Wade’s 101: You’re so Birmingham if … (2010 Twitter version)
By Wade Kwon- The only political or social cause you’ve ever been involved with was to legalize stronger beer. (@david_carter)
- You can’t stop wishing corruption didn’t kill City Stages. #didanybody’schecknotbounce? (@sandybirmingham)
- You’ve never used public transportation in Birmingham. (@bwdaly)
- You go to a “meat n’ three” because someone said that they have “good vegetables.” (@rebecca_morrow)
- Your panhandler rides a nicer bike than yours. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You think Surin is a really nice restaurant. (@Iva4Gov)
- You’re a judge with a law degree from an unaccredited law school. (@bwdaly)
- You can do an impression of Bill Bolen saying “Momma.” (@bwdaly)
- You are sitting around trying to think up clever sayings for #You’reSoBirminghamIf. (@filamentartists)
- You say “Vulcan” and not “The Vulcan.” (@CreekRat)
- You’ve never lived in a real city and don’t understand how bad things are here. (@bwdaly)
- You used to drink beer at Norm’s. (@CreekRat)
- You grew up 30+ miles out in the suburbs, but still claim the ‘ham as your “hometown.” (@feralparakeet)
- You know the truth of Birmingham retail: If you can’t park and see it, the shop is unlikely to survive. (@politicalparlor)
- You’ve ever wanted to get the clippers after James Spann’s hair to shave that little center part off. (@StaceyHood)
- You bought your 205 jersey at a yard sale or Goodwill. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You voted for Ruben, Bo and Taylor. 🙂 (@sandybirmingham)
- You constantly tell people how awesome Birmingham is, even though you know it’s a lie. (@david_carter)
- You don’t know how to get over the mountain without using 65 or 31/280. (@bwdaly)
- You can drive from downtown to the Inverness Target without getting on 280. (@piercingwit)
- Anyone you ever elected went to jail. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You discussed how sad you were when the Stallions and the Fire folded, but you never went to a game. (@MellowBHAM)
- You wish the Iron Bowl was moved back to Legion Field. (@Iva4Gov)
- You’ve always wanted copies of the Legion Field lions to guard your driveway. (@theCapNdavid)
- You’re one of the badasses from @BAAMfest who proved you don’t need the city government to put on a successful festival. (@bwdaly)
- You have to fly through a hub in Atlanta, Memphis, Houston, etc. to get to the West Coast. (@Iva4Gov)
- You judge the severity of severe weather by how James Spann is dressed. (Coat off, sleeves up: Better pay attention!) (@kristenmstewart)
- You went to an all-white or all-black school. (@bwdaly)
- Your only political trope is race. (@bwdaly)
- You’ve ever heard slot machines described as part of the civil rights movement. (@chris_depew)
- You prefer faith to knowledge. (@bwdaly)
- You’ve had a supermarket checkout person refuse to sell you beer at 11:53 a.m. on a Sunday. (@messyepicure)
- You remember going to Century Plaza! (@briancauble)
- Your megachurch has its own ZIP code. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You’ve dressed up as a former Jefferson County commissioner for Halloween. (@UrbanPat)
- You confess to friends that your parents were racists … “but I’m not!” (@collirp)
- You pick a lunch place solely based on its dancing sign guy. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You have a favorite Mike Royer hairpiece. (@joey__t)
- You kill the messenger. (@bwdaly)
- You believe “progress” requires the destruction of our history. (@tbdcreativeinc)
- You don’t valet. (@Iva4Gov)
- You’ve moved out of the city, but still keep whining about its leaders. (@seankelley)
- The compass on your iPhone points toward Vulcan. (@andyspain)
- You have hope and work for change despite the naysayers. (@bikeskirt)
- You are so paranoid about what outsiders think you can’t laugh at your own expense. (@chris_depew)
- You drink Grapico and Buffalo Rock. (@Iva4Gov)
- The new Bass Pro Shops store is a destination for you. (@aathu)
- You look forward to seeing what Mickey Ferguson is going to do on Halloween! (@Iva4Gov)
- Your life was enhanced by Cecil Whitmire. (@bwdaly)
- You do that ghetto “Electric Slide” to every damn song. (@yendisak)
- You know not to read the comments on AL.com. (@Owsley9)
- You go off-roading on unpaved city streets. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You know Marty and Ona really well. (@aathu)
- You whine that criticism is part of the problem. (@bwdaly)
- You can’t find the humor in the negatives. (@filamentartists)
- You use Dale’s Steak Seasoning. (@Iva4Gov)
- You have no idea of the pernicious effect of college football on Alabama’s public university system. (@bwdaly)
- You remember seeing Survivor @WrightCenterSU. (@WrightCenterSU)
- You’ve known or met at least two people that have worked for EBSCO. (@rebecca_morrow)
- You whine about metro traffic but would never dream of taking a bus. (@AR_Kirby)
- Your favorite sports team is at the college level or below. (@khcreative)
- You pop a woody every time a new chain store or chain restaurant opens. (@bwdaly)
- You helped elect Larry Langford mayor without a runoff. (@bwdaly)
- You grew up wanting to live in the big city and ended up in Birmingham. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You recognize something good must be afoot, if the naysayers come out play. (@Owsley9)
- You wish the Birmingham Barons played more games at Rickwood (and actually in Birmingham). (@politicalparlor)
- You’d drive downtown for hockey but not to Hoover for baseball. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You’re generous. Birmingham is ranked as the most charitable city in the United States! http://bit.ly/aEiJXW (@alabamapossible)
- You have the front of Vulcan as your view instead of the butt. (@motionmind)
- You confuse tourists needing directions and say, “Follow me …” (@aathu)
- You know the steam table at Fife’s. Yum. #ILoveBirmingham (@Jerry_Griffies)
- You remember when Dreamland only had ribs, white bread and sauce. (@StaceyHood)
- You’ve ever spent a week’s pay on a tailgate party. (@chris_depew)
- Your political campaign has distributed flyers calling your opponent an Uncle Tom. (@bwdaly)
- You give and understand directions that are nothing but numbers: 31, 280, 459, 150, 119 … (@KnowTea)
- You write a blog post for @aldotcom about this hashtag. http://ow.ly/2vmWd (@KristenHeptin)
- You’re addicted to Milo’s sweet tea. (@aathu)
- You are a struggling freelancer. (@filamentartists)
- You learn that you and the person you just met have seven mutual acquaintances. (@AR_Kirby)
- Your “minister” was part of Richard Scrushy’s Amen Mafia. (@bwdaly)
- You miss Ollie’s barbecue. (@DrNemoJr)
- You have no sense of irony. (@bwdaly)
- Everybody in your circle is banging one another. (@yendisak)
- You think Pam Huff has been on TV for too long. (@aathu)
- Your parking meter is actually a sawed-off pole. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You are sick and tired of hearing the word “potential.” (@filamentartists)
- Your sewer bill could pay for clean drinking water for three African villages. (@sandybirmingham)
- Most of your tweets are about shopping. (@bwdaly)
- Everyone you know — grannies, hippies and pastors included — is in at least one football pool. (@chris_depew)
- You don’t tell your customers who you pull for in the Iron Bowl because you don’t want them to hold this against you. (@APPRAISALSOURCE)
- You have a favorite BBQ joint, sports talk show, hot dog place, high-grav brew and wing shack. (@WadeOnTweets)
- You had a dream last night featuring Jim Skinner. (I did.) (@bwdaly)
- Your former mayor is a shopping addict. And is now in jail. (@cmhallua)
- You only spend money in the Lakeview District drinking. (@aathu)
- You buy sweet tea at the grocery store. (@juliesenter)
- You’ve ever felt sick when you heard someone say “the neighborhood changed” and realized what they meant. (@glennybrock)
- You call Pam Huff “Ham Puff.” (@bwdaly)
- You have more square feet of TV than linear feet of books. (@bwdaly)
- You aspire to live in Hoover. (@aathu)
- You jus’ got you one o’ nem “tweeter pages.” (@aathu)
- You ignore the fact that most of the city’s population is poor and struggling, while you just care about lunch/bars/events. (@david_carter)
The full list of #YoureSoBirminghamIf tweets from Aug. 26, 2010.
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Read more Wade’s 101.
Friday, August 27, 2010, 12:44 pm
We were just talking about how so many people hate on Surin, some here but much more so in Atlanta. I can tell the food is a little different from other Thai places (deliciously so, to me), but I can’t figure out what they do that’s such an affront.
Can someone educate me? Do you have to have eaten in Thailand to understand?
Friday, August 27, 2010, 4:17 pm
Other than that single tweet, I hadn’t heard any Surin backlash.
Surin has always been a favorite of mine. I guess I’m not as hip as everyone else, but then, who cares?
Friday, August 27, 2010, 7:02 pm
I love Surin, too. You can see people dissing it on chow, urbanspoon, etc., but I just can’t make out why. Probably because I’m so Birmingham…
Sunday, August 29, 2010, 3:24 pm
Love the list! You mean people outside of Birmingham don’t know Ham Puff??
Monday, August 30, 2010, 5:01 am
I still think of Brenda LaDun as the new chick.