all-too-
quick tune-up shakedown. - a poisonous hope
Holding out for a
better ending, waiting for
a great tomorrow. - a malady for all seasons
Spring fever leads to
summer strokes, fall vertigo
and winter frostbite. - who tells our stories?
The storyteller
is as important as the
style, plot and pacing. - temporary spring cleaning
To throw out stuff to
make room for more stuff in the
space for all our stuff. - seasonal malaise
The pollen coats the
air, while the germs take over
the grubby wee hands. - till today do us part
They couldn’t break their
bonds cleanly, settling for
a messy divorce.
evasion of the body snatchers
White people are so-o-o-o-o
possessive. Black lives matter
in the sunken place.
ebbing and flouting
She spelled it out on
the rural route. Justice now!
Somehow. Burma-Shave.
sand trap
We shall film on the
beaches. We shall film in the
hills. No surrender.
that’s no lady — that’s my life
Not about the first
lady nor Hank Hill’s bloodhound
on “King of the Hill.”
• • •
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Sunday, March 25, 2018, 12:05 am
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