As year comes to end …
“Welcome to the '06, bitch.”
Then Seth makes a quip.

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“Make it idiot-proof, and they’ll just build a better idiot.”

My copy editor said that a lot around the newsroom, when we used to work together in our dingy fluorescent chilly section of the office. That seems like a world away now, but I take comfort in the constancy of idiocy.

Such was 2005, replete with dunderheadedness unmatched in this millennium.

That’s not to look down on other people — which I do with alarming frequency — because I have had my share of idiot moments this year. But I’d like to think I learn from my moments of lucridity, even if it takes multiple repetitions.

I may be slow, but at least I’m pretty.

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Kate caps awe: Hurricane Katrina is No. 1 on the Top 10 Alabama news stories of '05. Yeah, we buy it. And most of the ranking stories had to do with death, except for the Scrushy stuff. But really, Natalee as No. 2? Really?? Maybe if this version had run at some point, yeah, sure.
• Katrina overshadows events of 2005 [Associated Press]

9 and 2 and 9 and 2 make 1: The Tide and Tigers both done good, finishing the regular season at 9-2 and ending up in Jan. 2 bowl games, making it the top state sports story of the year. But after No. 3, the list is pretty weak. North Alabama? Tuskegee? Do those guys even have athletics?
• Alabama, Auburn’s surprise seasons tops sporting news for 2005 [Associated Press]

Sounding board: The good folks over at the Birmingham Weekly have combed through their CD swag one last time for their top picks for '05. The usual suspects include Kanye West, Fiona Apple and Gorillaz. Surprises include Sufjan Stevens, Sleater-Kinney and the Thelonious Monk Quartet with John Coltrane.
• The music that moved us [Birmingham Weekly]

Also:

• ‘Medicinal gambling’ gains foothold in Bible Belt
• Inverness player aims for surprise New Year’s kiss, if all goes according to plan
• Self-help title on the way for recovering evangelicals: ‘God’s Just Not That Into You’

• • •

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Katrina, Iraq,
Tomkat, Scrushy, more Iraq,
Jacko, Martha, Kong.

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Nunn’s sense: The first female Birmingham police chief isn’t flashy, or terribly outspoken. Annetta Nunn rose through the ranks to take the top spot in 2002. Since then, she and the mayor have clashed over issues, but the department has managed to stay clean. Crime is down overall, even though homicides in Birmingham have topped 100 (and counting) for the year. Does the chief deserve the credit or the blame?
• Birmingham police chief happiest in background role [Birmingham News]

Ask about our attacks from UFOs coverage: Clarke County spent $7,000 to insure public buildings against foreign terrorist attacks. (Not unlike the time Hoover formed its own Department of Homeland Security; now, ungrateful undocumented Hispanic workers are suing to stop it.) Said one commissioner, “The likelihood of that happening is the same that I’m going to be on the next moon shot. I think it’s another way for the insurance people to make money.” He then voted in favor of the allocation. We wanted to interest them in a bridge for sale, but imaginary al-Qaida operatives blew it up. Damn you, terrorists!!!
• County insures against terror [Mobile Register]

And if it’s a boy, Arkansas: If you watch the part of MTV that’s not “Laguna Beach,” you might recognize some drummer dude and some actress chick from “Meet the Barkers.” As part of their televised reality, the couple is contractually obligated to breed. Hence, their new daughter, Alabama Luella Barker. Funny thing is, neither parent is from this state. At least they didn’t name her Scout or Apple.
• Meet the Barkers’ New Daughter [People]

Also:

• Sheriff vows crackdown on anything to be “taped for tonight’s TV news”
• Red-hot trend for 2006: new calendars
• It’s always something with that Roebuck

• • •

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Bad kids run amok.
Whatever happened to shame?
It’s their parents’ fault.

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Banks – merging mayhem: Chances are in 2005 that your bank changed names, bought another bank or didn’t even exist two years ago. Can Birmingham’s banking industry remain a powerhouse, or will it be overtaken by outsiders and other emerging industries?
• Mergers reshape Birmingham banking status [Birmingham Business Journal]

Banks – boutique branches: If attracting and keeping bank customers is the problem, maybe the solution is … a coffee bar? flat-screen TV set? wireless access? Sheesh. We’d settle for shorter lines, faster tellers and ATMs that don’t flash “Out of service” every other trip.
• Banks add twist to draw clients [Birmingham News]

Banks – competing interests: Would you put your money in a startup bank? At least two new companies are betting on it: Red Mountain Bank and ServisFirst Bank. We’d switch, if only we could get our friggin’ $28.52 out of the friggin’ ATM! Arrrgh!!
• Youngsters of Birmingham banking market boast new digs [Birmingham Business Journal]

Also:

• Alabaster man claims he heard wife’s plea to take out trash “first 20 times”
• All '05 headlines now 75 percent off to make room for '06 news
• Lonely billionaire recluse fails to change after discovering true meaning of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa

• • •

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New car has its smell
even if it’s a used one.
Smells like … rush of wind.

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Page after page scanned …
This lovely pastime, reading,
fills day with meaning.

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Save our silicon: If you raked in a new Xbox 360 or Razr or Vaio, you may be planning to junk the old device. Don’t. Take it to Vulcan on Wednesday between noon and 6 p.m., and TechBirmingham will either refurbish it or take it apart. Just throwing it in a landfill means those toxic parts go straight into the soil and water. Every bit/byte counts.
• Ecycling Event @ Vulcan Park … December 28th [Ecycling Day]

Building a legacy: The late Samuel Mockbee made this state a little prettier through passion, education and generosity. He created the Rural Studio, in which Auburn architecture students worked on designing and building beautiful homes and churches and other structures for those folks often overlooked. They used simple materials, clever design and young minds.
• In Alabama, a Poor County Is Rich in Modern Architecture [New York Times]

Lead, follow, or get in the way: In this state, we like our tea achingly sweet and our governors colorful. OK, so maybe Bob Riley didn’t stand in any schoolhouse doors or embezzle or … well, go out of his way to embarrass Alabamians. But the 2006 governor’s race is going to be a nail-biter. Who will win: crazy Commandments crusader, indicted politico, the ill-fated office-holder (no incumbent has won in the past three elections), or the chick?
• Alabama race for governor shaping up as must-see political event [Associated Press]

Also:

• Warrior dad redeems gift card from Christmas to kill time at mall
• Alabama, Auburn head to bowl cities for practice, curfew violations
• Hey, tubby: Four days remaining for unfulfilled '05 resolutions

• • •

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Umoja, nia,
and kujichagulia,
imani (plus three).

• • •

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Merry Christmas! And for our Jewish friends … Merry Christmas!

(Kidding. Happy Hanukkah, too!)

Gift pile shrinks quickly
as wrappings litter the floor.
Christmas cheer has come.

• • •

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Everywhere they watch
with governmental finesse.
I spy … you and me.

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Even Santas get the bruise: Being Santa Claus year-round has its drawbacks. Ty Johns of Talladega plays the part well, even when a girl questioning his authenticity tugs on his beard and punches him in the stomach. And you thought Father Christmas was all about the milk and cookies.
• He’s Santa, all year long! [(Talladega) Daily Home]

Merry War on Christmas: The War on Christmas may seem like the hysteric evangelical flavor of the month — but in Alabama, the battle began nearly a century ago. More than a few governors sent out official cards with the diabolical sentiment, “Seasons Greetings.” One even sent one with a Confederate battle flag. War on Christmas? Try War on Carpetbaggers!
• ‘Happy Holidays’ not new to 2005 [Decatur Daily]

A very Katrina Christmas: Many hurricane refugees (remember when that was a taboo word?) aren’t looking forward to the holidays. The Dawsons fled the Mississippi coast and are still at a Birmingham campground. They’re unemployed and facing a $561 utility bill.
• Holiday Cheer in Short Supply for Refugees [Hartford (Conn.) Courant]

Lawsuit? what lawsuit?: We interrupt this holiday-themed Heads and tales for a case of media monkeyshines. Former Healthsouth guru Richard Scrushy has sued the Birmingham News and radio dork Paul Finebaum for millions, claiming defamation (cough) of character (cough cough). What’s interesting is that many media outlets are reporting this item, except the Birmingham News. Even though the newspaper has been sued many times in similar matters, it has dutifully reported each one, even if it’s buried below the fold on an inside section front. What gives?
• Scrushy sues Paul Finebaum, Birmingham newspaper [Mobile Register]

Also:

• Study: Santa trainees face 48 percent failure rate under No Kringle Left Behind
• Downtown law firm litigating at an eighth-grade level
• Touchy-feely giving way to lookie-ogly

• • •

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