Touched by a devil: Birmingham-based Eternal Word Television Network knowingly employed a priest and self-admitted pedophile for seven years. The Rev. Real Bourque, who started at the religious cable network in 1991, remained employed until 2002, even after receiving treatment at a program for abusive priests in the mid-’90s. Borque has never been charged with any crimes. As pointed out in the article, the EWTN Web site advocates “severe punishment” for such a transgression.

The 78-year-old retiree could still face prosecution if a witness comes forward. Bourque, seen here as a speaker at a religious youth retreat in June 2002, resides in Illinois but has worked or lived in Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Washington, DC. Holy moly.
• Alabama-based Catholic network kept abusive priest on staff [Associated Press]

Shell game: Think your ballot counts? Maybe, but not as much as your big buckin’ checkbook. Political action committees not only grease the wheels of Alabama campaigns, but also hide who their true donors are. PAC money makes up 44 percent of campaign funds in major state races, nearly $4 million. One Tuscaloosa accountant has raised a quarter of that through six PACs, with big chunks coming from lawyers and teachers. All thanks to a loophole in state law — and a ruling from then Attorney Gen. Don Siegelman. Anyone wanna form a PAC with us?
• PACs often mask who’s behind gift [Birmingham News]

Thank you for smirking: Birmingham’s crackdown on smoking in restaurants is a year old — and results are mixed. Some owners are reporting no effect, while others have seen a drop in business to towns without the ban. The Birmingham law prohibits smoking in public places, except bars and lounges. Meanwhile, small towns such as Luverne, Cottonwood and Headland have passed their own smoking bans.
• Smoking bans catch fire – and some heat [Birmingham News]

Also:

• Young professionals fight to be heard, then say nothing
• Teachers’ dirty looks running in short supply near end of school year
• Next week: Iced Tea Turnoff Week

• • •

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Red wire, then white,
blue, green, then yellow wire.
Flip switch, and … nothing.

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Festival season:
parking crunches, decent temps,
fun all around you.

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Birmingham native and super-Friend TV multimillionaire Courteney Cox has popped up in town again, this time on a billboard campaign for the Ronald McDonald House. No, that’s not where the fast-food clown prince goes to recover after a special sauce bender — it’s a great charity that provides housing to families in town with children undergoing medical treatments.

But because we’re incredibly shallow people, all we care about is our CeCe.

Love that arty shot. Black-and-white photo = classy. But clown nose = lame. And the “nose” pun, ugh. We’d like to think nostril humor has still has flare, but maybe it’s mucus to your ears. Those corny billboards … looks like we’ll just have to septum for what they are.

(Get it???)

Join us as we look at Courteney’s past campaigns in the world of advertising …

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Rain, rain go away
until you’re needed again
to clean up pollen.

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Update: Chris McNair, along with others, was found guilty this afternoon of bribery and conspiracy. The trial has attracted attention, not only for the $1 billion sewer debacle which McNair supervised as a Jefferson County commissioner, but also because he’s known to the world as father of Denise McNair, one of the four girls killed in the 1963 KKK bombing of the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church. Possible sentences range from probation to prison time.

A dome deal?: The Birmingham City Council is committing $264 million over the next 30 years to expansion of the Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex — including plans for a domed stadium. The city was spending $5 million annually on the BJCC, but that will jump 76 percent to $8.8 million annually. The $264 million — more than $1 million for every resident — is just the first step: County and state commitments are still needed for the $624 million project to survive. Couldn’t we just dump truckloads of money down the sewer, instead?
• Vote sets 30-year pay plan for BJCC
[Birmingham News]

In odd we trust: God, supreme ruler of the universe, has disassociated himself from fired CEO and Healthsouth founder Richard Scrushy. In a statement issued Thursday, God commended Scrushy for his “renewed dedication to Christian teachings” and his plans to feed African children, but stated that “I have nothing to do with Scrushy’s missionary work or ongoing legal battles. And his invocation of my name borders on copyright infringement.”
• Scrushy: Ministry to feed African children, offer mortgages [Associated Press]

Earth weekend: As you’re cleaning out your trash, a friendly reminder that many Earth Day events take place this weekend.

• A roundup of events, including Saturday tree plantings at Shades Creek.
• TechBirmingham will take your gadgets for reuse or proper disposal Saturday at 12 locations.
• You can’t spell Earth Day without “e-a-t” (well, we can’t spell anyway …), so be sure to stop by the Eighth Annual Lebanese Food & Cultural Festival at St. Elias Maronite Catholic Church on Southside today and Saturday. (warning: audio plays automatically)

Also:

• Bird flu expected to take years to catch on in local market
• Easter “sugar high” finally wearing off
• Have we mentioned our giant new speedboat lately?

• • •

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Bad song becomes stuck
in brain like aural taffy.
Ears bleed on inside.

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Scientific Americans: President Bush dropped by Tuskegee University Wednesday to announce a new push to fund scientific research to remain globally competitive. The plan calls for $136 billion over 10 years to train teachers and provide Pell Grants for students planning to major in math or science. It’s called the American Competitiveness Initiative, but we prefer “No Nerd Left Behind.”

• Handpicked student audience didn’t vote for Bush, “indifferent,” “excited”
• The speech video (Windows Media) | transcript
• Photo essay
• Moore: Bush visit part of vast right-wing conspiracy to undermine gubernatorial bid

• Bush pushes research in Tuskegee [Montgomery Advertiser]

L.A. laws: Gov. Riley is counting up his legislative wins as he rolls toward the June primaries. Among the achievements: tax breaks for the poor, expanded use of children’s car seats, a February presidential primary and criminalizing the injury or murder of a fetus (not counting abortion). April 28 is the signing deadline on the bills.
• Riley says he ‘couldn’t be happier’ as session ends [Birmingham News]

Down the drain: The jury was expected to begin deliberations today in the sewer trial involving former Jefferson County commissioner Chris McNair and various contractors. The charges: bribery and conspiracy. The question: Did McNair receive bribes or gifts in the form of thousands of dollars in cash envelopes? This is the first of two trials for McNair, whose own daughter testified against him. The sewer fiasco started out at $1 billion and is now expected to cost $3 billion to fix. Additional coverage.
• First sewer swindle trial closes [Birmingham Weekly]

Also:

• Killer storms threaten porous citizens
• Parents expected to ruin kids’ lives through over-, underparenting
• Spring fever upgraded to vernal plague

• • •

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Dry atmosphere keeps
us from mingling with puffy
clouds out the window.

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For those who think “American Idol” lacks standards, we counted at least seven tonight. Birmingham’s Taylor Hicks and the other six finalists took their shot at the classics, with a helping hand from Rod Stewart.

And the competition just got a little tougher.

Recap after the jump …

Updated with video, elimination.

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Next stop is coming.
Gather my belongings and
stand up to get off.

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Detente, y’all: It’s about time. Birmingham Mayor Bernard Kincaid and Alabama Governor Bob Riley met in private for the first time ever last week. Among the topics were BJCC expansion and mass transit. And it took only three years. As we’ve said, cooperation is the watchword.
• Mayor gets governor’s ear [Birmingham News]

Fire up a bowl?: Our pal Ray Melick reports that Birmingham may get a third-tier bowl game by year’s end, thanks to ESPN Regional TV. The proposed matchup would pit Conference USA vs. either the Big East or the Mid-America conferences. Ray mentions in his column that ESPN has put up a $2 million line of credit, making it nearly a nothing-to-lose proposition for the city. Anyone up for the Fighting Mules of Central Missouri State against the Golden Hurricanes of Tulsa? Rah.
• Birmingham may get new bowl game [Birmingham News]

Won’t you come home, Brown Bomber?: Joe Louis is a boxing legend everywhere, except his birthplace, Lafayette. Hometown residents would like to put up a statue in his honor, but have raised less than one-fifth of the $50,000 cost. Among previous tributes is Joe Louis Arena in Detroit (where he lived starting at age 10) and a wreath-laying ceremony at his grave site in Arlington last week (marking the 25th anniversary of his death).
• Joe Louis’ Alabama hometown trying to reconnect [Associated Press]

Victory is life: Congratulations to the Birmingham News, a finalist in editorial writing for this year’s Pulitzer Prizes for its “series of incisive editorials reversing the paper’s long-held support of the death penalty.” The editorial board won the Pulitzer in 1991 for its series on inequities in the state tax system.
• Pulitzer Prizes for Journalism

Also:

• Disgraced CEO finds God, shakes Him down for cash
• Still looking for Easter eggs in porn DVD
• Downtown accountants enter hibernation until Dec. 31

• • •

Send us your news tips.

1040 follies
1. File on time or pay a penalty.
2. File on time and pay a penalty.
3. Check here to donate $1 to starving presidential candidates.
4. Occupation: wage slave.
5. Filing status: bitchy, broke.
6. Dependents: cat, cat, plant, cat.
7. Where it asks if you want to be audited, circle “No.”
8. Meth lab income: Attach Form 23646.
9. Make sure your W-2 has enough zeros.
10. If you’d like to receive special offers and promotions, check here.
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Bright light, ow, quit it!
Skull strains to relieve harsh pain.
Migraine, go away.

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To all our peeps out there, Happy Easter!