Outside heat can’t beat
fever inside my poor head
during summer’s plague.

• • •

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Old boxes need to
divulge their contents someday.
Moving time is done.

• • •

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Guilty: Former governor Don Siegelman, right, was found guilty today on seven counts of bribery, mail fraud and obstruction of justice. Ousted Healthsouth CEO Richard Scrushy, left, was found guilty on all six counts of bribery, conspiracy and mail fraud.

During the 42-day federal trial in Montgomery, Siegelman ran for and lost the Democratic nomination for governor, while Scrushy continued his ministry building through his TV show and plans to feed African children. The jury, seven black members and five white members, spent 11 days deliberating — at one point, deadlocked but charged by U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller to continue.

Also on trial were Siegelman’s chief of staff Paul Hamrick and state highway director Mack Roberts. The jury acquitted Hamrick and Roberts on all charges.

Siegelman served as governor from 1999 to 2003, losing his re-election bid to Bob Riley in a tight race. Siegelman maintained throughout the proceedings that the charges were politically motivated. Scrushy founded sports rehabilitation hospital chain Healthsouth in 1984 and was ousted in 2003. He was acquitted in the $2.7 billion fraud scandal involving the Birmingham-based company in 2005.

Prosecutors said that Siegelman traded favors for gifts and campaign donations and that Scrushy had arranged for $500,000 to be donated to Siegelman’s campaign for a lottery.

Sentencing dates have not been announced. Maximum sentences are five to 20 years, minimum sentence is probation, with home confinement a possibility.

Always a patsy: One of the lesser players in the Healthsouth debacle ended up with eight years in federal prison. Hannibal “Sonny” Crumpler could’ve faced 15 years plus $1.3 million in fines. Contrast that with 15 other execs found guilty who earned probation to five years in prison. Who says there’s no justice for the little guy?
• Ex-HealthSouth exec sentenced [Birmingham News]

Also:

• Martin Luther King Jr.: Don’t put me in the middle of your corruption trial
• So much for the amen corner defense
• Maybe they can room together in prison

• • •

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This looks like a job
for … a guy in tights, cape with
spare time, super skills.

• • •

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Size matters: Birmingham is losing residents, but could it actually become second in size to … Montgomery? The latest Census update has some folks worried, especially with federal funding at stake. Birmingham has 231,483 residents, Montgomery has 200,127. The good news is that Montgomery is facing the same problem of shrinkage as residents flee to outlying suburbs. The bad news is that Birmingham hasn’t found a way to bring more people in to enjoy its soaring crime rate, declining schools and combative government. Those are the selling points, right?
• Population loss could cost Birmingham federal money [Birmingham News]

Bus start: Area officials are stumped. Why aren’t more people riding the bus? As part of a cooperative regional effort, they’re planning on surveying residents to find out why they don’t ride and what would attract them. Maybe we can help. They don’t ride because service is spotty and usually being cut back. Birmingham is designed as a car-friendly place, so it’s tough to get anywhere on time without a car. And more people won’t ride public transportation until the cost for using cars becomes prohibitively high — that means gas prices, traffic, parking costs/space and so on. Life just isn’t fare.
• Officials wonder why few ride buses [Birmingham News]

Asistencia telefónico: The phone book is getting an accent. A telephone directory in Spanish is headed to 50,000 homes and businesses in Birmingham and Columbus, Ga. Hispanics make up 2.2 percent of the state’s 4.5 million residents. But when was the last time you used a printed phone book?
• Spanish phone book gaining users, sponsors in Alabama [Birmingham News]

Counting rows: Fewer people went to see the Alabama Ballet, Alabama Symphony Orchestra, Alys Stephens Center and Summerfest Musical Theatre last season. The organizations are reporting drops from 5 to 19 percent. Some groups are blaming competition from the 2005-06 attendance leader, “The Lion King.” (The Broadway show, not the cartoon film.) Other groups that saw attendance increases are Opera Birmingham and the Birmingham Museum of Art. “Hakuna matata — it means no audience …”
• ‘Lion King’ leads arts attendance numbers [Birmingham News]

Also:

• Trussville embraces cultural diversity of Purple Onion
• Fireworks stands peddle discount finger- and eye-removal kits
• Summer school cliques have second chance to shun outsiders

• • •

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1. Still has to hold down a day job.
2. Able to leap tall blondes in a single bound.
3. You try getting hazard insurance for Fortress of Solitude.
4. Easier to clean own suits thanks to Dry-El.
5. Spent last five years hunting predators on MySpace.
6. Batman: cool car, gadgets galore.

   Superman: tiny apartment at $2,000/month and a hot plate.

7. Now fights for truth, justice and red states.
8. Still refuses to answer questions about alleged steroid abuse.
9. What’s on his iPod? Gnarls Barkley, Nelly Furtado, Kryptonian chants and dance remixes at supersonic levels.
10. Is two subs away from a free sandwich.

(more…)

Almost halftime for
the year, yet haven’t taken
down the Christmas tree.

• • •

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Positive outlook: Researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham are telling HIV-positive mothers to relax. That’s because stress hurts the body’s ability to fight off infection. The pioneer MOMS (Making Our Mothers Stronger) Project is a National Institute of Health study. Says one researcher, “The person who can roll with the punches, who can confront the stressor and who can solve the problem is gonna do much better, and their immune system is going to commensurately be more adaptive.” [audio version]

• Free HIV tests around Birmingham today. No needles, just a mouth swab. Maps: AIDS Alabama | Jefferson County AIDS in Minorities | The Phoenix | UAB Recreation Center | UAB 1917 Clinic

• The MOMS Project [WBHM (90.3 FM)]

God is my architect: A church in Thorsby is facing the wrath of God and government. Members of Cedar Grove Methodist Church completed construction on their homemade church in September. Last Thursday, an 80-foot span of roof came crashing down on the unoccupied sanctuary. A church member, browsing photos of other churches online, printed out the pics to use as blueprints. Apparently, no building plans or permits were approved by state agencies. Pastor Jeff Carroll said, “If the state and the church are separate, I don’t understand why they think they’ve got jurisdiction.” The (ungodly) state is sending inspectors to determine the cause of the collapse. We’re guessing lack of faith and/or prayer.
• Pastor says he was unaware of church building requirements [Birmingham News]

Gender bender: Alabama prohibits marriage between two men or two women, but what about a woman and a woman who used to be a man? Or in this case, a transgender woman who didn’t have the operation and is still physiologically a man? While you ponder that, just such a couple married in Chilton County — after an Elmore County judge refused to perform the ceremony. They wed on June 6, the day voters approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. We’re OK with the marriage — so long as they still had groom’s cake.
• Transgender woman weds in Alabama [Montgomery Advertiser]

Behold the power of the Oprah: One of our favorite authors, Monroeville’s Harper Lee, has penned a letter for the July issue of O, the Oprah Magazine. The letter discusses how she became a reader in 1930s rural Alabama. Lee never gives interviews and hasn’t published nearly anything since her masterpiece novel, “To Kill a Mockingbird.” She writes, “In an abundant society where people have laptops, cell phones, iPods, and minds like empty rooms, I still plod along with books.” She mentioned us! She mentioned us!
• Harper Lee writes item on reading for Oprah’s magazine [Associated Press]

Also:

• Festival theater to be converted to sticky 18-room mansion
• North Birmingham car wash employees might not ever get rich
• Yearbook wish to “Have a good summer” eerily prescient

• • •

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The servers know us
by name: creep chatting on cell
and rotten tipper.

• • •

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Not so smrt: How does Birmingham stack up against other midsize American cities for college degrees? Well, duh. No, really, duh. Birmingham is 65th among 76 cities, with Huntsville, Mobile and Montgomery ranking higher. The Census data was limited to Birmingham’s city limits, not counting wealthier and more educated residents in its many suburbs. Semi-random aside: Best line from a Birmingham News editorial has to be “Jefferson County is a tale of too many cities.” See, we is smart.
• Birmingham found lacking in ‘brainpower’ [Birmingham Business Journal]

Paying for pupils: The state’s annual report card on schools, in three sentences. Per-student spending is at an all-time high, $6,481. More than half of the 730,000 students are living in poverty — more than half. Several poor districts, with federal aid, spend more per pupil than rich districts: Linden in Perry County tops the list at $8,896 per student, beating out Homewood in Jefferson County. We’ll say it again: You can’t spend your way to success in education. State high school graduation rates are appalling, and test scores are flat.
• Schools spend record per pupil [Birmingham News]

Calling in the super: The city’s troubled school system is bleeding students and languishing in mediocrity. This looks like a job for Superintendent. Or make that superintendent. Stan Mims, the incoming head of Birmingham schools has a tough task ahead. What are his plans? The story doesn’t say, but mentions his track record at other city school systems. Most notably in East St. Louis, more students went to college and more schools met Illinois standards under his watch.
• ‘Man of great passion’ seeks to motivate parents, children [Birmingham News]

Teenage fanclub: It’s summer, and the last thing teens want to do is required reading, right? Not quite. The Birmingham Public Library is continuing its Read It Forward campaign by giving away 500 paperback copies of “Tears of a Tiger.” Readers can comment on the book on the library’s Cyberteen site and track where each numbered copy has been. Next thing you know, the library will be more popular on MySpace than we are. Oh, nuts.
• Teens read free books, post notes on Web site [Birmingham News]

Also:

• Bus survey arrives late, refuses answers not written on exact change
• State water fight leads researchers to seek powdered form
• Beach forecast: heavyset, with chance of occasional thong

• • •

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I run the bath and
pour the wine. You don’t bring me
anything but down.

• • •

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A sad song fills the
room, the moment of longing
passes into night.

• • •

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Grad expectations: A new study places Alabama at 44th in the nation in high school graduation rates. Only 60.7 percent of high school students graduate, though the state school officials say the rate is 82 percent. The study says only 42 percent of black men graduate, while 44.5 percent of Hispanic students graduate. The study didn’t include state high school diplomas for vocational or advanced academic tracks. Hmm, we earned an advanced academic diploma (we took AP basket weaving and advanced lunch), but we don’t count. Shucks.
• State ranks low in graduation study [Birmingham News]

A sporting chance: The Southeastern Conference, headquartered in Birmingham, wants to be on TV. Forget the CBS college football package or the NCAA basketball tournament. We’re talking one channel, 24 hours, seven days. Current TV contracts expire in 2009, so it’s never too early to start programming your own network. We suggest “Leave It to Bear,” “So You Think You Can Coach,” “The War Eagle at Home” and “Everybody Hates Finebaum.”
• SEC studies own TV network [Birmingham News]

Bookstore bonanza: If your book club is looking for its next read, Black and White has a few suggestions. Its book issue has reviews of current hot reads, including the memoir from Birmingham’s Howell Raines.
• The book issue [Black and White]

Kill effects: DeWayne Wickham, a columnist for Gannett News Service and USA Today, points out that Birmingham and Charlotte, N.C., were named Most Livable Cities in 2004. Now, rising crime rates in both cities are making them less desirable. One professor blames the real culprits, video games and music video. Last time we checked, “Grand Theft Auto” didn’t rob us at gunpoint and Busta didn’t swipe our DVD player.
• Violence is making the nation’s most ‘livable’ cities less so [Gannett News Service]

Also:

• Hot enough to make meth on the sidewalk
• City budget passes without any fatalities
• Roebuck pawn shops offer baby-sitting, coffee, wi-fi

• • •

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Prick up your ears, and
send in snippets of “private”
funny exchanges.

• • •

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The nondeciders: The jury in the Don Siegelman/Richard Scrushy corruption trial is deadlocked after six days of deliberation. TV reports say U.S. Chief District Judge Mark Fuller will instruct the jury to continue until a unanimous verdict is reached. Charges for former governor Siegelman and Healthsouth founder Scrushy include racketeering, bribery and conspiracy. The trial is in its eighth week.
• Jury In Corruption Trial Has Failed To Reach A Verdict [Fox 6]

The heat is on: How hot is it? It’s triple-digit hot, as Wednesday was the first 100-degree day in six years. It’s hot enough to send Gov. Riley to Washington, to beg for drought assistance from the feds for farmers. It’s hot enough that Birmingham has to watch its water usage. And it’s hot enough that our punchlines have wilted.
• Across The Board–Our Hottest Day This Year and in Several Years [ABC 33/40]

Rocky rain: Want rain? Be sure to wish for the right kind. Our pal William has the story of Tarrant residents bombarded with hail the size of rocks. That would be because they are rocks, damaging roofs, cars and anything out in the open. Blasting at the Vulcan Materials quarry was the culprit. Talk about getting stoned (we couldn’t resist).
• Blasted stone falls on neighbors [Birmingham News]

Also:

• It’s always sunny in Pleasant Grove, making it difficult to sleep
• Alabaster summer school class learns about stuff it should’ve learned back in fall
• We already miss Gray Charles

• • •

Send us your news tips.