Stuff that stocking!

With Christmas just three weeks away, you may be struggling to get your holiday shopping done. What to get for that “hard”-to-shop for DVD fan?

Well, if they liked "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Crazy in Alabama" and even "Crimson Tide," they’re sure to like this new man-tastic movie, “Alabama Takedown.”

[Warning: not safe for work!]

“Alabama Takedown”: Like “Brokeback Mountain,”
but with more snake handling.

When we first spotted the DVD screencaps on Notthatboy, we knew our Christmas dilemma had been solved.

Uncle Ramon will love "Alabama Takedown," with its 13 men and four-and-a-half-hour “Director’s Expanded Edit” of wrestling action.

It is a wrestling movie, right?

We still haven’t quite figured out the Alabama part. Maybe all the dudes are cousins — or just really into football, you know, skins vs. skins.

Ralph Wiggum raves, “Everybody’s hugging!”

But don’t take our word for it. Here’s the synopsis from the site (we swear, we only watch it for the articles):

Director’s expanded edit available only at TitanMenStore.com, with an entire scene not available in the retail version!

This one’ll have ya down for the count! Alabama Takedown is another cunningly crafted classic from the master of cineporn, Joe Gage. This three hour brawl is a hefty serving of Gage hallmarks, with buddies jerkin’ it together, older dudes showing younger men the ropes, and unshaven, sweaty wranglers in rough, no-holds barred manplay. Gage’s terse sex talk simmers five tension building scenes into boiling eruption as thirteen incredibly raunchy TitanMen all-stars pound it out.

TitanMen Exclusives Cliff Rhodes and Spencer Quest are the brothers whose wrestling school serves up sex and spunk to hot studs like Jon Galt, Owen Hawk and Ken Mack. And how does Gage top the finale’s sizzling, five man free-for-all? Blu Kennedy’s prongin’ big Spencer Quest when Cliff Rhodes slams his massive meat up Blu’s backside, making him the middle man in a chain fuck that’ll blow your mind. And your wad.

The Director’s Expanded Edit, available only at TitanMenStore.com, includes a newly classic Gage scene that’ll have ya holdin’ your breath and slow strokin’, as the high school shop teacher shows his stepson just how to use that penis pump.

From boner-stretched singlets and naked hard-on wrestling to ringside watersports, Alabama Takedown creams ya round after round.

You had us at “unshaven, sweaty wranglers.”

But what’s really going to appeal more to that special sugarplum on your gift list: our darling Reese cup in “Sweet Home Alabama” or male studs putting the smackdown on each other?

Don’t answer that.

Posted: Friday, December 9, 2005, 12:24 pm, in Commerce, Grab Bag.
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