Wade on Birmingham

Tuesday Night Lights: The (Vestavia) Hills

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The bitch is back. Coach Propst is in full-tirade mode this week, as he and the Hoover Bucs face longtime rival, the Vestavia Hills Rebels. It’s a hatefest on “Two-a-Days,” and everybody’s coming.

The parents are fired up. The players are fired up. The cheerleading coach is fired up. Their fury is so, so delicious. This episode is so … dare we say … blogtastic?! We shall.

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Too soon.

Highlights from episode 2, season 2 of the MTV reality series …

It’s all about timing: Meet Brandon, another newcomer who came to Hoover for the academics. Oh, and a certain sports team that has won many a championship (Da Bucs).

His brother Byron also plays for the team, and apparently is competing with teammate Charlie for MVH (Most Valuable Hairstyle).

Brandon is level-headed, modest and working hard to fit in to the team. In MTV terms, Brandon is boring, though he does make it through knee surgery and rehab like a champ. A boring champ.

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Brandon steps lively after knee surgery.

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Mark can’t take his eyes off Byron’s hypnotic hair.

Trash talk, part 1: At practice, Propst remains characteristically diplomatic about this week’s foe, Vestavia Hills, “They hate your guts that bad, they gonna try to hurt ya. They’re a dirty football team. They’re very dirty.”

Scraps: Talk about wholesome, Brittany’s family has dinner together, with her boyfriend Mark joining in. (In case the theme’s too subtle, another couple dinner coming up.) Practice was tough, 57th meeting between these two teams, blah blah … yowza. Brittany’s mom, Melanie, is hot. This is the prettiest family in all the suburbs, none is more fair than the house of Benton. All hail the whiteness of their teeth!

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Brittany: super white teeth!

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Even Mark’s teeth are white enough for Brittany.

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She gets it from her mama.

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Pretender! Charlie’s dental damage.

Get the lead in: Speaking of teeth, Charlie (he of the curly locks) takes one right in the kisser. Meaning, a sharp pencil to the gums. Ouch. His girlfriend Kristen mocks him, naturally.

Even worse, we’re treated to a montage of Charlie whining about various ailments and apparently, how candy used to cost a penny.

The grand finale? Too lazy to head to the bathroom, Charlie takes a leak at the back end of the field. That Kristen is one lucky lady.

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Charlie’s a whiz at practice.

Trash talk, part 2: Take it away, Coach Martin (he of the flowing dark locks) … “And y’all know how important it is that we kill Vestavia.”

Folks, that’s the cheerleading coach egging on the girls. He’s not only passionate, but wise. During practice, he asks for another pass at a back flip: “Once is lucky — twice is skill.” Those are some lucky ladies.

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‘Destroy the unpeppy, my minions.’

More scraps: Charlie’s family gathers for dinner, including his girlfriend Kristen. Will he pee in a cup? Will he take a dump on the green beans?

More game talk, as Charlie’s dad Rick muses, “Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.” Charlie explains how Vestavia Hills cheats, “If you get tackled, they’ll do stuff under the pile like hit you or kick you or twist your ankle.”

“Well, can’t you tell on them?” says Charlie’s mom, Katherine. Bless her heart.

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Maybe it’s unwise to give the opposing coach
easy access to heavy machinery.

Trash talk, part 3: Propst says, “You got 48 minutes to go make their … hurt, because they hate your damn guts. Let’s go kick their ass.” The pre-game speech? Inside a storage building, otherwise known as the new visitors’ locker room, minus the lockers or the bathrooms (not counting the two Porta-Potties). Guess Vestavia Hills couldn’t stick them in a burning hut or a snake-filled pool.

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Hoover toughs it out in its makeshift locker room.

Chop till you drop: Propst cusses. The players cuss. Propst berates the refs for apparently missing calls against the Rebels’ illegal chop blocks.

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This show’s got pee and poo:
Smells like teen spirit in the visitors’ section.

It’s not much better in the visitors’ section. Charlie’s dad says the smell is coming from manure under the stands: “I knew they had no class, but I didn’t realize how much no class.”

One Buc, DeJohn, says, “We hate these motherfuckers. Let’s go beat their fucking ass.” Which he does.

Alas, Hoover’s behind 14-17 at the half.

After another pep talk from Propst in the visitors’ storage shed, the team bounces back. With 1:14 left, Ross throws the game-winning 25-yard touchdown pass to Michael. Final score: 28-24.

“Two-a-Days” airs at 9 p.m. Tuesdays on MTV, repeating throughout the week and available for free online.

Previously: A tough defeat nearly crushes team spirit.
And next: A couple’s drama, plus Brandon struggles at practice.

Also:

• • •

Dude, more “Two-a-Days.”

5 Yips for “Tuesday Night Lights: The (Vestavia) Hills”

  1. Brandon
    Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 3:03 pm
    1

    wow, that was some thorough blogging. Looks like I won’t have to even watch the show this year, lol.

    BTW, I love how Bham is dominating the reality TV market this season.

  2. Wade
    Thursday, February 8, 2007, 12:15 am
    2

    Thanks! But I do recommend this week’s ep, only because it’s so harsh to Vestavia Hills, it brought out immediate apologies from the Hoover staff.

    Weak. Stick by your taunting and your mean-spirited incendiary words, Bucs.

  3. Ann
    Thursday, February 8, 2007, 9:14 am
    3

    OK…just a little backstory regarding the locker room facilities at Vestavia. ALL of the field facilities were being remodeled. Every team that played there this year, had to endure the same thing. Another thing I found interesting was that the true atmosphere of hatred on BOTH sides was not accurately portrayed. For example, when Hoover’s buses pulled up to Vestavia, the players had taken rebel flags (not that I agree with the use of them), ripped them up and hung them out of the windows. They then proceeded to go on the field and stomped them and spit on them. That being said, it’s TV, and this long-standing rivalry makes for great entertainment no matter how it’s edited. I can’t wait to see the play off episode between these two!

  4. Brandon
    Thursday, February 8, 2007, 10:38 pm
    4

    “I can’t wait to see the play off episode between these two!”

    -yeah, except I already know how it ended 🙁

  5. Adam
    Saturday, April 14, 2007, 5:06 pm
    5

    Hey i saw the season hoover vestavia game and hoover showed very little class which it didnt show on tv.

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