Giving flu the bird: A city pharmaceutical company is asking permission to test its new flu drug which has shown potential for treating strains — including the deadly dreaded bird flu. It could be ready to go later in 2006, but the company’s first try showed little more effective than placebos. Good news for those with health insurance. But the uninsured poor needn’t worry: They’ll receive their shots of flu randomly and for free.
• BioCryst seeks OK on flu drug for people [Birmingham News]

Riding the bus with my sistas: Thursday marks the 50th anniversary of Rosa Parks’ most comfortable bus ride — or least comfortable, depending on how you view it. But she wasn’t alone in the fight, and the occasion will focus on others who also participated in Montgomery’s civil rights struggle.
• In wake of Parks’ death, 50th anniversary of boycott shifts focus [Associated Press]

Try the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, too: A Troy University associate professor of political science makes his case for a new state constitution. Very needed, very unlikely. Now if he had only wished for longer bulkier constitution than the one we already have …
• Listing holiday wishes for changes in Alabama’s goverment [Mobile Register]

Also:

• Adamsville family grudgingly draws for Secret Santa exchange
• Actors prepare for last '05 show through rehearsal, chain smoking
• Condi Rice named most fascinating bureaucratic lackey

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Parked car driver sits.
Why is that woman still there?
Creepy creepy spot.

• • •

Read more haiku.

Originally published July 1995.

The World of Bill Gates
1. Technoweenies, unite!
2. A computer in every pot.
3. Instead of cursive, learn to draw barcodes.
4. In a valley of silicon, he’s the king.
5. You’ll need a PIN just to take a leak.
6. If it doesn’t say Microsoft on the label, it will.
7. Become ergonomically correct or else.
8. At least 10 governors and three cabinet members to be replaced by laptops.
9. His hamster’s name? Windows 95.
10. Seattle is his lady …
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Utility we stand: The Birmingham city council formed an oversight committee to review complaints about utilities: water, power, gas, cable and phone. Hmm. We’ve complained consistently in the past about our cable company. Nothing. And what of it? Cable’s a monopoly in this town unless you switch to dish (not an option for everyone). Same with water, gas and cable. Even the phone company — in the face of unprecendented competition — has done little to win customers over. But now, tremble before the power of a … committee.
• Official: Water panel will answer critics [Birmingham News]

Phrase your ignorance in the form of a question: The Jeopardy! brain bus will be in town Tuesday at McWane Center. The first 1,000 visitors can take a 10-question qualifying test for a shot at a contestant audition. I tried out for the college version once, and let’s just say my only hope would’ve been phrasing my answers in the form of $100 bills. At least someone from around here done good.
• Jeopardy! Brain Bus in Birmingham (press release) [Jeopardy!]

Flying high: Florida band Lynyrd Skynyrd has achieved what every crazy rocker has ever dared dream: to be worshipped by Cleveland. The group, along with Black Sabbath, Sex Pistols and Miles Davis(!), will be the next inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Skynyrd — what’s left of it — is best known for the bored audience punchline “Free Bird” and the obligatory-every-visiting-band-must-play “Sweet Home Alabama,” a song which still inspires a surprising amount of controversy (see the comments for full effect).
• Sex Pistols, Skynyrd finally in rock hall of fame [Reuters]

Also:

• Passing storms cause outage of lower right corner of TV picture
• Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers
• And they’ve been known to pick a song or two

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Complaint department
has heard it all before, so
keep your gripes short, sweet.

• • •

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Holy license plates!: A state representive wants to add “God Bless America” to the 100 or so license plates. Maybe the back side could have the song’s lyrics, or maybe it could just play the tune with one of those greeting card chips. We’ve submitted our design, with the Alanis God from “Dogma.” She could be one of those stars that falls on Alabama — get it? get it? And the ‘O’ in “on” is now a halo, and it could be AlaNIS instead of AlaBAMA. And I forgot the “God Bless Alabama.” Dang, so close.
• Bill would put ‘God Bless America’ on Alabama car tags [Associated Press]

Hardly working: Unemployment was up slightly in October, but ahead of October 2004. Maybe Santa’s hiring, so cross your fingers for a strong holiday shopping season.
• Alabama’s unemployment rate rises [Associated Press]

The Hills are alive with sound of munching: Looks like Vestavia Hills is trying again to rev up its retail centerpiece with more upscale restaurants in the post-Arman era. Anthony Marini took over the Calypso Joe’s location and blamed the failure of his previous restaurant, AMBA, on its location on Southside. Hmm. Marini picks bad location in a Southside shopping strip and fails to draw crowd, then picks equally bad location in poorly designed shopping center (it’s a maze of stairwells and dark hallways). Doesn’t matter how great your dishes are if no one can find you … And he’s given it the oh-so-clever name: (local) restaurant. That’s not a typo, which is probably how they’ll answer the phone (unless the number is in Sanskrit).
• New tenants usher return of fine dining [Birmingham News]

Also:

• Faith-based coaching leads Daphne to state 6A championship game
• Santa pre-approves Alabama, other red states, for guns, Bibles
• Turkey leftovers picked at by Uncle “I’m so stuffed” Bill

• • •

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Shredded pages fill the bags,
safe from prying eyes of thieves …
Unless they have tape.

• • •

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Labels come and go.
Marketing is forever.
You do buy that, right?

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Ebony and irony: Jay Reeves has an interesting story on blacks in the South, with some surprising tidbits. The South has had an influx of black residents — led by college grads — while other regions lost them during the past 10 years. Also, 78 percent of blacks claim the label of “Southerner,” more than the 75 percent of whites. But, compared to other regions, the South has higher rates of poverty among blacks (whites, too) and lower high school and college graduation rates.
• Many Blacks Proud to Be Southerners [Associated Press]

It’s all fun and games until someone suffers a coronary: Ray Melick’s front-page story is a good’un, about the doctor, an Alabama fan, who resuscitated a heart attack victim, an Auburn fan. Said Dr. Blake Thompson, “I know it must have looked funny. I was wearing my Alabama shirt, and here I am ripping off this Auburn fan’s jacket and pumping on his chest. I felt bad about having to ruin his clothes like that.” Good God, just think what would’ve happened to that Auburn guy had the team lost …
• Man says God put him at Iron Bowl to save heart attack victim’s life [Birmingham News]

Everybody logs on to Rick’s: The Mobile County sheriff shut down two Internet cafes, because he was shocked, shocked to find online gambling taking place. Fortunately, for those casino refugees, help is on the way.
• Internet cafes are shut down after raids [Mobile Register]

Also:

• Lone Friday downtown office worker checks e-mail, updates her blog
• Eastwood Mall unprepared for dozens of ruly holiday shoppers
• Traffic: one godd—ed idiot just cut me off!?!

• • •

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Gift list keeps growing.
Nothing quite matches up this year.
Sigh. Gift cards for all.

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Now that you’ve stuffed yourself silly, it’s time to move on to the next holiday sport of the long weekend: extreme shopping.

Let us first dispense with the “hot” gifts of 2005. And by hot, we mean “available everywhere.”

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Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your popcorn and toast …

Binge, gorge, stuff your face.
Tom Turkey waits for no one.
Trytophantastic!

Server checks again,
She’s in my personal space.
Get away from me!!

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Read more haiku.

Bob Riley for governor
1. Not crazy, for a change.
2. When the revolution comes, the revolutionaries will be shot.
3. It’s morning in Alabama.
4. Bow before your new Korean masters.
5. The second term’s the charm.
6. Shriner, I hardly even know her.
7. Robert Renfroe Riley. Renfroe? really??
8. Made Katrina his bitch.
9. Amendment One, Riley 0.
10. Will send O.J. to Aruba to find the real killers.
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