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1. to put it in perspective
   The weighing of life’s
   petty injustices pales
   next to real trauma.
2. the busy bee
   The busy bee flew
   to her appointments, leaving
   a pollen of smiles.
3. the well in the meadow
   He would visit the
   crumbling well often, hoping
   to refresh his joy.
4. a repository in one hand
   All the world’s knowledge
   came in a small, battery-
   powered wizard’s box.
5. summer’s last gasp
   One last jump in the
   pond, one last afternoon storm,
   one last ice cream cone.
6. the path most taken
   She followed closely
   behind on the wooded trail,
   seeking only peace.
7. the way of the economic dodo
   The capitalists
   shuffled their feet, unable
   to stay with the beat.
8. the team reconfigured
   The right fielder went
   home, the shortstop dropped back, and
   the coach prayed for rain.
9. precision sifting
   A light dusting of
   flour coated the counter
   top, the baker, too.
10. bread and butter
    “What makes you tick?” she
    asked. “Cynicism,” he said.
    “My bread and butter.”
11. a dream on the couch
    Lost on an island,
    the palms sway softly above …
    till the alarm calls.
12. where once was peace
    The factions failed to
    realize their vast divides
    as they shared borders.
13. temperate insanity
    Summer felt like fall
    on a spring-like afternoon
    before winter struck.
14. pacing optional
    Eyes on you, notes a
    blur, microphone feedback and
    a feeling of doom.
15. under oath
    The promises you
    make reveal your true nature
    once you’ve broken them.
16. the birthday girl
    The birthday girl grew
    into a birthday woman
    with little girl dreams.
17. the unattended library
    The books went unread,
    the magazines piled up and
    the reading halted.
18. the test of time
    Good writing brings laughs
    for years. Bad writing brings tears
    every single day.
19. 1984, the short version
    Big Brother is so
    bossy. Let’s love in secret.
    Rats clamped to my face.
20. choose your own adventure
    The same old same old
    versus new and exciting
    shouldn’t be tricky.
21. soon it will be fall
    The brutal heat will
    lift, and a swirl of cool will
    soothe our burnt bodies.
22. whatever happened to …
    The best friends sometimes
    disappear into a haze
    of our yesteryears.
23. how can real life compete?
    Real life versus life
    online. One matters, one is
    a parade of farce.
24. all stacked up
    Opportunities
    hide within the papers stacked
    precariously.
25. tales of the future
    Dining companions
    waited eagerly for each
    fortune to be read.
26. pack up and move on
    Job to job, town to
    town, the hired gun moves with
    the whims of commerce.
27. the comedy gene
    Some people are born
    funny. Some people are born.
    Some people are. Ha!
28. wood chips and vinegar
    It’s not the rub, but
    the preparation. Not the
    sauces but the meat.
29. the fighting butterflies
    The 5-year-olds were
    most fearsome, wearing little
    helmets and jerseys.
30. beach sunset
    The pale sun oozes
    into the waters, melting
    away like sherbet.
31. not so laborious
    Working for less is
    tiring, but not as much
    as unemployment.
32. the branch that took down civilization
    The tropical storm
    swung a tree at the power
    lines, and all went dark.
33. casualties of a blackout
    Milk, frozen pizza,
    eggs, cheeses, jars of sauce and
    homemade potstickers.
34. unlearnable lessons
    Happy idiots
    skate through life without ever
    learning to play nice.
35. along the sidelines
    The marching band warms
    up, the pom-pons shake, and the
    kicker says a prayer.
36. art is all around
    The paintings are flat,
    the photos colorless, but
    the sidewalks burst forth.
37. in remembrance of 9/11, 2001
    The towers still stand
    in spirit. America
    remembers, moves on.
38. fury below the surface
    In digging up the
    poisonous vine, you find the
    root is buried deep.
39. the duckling who would not get wet
    The timid duckling
    tested the waters and found
    them splashably kind.
40. karma points
    Collect them all but
    don’t count on redeeming them
    till fate allows it.
41. caught in a flash
    The gods of rock found
    their stolen souls matted and
    framed for mere gawkers.
42. beyond the summit
    Looking out over
    the world, he found the top to
    be a lonely spot.
43. the gentlemen who were not gentlemen
    They clawed and stole to
    achieve power, finding the
    rewards less than sound.
44. the 11 true paths
    The lost shepherd walked
    the road to enlightenment
    when he found a fork …
45. cue the orchestra
    Handing out trophies
    is harder than it looks when
    actors, flaks watching.
46. haunted inc.
    The screams of budget
    bloodshed and staff slashings knife
    through hallways of ghosts.
47. gullywashers
    Tires crush puddles
    to make little tsunamis
    along flooded streets.
48. wrong turns aplenty
    We learn so much from
    crazy, stupid, immature
    choices. Hopefully.
49. a sense of not belonging
    All eyes stared at the
    two teen boys on the sidewalk,
    in fear and wonder.
50. fighting cell by cell
    The patient patient
    endured the chemicals and
    harsh radiation.
51. dented expectations
    What should have been and
    what is, an ever-changing
    series of letdowns.
52. that mother nature has a sense of humor
    Who left all these dead
    leaves in the yard, on the car
    and in the gutter?
53. rise of the pumpkins
    They lurk behind vines,
    in lowly patches, under
    piles of hay. Orange beasts.
54. the witch and the wardrobe
    The sorceress had
    nothing to wear but black, which
    screamed “I’m a downer.”
55. wisps of escaping tea
    A porcelain cup
    with a few sips of herbal
    tea cooled by degrees.
56. to harvest and harvest not
    In came veggies by
    the bushel, and sometimes, an
    unfortunate mouse.
57. kickoff in 13 minutes
    Impatient shoppers
    clutched their bags of pork rinds and
    cases of light beer.
58. the beauty of a bright blue sky
    The sun plays lightly
    on my nose, which detects hints
    of fall in the air.
59. skyscraper school
    The elevator
    stopped at each department for
    new highs in learning.
60. running on time
    The train disgorged its
    huddled cargo, closed its doors.
    No one said a word.
61. turning of phrase
    The waitress listed
    the specials in her lilt and
    we knew where we were.
62. in the next cosmo quiz
    She patiently taught
    him the basics: gaming, pets,
    coffee and doodles.
63. rumble in the hinterlands
    Mighty were the teams
    that stormed the field, called the toss
    and clashed at the line.
64. call to the antiestablishmentarians
    The youths brought their signs,
    their whistles and their voices
    to bring down the man.
65. trail of leaves
    Bike tires crunched the
    leaves in their path, as autumn
    prepared for hard times.
66. a duty to be brave
    He didn’t flinch when
    they tried to silence him with
    intimidation.
67. a heart under wraps
    She kept her love well
    hidden, but it still peeked out
    occasionally.
68. the cider cup rules
    A cup of fresh-pressed
    cider awaits the weary
    field hand at day’s end.
69. the new southern hospitality
    The strangers picked our
    fields, built our homes, staffed our plants
    till we kicked them out.
70. fall of the visionary
    No one paid heed to
    his ideas, till they leapt
    into our noggins.
71. saturday priorities
    Once the bride and groom
    left the church, the guests turned back
    to the football game.
72. a full dustpan
    The housekeeper swept
    up shards of promises that
    had broken last night.
73. somewhat occupied
    The classes warred, and
    the well-to-do had a good
    chuckle at it all.
74. no blog is an island
    Each site taps the next
    one on the shoulder to check
    if they’re connected.
75. sauna of the south
    What better way to
    cool down after muggy day
    than temperature crash?
76. remedial seasons
    A brisk fall day in
    the South comes long after fall
    began. We are slow.
77. the white box
    The lovely bread that
    scents the air and steams when cut
    came from a machine.
78. calling plays from the recliner
    Yelling loud enough
    should get that lazy defense
    on TV in gear.
79. a healer in waiting
    She would rather cut
    people open to heal them
    than cut them apart.
80. mind body one
    No disconnect, no
    one or other, just renewed
    harmony of self.
81. talking is easy
    Talking is easy.
    Listening requires you
    to hold your own tongue.
82. sketch book
    Line drawings fill the
    notebook with charcoal smudges
    and hints of insight.
83. the instant storyteller
    Her stories are three
    sentences long with all the
    drama of a book.
84. the treat is in the trick
    Hurl the eggs, and roll
    the houses. Let the urchins
    make mischief all night.
85. puppetry from the past
    The Muppets return
    to a world with Auto-Tune
    and cell phone genies.
86. the cult down the street
    Their cause is holy,
    undaunted by loud rebukes
    and simple logic.
87. waking fears
    What’s scarier, the
    fears with our eyes shut or the
    ones in front of us?
88. the patron saint of birmingham
    You can tell him by
    his robes and his soft words, his
    kindness to strangers.
89. revels amongst the dead
    Fear not the rattle
    of bones and spirits, for they
    seek solace with us.
90. envy not
    Envy not. What we
    hold are blessings not burdens,
    resilience not fear.
91. secret to a good pb&j
    Peanut butter in
    every corner, jelly thick
    and evenly spread.
92. pre-kickoff butterflies
    The teams are ready,
    but we are not. One hour
    to crown a victor.
93. the entanglement of southern roots
    So deep the roots grow
    that no room is left for change,
    progress, tolerance.
94. the roof on a brisk fall evening
    The muggers look like
    ants; the uninhibited
    gaze from their windows.
95. twilight of the empire
    The mighty nation
    slid toward oblivion when
    its people lost sight.
96. a mess is still a moment I can seize
    All will be well, e-
    ven after the promises
    broken to yourself.
97. the cost of doing shadiness
    Back room deals led to
    erosion of trust and a
    ballooning of debt.
98. bye bye billions
    Jefferson County
    had leadership bankruptcy,
    then real bankruptcy.
99. game over in happy valley
    Monsters left to roam.
    And the final score: Football
    1, children 0.
100. at the hops
     The connoisseurs with
     pretzel chokers drank fancy
     beers from wee glasses.
101. the waiting game
     Her life moves forward
     without slowing down, but I
     hope to catch up soon.

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1. the eggs-ecutioner
   One yolk screams in pain,
   while the other lies stunned in
   silence. Fried to death.
2. eyes of the storm
   Cameras caught the herds
   of twisters stampeding through
   the defenseless towns.
3. like so many matchsticks
   House after house, a
   school here, a church there, toppled,
   tossed, decimated.
4. the cruellest month
   Goodbye, April. You
   were needlessly heartless and
   ripped the earth apart.
5. the thin multihued line
   They came with shovels
   and water, prepared for the
   worst and found horror.
6. they got him
   Navy Seals take out
   Public Enemy No.
   1. Justice at last.
7. where the streets have no names
   The teen worker stoops
   to spray-paint the asphalt with
   the name of the road.
8. walk on
   Can’t say where it is,
   but I know I’m going home.
   That’s where the hurt is.
9. what lies beneath
   Among the rubble
   lies broken china, ruined
   clothes, maybe some hope.
10. on guard from the looters
    The men with guns keep
    watch from looters, yet all that’s
    left are bricks and boards.
11. setec astronomy
    The surprise became
    anticlimactic when the
    big secret wasn’t.
12. you are my sunshine
    She passes me notes
    throughout the day that light up
    my darkest hours.
13. how to bag in paper
    Heavy at bottom,
    cold with cold, squishy at top.
    Not really that hard.
14. march of the mortarboards
    Come forward and get
    your piece of paper. It’s a
    ticket to somewhere.
15. gotta get down on friday
    What happens when pop
    culture collides with online
    notoriety?
16. the shortest spring
    For a week or so,
    the outdoors were a delight …
    till summer heat hit.
17. no hazing
    The jazz club had a
    hot band, whiskey shots and no
    smoking permitted.
18. the out-of-towners
    In the car they hopped,
    carefree adventures ahead
    on the highway out.
19. a toddler’s worship
    The little boy in
    the jumpsuit ran among the
    pews in search of God.
20. to prowl the jungle
    The little creature
    dreamt of hunts in the wild and
    running free, bounding.
21. the recipe that takes the longest
    Three ounces of a
    missing ingredient means
    one more shopping trip.
22. doomsday never happens on a weekend
    God would put doomsday
    on a Monday so He could
    see who went to church.
23. written in the wind
    Lovely words have no
    place in a visual, non-
    stop society.
24. bright city
    The glare overtakes
    the view, pierced by the solar
    flashes from afar.
25. the tough road
    Easier to tear
    something down than build something
    up. Be a builder.
26. x-ray vision
    Knowing people so
    well prevents mishaps, even as
    others are lured in.
27. heat spell
    Sizzle, sizzle, burn
    and fizzle. Need a drink to
    mix with a swizzle.
28. wikileaks 2021
    Pics of everyone’s
    genitals, old cell numbers
    and who we slept with.
29. the methodology of caring
    Form a committee,
    then another, make a chart …
    Or help as needed.
30. mindset
    The body is slumped
    in the cubicle chair; the
    mind lies on the beach.
31. the lighter load
    The load in life seems
    pretty heavy, till you see
    someone being crushed.
32. spokes people
    Armies on cycles
    hug the turns and revel in
    open-air freedom.
33. words with friends
    The coven shared its
    secrets, whispers of truth that
    were concealed as dirt.
34. some sacrifice
    It’s easy to show
    support of troops who have passed.
    Support the living.
35. color me bad
    Being saintly does
    not fit; neither does being
    evil. Good and bad?
36. states of being
    Schrödinger’s cat slept
    and yet did not sleep in the
    afternoon sunbeam.
37. 3-digit days
    Hot isn’t the same
    as Alabama hot, which
    demands AC, tea.
38. trimmed to the dirt
    They hacked at the land
    till all that was left were spots
    of light green and brown.
39. love takes courage
    If hate takes fear and
    magnifies it, love takes cour-
    age and rewards it.
40. sermon on the hillside
    Father Donovan
    blessed the sacrament, and the
    choir rose to sing.
41. empty rooms
    No one has lived in
    the stately cottage for months
    as the weeds grow round.
42. the respectable
    The respectable
    never sully themselves with
    the commoners much.
43. school lunch 3.0
    No more tater tots
    or chocolate milk, just healthy
    food no child will touch.
44. a gamble with the law
    Politicians and
    gangsters huddle to try to
    beat the legal house.
45. trust issues
    Trust isn’t given,
    it’s earned. Or is it other
    way around? Faith … fate?
46. fountains of youth
    A mad dash through the
    sprinkler, and then another.
    Giggles rain like drops.
47. comfort breeds forgetfulness
    The plight of the storm-
    tossed is lost amid keeping
    track of mundane tasks.
48. games of chance
    Bingo, poker, craps,
    roulette, slot machines, blackjack
    and state politics.
49. 511 days till election day
    The debates have kicked
    off. Why should they wait till last
    minute to sling mud?
50. till you’re safe and sound
    Could you not be sad?
    Could you not break down? After
    all, I won’t let go …
51. the forecast of doom
    Snowstorms and ice, hail
    and tornadoes, three-digit
    temps. Two seasons in.
52. it’s good to be queen
    Gazing upon her
    subjects, she could not help but
    feel pity, contempt.
53. texts from last week
    “Going 2 teh store.”
    “Will U get me some cookees?”
    “I M not yr slave!”
54. spaceship mirth
    Golf ball of giants.
    Is it below par? No way.
    The club must be huge.
55. drippy days
    The ice cream started
    running through the cone’s tip way
    before the first lick.
56. all summer in a day
    Margot spends hours
    trapped in Venusian closet.
    Ultimate sunscreen.
57. dark as a rule
    Navigation would
    be impossible save for
    headlights in blackout.
58. the march of digital progress
    Ancient browser wrecks
    coded work of art. Time to
    upgrade, damn Luddite.
59. elevated tweetup
    The birds perched on the
    power line, gossiping on
    the juiciest flaps.
60. mother nature has the power
    Power blinks out once
    more. No TV, no laptop.
    And there goes the milk.
61. the unwelcome stranger
    Immigrants welcome,
    as long as they smell OK,
    work hard, have papers.
62. approach at 0 feet altitude
    Cars stuck in holding
    pattern circling for pick-ups
    of worn passengers.
63. the untended yard
    The most noxious weed
    wasn’t in the ground, but out
    spreading seed elsewhere.
64. snack attack
    The tiny candy
    bar pacified the tummy.
    Until the second.
65. halftime 2011
    Break out the bands and
    the cheerleaders. We’re down by
    a lot, but not out.
66. the watermelon patch
    It comes in red and
    green and cures the craving for
    spitting seeds around.
67. the past in pixels
    The one gallery
    brought back moments from childhood,
    both joy and sorrow.
68. a weird distance
    Seeing people you
    thought you knew well puts a weird
    distance between you.
69. the freedom to
    Speak, move, assemble,
    disagree, vote, worship, bear
    arms, have a free press.
70. summer harvest
    Into the basket
    leapt the tomatoes off the
    vines, the corn from stalks.
71. the lightweight
    It took one beer to
    do him in. One more sip and
    he would’ve passed out.
72. faux foe
    Not the virtual
    enemy that has all the
    luck, but your own fears.
73. the house of no repute
    The foreclosed abode
    waits to be adopted as
    the weeds take over.
74. cheap lunch date
    They shared a tuna
    sandwich, apple slices and
    an entire park.
75. desert without sand
    The hills shimmered in
    the blistering sun. Green turned
    to waterless brown.
76. pack of pugs
    They patrol the rooms
    together, snorting, sniffing,
    waiting for scratches.
77. trees skinned alive
    Above the blue tarps
    are the missing treetops, shorn
    clean by tornadoes.
78. barstool brigade
    The old timers sat
    and drank their cheap beer, whiling
    away their problems.
79. the twist
    The twist turned out to
    be that everyone lived quite
    normally henceforth.
80. trappings and such
    Mere trappings do not
    make the man, but only serve
    to ensnarl his soul.
81. coming attractions
    The lights went down, the
    previews began, the viewers
    hushed, the magic flowed.
82. over the hills and through the woods
    We wandered through the
    forest like lost children who
    never want to leave.
83. doorstep to doorstep
    The tiny package
    moved through the pipes on its way
    to obsolescence.
84. her name is mud
    The babbling brook calls
    to her as it digs into
    the dirt and the dust.
85. only so much hustle
    Go! go! go! until
    the couch beckons, lulling you
    into deep slumber.
86. listmania!
    Too many to-dos
    pull brain like taffy, stretched thin
    and icky sticky.
87. a new horizon
    The ship sailed on, blind
    to the typhoons and monsters
    that lie in her path.
88. sunflower sunrise
    Flowers brightened the
    morning at the market like
    a bouquet of rays.
89. hearth strings
    The melodies of
    a violin filled the house
    and it felt like home.
90. subtext is everything
    Gentle questions hide
    another agenda from
    those innocent ears.
91. a distant boom
    Summer thunderstorm
    rolls by with great acclaim, leaves
    trail of low echoes.
92. the soul of a soul singer
    She couldn’t escape
    the pain of living, yet her
    smoky voice lives on.
93. the dare
    When a coward asks
    you to call him a coward
    to his face, do it.
94. box lunch, lunch box
    The bento had not
    been to Japan, but carried
    a taste from far off.
95. and they still bring the mail to you
    Bills and flyers, cards
    and offers and misaddressed
    junk cram the box full.
96. almost all natural
    Her diet involved
    fruit, vegetables and water,
    with a few milkshakes.
97. subtle interrogation
    The unwitting soul
    knew nothing of subtext while
    answering the text.
98. the years, they go by so quickly
    The candles pile up
    atop the cake, the regrets
    flow like unchecked tears.
99. factions
    The gangs eyed each group,
    wary of agendas and
    motives not their own.
100. cozy sheets
     Bed calls out, don’t leave,
     in a sultry soothing tone,
     but work screams louder.
101. withered fortunes
     Myrna watched her life
     savings evaporate in
     the wink of a lie.

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1. brotherhood of bread
   They split the loaf as
   they had many times before,
   bonding with baguette.
2. all run by elves
   The magic happens
   thanks to tireless elves who
   cook, clean, write, fold clothes …
3. art on demand
   “We want more art now!”
   the audience bellowed. But
   the artist demurred.
4. the day the blackberry died
   No beeps, no flashing
   light, no interruptions, no
   crises, no love lost.
5. the routine
   The monotony
   continues unhindered while
   others break patterns.
6. 40
   The ship left port some
   40 years ago, steering
   by the stars above.
7. hooked on a feeding
   Some eat for pleasure.
   Some take pleasure in cooking.
   At the center, food.
8. the new new new normal
   Panic, snark, outrage
   are all outmoded. Time for
   full-on terpitude.
9. the lovebug nest
   They sit alone, an
   unnatural state for them,
   these social insects.
10. a tin of salt
    No tiny gift goes
    unnoticed, even a tin
    of coarse gourmet salt.
11. the rattling
    The rattling was
    eventually traced back
    to a soul dislodged.
12. through the earth
    A seedling poked his
    head through hard dirt to see if
    winter had left town.
13. perspectives from devils and angels
    Is the world good or
    bad? Or does that depend on
    if you’re good or bad?
14. he fought the so-so fight
    Misunderstood by
    his contemporaries, he
    tilted at straw men.
15. seasonal schizophrenia
    Cycle of winter
    in Alabama: colder,
    snow, ice, then heat spell.
16. i’ll get right on that
    “I need you to do
    me a favor.” The eight most
    dreaded words ever.
17. put a lid on it
    Wherever the head
    went, the hat stayed on top of
    it, perched and ready.
18. flight of the go-getters
    They wouldn’t, couldn’t
    stick around any longer.
    New horizons called.
19. on the banks in the freezing cold
    The creek runs low this
    time of year. The critters are
    in hiding somewhere.
20. be still
    Be still. Contemplate
    existence. Breathe in, breathe out.
    Wait, then wait some more.
21. the cool kids club
    Their lunch table is
    exactly the same as all
    lunch tables, but not.
22. the snow, man
    Old Man Winter popped
    in for a visit, only
    to startle the town.
23. made in the world
    It may be one world,
    but China still makes our stuff
    at low, low prices.
24. sweets surrender
    Each bite of pie brings
    a taste of regret, as though
    the fatness cometh.
25. i never
    Bad decisions make
    for the best stories, even
    if they’re your choices.
26. flower forecast
    Everything’s coming
    up expensive. But skipping
    bouquet can cost more.
27. citified drawl
    Birmingham’s accent
    is soft, a gentle porch breeze
    without many airs.
28. cupid 2.0
    His quiver carries
    both arrows and pre-nups, on
    his lawyer’s counsel.
29. lack history month
    Not so much the shade
    of history but the real
    lessons need teaching.
30. star-crossed haters
    The pair’s mutual
    dislike of everything made
    them compatible.
31. away with coffee
    The affair ended
    with her tossing her dark roast
    to the compost heap.
32. screens
    Laptop calculates,
    BlackBerry buzzes, plasma
    pulses, iPad sleeps.
33. before the rush
    Chairs suspend themselves
    on tables as a wayward
    mop glides lazily.
34. positive energy
    The reservoir of
    positive energy is
    replenished with hope.
35. these walls do talk
    “You are beautiful.”
    The message spread through the town.
    “You are beautiful.”
36. creatures stirring
    A solitary
    torch keeps me company as
    I hunt fireflies.
37. volunteer fireman
    Putting out fires
    in the office has become
    burning sensation.
38. awards season
    They hand out trophies
    under the Hollywood sign
    with proof of purchase.
39. roses, stage 1
    The dormant bush kept
    very still, impatient to
    burst forth with good news.
40. her left arm
    She would give her left
    arm for sleep, coffee, nice shoes,
    good hair and a kiss.
41. the well runs dry
    The hole in the earth
    belched a cloud of dust, spent from
    giving up water.
42. you can just sense it
    An arched brow gave way
    to a wrinkled frown. The cards
    could not bail him out.
43. a serpent made of limos
    The glamorous were
    eased down the digestive tract
    of the beast of fame.
44. first date
    The trouble with first
    dates is the magic will be
    mostly alcohol.
45. in like a lion
    Spring waits in the wings,
    eager to spread sunshine’s roar
    to a sleeping world.
46. sweet victory
    Winning isn’t the
    goal always, but it sure beats
    losing or tying.
47. the process of wooing
    Dance starts with a long
    glance. Then gestures and drinks. And
    ends with date or slap.
48. park respite
    Lunchtime crowd lingers
    longer to soak up the warmth
    in the oasis.
49. love won’t leave
    Love is the secret
    hope, the persistent bug, the
    vise on a lone heart.
50. a sunday of nothing
    Hot coffee, good book,
    jazz tunes, fresh croissants, light rain,
    fresh flowers, soft smile.
51. the standard of mediocrity
    Settling is how this
    country was founded, and the
    way it stays the same.
52. dancing in the lobby
    They couldn’t find the
    reception, so they ended
    up waltzing in place.
53. net gain or loss
    The hardwood vibrates
    from fan intensity as
    the players warm up.
54. flight to the heavens
    The rocket plume did
    not arc across the sky but
    pointed to beyond.
55. conversation ticker
    Buy! The talk turns to
    culture. Sell! Back to cooking.
    Hold! Current events.
56. the passion of the berries
    Blueberry baskets
    tumble into pie tins and
    hand-cranked ice cream churns.
57. up the interstate
    Truck stop offers hot
    showers, ample parking. Turn
    off at next exit.
58. bun extraction
    The newborn isn’t
    yet born, still baking before
    entering the world.
59. pie focals
    Every pie on Earth
    filled the banquet table with
    every eye on Earth.
60. st. patrick’s eve
    Kegs fall in line for
    duty to brave women and
    men who fight for drafts.
61. fields of green
    Rolling hills calm the
    soul, gliding along on a
    bicycle for one.
62. plus one
    Her words came screaming
    out. Beneath the tears and fears,
    she announced her burst.
63. sprung forward
    The clocks have jumped the
    gun, waiting for Ms. Mother
    Nature to catch up.
64. the clone wars
    Cover bands toil
    for reflected glory from
    authentic knock-offs.
65. green power
    The aching dust coats
    the metallic skin, leaving
    misery around.
66. facts is facts
    Truth isn’t all it’s
    supposed to be. But neither
    is soothing fiction.
67. join the parade
    The clatter of feet
    and cars and bands and Shriners
    and floats approaches.
68. the countdown
    Invites sent, menu
    set, decorations in place,
    band tuned, almost there.
69. renewal phase
    The promise of a
    new season inspires us
    to grow, to become.
70. a call for poets
    The call for poets
    did not roil the land but
    shook hearts from within.
71. sunday brunch 2011
    The warm mimosas
    remained unsipped while the group
    stared at their smartphones.
72. march maelstroms
    Storms roll through leaving
    hail and branches strewn about.
    The air calms, clears up.
73. ode to a cupcake
    When eating a whole
    cake by yourself is frowned on
    by society.
74. _the corridors of power
    Up and down the long
    hallways hung crudely drawn hopes
    from the city’s youth.
75. time flies when you’re having fondue
    Spear the fruit, dip the
    chunk, coat the sides, slow the drips,
    chew the piece. Repeat.
76. campus springtime
    The snap of cold threw
    off the students looking for
    sun while crossing quads.
77. bunny test run
    Stuntrabbits hide their
    simulated eggs throughout
    an obstacle course.
78. a mild coma
    The wear and tear of
    everyday life compounds with
    a lack of leisure.
79. blooming of festivals
    Tent poles poke up from
    the earth. Tents blossom, buzzed by
    tall bees on two legs.
80. not my crowd
    They goose each other
    with familiarity
    while I stand aside.
81. rutted
    Those who are bored can
    be inspired, but most of
    the time, they’re boring.
82. part-time architect
    In the mornings, she
    constructs a blanket fort for
    the scampering ones.
83. the perfect macaroon
    A macaroon would
    be much improved without that
    yucky coconut.
84. poultry quandary
    Guess what. Chicken butt.
    Guess why. Chicken thigh. Guess where.
    Chicken unaware.
85. green dust
    Pollen amassed on
    Chevy hoods and porch swings brings
    new flowers to bloom.
86. the butterfly defect
    The butterfly knows
    not of civil turmoil
    while floating on air.
87. the secret girl
    Cheers to the secret
    girl, placed on a pedestal
    high above the fray.
88. buffoons of the postmodern era
    They wear their blatant
    idiocy proudly, to
    profit from hecklers.
89. sea of flesh
    The park’s sea of green
    becomes a sea of flesh as
    the sun laps the shores.
90. internal ice age
    Wear your sweaters at
    the office. Hot temps outside
    mean arctic inside.
91. seasons of the grill
    Late winter grilling
    has turned to early springtime
    grilling. Charcoal, please.
92. test pilots in training
    A tail swings to and
    fro as its kite ascends to
    become a mere speck.
93. 1040 or fight
    An accountant keeps
    the numbers in line, making
    them letter perfect.
94. find the symbolism
    The bald goat ate the
    last blade of grass on Earth while
    bleeding crude oil.
95. off the trail
    The markers did not
    help the colorblind hiker,
    lost in nature’s awe.
96. tantrums in the sky
    The unseen toddler
    rattles the globe, shaking loose
    the raindrops and gusts.
97. mixer
    One part schmoozing, two
    parts drinking, three parts waiting,
    mix well, serve smoothly.
98. the laying of eggs
    Someone left behind
    these painted eggs where any
    toddler could find them!
99. to live again
    Birth, death and rebirth
    are all the same, as we skim
    across life to life.
100. the rose garden
     She skipped through the rose
     garden, where all the blooms smiled
     back in jealousy.
101. in place of crickets
     The clickety-clack
     of a keypad, the dull hum
     of a laptop fan.

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1. the great pumpkin claus
   Time for tricks and treats,
   so let’s put up the Christmas
   decorations now.
2. the unbathed
   Boy, dog conspire
   to stay in the yard and far
   away from the tub.
3. middling life crisis
   It’s not so much the
   timing as it is the waste
   of years and minutes.
4. the fastidious and the fury
   The napkin rings must
   be just so, the dining room
   dust free. Perfect clench.
5. graveyard of broken gadgets
   Old cell phones, iPods
   don’t head to the farm, but to
   a wiry grave.
6. five by five
   High five. Nine to five.
   Take five. Five-finger discount.
   Five years and counting.
7. when i’m not creating
   A faint snore marks the
   onset of slumber, dreaming
   up new ideas.
8. the mountain
   The mountain to climb
   is not made of piled earth but of
   paperwork and debts.
9. paroled
   Sometimes employees
   don’t recognize freedom till
   they’re sprung from their jobs.
10. the cracks are showing
    Battered spirits seek
    shelter against the bumps and
    bruises of living.
11. the right candy
    The right candy is
    whatever lands in your bag
    from trick or treating.
12. ghost hunters
    Some people see ghosts
    not on Halloween but in
    the car, the closet.
13. being scared
    Can’t get the scream out
    with all the blood and noise and
    fleeing for your life.
14. hell house 2010
    Bingo addicts, file
    sharers, sexting pervs, oil
    spillers and furries.
15. an excuse to be trampy
    Demure? Bah, humbug.
    Ladies, make this Halloween
    one we won’t forget.
16. trick rolled
    Step 1: Ring doorbell.
    Step 2: Ignite bag of poo.
    Step 3: Run for it!
17. costumes for 2010
    Like Button, Old Spice
    guy, Baby Lady Gaga,
    “Inception” … somehow.
18. pig in a garden
    Snout sniffs for morsels
    hiding in the soil, curled
    pink tail wiggles round.
19. cooling trend
    The shorter days, the
    longer nights, darkness roams with
    frosty companions.
20. a house cleaning, of sorts
    The G-men pulled some
    bad apples in a barrel
    full of rotten ones.
21. bundled up
    Inner warmth powers
    non-electric blanket while
    curled up on the couch.
22. talk therapy
    The voices within
    have come to a decision:
    sausage, extra cheese.
23. the next destination
    Riding on the bus
    listening to the motor
    strain for one more mile.
24. rivalries
    Friends come and go, but
    bitter rivalries endure
    for generations.
25. the ancient book of numbers
    Yellow pages filled
    with obscure methods to reach
    people on the stay.
26. smf
    In times of madness,
    shake your tiny fists of rage
    at an uncouth world.
27. the 33
    Even in the dark
    bowels of the earth, hope lives
    for the survivors.
28. to kill a mockingbird 2010
    Boo Radley scurries
    between McMansions scouting
    for diversity.
29. chat affair
    Hi. What’s up? Nothing,
    u? Same. K. Dinner? Maybe.
    Lemme know. Later.
30. devils in disguise
    These days, evil ones
    parade naked in the streets
    to blind, cheering crowds.
31. to be someone else
    Slip on the guise of
    a better persona to
    explore your psyche.
32. holiday sprint
    Dash to the malls, dress
    up for parties, cook tons of
    food, play overtime.
33. ballad of the ballot
    Sometimes, they voted
    for. Sometimes, against. But they
    made the time to choose.
34. firehouse of democracy
    The electorate
    stood their ground, scribbling in dots
    amid fire trucks.
35. the birthday boy
    The birthday boy gets
    cake, presents, a pony ride
    and lots of warm hugs.
36. the coalition of the unwilling
    They will not change their
    ways, their hearts, their minds, not for
    all the sense around.
37. even cold november rain
    Never mind darkness,
    we can find a way. ‘Cause noth-
    in’ lasts forever.
38. a faint gobble
    Somewhere at a plant,
    your Thanksgiving turkey rides
    a death conveyor.
39. for the pregnant tweeter
    When will the fetus
    come and meet us? Will he greet
    us or just tweet us?
40. one-hour computation
    Daylight Savings has
    little interest but compounds
    bad sleeping habits.
41. for kathy
    Deadlines pass, but great
    words filled with vitality
    endure forever.
42. belief system
    Even the thinnest
    of beliefs can withstand the
    mightiest of blows.
43. if everyone else is insane
    The boundaries of
    sanity are far more per-
    meable than hoped.
44. dust to dust
    Will any of the
    pettiness matter when we
    reach the end of days?
45. the do nothings
    The do nothings gab
    and commend themselves on a
    job not done at all.
46. the guest who wouldn’t leave
    He won’t take the hint,
    leaving germs and sickness strewn
    about the household.
47. intersection crash
    Limited time and
    many opportunities
    collide at junction.
48. subtle product placement
    This haiku is brought
    to you by Halliburton
    and Diet Pepsi.
49. blogging while driving
    Mixing SEO
    and MPH seems like crash
    course in 404.
50. the countdown has begun
    Shoppers will invade
    stores at the crack of dawn, then
    rush home for football.
51. in the walmart parking lot on a freezing night
    Two girls wander with
    empty pitchers begging for
    change, not dirty looks.
52. put a ring on it
    Engagement season
    ends with tears, starts with wallet
    turned to ice pebble.
53. invasion of the giant balloons
    The mammoth cartoon
    figures float with sharp eyes peeled
    for sharp points en route.
54. the hunt for skinny jeans
    Pair after pair trot
    into the cold fitting room,
    dismissed in a huff.
55. the tsa handshake
    Weary traveler,
    worry not for bombs in your
    genitalia.
56. all about pacing
    Small bites and lots of
    chewing can get you through the
    feasting holiday.
57. funereal advice
    The preacher told the
    staid mourners to love more, love
    now and love freely.
58. fit to be yuletide
    Christmas shopping done?
    Commendable achievement.
    And yet we hate you.
59. turkey watch, day 4
    Up to our giblets
    in leftovers, with nary
    a taste for sevenths.
60. winding down the year
    Do we look back at
    what was done, to now for what’s
    left, to next year’s goals?
61. bumper people
    The rain is just an
    excuse for lousy drivers
    to come out and slay.
62. winter’s bane
    The humidity
    and heat have flown south for the
    season. In comes chills.
63. the think tank
    As the tub filled with
    water, the overworked mom
    sank into her thoughts.
64. simple gift cards
    Get whatever you
    want at the earmuff outlet,
    up to 10 dollars.
65. the problems of others
    I can only guess
    at the problems of others
    while self pitying.
66. it starts in the oven
    The scent wafts from the
    cookies-to-be to noses
    innocent till now.
67. naughty nice real-time data
    Children text Santa
    with ever-changing toy lists
    while ignoring joy.
68. hot holiday items
    Jobs, health insurance,
    groceries, bills paid on time,
    working cars, quiet.
69. imaginary flurries
    The chill in the air
    would burst forth with snow, but the
    clouds will not comply.
70. last night of hanukkah
    A blessing: May you
    be sealed totally for good.
    Let’s spin the dreidel.
71. worn down
    Life has a way of
    wearing down the spunk and the
    spirit. Damn it all.
72. 40 years and 40 nights
    A few gray hairs, a
    set of wisdom wrinkles, an
    eye for horizons.
73. santa from the south pole
    Gun rack on the sleigh,
    sticker of Calvin peeing
    on Easter Bunny.
74. eyes front
    Why do I look when
    I pee? I’ve seen this show at
    least a million times.
75. when it gets this cold
    When it gets this cold,
    squirrels become popsicles
    and eyes become ice.
76. cookies for dinner
    Sweet temptations lure
    us from a balanced meal to
    a late sugar crash.
77. a colder, harder kind of snow
    The children were thrilled
    to leave school early and build
    a sleetman at home.
78. responding to a full heart
    The world always needs
    more love. Let some out so all
    can share in the warmth.
79. best journalism advice i ever received
    Be fair, be accu-
    rate. Or, if that fails, just be
    fairly accurate.
80. flip, flip, flip
    The page turns. The words
    caress the battered mind like
    a salve. The page turns.
81. the show-off
    The illusionist
    stepped before the audience
    and made them believe.
82. long live darkness
    The sun goes down and
    stays down while the moon frolics
    amidst frozen stars.
83. restless pajamas
    The hours seem like
    eternities as wee ones
    wait for reindeer thuds.
84. mall madness
    The parking lot is
    crammed. The food court is seething.
    Clerks are winging it.
85. all reindeer are go
    Comet is pumped, and
    Dasher and Donner want to
    lead. Rudolph? Aglow.
86. don’t need no presents
    Don’t need no new tie,
    or sauce pan or video
    game. Just your Yule smile.
87. as planned
    Did the year go as
    planned, or was it a jumble
    of events and lulls?
88. just like the ones i used to know
    A white Christmas came
    to Alabama, draping
    Dixie with surprise.
89. say goodbye to 2010
    Vuvuzela, top
    kill, Antoine Dodson, double
    rainbow, Inception.
90. the happy hour of a so-so day
    The jukebox cranks up
    to drown sorrows in pop hits
    as bottle caps fly.
91. the creature under the deck
    The creature under
    the deck only emerges
    for cans of cat food.
92. the odometer on the calendar
    It’s about to be
    11:11 on
    1-1-11!
93. the renewal
    Do not fear what is
    to come, what cannot be made
    to obey. Be bold.
94. the fields of winter
    Desolate the land
    stood, outstretched, barren, yet full
    of seeds for blooming.
95. stride
    Hit it and go far,
    break it and fall off the path,
    maintain it and run.
96. nothing but the hum of the lights
    Morning cubicle
    sits amongst the herd. Coffee
    steam rises in wisps.
97. the silly hour
    Late at night, we’d stop
    cramming, start roaming, looking
    for mischief and snacks.
98. the miracle worker
    The father crawled from
    bed to journey in darkness
    work and come home late.
99. milk sandwich
    Worse than snow forecast
    in the South? Pre-snow stampede
    in the bread, milk aisles.
100. the year so far, an early report
     Snow threat, possible
     national championship,
     shooting in Tucson.
101. championship rings
     The toughest team wears
     the fanciest rings, which makes
     no sense in real life.

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1. too much mercury
   Ice cream cone becomes
   a hot drink. Panting dog bursts
   into flames. Sun laughs.
2. groove thing
   If you’re in it, you
   don’t need it back. If you need
   it back, keep groovin’.
3. defeat has set in
   The light is blinding.
   Where to hide from misery
   seeping deep within?
4. common causes in the 21st century
   An injustice. A
   Facebook group. Now all they need
   is to push back hard.
5. the only tradition that counts
   Thousands of years of
   tradition, yet on the spot
   new ones come to pass.
6. four-door oven
   The dashboard display
   says 101 degrees,
   but it feels hotter.
7. marching orders
   The little army
   of ants runs on the desert
   of the windowsill.
8. in how you look at it
   Two strangers each have
   perfect vision, but see things
   very differently.
9. she ain’t nothing but a gravedigger
   The terran capsules
   carry explorers on a
   journey to space dust.
10. ice cream sunday
    Cranky cook stirs the
    pot, crystallizing the cream
    into wondrous mush.
11. the two-and-a-half-day weekend
    Beat the rush to your
    favorite vacation site:
    your cluttered bedroom.
12. the worst deal ever
    Pay extra, get less,
    no customer service, plus
    free kick to the groin.
13. the freedom to
    Talk. Get together.
    Pray. Shoot guns. Pick leaders. Roam.
    Publish. Celebrate.
14. three dusty roses
    The vase becomes an
    urn as the blooms turn to dry
    petals on the sill.
15. when life sells you lemons
    The girls hawk their brand
    of sour-sweet refreshment
    as cars rush homeward.
16. ideas like candy
    The ways are many,
    the will is weak, and the foes
    are getting warmed up.
17. 2-step program
    Step 1: Get over
    yourself. Step 2: Try not to
    screw this up, OK?
18. known unknowns
    People who “know it
    all” are dumb, but so are those
    who know their limits.
19. letting go the words
    Sage mom proffers her
    advice, all the while knowing
    stubborn son won’t heed.
20. normal earth people
    Normal Earth people
    drive to work, breed, fight a lot,
    devour at will.
21. summer souvenirs
    Each trip to the great
    outdoors pulls in a bevy
    of bug bites galore.
22. 5:35 a.m.
    Awakened by the
    thunder, I pull you closer
    to me and drift off.
23. democracy inaction
    If only we had
    more people vote, then we’d have
    more people to blame.
24. bad produce needs love, too
    Bumps and bruises mar
    their skin, but inside, they’re still
    full of nutrients.
25. sparkly vampires
    Were vampires not
    dandy enough before this
    whole glitter effect?
26. the desire of botany
    Recently deceased
    plants for love, and others for
    recently deceased.
27. the pews process
    Hands together for
    prayer. Knees down for reverence.
    All rise for singing.
28. mostly on schedule
    This is the time when
    we eat. Then we go, come back,
    eat, sleep, then repeat.
29. two moves ahead
    The queen will take the
    knight, so the rook must guard the
    king. Thus, victory!
30. a messy situation
    It’s not hatred. It’s
    drama. With a capital
    D. No one will win.
31. gag reel
    The comic paces
    2 feet left, then right. Boxing,
    but with jokes and jabs.
32. they say it’ll go to a hunnert
    They say it’ll go
    to a hunnert, if’n we
    don’t melt before then.
33. junior leaguers
    The kids on the hill
    care little for the ballgame
    as they romp freely.
34. rosemary’s rub
    She grabs a branch of
    rosemary, if only to
    keep the scent nearby.
35. creeping along
    The vines twist their way
    through the fence, heading upward
    along ensnared limbs.
36. in our nature
    We start out roughly.
    We grow more comfortable.
    We complain anew.
37. she beeped
    She beeps, and I smile,
    a surprise distraction from
    this day’s drudgery.
38. test tube trial
    Pipette at ready.
    Burners on high. Let’s make some
    pharmaceuticals!
39. be glad
    Be glad you’re not on
    fire. Or falling apart.
    Or crashing a car.
40. heat indexed
    Eggs frying on the
    sidewalk. Friends sweating gallons.
    The dog is melting.
41. last meal
    The inmate dines on
    rack of lamb, chewing his last
    bites of consciousness.
42. go mad
    The manager called
    for better work, yet left it
    all to random chance.
43. peace in
    Whatever happened
    to the quaint notion of peace
    among all people?
44. drive-through nation
    One by one, they filled
    the cars with burgers and shakes
    and dry cleaning bags.
45. fascinated eraser!
    (The best part about
    being ignored is saying
    whatever you want.)
46. concert in the sun
    The performers filed
    out onstage, already hot,
    sweaty. Time to rock.
47. the dark part of the brain
    A shadow grows in
    the cortex, banishing joy,
    hope, faith and progress.
48. lowball
    No need to under-
    value yourself, when others
    will do it for you.
49. loss of interest
    The new keeps popping
    up to replace the old, which
    used to be the new.
50. chef concern
    The dinner menu
    was littered with typos most
    unappetizing.
51. echo effect
    The lone voices can
    be heard when amplified by
    angry followers.
52. sweat storm
    Fabric clings to skin
    with perspiration as glue.
    No rain, no relief.
53. the yellow monster that devours children
    The yellow monster
    that devours children throws
    them back up at school.
54. wanted: constable
    The streets aren’t safe. The
    homes, unprotected. Would a
    lawman scare off crooks?
55. the trouble with being good
    Have folks forgotten
    how to be good? Or were they
    never so inclined?
56. crickets in heat
    The nighttime chirping
    calls not for a mate, but for
    climatic relief.
57. something to hawk
    Virtual corners
    let people pitch an endless
    loop of things to buy.
58. glimpses of the future
    Coming soon: Some team
    wins title. New fall color.
    We all get fatter.
59. a death in august
    Back to the country,
    over dusty roads they drive
    to go home and mourn.
60. the things that make us stronger
    Assurance. Giggles.
    Kindness. Holding hands. Moments
    shared. Forgiveness. Love.
61. the same
    Same shoes. Same house. Same
    coffee. Same schedule. Same route.
    Something needs to change …
62. little touches
    She reaches over
    to unlock my door each time.
    My heart says thank you.
63. cookies in the oven
    The bowls licked clean by
    an unseen sprite as the heat
    climbs in the kitchen.
64. wadeslist
    Nothing for sale, just
    a long list of nagging ads
    for things to do now.
65. perchance to ream
    The sharp tongue made a
    mockery of the once and
    prideful principal.
66. too early for the club
    The sweeper takes one
    last lap, as the pretzel bowls
    become replenished.
67. inside the furnace
    Weeks pass, and the heat
    subsides little by little
    for times autumnal.
68. void of no response
    Call. No answer. Call.
    Voicemail. E-mail. No reply.
    Avoidance as game.
69. the anonymous few
    To be unknown in
    a public age, suspect for
    remaining subtle.
70. bad romance
    Time to go after
    one last kiss. Time to find the
    last one true soulmate.
71. the world is really beautiful
    Beyond the madness,
    tears and wreckage, the world is
    really beautiful.
72. sighs of indecision
    One breath means yes, two
    breaths mean no. But ongoing
    breaths mean confusion.
73. the new anxiety
    The heart keeps racing
    long after the terror has
    subsided. Fear wins.
74. unexpect the expected
    Persistence sometimes
    pays off, when it comes to love
    and nonstop tweeting.
75. neat little piles
    Messiness can be
    overcome with scrubbing and
    stacking and fussing.
76. at first, i was afraid, i was petrified
    Maybe the key to
    survival isn’t toughness
    but some perspective.
77. it’s not a living
    The clock ticks down to
    5. Drones race to the parking
    lot. The clock ticks down.
78. state of cool
    A breeze washes out
    the fetid miserable
    smell of a heat wave.
79. rip it down
    Salvation comes from
    something untried, permission
    ignored, self-interest.
80. hard peanut butter
    The jar holds one big
    clump, cold and unyielding, not
    ready for spreading.
81. down, set, hike
    The gray stadium
    pulses with a thousand cheers
    for the boys below.
82. freedom isn’t evil
    Let us share freedom
    not just with the world but with
    our own citizens.
83. dogged
    She neither barks nor
    wags her nonexistent tail,
    just waits for some pats.
84. up from the abyss
    The ocean pushes
    down on the diver trying
    to resurface, breathe.
85. a deal with the maple tree
    Keep your leaves on, don’t
    litter them all over- rats.
    Time to get the rake.
86. everyone gets a new beginning
    The 12th chapter can
    be the first chapter in the
    books we write today.
87. fall fever
    Leaves of gold and orange
    and brown swirl madly around
    dancing happy souls.
88. scrimmage
    Not a real play, but
    a practice run to be strong
    during a real play.
89. a google of bloggers
    The most talkative
    open typists find themselves
    shy around others.
90. wide open spaces
    Bulldozer brings in
    grass and trees and swings for all
    for a downtown park.
91. from the ashes
    Spark, then flame. The old
    apathy burns away to
    leave seeds of promise.
92. ratio of niceness
    A little selfish
    balances out with lots of
    generosity.
93. company dismissed
    The call comes, and the
    voice sends everyone scrambling
    to print resumes.
94. all things being equinox
    The egg won’t stand, no
    matter how much the earth wills
    it to. No balance.
95. mischief managed
    Sneaky agents move
    to create havoc when the
    school bell signals class.
96. phantom of the alabama
    The spirit of the
    theater ascends into
    the great balcony.
97. city of tomorrow
    Moving sidewalks and
    transport tubes unneeded as
    long as we can walk.
98. avatars irl
    It’s only awkward
    for a moment meeting those
    online pals for real.
99. mixed symptoms
    It could be a cold.
    Or allergies, fatigue or
    pre-hibernation.
100. louisiana blues
     The swamp engulfs all
     secrets, hides all outlaws, keeps
     mostly to itself.
101. at a parking lot on third
     An angel strolls up
     in a familiar way in
     a strange setting.

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1. The only political or social cause you’ve ever been involved with was to legalize stronger beer. (@david_carter)
2. You can’t stop wishing corruption didn’t kill City Stages. #didanybody’schecknotbounce? (@sandybirmingham)
3. You’ve never used public transportation in Birmingham. (@bwdaly)
4. You go to a “meat n’ three” because someone said that they have “good vegetables.” (@rebecca_morrow)
5. Your panhandler rides a nicer bike than yours. (@WadeOnTweets)
6. You think Surin is a really nice restaurant. (@Iva4Gov)
7. You’re a judge with a law degree from an unaccredited law school. (@bwdaly)
8. You can do an impression of Bill Bolen saying “Momma.” (@bwdaly)
9. You are sitting around trying to think up clever sayings for #You’reSoBirminghamIf. (@filamentartists)
10. You say “Vulcan” and not “The Vulcan.” (@CreekRat)
11. You’ve never lived in a real city and don’t understand how bad things are here. (@bwdaly)
12. You used to drink beer at Norm’s. (@CreekRat)
13. You grew up 30+ miles out in the suburbs, but still claim the ‘ham as your “hometown.” (@feralparakeet)
14. You know the truth of Birmingham retail: If you can’t park and see it, the shop is unlikely to survive. (@politicalparlor)
15. You’ve ever wanted to get the clippers after James Spann’s hair to shave that little center part off. (@StaceyHood)
16. You bought your 205 jersey at a yard sale or Goodwill. (@WadeOnTweets)
17. You voted for Ruben, Bo and Taylor. (@sandybirmingham)
18. You constantly tell people how awesome Birmingham is, even though you know it’s a lie. (@david_carter)
19. You don’t know how to get over the mountain without using 65 or 31/280. (@bwdaly)
20. You can drive from downtown to the Inverness Target without getting on 280. (@piercingwit)
21. Anyone you ever elected went to jail. (@WadeOnTweets)
22. You discussed how sad you were when the Stallions and the Fire folded, but you never went to a game. (@MellowBHAM)
23. You wish the Iron Bowl was moved back to Legion Field. (@Iva4Gov)
24. You’ve always wanted copies of the Legion Field lions to guard your driveway. (@theCapNdavid)
25. You’re one of the badasses from @BAAMfest who proved you don’t need the city government to put on a successful festival. (@bwdaly)
26. You have to fly through a hub in Atlanta, Memphis, Houston, etc. to get to the West Coast. (@Iva4Gov)
27. You judge the severity of severe weather by how James Spann is dressed. (Coat off, sleeves up: Better pay attention!) (@kristenmstewart)
28. You went to an all-white or all-black school. (@bwdaly)
29. Your only political trope is race. (@bwdaly)
30. You’ve ever heard slot machines described as part of the civil rights movement. (@chris_depew)
31. You prefer faith to knowledge. (@bwdaly)
32. You’ve had a supermarket checkout person refuse to sell you beer at 11:53 a.m. on a Sunday. (@messyepicure)
33. You remember going to Century Plaza! (@briancauble)
34. Your megachurch has its own ZIP code. (@WadeOnTweets)
35. You’ve dressed up as a former Jefferson County commissioner for Halloween. (@UrbanPat)
36. You confess to friends that your parents were racists … “but I’m not!” (@collirp)
37. You pick a lunch place solely based on its dancing sign guy. (@WadeOnTweets)
38. You have a favorite Mike Royer hairpiece. (@joey__t)
39. You kill the messenger. (@bwdaly)
40. You believe “progress” requires the destruction of our history. (@tbdcreativeinc)
41. You don’t valet. (@Iva4Gov)
42. You’ve moved out of the city, but still keep whining about its leaders. (@seankelley)
43. The compass on your iPhone points toward Vulcan. (@andyspain)
44. You have hope and work for change despite the naysayers. (@bikeskirt)
45. You are so paranoid about what outsiders think you can’t laugh at your own expense. (@chris_depew)
46. You drink Grapico and Buffalo Rock. (@Iva4Gov)
47. The new Bass Pro Shops store is a destination for you. (@aathu)
48. You look forward to seeing what Mickey Ferguson is going to do on Halloween! (@Iva4Gov)
49. Your life was enhanced by Cecil Whitmire. (@bwdaly)
50. You do that ghetto “Electric Slide” to every damn song. (@yendisak)
51. You know not to read the comments on AL.com. (@Owsley9)
52. You go off-roading on unpaved city streets. (@WadeOnTweets)
53. You know Marty and Ona really well. (@aathu)
54. You whine that criticism is part of the problem. (@bwdaly)
55. You can’t find the humor in the negatives. (@filamentartists)
56. You use Dale’s Steak Seasoning. (@Iva4Gov)
57. You have no idea of the pernicious effect of college football on Alabama’s public university system. (@bwdaly)
58. You remember seeing Survivor @WrightCenterSU. (@WrightCenterSU)
59. You’ve known or met at least two people that have worked for EBSCO. (@rebecca_morrow)
60. You whine about metro traffic but would never dream of taking a bus. (@AR_Kirby)
61. Your favorite sports team is at the college level or below. (@khcreative)
62. You pop a woody every time a new chain store or chain restaurant opens. (@bwdaly)
63. You helped elect Larry Langford mayor without a runoff. (@bwdaly)
64. You grew up wanting to live in the big city and ended up in Birmingham. (@WadeOnTweets)
65. You recognize something good must be afoot, if the naysayers come out play. (@Owsley9)
66. You wish the Birmingham Barons played more games at Rickwood (and actually in Birmingham). (@politicalparlor)
67. You’d drive downtown for hockey but not to Hoover for baseball. (@WadeOnTweets)
68. You’re generous. Birmingham is ranked as the most charitable city in the United States! http://bit.ly/aEiJXW (@alabamapossible)
69. You have the front of Vulcan as your view instead of the butt. (@motionmind)
70. You confuse tourists needing directions and say, “Follow me …” (@aathu)
71. You know the steam table at Fife’s. Yum. #ILoveBirmingham (@Jerry_Griffies)
72. You remember when Dreamland only had ribs, white bread and sauce. (@StaceyHood)
73. You’ve ever spent a week’s pay on a tailgate party. (@chris_depew)
74. Your political campaign has distributed flyers calling your opponent an Uncle Tom. (@bwdaly)
75. You give and understand directions that are nothing but numbers: 31, 280, 459, 150, 119 … (@KnowTea)
76. You write a blog post for @aldotcom about this hashtag. http://ow.ly/2vmWd (@KristenHeptin)
77. You’re addicted to Milo’s sweet tea. (@aathu)
78. You are a struggling freelancer. (@filamentartists)
79. You learn that you and the person you just met have seven mutual acquaintances. (@AR_Kirby)
80. Your “minister” was part of Richard Scrushy’s Amen Mafia. (@bwdaly)
81. You miss Ollie’s barbecue. (@DrNemoJr)
82. You have no sense of irony. (@bwdaly)
83. Everybody in your circle is banging one another. (@yendisak)
84. You think Pam Huff has been on TV for too long. (@aathu)
85. Your parking meter is actually a sawed-off pole. (@WadeOnTweets)
86. You are sick and tired of hearing the word “potential.” (@filamentartists)
87. Your sewer bill could pay for clean drinking water for three African villages. (@sandybirmingham)
88. Most of your tweets are about shopping. (@bwdaly)
89. Everyone you know — grannies, hippies and pastors included — is in at least one football pool. (@chris_depew)
90. You don’t tell your customers who you pull for in the Iron Bowl because you don’t want them to hold this against you. (@APPRAISALSOURCE)
91. You have a favorite BBQ joint, sports talk show, hot dog place, high-grav brew and wing shack. (@WadeOnTweets)
92. You had a dream last night featuring Jim Skinner. (I did.) (@bwdaly)
93. Your former mayor is a shopping addict. And is now in jail. (@cmhallua)
94. You only spend money in the Lakeview District drinking. (@aathu)
95. You buy sweet tea at the grocery store. (@juliesenter)
96. You’ve ever felt sick when you heard someone say “the neighborhood changed” and realized what they meant. (@glennybrock)
97. You call Pam Huff “Ham Puff.” (@bwdaly)
98. You have more square feet of TV than linear feet of books. (@bwdaly)
99. You aspire to live in Hoover. (@aathu)
100. You jus’ got you one o’ nem “tweeter pages.” (@aathu)
101. You ignore the fact that most of the city’s population is poor and struggling, while you just care about lunch/bars/events. (@david_carter)

The full list of #YoureSoBirminghamIf tweets from Aug. 26, 2010.

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1. down the looking glass
   More movies will use
   3D as gimmick, but need
   2D beforehand.
2. rock star knitting
   Electric needles
   shred leather yarn into a
   bitchin’ Afghan shawl.
3. an hour here, an hour there
   Folks may gripe about
   springing forward, yet they fall
   back on time-wasters.
4. vast improvements
   Big changes afoot.
   Everything old must make way
   for up and coming.
5. march missteps
   The tango of spring
   and winter, as each fights to
   lead across the land.
6. beyond the edge of midnight
   Prowl the city streets
   looking for action, looking
   for some distraction.
7. ice and hardwood
   Balls and pucks, dribbles
   and dekes, madness arrives in
   many forms this month.
8. printemps, salut
   With the arrival
   of spring, the nose itches and
   aches. Damn allergies.
9. mother nature’s prerogative
   Why not sunny and
   warm, followed by snow and rain
   and chills? Seasons change.
10. one cure
    Easier to fix
    health care than the cancer of
    partisan rancor.
11. dirty dreams
    The garden will be
    lush with vegetation and
    sweat from planting hands.
12. plan for spring cleaning
    Throw away every
    thing. Done. Now the house is as
    clean as it can be.
13. internal barometer
    Spring demands penance
    through sneezes and sniffles. An
    allergy humbles.
14. strangers no more
    Banishment of the
    unfamiliarity
    begins with hello.
15. school spirits
    Each sip enhances
    and also suppresses new
    alcohol knowledge.
16. the south: a primer
    Sweet tea, hey y’all, fried
    foods, slow drawl, warm greetings, hot
    summers, bless your heart.
17. work station, early monday
    The hallway remains
    quiet, even as the drones
    file in for the week.
18. people are
    People are funny,
    warm, mean, cryptic, loving, true,
    hateful, rude, human.
19. cutting your losses
    Some would rather hold
    on to a losing hand than
    fold and shuffle up.
20. the unexpected
    The end of a long
    day brings not relaxation
    but a renewed hope.
21. the talkative introvert
    The shy will speak, the
    dead will rise, and blood will pour
    from heaven’s earhole.
22. an iPad for an iPad
    Uploaded on the
    holy e-tablet are the
    1010 commandments.
23. a rabbit’s tale
    Eggs to hide, baskets
    to deliver. A bunny’s
    work is never done.
24. egg-pocalypse
    Each still-hidden egg,
    a ticking time bomb rotting
    in its hand-dyed shell.
25. a coy season
    Spring sometimes likes to
    hide herself between winter
    and summer, too cute.
26. life is a game show
    Questions get harder.
    The prizes, bigger. No help
    from the audience.
27. that’s how rumors get ended
    People will talk, but
    then someone actually
    listens. Game over.
28. a day of tasks
    Somehow, it always
    gets done. Leftover items
    seem to disappear.
29. this modern life
    Robot slave who takes
    out the trash and feeds the dogs
    and raps: Where are you?
30. putting made easier
    Virtual greens on
    widescreens lie in wait for crowds
    of upscale gawkers.
31. on two wheels
    The land zips by, but
    with a tactile breath. Helmet
    on, feet pedaling.
32. stuffy
    Pollen-encrusted
    world keeps the nostrils clenched and
    the oxygen scarce.
33. the sweet tea brigade
    Gallons of sugar
    water soothe on hot days. And
    then, the kidney stones.
34. the ides of april
    Beware, for the day
    comes at a steep cost to tax
    cheats and laggards, too.
35. unqualified but unabated
    The advice is free,
    even if the adviser
    is making it up.
36. a night on the town
    A quick wave, a long
    conversation, a crushing
    handshake, a deep nod.
37. a slight sizzle
    The tell-tale texture
    of a perfectly prepared
    lamb chop. A cook knows.
38. circles
    Your circle and my
    circle intersect without
    subtracting ourselves.
39. craft on demand
    Fast, good or cheap, pick
    three. No, wait. Pick two. Or pick
    one, cross your fingers.
40. the puppy episode
    A floppy-eared, four-
    legged visitor heads your
    way with slobber, barks.
41. spare the earth, spoil the parasites
    Nonstop assault on
    Mother Earth: matricide or
    just plain suicide?
42. the end of days
    The time comes in a
    relationship when all that’s
    left is small goodbyes.
43. at first, i was afraid
    I was petrified.
    It took all the strength I had
    not to fall apart.
44. porch song
    Gazing upon the
    long stretch of highway, bare feet
    tickled by the breeze.
45. services out of town
    The trunk is lightly
    packed with belongings and grief.
    Time to pay respects.
46. sunset from the summit
    Never felt so close
    yet so far from God’s design
    trapped in this ballroom.
47. every place is bridgeport
    Past the strip mall lies
    the former Walmart and the
    row of used car lots.
48. parade of smarts
    The brains took turns at
    the mike to divulge what the
    world will look like soon.
49. crude retort
    The sugar white sands
    cannot escape the oily
    wrath of poisoned tides.
50. river rampage
    Music City drowns
    beneath stormy onslaught. The
    river runs through it.
51. unanswered questions
    How did I get here?
    What’s it all about? Is that
    all there is? Why me?
52. the happiest of wags
    Space dog careens through
    the den, sending poor earth cat
    into a tizzy.
53. a pint for courage
    One more tug of beer,
    a sip and a gulp. Ready
    for trouble, as such.
54. advice and insults, free today
    You should look into
    mutual funds, you slimy,
    brainless, lame asshat.
55. and then the room started spinning
    Before the lights went
    out, the faces closed in and
    the sweat came pouring.
56. the taco truck
    The oven has holes
    for the cooks to peek out from
    while frying themselves.
57. stunned but not stunned
    Even at its worst,
    there’s still room to be surprised
    at a brand new low.
58. losing the signal
    At one point, loud and
    clear. But since the storm, the line
    crackles with static.
59. sails unfurled
    The dock but a speck,
    the ocean swallows us as
    we surge through the waves.
60. if it weren’t for the last minute
    Deadline is far off,
    no need to panic. Except
    when it sneaks up fast.
61. the yardstick
    Do we measure our
    worth against the past, against
    others or don’t count?
62. tomato invitation
    The vines stretch for more
    room, expecting fruit to burst
    forth any day now.
63. insurgency
    Rules are issued. They
    rebel. Lines are drawn. They cross.
    Top down. They fight back.
64. social creatures
    Hiding in a cave
    is no match for venturing
    out into the light.
65. guessing game
    Thoughts unspoken give
    first clues to internal gaps
    in the narrative.
66. rib tickler
    Meat really shouldn’t
    fall off the bones. Otherwise,
    you’re stuck with just bones.
67. pooch parade
    Down the lane, packs of
    dogs march to the beat of a
    thousand wagging tails.
68. the joy of hex
    Place a curse upon
    the object of your disaf-
    fection. Stir, stir, stir.
69. rectangular input
    Moving from screen to
    screen, absorbing images
    and words and content.
70. sentimental, at times
    The faded dusty
    photo reveals a moment
    of pure tenderness.
71. doused in chlorine
    Bobbing along in
    the deep end, dodging divers
    in cannonball mode.
72. lessons in comic form
    Don’t try to kick the
    football. Don’t try too hard at
    work. Dennis? Menace.
73. after lost
    Castaways stuck on
    weird island. Only hope for
    rescue is dying.
74. the thin line between light and dark
    The winds blow. The rains
    fall. The line snaps. Thus ends our
    civilization.
75. mutually assured disaffection
    The trust died when she
    lost faith and he kept fighting
    their reality.
76. influence
    The office nerd has
    no say in the product launch
    but knows good pizza.
77. dark water
    Hurry, gotta beat
    the traffic to the beach, where
    the oil awaits.
78. t-shirts for me
    I’m the realest bitch
    you know. No-drama zone. Honk
    if you love silence.
79. steady on
    The compass needle
    spins with drunken lurches, but
    the course remains true.
80. posthumous honor
    For those who died in
    service, our feeble thank yous
    must suffice for now.
81. if goldfish voted
    Not sure why they try
    to sway your vote just 10 feet
    from the polling place.
82. balls and strikes
    The pitch. Foul tip. The
    pitch. Ball one. The pitch. Strike two.
    The pitch. Out at first.
83. dairy patrol
    What equinox? The
    real summer starts when the ice
    cream truck jingles forth.
84. waves of grains
    Hundreds of miles from
    the beach, still finding sand in
    shoes and cars and bags.
85. counting fireflies
    Flashing blips poke the
    darkness straining to get in
    sync with each other.
86. the flow of notes
    The saxophonist
    blares out riff after smooth riff,
    shades on the whole time.
87. there is only try
    The odd thing about
    second chances? They can help
    remove all regrets.
88. your guess is as bad as mine
    How do we handle
    conflict? Smoothly. How do we
    keep going? Blind faith.
89. polished to perception
    The best manuscripts
    artfully hide a series
    of drafts and rewrites.
90. hooky
    Run free. Escape the
    corporate dungeons for a life
    richer in mischief.
91. the modern ghost
    The modern ghost haunts
    not rundown shacks or scary
    graveyards. He brings dread.
92. a festival forgotten
    The park once teemed with
    teens and old folks in chairs till
    the money ran out.
93. about a radish
    The oddball in the
    salad bowl has something to
    say, if only asked.
94. patriotic cloth
    The fabric of a
    nation isn’t measured in
    stitches but people.
95. the longest days
    Sweat forms the moment
    grownups step out to check if
    the lawn needs water.
96. the shortest nights
    Repeat location;
    the crickets and fireflies
    transmit them in code.
97. a cloak of civility
    Must the default be
    attack and denigrate? Or
    can we listen, too?
98. house call
    The patient is in
    her pajamas, with an un-
    prescribed ice cream float.
99. american voodoo
    If it happened, we
    didn’t do it. If we did
    it, pure accident.
100. the corners in life
     The corners are cloaked,
     with a fist or a tiger
     or a dream in wait.
101. dueling virtuosos
     Violin and flute
     aren’t foes, but bad notes sound out
     a different tune.

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1. santa has severe type 2 diabetes
   Seriously, what
   did you expect from such a
   diet of cookies?
2. parade of cubicles
   The stapler does not
   suffer from boredom. It moves
   often cube to cube.
3. a gentle drift
   Eventually,
   the cold gave way to flurries
   descending darkly.
4. the tradition
   Round up the fans to
   watch the game, drink beer, yell at
   the refs, root root root.
5. a pancake kind of morning
   The house needs warmth. It’s
   a pancake kind of morning.
   Heat up the syrup.
6. you better watch out
   Santa has turned on
   spyware and night vision to
   decide naughty, nice.
7. predictions for the next decade
   Flying cars, yoga
   weddings, telepathic phones,
   wars without borders.
8. a campaign without end
   The race starts anew.
   Someone will someday lead this
   town, but not this year.
9. sent from above
   A squirrel has the
   run of the attic, keeping
   humans up at night.
10. adventures at the online mall
    Hard to flirt with the
    virtual checkout girl when
    cart’s filled with doilies.
11. no wonder
    Piling on the years
    slowly drains the wonder from
    a once bright outlook.
12. post-modern sleigh ride
    Solar-powered sleigh
    comes with DVD player,
    espresso machine.
13. crimson pride
    In tough times, a band
    of football crazies pins their
    hopes on Bama’s boys.
14. a different kind of fun
    It’s a different kind
    of fun when the light goes on
    and teaching connects.
15. fight on
    No one knows your pain
    but you. And still, you soldier
    on because you must.
16. that was the decade that was
    War on Terror, Web
    2.0, reality
    TV, red/blue states.
17. trickles and pours
    Drips and deluges,
    showers and sprinkles, water
    torture never ends.
18. shopping in the closet
    Zip disks, notebooks, pens,
    souvenir cups, CDs, a
    melted candy cane.
19. creature feature
    The day you forget
    makeup is the day you see
    friends at the movies.
20. the case for steroids
    Man was meant to hit
    lots of home runs and bench press
    700 pounds.
21. short days, long days
    Winter arrives on
    time, with the shortest days filled
    with the longest lists.
22. the airing of grievances
    Mon ami, what a
    disappointment you’ve been. And
    how dreadful your frown.
23. the good in all
    If for one day the
    world’s people can become good,
    let it never end.
24. repeat the sounding joy
    The Lord is come! Let
    Earth receive her king. And hea-
    ven and nature sing.
25. christmas was here
    Pine needles, stray bow,
    wrapping shards, gift receipts, tubs
    of leftovers, peace.
26. roar in the back yard
    Metal monster sends
    leaves flying into messy
    piles with much thunder.
27. tomorrow always dies
    The promise of a
    new 24 hours wears
    thin in just a day.
28. the busiest street in town
    The busiest street
    in town sees a car or two,
    maybe a lost dog.
29. till the very end
    The fireworks and
    black-eyed peas can’t wait for the
    calendar to change.
30. a bad breakup
    I looked upon the
    passing year and decade with
    a hint of contempt.
31. and now your moment of ’10
    Once bit10, 10der
    caress brings a sweet 10sion
    never forgot10.
32. blades of gory
    The rink seems even
    bumpier when hugged at high
    speed along the ice.
33. oh, frostbite
    Bitter cold punches
    warm-blooded Southerners right
    below Bible Belt.
34. flaky threats
    They are coming, and
    nothing you do can stop the
    cruel snowy stampede.
35. i wish it were colder
    Today, I wish it
    were colder. I can still feel
    my fourth toe and neck.
36. supermarket sweep
    Blizzard forecast sends
    shoppers on rampage for the
    essentials: bread, milk.
37. game prep
    Pace nervously, make
    comfort food, wear team colors,
    find a way to win.
38. writ her name in crimson flame
    Fight on, men! Remem-
    ber the Rose Bowl, we’ll win then.
    Dixie’s football pride.
39. the cupcake factory
    The little people
    frost their little cakes on a
    little wooden bench.
40. the case of the missing afternoon
    It is enough to
    share the couch and watch TV
    mysteries for warmth.
41. but it’s a dry cold
    Shivers and shakes, ice
    and chills. Winter has gone South
    for the, um, winter.
42. after carson, before armageddon
    The Late Night Wars of
    ’10 began with Leno bomb
    planted in prime time.
43. t-shirts unlimited
    Each event, group, run,
    slogan has been captured with
    another T-shirt.
44. promise unfulfilled
    The people will be
    burned only so many times
    until they give up hope.
45. help haiti
    Now is the time for
    the world to lend a hand to
    our Haitian neighbors.
46. return of the bug
    Even after flu
    vaccine, cootie shot, body
    succumbs to sickness.
47. habits
    Let’s do the same thing
    a thousand times because it
    takes little effort.
48. a matter of service
    Do not expect good
    service until you give good
    service unprompted.
49. rebooting birmingham again
    The reset button
    is faded and worn, having
    been used quite a bit.
50. stains of history
    Swiftly the currents
    of events rush by, little
    understood for now.
51. the 39th parallel
    Cross this border to
    see beyond the mists of youth.
    Gaze into more life.
52. a dare-to-be-great situation
    Buy, sell or process?
    As long as you get paid a
    princely, tidy sum.
53. no punching at the dinner table
    As satisfying
    as it could be, please refrain
    from feast fisticuffs.
54. a reporter’s secret
    He never goes home,
    never stops calling, writes and
    rewrites with gusto.
55. the road to success
    The road to success
    looks nothing like a highway.
    Yet the path is worn.
56. a rush ahead to the blood
    Smell that? It’s the scent
    of a good story waiting
    to be told to all.
57. oh, stop
    “Did you hear about
    Fred?” “Fred rules!” “What’s this I hear
    about Fred?” “Get him!”
58. stronger than she looks
    I can tell her just
    about anything. She won’t
    buckle or break down.
59. negotiations
    Not so much about
    the plans. Just about the way
    we woo each other.
60. anywhere there’s cake
    Spongy rich inside
    with a healthy heaping of
    frosting. Milk? Gravy.
61. the vapors
    Time to bring back the
    vapors, fainting spells and the
    phrase, “I do declare.”
62. fate accompli
    We are headed to
    the cliff, unable to veer
    away or slow down.
63. before there was cake
    Powdered sugar leaves
    a tell-tale trail along the
    kitchen countertop.
64. under the blue tarp
    The bones rot away
    with each pissy rain cloud, hurt
    by frail shingled skin.
65. keep digging that grave
    Ignorance becomes
    quicksand. Stubbornness becomes
    policy. No hope.
66. the rehearsal
    It’s somewhat like a
    real performance, minus the
    eyes and time limit.
67. made with real hummingbirds
    Every last crumb must
    be digested, lest the bak-
    er be offended.
68. who dat?
    Who dat? Who dat? Who
    dat say dey gonna write dis
    verse? Who dat? Who dat?
69. notepads and netbooks
    The students scribble
    rapidly on paper and
    pixels. Learn later.
70. infinite wandering
    Imagination
    is a wonderful thing, till
    you need to focus.
71. cookies for breakfast
    Taboo treats at the
    breakfast table not as nice
    as the company.
72. mostly covered
    Mild winter on pause
    as celestial dandruff
    smothers the Deep South.
73. the olympics of me
    Easy gold medal
    for me in spilling food on
    shirt, typos, napping.
74. no tricks
    Infant child can’t talk,
    crawl, play trumpet, make dinner,
    write essays, not drool.
75. cupid’s lament
    Even with many
    arrows on target, mortals
    desire comfort.
76. a civilization of bureaucracy
    Mayans built temples.
    Egyptians built pyramids.
    We stack paperwork.
77. the winter equation in dixie
    Mostly mild, with a
    chance of snow and ice, and some
    occasional warmth.
78. insecurity risk
    The gray light of the
    kitchen reinforces a
    sense of aloneness.
79. resolutions on, resolutions off
    The gyms, deserted.
    The credit cards, maxed way out.
    Resolved, not hardly.
80. in the planning stages
    Clean out the closet,
    plan for vacation, smoke less,
    world domination.
81. olympic dreams: brush with glory
    The disk sails down the
    rink, aimed with bristled intent
    at icy bull’s eye.
82. olympic dreams: cavalcade on ice
    Hicks, clowns and native
    characters strap on skates to
    wow judges and fans.
83. olympic dreams: ski, shoot, ski
    With rifles at the
    ready, skiers charge across
    snowy countryside.
84. olympic dreams: good and bumpy
    Mogul minefield stands
    between agile skiers and
    medals podium.
85. olympic dreams: i got my half-pipe
    Baggy gymnasts of
    the snowboards twist round and round,
    hanging in mid-air.
86. olympic dreams: blue borders
    Exposed veins pulse with
    energy from the mountain
    as ants slide between.
87. olympic dreams: down the frozen colon
    The track has a rep.
    The athletes have a mission:
    Steer straight, fast and true.
88. olympic dreams: pucks unlimited
    Faceoff. Deke, shot, block.
    Icing, pass … fight! Penalty.
    Shot, shot, score! Horn! Roar!
89. olympic dreams: vancouver mush
    A host city with
    too much warmth can’t keep much snow
    on the mighty slopes.
90. at the holi table
    To enjoy the feast,
    you must prove your faith and wear
    a colorful face.
91. a question of worth
    The lone monk used an
    abacus to calculate
    his worth before God.
92. almost a blizzard
    When it snows three times
    in a season in the South.
    invest in long johns.
93. peace be unto you
    Conflict breeds options.
    Fight back. Tuck tail. Induce guilt.
    Give in. Or just talk.
94. the sin of defiance
    Be not sorry, proud
    jester, for your eternal
    reward is coming.
95. step step glide
    They dance before a
    half-empty room, half-dressed, full
    of joie de vivre.
96. heavier than previously thought
    The gold statue, an
    indicator not of true
    merit, but good hype.
97. minimum flow
    The couch can only
    go so many ways in a
    room before it cries.
98. the run
    Dawn comes, and out the
    door. Legs begin to churn back
    and forth down the street.
99. adventure is out there
    Beyond the confines
    of daily routine is a
    world of grand mischief.
100. need-to-know basis
     Lifelong learning starts
     with observing, then thorough
     questioning. Truth comes.
101. under foot
     Culinary plans
     can falter when four-legged
     friend strolls through kitchen.

• • •

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1. notes from voltaire
   Life is a shipwreck,
   but we must not forget to
   sing in the lifeboats.
2. relative insignificance
   A man can feel small
   next to a saint, who feels small
   next to a belief.
3. pick a direction
   Turn left, then right and
   head for daylight. Soon, you will
   see an opening.
4. the liberal lion sleeps tonight
   Teddy Kennedy
   gave life to public service
   so we don’t have to.
5. smiling and wagging
   Pet me, says the hound
   on the patio. And we
   oblige the canine.
6. traffic snarl
   Clogged lanes move inch by
   inch in never-ending race
   between points A, B.
7. the days are getting shorter
   Impatient autumn,
   wait your turn. The unruly
   summer needs more time.
8. football season: can you hear the roar?
   Can you hear the roar
   coming from across the quad?
   It’s time for kickoff.
9. football season: dear coach
   Please take us to the
   national championship
   (or else, you’re fired).
10. football season: all bets are on
    What’s the line on the
    game? Not that I want to bet
    or call my bookie.
11. football season: painted chest dudes
    Noble collegians
    preen with school spirit on their
    fermented torsos.
12. football season: hey ref
    Do you know why you
    suck? I shall tell you why. You
    suck because you suck.
13. football season: sideline hazard
    When approached by the
    mascot, make no eye contact
    and don’t shake its hand.
14. football season: yell, then yell some more
    The raging crowd roars
    its lusty approval as
    the team marches in.
15. the naming of a decade
    The aughts? The naughts? The
    zeros? The oh-ohs? Decade
    ends in just four months.
16. working world
    Overproductive,
    underpaid, stressed out, under
    deadline, over it.
17. at the drive-in
    I declared my love
    over shakes and a burger,
    hold the mushiness.
18. 09-09-09
    Dogs for dogging, hands
    for clapping. Birds for birding,
    and fish for fishing.
19. hip to be unemployed
    Meet you at the bar
    for networking after some
    time at coffee shop.
20. inconsolable souls
    Did we really just
    leave 9/11 victims
    without true justice?
21. art in review
    How can so many
    artists spend so much time and
    yet produce such crap?
22. impromptu sing-along
    We don’t start and end
    each others’ sentences. We
    belt out made-up tunes.
23. the unhappiest place on earth
    What Walmart offers
    (besides low prices): show of
    human misery.
24. courtesy of the love bandit
    A mysterious
    note appears: “Meet me in the
    bedroom, without pants.”
25. kindness
    Look back, and see all
    who treated you with kindness
    when you weren’t looking.
26. fizz
    The glass bubbles in
    anticipation. Lips to
    devour the drops.
27. d-i-v-o-r-c-e
    A parting of the
    ways, man the lifeboats, let one
    man put asunder.
28. wash away your sins
    The clouds formed the new
    sky, a torrential dome of
    unending downpour.
29. the chosen ones
    Get gussied up, preen
    for the cameras, hear them pick
    other, cry inside.
30. the fog
    Where is the coffee?
    Why is the alarm blaring?
    Morning comes too soon.
31. wake up
    Wake up, world. Don’t you
    know there’s injustice and sin?
    (Like there’s always been.)
32. last edition
    The presses rolled one
    last time, and the very last
    newspaperman left.
33. poisoned from within
    The municipal
    halls were choked with false leaders
    lining their pockets.
34. saw it in a movie once
    This dude swooped in and
    knocked out the villain, then made
    out with, like, three chicks.
35. stale popcorn
    The rattling of the
    tough popped kernels goes well with
    the warm flat soda.
36. restless audience
    They waited in line,
    they waited in seats. Start the
    movie already!
37. march of the chairs
    The rolling chairs sped
    down the hallway, while folding
    chairs ambled along.
38. beyond sleepy
    Eyelids remain at
    attention, desperately
    in need of at ease.
39. weather that demands specific tops
    Air with a bite, light
    with a waxing crispness, and
    sweaters without holes.
40. this play is just for us
    If we sit very
    still, the performance will keep
    us gripped in drama.
41. things you learn
    How to tie your shoes,
    bake a pie, drive a car, kiss
    properly, feel good.
42. trapped on a shuttle bus
    The route takes us no-
    where, yet it’s where we belong,
    looking out windows.
43. yard warfare
    The yard next door has
    an abundance of leaves, which
    makes this yard pristine.
44. mask of uncertainty
    Halloween costume
    rejects: Jacko, birther, swine
    flu, Larry Langford.
45. the unblogged life
    The unblogged life is
    not worth tweeting, Socrates
    said via Facebook.
46. in the grip of fall
    Art festivals, cool
    air, an abundance of dead
    leaves and Christmas sales.
47. nature by night
    Silhouettes of trees
    form towering dancers. Dusk
    settles in for now.
48. a little bit behind
    Later turns into
    next week, which becomes sometime
    eventually.
49. the palace gourds
    A pumpkin for each
    table, a dancer for each
    stage. Cue the frolic.
50. cutting smile
    Eyes of triangles,
    crooked nose, and a toothy
    sad grin carved by hand.
51. all it takes
    All it takes is a
    look from you, a thoughtful gaze,
    a playful hug … (swoon).
52. the obvious punchline
    Where is the dislike
    button? That’s what she said. I’m-
    ma let you finish.
53. bundle of nerves
    Stomach a’quiver.
    Unable to sit or stand
    still. Peace of mind gone.
54. an empty closet
    Hangers dangle on
    the rod, in a sad closet
    without her effects.
55. the unfinished haiku
    The grand poet took
    up his quill with a flourish
    but came up short
56. that was the whole of her sermon
    Only connect the
    prose and the passion, and both
    will be exalted.
57. the bells have stopped ringing
    The standing army
    of one-armed bandits take cash
    as muted beggars.
58. introvert’s delight
    Learning to reach out,
    then finding a dark hole to
    climb in and recharge.
59. last on the tarmac
    Luggage comes spilling
    out from the steel belly, glad
    to be home at last.
60. timed travel
    Two hours forward,
    90-minute delay. Flight
    breaks late barrier.
61. fiction-finding mission
    Among the bogs and
    swamps, intrepid children looked
    for minotaur eggs.
62. feats of moderate human strength
    When it comes to doors —
    elevator, revolving —
    he has leverage.
63. fortunes on the field
    All eyes from the stands
    and from living rooms were glued
    to the final play.
64. pick up the pieces
    Love endures, despite
    aches and despair and baggage
    and fear and hardship.
65. city in two
    City of progress
    or site of urban decay.
    A mayor on trial.
66. deck the haunted halls
    Any decor plans
    beyond orange/black scheme, fake webs
    and witches and ghosts?
67. political thievery
    A crook stole more than
    just the county’s wealth. He stole
    our trust and goodwill.
68. the horizon within reach
    A new day, a new
    chance to clear out old tactics
    and lift Birmingham.
69. birmingham renewed: baby steps
    Who we are as a
    city comes not from who leads
    but who does the work.
70. birmingham renewed: exorcising ghosts
    Are we haunted? Must
    we fear those who would corrupt
    this town for their gain?
71. country song 2009
    She done defriended
    me on Facebook and tweeted
    me for the last time.
72. all souls’ day
    They came for a stay,
    to check on those not ready
    yet for their last trip.
73. daylight savings redux
    Would it be OK
    to get an extra hour
    of sleep, clock keepers?
74. what do you want to hear?
    I’ll tell you what you
    want to hear. But only if
    you listen closely.
75. birmingham renewed: the reins
    The reins are tattered,
    yet still tethered to horses,
    strong but unguided.
76. birmingham renewed: let’s undo something
    The mistrust, the lies,
    the hopelessness, the rancor,
    the path to nowhere.
77. birmingham renewed: smash cynicism
    Begone, cynics and
    sycophants. Let us begin
    with true dialogue.
78. birmingham renewed: vulcan says
    The god of the forge
    leapt from the mountaintop to
    keep watch from up close.
79. birmingham renewed: what we have
    Good people, good food,
    stubbornness, sense of humor
    and stories galore.
80. gobbler holocaust
    Somewhere, in the pens,
    struts a turkey who’ll be my
    Thanksgiving repast.
81. forgotten wars
    We sometimes forget
    those conflicts that kept us free,
    and those who fought them.
82. the old-timers
    The old-timers sit
    and chuckle in their booths each
    and every morning.
83. think bigger
    Do not dwell on what
    has been done, what has “worked,” but
    go forth with gumption.
84. the saddest pup in the world
    Don’t think you can con
    me out of dinner bites. I
    see your tail wagging.
85. among the ruins
    Among the ruins
    of the decaying forest
    lurked the rogue possum.
86. fulfillment
    Fulfillment is warm,
    clean laundry, walking along
    with the one, deep breaths.
87. brisk
    The wind whips up, as
    if to show who’s in charge while
    autumn takes its hold.
88. let out a woo hoo
    Let out a “Woo hoo!”
    when something goes right, when you
    feel like making noise.
89. vampire weekend
    They live off blood and
    apparently fervored teen
    girl adulation.
90. wish list for mayor
    Good ideas, some
    common sense, vision, fiscal
    stewardship and charm.
91. home stretched
    Moments of silence
    deafen the fields of high school
    teams out of playoffs.
92. slowly the leaves turn
    Too much water, not
    enough water, and the leaves
    go pale without fail.
93. visions of cranberries
    The table is set.
    Soon, Tom Turkey will bring feasts
    to all good children.
94. you may say
    I’m a dreamer. I’m
    not the only one. I hope
    someday you’ll join us.
95. the view from the shore
    From rude beginnings,
    a prosperous, kind, violent
    nation came to be.
96. the iron bowl in 17 syllables
    Tradition, empty
    malls, rivalry, crimson white,
    orange blue, braggin’ rights.
97. just a little more effort
    Some more writing here,
    some more cleaning all around.
    Who needs any sleep?
98. unable to escape its melody
    Over and over
    the piano sounds out the
    notes heard just by me.
99. chat away
    Type your sentiments
    on a tiny window in
    a phosphorous screen.
100. so much good stuff
     Don’t be surprised by
     so much good stuff. Be alert:
     Catch it in advance.
101. make the season bright
     Head down the street to
     reward neighbors with an off-
     key Christmas carol.

• • •

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1. welcome to the neighborhood
   It is the hour
   when children devour, lawns
   are cut, and we walk.
2. motivated to stall
   The deadline looms, yet
   the work pile remains. Maybe
   motivation soon.
3. anywhere a classroom
   Wherever a thirst
   for knowledge, a font appears
   to quench with wisdom.

(more…)

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1. a flaw in weather technology
   Who ever heard of
   meteorological
   seasonal rodent?
2. 140 characters at a time
   I joined Twitter at
   long last, but now I won’t have
   time to surf Friendster.
3. a little too frosty
   When you can see your
   breath with your eyes closed, it’s way
   too cold to exhale.

(more…)

1. the eerie quiet
   After the crater,
   an unspoken wake begins,
   to pay our respects.
2. uncool beans
   Sitting in Starbucks
   makes me smell like burnt coffee
   long after I leave.
3. ponderings on mid-life
   It was then his life
   had spun out of control, a
   hopeless wreck of dreams.

(more…)

1. yin and yang
   Much is given, much
   is asked. Somewhere, the harvest
   matches the hungry.
2. pastoral inhabitants
   Farm roll call: goats, cats,
   peacock, chickens, puppies, cows,
   llamas, pigs and worms.
3. composed at a keyboard
   Can we break grip of
   technology’s distractions?
   Are we not machines?

(more…)

Torch Relay
1. Stops to light a lot of smokes along U.S. 31.
2. And to roast a pig.
3. Chased by dogs, nearly extinguished by fire hoses.
4. Flame changes to green if no traffic fatalities occur.
5. Due to severe drought conditions, torch transported by hearse surrounded by trooper cars most of the time.
6. As per contract, torchbearers must smile while using sponsor’s product, Cialis With Lime.
7. Fire bad. But free publicity good.
8. Charles Barkley runs it into Legion Field, tripping over his mouth a couple of times.
9. And lighting the cauldron, it’s the 1980 Birmingham Bulls squad!
10. And parking the cars, it’s the 1980 Birmingham Bulls squad.
(more…)

1. litter rally
   Rubbish! Unkempt room
   surrenders to posse of
   garbage bags. Rubbish!
2. firefly serenity
   They blink across the
   deep blue darkness, heralding
   winter’s departure.
3. pollen on hard times
   The yellow coats are
   coming. The yellow coats are
   coming. No escape.

(more…)