Wade’s 101: TV shows that should be

By Wade Kwon

“My Super Sweet 49”
Concept: A celebration of our groovy state’s ranking in education, health, jobs, etc.
“Everybody Hates Christmas”
Concept: In a world of grinches, one little boy lives by his wit and wits. Then grows up to be the messiah.
“Southern Exposure”
Concept: Yankee doctor moves to quirky rural Alabama town, is lynched.
“My Name Is Phil”
Concept: Oprah’s shrink discovers karma, makes a list of patients to heal/medicate.
“Survivor: Gardendale”
Concept: 16 nonbelievers compete to find liquor, whores in saintly suburb.

“Two and a Half Menses”
Concept: My godd—ed wife won’t stop yelling at me!!
“Homeboys in Outer Space: The Next Generation”
Concept: No Trek? No problem! Usher and Ashanti beam up some laughs, yo.
“Grey’s Astronomy”
Concept: Sexed-up junior astronomers vie for promotions, telescope time.
“Law and Order: Jihad Justice”
Concept: The Koran rules!
“CSI: Montgomery”
Concept: Team of forensic detectives tracks down pork projects, kickbacks in state capital.
“24: Cheaper by the Dozens”
Concept: Secret agent Jack Bauer not only must save the world in 24 hours, but also make time for his adorable 24 kiddies and very fertile wife.
“The Real World: Bessemer”
Concept: Seven strangers are bored to tears enduring semi-urban life.
“Arrested Development”
Concept: Funniest sitcom ever wins dozen Emmys, finds bigger audience to sustain it past third season. Sigh.
“Prison Broke”
Concept: Cons execute ultimate get-rich-quick scheme over the course of 22 long episodes.
“Medium Rare”
Concept: Psychic soccer mom accurately predicts how everyone wants their steaks and burgers cooked.
“Commander in Cheap”
Concept: Enormous tightwad tries to run federal bureaucracy on measly $100 million a day.
“Everdeadwood”
Concept: Sensitive teen, dad start over in untamed frontier town. Romance, cussing ensue.
“Smellville”
Concept: Young Clark Kent develops sense of super odor detection, goes mad in farm town.
“This Old Cold Case”
Concept: Investigative contractors must solve long-standing riddle: Who picked this hideous wallpaper 20 years ago?!
“Family Gal”
Concept: Animated spinoff brings even more outrageous jokes, gets canceled, sells tons of DVDs, gets un-canceled.
“List”
Concept: Seemingly random assortment of humor items are stranded on a deserted blog.
“Tip/Buck”
Concept: Mealtime becomes gruesome as fabulously wealthy diners leave only a dollar gratuity.
“America’s Next Top Librarian”
Concept: Sure, they’re hot, but can they find that book on sailing?
“The (Home) Office”
Concept: Spinoff finds lone drone telecommuting from home.
“Cherokee Bend: The Real Mt. Brook”
Concept: Cameras capture the catfights and canoodling among elementary schoolers in posh Mountain Brook.
“Mildly Anxious Housewives”
Concept: The wacky adventures of suburbanites Can’t Clean House, Wants It All, PTA Mom and Works Part Time at an Accounting Firm.
“Extreme Makeover: Homie Edition”
Concept: Or “Pimp My Pimp.”
“American Midol”
Concept: Counterprogramming to No. 11.
“The Apprentice: Richard Scrushy”
Concept: Best and brightest scheme and plot and lie and backstab. Last one not convicted wins.
“The Smiley Factor”
Concept: All happy talk, zero confrontations.
“Supernocturnal”
Concept: Two brothers work the graveyard shift at the copy shop. Creepiness ensues.
“7th Day Adventist Heaven”
Concept: Adorable all-American family shuns pork for Saturday Bible study and fellowship.
“Gilmore Gorillas”
Concept: Mother-daughter primates banter over coffee, boys.
“Stargate: Atlanta”
Concept: Multi-dimensional portal leads to post-apocalyptic, traffic-choked, hip-hop metropolis.
“Aqua Teen Hunger Farce”
Concept: Exactly the same as “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” but live action.
“Without a Truce”
Concept: The Plan for Victory has disappeared. Can this special investigative unit find it in time?
“World Series of Smokers”
Concept: Bum ciggies from others while pretending to be out.
“How I Met Your Surrogate Mother”
Concept: Loser bachelor bores kids with sperm donation saga.
“Guest Whisperer”
Concept: “Go away-y-y … You’re not welcome anymor-r-re …”
“D-Ring”
Concept: Bored Pentagon drones gossip about uptight squares in E-Ring, totally hit on interns in C-Ring.
“Antiques Sideshow”
Concept: Bearded lady guesses true value of crappy paintings better left in attic.
“Superninny”
Concept: British twit invades homes and makes things worse.
“Boners”
Concept: Lusty forensic researcher spouts medical phrases as come-ons.
“Saturday Night Lives”
Concept: Actors, writers pretend to put on a really funny live sketch show, but fail miserably.
“Mastercard Theatre”
Concept: Shopping spree ain’t over until the fat lady sings.
“Newly Divorced: Nick and Jessica”
Concept: B-list celebs compete for attention at same restaurant while on swingin’ dates. Awkwardness ensues.
“Monk’d”
Concept: Obsessive-compulsive detective plays practical jokes on murder suspects.
“The Biggest Poser”
Concept: Whoever can pretend to be the best reality star … wins!
“Mime of Mencia”
Concept: Cr-r-razy Latin walks against the wind, trapped in a box, etc.
“The 700 Price Club”
Concept: Pat Robertson claims high prices at other stores caused by God smiting the wicked competitors.
“Josie and the Aristocrats”