Wade on Birmingham

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Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 13

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009

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  1. a flaw in weather technology
    Who ever heard of
    meteorological
    seasonal rodent?
  2. 140 characters at a time
    I joined Twitter at
    long last, but now I won’t have
    time to surf Friendster.
  3. a little too frosty
    When you can see your
    breath with your eyes closed, it’s way
    too cold to exhale.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 12

Sunday, February 1st, 2009
  1. the eerie quiet
    After the crater,
    an unspoken wake begins,
    to pay our respects.
  2. uncool beans
    Sitting in Starbucks
    makes me smell like burnt coffee
    long after I leave.
  3. ponderings on mid-life
    It was then his life
    had spun out of control, a
    hopeless wreck of dreams.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 11

Friday, October 24th, 2008
  1. yin and yang
    Much is given, much
    is asked. Somewhere, the harvest
    matches the hungry.
  2. pastoral inhabitants
    Farm roll call: goats, cats,
    peacock, chickens, puppies, cows,
    llamas, pigs and worms.
  3. composed at a keyboard
    Can we break grip of
    technology’s distractions?
    Are we not machines?
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Birmingham’s 2020 Summer Olympics

Friday, August 8th, 2008

Torch Relay
1. Stops to light a lot of smokes along U.S. 31.
2. And to roast a pig.
3. Chased by dogs, nearly extinguished by fire hoses.
4. Flame changes to green if no traffic fatalities occur.
5. Due to severe drought conditions, torch transported by hearse surrounded by trooper cars most of the time.
6. As per contract, torchbearers must smile while using sponsor’s product, Cialis With Lime.
7. Fire bad. But free publicity good.
8. Charles Barkley runs it into Legion Field, tripping over his mouth a couple of times.
9. And lighting the cauldron, it’s the 1980 Birmingham Bulls squad!
10. And parking the cars, it’s the 1980 Birmingham Bulls squad.
(more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 10

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
  1. litter rally
    Rubbish! Unkempt room
    surrenders to posse of
    garbage bags. Rubbish!
  2. firefly serenity
    They blink across the
    deep blue darkness, heralding
    winter’s departure.
  3. pollen on hard times
    The yellow coats are
    coming. The yellow coats are
    coming. No escape.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 9

Friday, April 4th, 2008
  1. have holly jolly kwanzaa
    The shops are abuzz
    with bargain hunts and a few
    unhappy returns.
  2. bargain has-bin
    Crazy deep discounts
    drive shoppers wild with armfuls
    of clearance goodies.
  3. empty gaze
    Vacant stares greet my
    eyes from all points, including
    my own reflection.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 8

Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
  1. keeping hope alive
    When will the next great
    leader step forward and drag
    us into the light?
  2. diplomatic tide
    Citizens of the
    world find their way to the hills
    of Alabama.
  3. are you smarter than a mayoral candidate?
    Forum sheds little
    light on dark reality
    of city’s problems.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 7

Monday, September 17th, 2007
  1. techno chronic
    Simplest of gadgets
    baffles smartest of humans.
    Time to reboot life.
  2. stage 6 (2007)
    Vault isn’t a real
    event, just a sponsor of
    Dance Depot dwelling.
     
    Take the floor as two.
    Swing your partner round and round.
    So much fun you sweat.
  3. stage 5 (2007)
    Festival for kids?
    But they’re small and can’t afford
    Publix shopping. Yet.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 6

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
  1. galactic top
    Each twinkle in sky
    orbits other twinkles in
    cosmic whirligig.
  2. whoa whoa whoa
    I’ve often wondered
    about horses. But not in
    a sexual way.
  3. twenty-eight days later
    Short month still leaves too
    much undone. Need petition
    for new, longer day.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 5

Sunday, February 25th, 2007
  1. could be verse
    Real poems have lines
    like “somber remembrance” and
    “enchanted embrace.”
  2. breaking point
    Ultimate test of
    customer service: Can you
    give me change for 10?
  3. overheard while shoplifting
    If you think that’s bad,
    wait until you hear about
    my other gallstone.
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Love sucks

Sunday, February 11th, 2007
  1. I know that of which I speak.
  2. Let’s face it: Tis better to have loved and won.
  3. Now is the winter of our dysfunction.
  4. If you love someone, set them… up?
  5. I laugh in the face of commitment.
  6. Some call me the gangster of love (and I’ve ordered a hit on Cupid).
  7. Bad question: Who are you, and what are you doing in my bed?
  8. Worse question: Who are you, and what are you doing in my pants?
  9. I may be cheap, but I’m also easy.
  10. Today’s mantra: shoulda seen it comin’, shoulda seen it comin’, shoulda seen it comin’…
  11. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Nick Saban’s to-do list

Friday, January 5th, 2007
  1. Houndstooth jockstrap.
  2. Find a way to bring back the Statue of Liberty play.
  3. Trademark motivational bumper sticker, “Get thee behind me, Saban!”
  4. Get sweet tattoo of Big Al …
  5. … and get that stupid “Dolphins Forever” tattoo lasered off.
  6. Recruit large impressionable teens to beat the holy hell out of other large impressionable teens for 12 or so Saturdays.
  7. Paunch it up with steady diet of Golden Flake and Coca-Cola.
  8. Give 110 percent. Take the team to the next level. Play with intensity.
  9. Finally, finally splurge on premium unleaded gas.
  10. Walk on water. Then turn water into dirty, well-trod wine.
  11. (more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 4

Friday, November 17th, 2006
  1. diner’s choice
    Tell me all about
    
the specials, and bring me an
    
appetizing dish.
     
  2. snakes off a plane
    World holds its breath as
    
terror almost strikes again.

    Calamity? Tamed.
     
  3. noon shall pass
    Choice at lunchtime is
    
extracubicular jaunt
    
or eating at desk.
     
  4. (more…)

Wade’s 101: 9/11 + 5

Monday, September 11th, 2006

Then
1. Fear of turbans.
2. Fear of white powder.
3. Fear of Osama.
4. Fear of speaking out.
5. Fear of uber-jingoistic country anthems.
6. Fear of yellow cake and aluminum tubes.
7. Fear of knowing too little.
8. Fear of sharing too much.
9. When is it OK to laugh?
10. When is it OK to stop crying?
(more…)

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 3

Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
  1. drops on in
    Flowers are coming
    thanks to these passing showers
    that soak up the sun.
     
  2. uno de mayo
    Workers’ holiday
    marks birth of eight-hour day.
    Almost quittin’ time?
     
  3. señor suave visits the patio
    Older gent puffs on
    cigarette and borrowed time,
    with stylish mustasche.
     
  4. (more…)