Wade on Birmingham

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 40


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  1. an addiction to spines
    What fresh novella
    or biography awaits
    a hearty reading?
  2. bid romance
    O my Luve is like
    a red, red state that’s barely
    solvent in July.
  3. your shows of shows
    Old American
    proverb: May you live in peak
    television times.
  4. a pillar of man
    He alone took on
    responsibility of
    fulfillment and self.
  5. the greatness of america
    The greatness of our
    country can be found in such
    grand diversity.
  6. crack the books
    The nightmare is the
    same: Get to class on time and
    prepare for lecture.
  7. the shakespeare of u up
    I want to include
    a lot of smart-sounding words
    into my texting.
  8. pitched, but with 3d
    A band of misfits
    finds nothing in common and
    goes its separate ways.
  9. floss leader
    Take better care of
    your teeth by running a string
    between them daily.
  10. sermon on the dismount
    These are my beliefs,
    he thus declared to no one
    in particular.
  11. a parade of nations
    The world is both im-
    possibly gigantic and
    charmingly cozy.
  12. the year without a garden
    He harvested crops
    from the frozen food aisle at
    the supermarket.
  13. the ultimate olympic sport
    Competitors used
    to winning learn anew: to
    take defeat in stride.
  14. the home team
    Proud parents shout with
    joy as athletic offspring
    take the podium.
  15. my never-ending stories
    I’m here to watch peak
    TV and kick ass, and I
    can’t ever tune out.
  16. four-drone garage
    One to check on the
    kids, one for weekends, one for
    off-road, one for spite.
  17. tabby taste tester
    A paw drops into
    the glass for a quick sip of
    the drink he’s having.
  18. 200m sharks
    Swimmers churn the tank
    with sturdy strokes, a violent
    contest back and forth.
  19. explosions from the sky
    The fury above
    comes with a sudden onset
    of black sky and gusts.
  20. chew on that
    Wasn’t the future
    of food supposed to be all
    things in gummy form?
  21. the escape
    All week, they had dreamt
    of driving fast and far from
    the chains of despair.
  22. 21st-century foxes
    The true tastemakers
    and who’s who appear only
    on Warhol’s Snapchat.
  23. it came from over the mountain
    The creature from the
    monochromatic suburb
    oozes privilege.
  24. wedding on football saturday
    The bride wore her mom’s
    sleek dress. The groom wore earbuds
    and a haunted look.
  25. explain yourself in 17 syllables
    Studious ball of
    sarcasm bundled with wit
    in a slim package.
  26. triple threat
    I like triathlon’s
    efficiency: I can suck
    in three sports at once.
  27. trust no one
    Bury your feelings
    and plow on with no regard
    for consequences.
  28. back to school for parents
    Moms and dads smiled wide
    as they shipped their hellions
    to the mental mines.
  29. back to school for teachers
    World’s Greatest Teacher
    mug filled with coffee and a
    shot of cheap whiskey.
  30. back to school for kids
    The pain of sitting
    in class after class with just
    Snapchat and texting.
  31. what is a haiku?
    A momentary
    look into the eternal
    and the familiar.
  32. to-don’t list
    A bucket list, but
    for dolts to avoid and chores
    to put off each time.
  33. aural assault
    Nonstop hits with a
    little patter, plus speaker
    phones and videos.
  34. baking challenge
    An even surface
    that rises and stays risen
    with a golden hue.
  35. operator in distress
    Every office chair
    has a lever that does the
    opposite of aim.
  36. ice cream over jogging
    The best feeling in
    life is procrastination.
    The worst? Comeuppance.
  37. what’s blue and green and in the red?
    It takes 1.6
    Earths to supply our needs for
    1 Earth year. Doomed days.
  38. the fading of the crickets
    The chirping at dusk
    becomes the prelude to a
    cool breeze sonata.
  39. greetings from the insect world
    Though minuscule, the
    sting from a lone wasp carries
    a feisty message.
  40. uniform of the modern man
    A beard and a man
    bun, and maybe a need to
    radiate hipness.
  41. working for a living
    An abundance of
    productivity but an
    absence of raises.
  42. in trek we trust
    Bones, Kirk and Spock, the
    23rd century’s most
    holy trinity.
  43. generation next
    A French captain sails
    the galactic waves with both
    Klingon and android.
  44. golden trekiversary
    Its 50-year mis-
    sion: To boldly go where no
    one has gone before.
  45. the pair of docks at terok nor
    The darkest series
    offered the brightest stories
    set in deep space? Fine.
  46. janeway to the danger zone
    The homing pigeon
    takes a long detour through the
    vast Delta Quadrant.
  47. the journey of a thousand light years
    A quantum leap back
    to the Federation’s past,
    Enterprise’s launch.
  48. trek’s next fifty
    Rebooted movies
    and a new prequel TV
    series, and us fans.
  49. a nation of addicts and users
    Legalized pot keeps
    some mellow. Forbidden smack
    keeps many captive.
  50. the lobbyist
    On behalf of the
    tyke faction, she demands hugs
    and later bedtimes.
  51. the artificial tooth
    Natural? Passé.
    They now come in gold, silver,
    ceramic and blue.
  52. patterns
    Creatures of habit
    rarely stray from the path that
    gives comfort and fare.
  53. tanks a lot
    Southern wilderness
    doused with unleaded poison.
    Man 1, nature zip.
  54. tube tops
    An atom beheld
    by an angelic muse to
    celebrate TV.
  55. sandy claws
    Red-shelled beast sashays
    on scorching gold dunes, always
    ready in a pinch.
  56. man upping
    I like to manspread
    while mansplaining for maxi-
    mum manfficiency.
  57. the truth about time travel
    Probably not to
    go back and kill dictators
    but to pick up chicks.
  58. notes of discontent
    The anthem moves us
    to hands on hearts and knees on
    ground. Long live freedom.
  59. also, more testing
    Let’s fix broken schools
    by setting kids on fire
    and buying iPads.
  60. the new autumn
    Pumpkin spice smoothies,
    90-degree hayrides and
    Thanksgiving heat stroke.
  61. renovation pains
    Rehabbing a room
    is more than burning cash. It’s
    smashing your thumb, too.
  62. death takes a working holiday
    The big names got called
    to heaven in droves, a true
    cultural affair.
  63. immune to suffering
    The bus rider next
    to me is in her private
    hell. I turn the page.
  64. legalization aftermath
    More addicts or less,
    more pain or less, more wrecks or
    less, more cons or less?
  65. the city too busy to love
    New faces take on
    the old roles of corruption,
    greed, mismanagement.
  66. self-driving deloreans
    No child of mine is
    ever getting a license
    or taking the wheel.
  67. binge listening
    Taking in the whole
    Beatles discography play-
    ing all 12 at once.
  68. this is fine
    I’m OK with the
    events that are unfolding
    currently. takes sip

  69. fall in a blink
    Still hot. Still very
    hot. When will it stop? Just cool
    enough. Nope, too cold.
  70. the wake-up call
    The ringing left him
    with the vaguest sense of not
    belonging at all.
  71. according to schedule
    I have a Nobel
    Prize in Skyrim, two hot wives
    and a bitchin’ Dodge.
  72. game of phones
    They hunted a pack
    of virtual monsters with
    nothing more than apps.
  73. driven to distraction
    The muse couldn’t be
    heard over the constant din
    of beeps and ringtones.
  74. all the news that’s fit to like
    Shady sources give
    titillating details to
    close-minded readers.
  75. guys’ guys
    Jocks brag on conquests
    while snapping towels, and the
    locker room cringes.
  76. polling place banter
    And when you’re a vot-
    er, you can grab them by the
    box. The ballot box.
  77. fear of a double x planet
    Beneath the quiet
    strength of the fairer sex lies
    screaming agony.
  78. minus one
    The most fun that an
    introvert can have is not
    showing up ever.
  79. a man’s reach shouldn’t exceed his grope
    Never have such ti-
    ny hands caused so much deep e-
    motional damage.
  80. the sordid truth about haiku
    They often forget
    nature. They’re spawned by brains that
    fly unsupervised.
  81. fan cam
    Some nervously peer
    at the outfield, some scroll through
    phones for score updates.
  82. the others
    Those not on our side
    must be demonized for the
    sake of the children.
  83. onscreen personas
    More Facebookers hit
    Live on their phones to show who
    they really are not.
  84. meditation on the train ride home
    Breathe in the stench of
    stale coffee and fatigue. Breathe
    out the hopelessness.
  85. 300 seconds in space
    Lungs wrap themselves round
    cream puffs of gas. Blood oozes
    through long corridors.
  86. genie in a bit
    Off to make dinner
    reservations or hail an
    Uber with a swipe.
  87. no costume needed
    Why hunt for candy
    when the Easter Bunny and
    Santa deliver?
  88. fear factor
    Everyday horrors
    overshadow the monsters
    just under the bed.
  89. ultimate indicator
    we chat w quik txts
    and emoji b4 the
    battery hits 0
  90. children of the candy corn
    Technically escapes
    the trick clause and punishes
    youngsters with foul treats.
  91. double playwright
    Even Shakespeare needs
    a reliever when the acts
    are loaded, pen balks.
  92. basic necessities
    A passing grade was
    all that was needed, and still
    the grown pupil failed.
  93. parched country
    No rain for weeks, no
    relief from heat, the bounty
    of fall has shriveled.
  94. golden rule of business
    You either set some-
    one up to succeed, or you
    set them up to fail.
  95. tonight or Monday
    Orthodox vs.
    reform Halloween converts
    ponder date for treats.
  96. perpetual standstill
    We always have the
    time to fall behind more and
    more. Takes no effort.
  97. the true meaning of halloween
    A holiday that
    teaches us to be fearful
    only of figments.
  98. peak election
    A raft of shocking
    revelations as voters
    tune out and stay home.
  99. gluten-free fortunes
    You will live a long
    and healthy life with little
    flavor and no spice.
  100. quenched
    Cubbies dancing in
    victory after long drought.
    Maybe next year, Tribe.
  101. the monster at the end of this stanza
    Despite all warnings,
    we want to see the grotesque
    beast. And it is us.

• • •

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1 Yip for “Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 40”

  1. Wade on Birmingham » #sundayread for November 6, 2016
    Sunday, November 6, 2016, 12:05 am

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