The latest from the enchanted kingdom of Hoover …

Long arm of the law of supply and demand: The city police department may bump up its pay for new hires with experience to help it compete with cities across the country. Starting pay is $38,500, but those with a few years of service stand to gain in the long run. Note how Hoover didn’t threaten its current officers with payback or leave it all to God alone.
• Hoover eyes pay increase to recruit experienced police [Birmingham News]

The road to Ross Bridge: Creepy analogy of the day: If Ross Bridge Golf Resort and Spa were a dude, men would want to be him and women would want to be with him. Such is the success of the mega-resort and planned community in the wilds of Oxmoor Valley. It celebrated its first anniversary Thursday. In that time, more than 102,000 guests from 50 states and 30 countries have played 30,000 rounds of golf and received nearly 14,000 spa treatments. Not to mention the 1,000 meetings and 26 weddings. A big selling point? Says the resort’s sales director: “(Coca-Cola, Phizer and Glaxo) are companies that would not have hosted meetings in Birmingham if Ross Bridge were not here. We have had numerous companies choose us to avoid the traffic congestion in Atlanta.” Come for the golf, stay for the ozone.
• Raves for Ross Bridge resort [Birmingham News]

Wednesday night lights: A quick programming note: The MTV reality show “Two-a-Days” (still not loving that name) premieres at 9:30 tonight with an hourlong show. (The other eps will be a half-hour.) Because not every channel in America hasn’t done something on Hoover High’s championship football team (we’re looking at you, Lime and Encore Comedy West), we’ll see what really goes on behind the scenes of a closely watched football program in a well-heeled suburb that’s not on a beach. Look for more coverage on Wade on Birmingham, if we’re not busy too watching “So You Think You Can Coach?” or “Rock Star: Vova Nova.”
• Hoover High’s champion football team focus of new MTV series [Associated Press]

Also:

• Farmers’ market overrun with vegetarians
• Elevated roadway to aid more drivers with gas-efficient vehicles burn more fuel
• Hurricane season: Why it’s turning out to be a drought of boredom

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I jibe, you jibe back.
We just jibe despite your lack
of wit or hygiene.

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The best minds of my
generation are busy
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Birmingham is known by many names. The Magic City. Pittsburgh of the South. Football Capital of the South. Bombingham. The ’Ham.

While the hand-wringing continues over the city’s image, we welcome thousands of “American Idol” hopefuls to a place they’ve heard about since Ruben Studdard put three defining digits on the map: 2-0-5.

So why can’t we get “Birmingham” out there in our other most visible institutions?

(more…)

Dropped contact lens kills
depth perception but makes for
funny pirate face.

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To be tickled pink
makes no sense to colorblind
humorless dullard.

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Road trip! Except we
need everyone one to chip in
their trust funds for gas.

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Tax (pause) and spend: The Alabama Supreme Court has OK’d spending $1 billion on Jefferson County schools raised from a one-cent sales tax. The two-year delay has forced area systems to delay construction on badly needed new schools. Birmingham and Jefferson County systems together will split $725 million — but all systems will get less bang for their billion bucks, since construction costs have risen dramatically in the post-Katrina era. As for the whole sales tax scheme, it may be legal, but it ain’t necessarily right. Road to hell? Now nicely paved.
• Schools renew plans for $1 billion construction [Birmingham News]

Here’s the pitch: A public service announcement: While the “American Idol” auditions begin Monday at the BJCC Arena, auditioners must show up between 8 a.m. Saturday and 8 a.m. Monday to receive a wristband and a seat ticket. Up to 15,000 would-be Idols are expected. The show needs its next William Hung — will it be (dramatic pause) you?

• Official info plus the short version of what to expect
  
• Taylor Hicks shares the adventures of contestant No. 74094: “I didn’t fall in with all the singing and screaming and banner waving. I was somewhat excited, but I kept quiet and kept to myself.”

• Think it’s easy to become an Idol? Join the crowd [Huntsville Times]

Karr talk: John Mark Karr, the sometime resident of Hamilton and JonBenét Ramsey murder suspect, gets the full “neighbor profiler” treatment. “A lot of students were not very fond of him.” “I’m sure his wife told the truth (about his alibi of being in Hamilton at the time of the murder). I’ve got confidence in her.” “He always wanted to substitute in the elementary grades.” And from a similar story: “It wouldn’t surprise me if he done it and it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t do it.” “He’s always been a dark person, a different bird. He’s smart. He’s bad smart.” “We grew up together. He was just a very nice guy.” Judge away.
• Northwest Alabama residents remember Karr [Associated Press]

Cho business: A quick plug for our second-favorite funnyman from the South who’s Korean. Henry Cho is appearing tonight and Saturday at the Comedy Club at the Stardome in Hoover. We caught his latest on Comedy Central, and he does the whole “marriage is crazy” schtick, but clean and witty. Bonus points for riffing on Arab (the Alabama town, not the Middle Eastern dude).
• Clean comic Cho comes to Stardome [Birmingham News]

Also:

• “Talladega Nights,” Tallapoosa days, Tuscumbia weekends
• Birmingham Bill sees shadow, now predicts six more weeks of summer
• ‘How I spent my summer’ essays, two for $15

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Rock-hard abs don’t mean
much when life at gym becomes
mere fitness routine.

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They tell the stories
of despair and rebuilding.
Give them a hand, please.

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Update: John and JonBenét: The suspect arrested Tuesday night in Bangkok in connection to the strangulation death of JonBenét Ramsey was raised in Hamilton, about 90 miles northwest of Birmingham. John Mark Karr, already held on unrelated sex charges, confessed to the crime earlier today, but his wife says she was with him in Alabama at the time of the murder. The 1996 murder of the six-year-old Boulder, Colo., beauty queen drew tabloid attention and remained unsolved. Parents John and Patsy Ramsey were the focus of early scrutiny, but were never arrested. Patsy Ramsey died in June from cancer. Karr worked as a substitute teacher in August and September of 1996 at Hamilton Elementary School, but was fired after a parent’s complaint about “language.” JonBenét was murdered that December.
• Former Alabama man tied to JonBenet Ramsey death [Birmingham News]

Help wanting: The Personnel Board of Jefferson County has a seemingly simple task: Find qualified applicants to fill jobs in 23 municipalities. At a cost of nearly $12 million in taxpayer money in 2005, it is failing miserably. Cities are wringing their hands over staffing shortages, outdated applicant lists and increased spending for a clearly broken system. The board’s discriminatory past has created the boondoggle it is today. Now, the board is spending another quarter million dollars to find applicants from as far away Miami, Houston and Puerto Rico. Birmingham has had an opening for a heavy equipment operator for three years, and the city’s public works director said, “All 12 candidates had filled out the application in June 2001. I want the best-qualified person available today. I don’t want the best-qualified person who was available five years ago.” Well, if you’re gonna be picky …
• $231,000 marked to help fill jobs [Birmingham News]

Steered straight: Say a big “arigato, y’all” to Honda. The Japanese auto manufacturer has nearly finished its $70 million engine factory expansion in Lincoln. Now it’s spending another $40 million for another expansion, this one adding 41,000 square feet … and 20 new jobs. Straight from the story: “The plant makes the Odyssey minivan and the Pilot sport utility vehicle along with the V-6 engines that go in them. The $1.3 billion plant employs 4,500 people and can turn out 300,000 vehicles and engines each year.” To address the needs of Honda and other would-be employers, Gov. Riley has launched a new workforce training and certification program. This means workers can gain new skills and earn Career Readiness Certificates to land better jobs — and help the state woo new industry. Not bad for a state which has seen the number of families on food stamps rise by a third since 2001.
• Honda plans $40 million expansion at engine plant [Birmingham News]

And you can get it if you try: A 26-year-old Birmingham man is one heartbeat away from the presidency. Jared Weinstein is Bush’s “body man,” the go-to guy for the president’s every need. He described his job thusly, “The president should never have to do more than nod his head or twitch his finger and you know what he wants.” By the way, a nod means coffee, a twitch means invade Iran. Meanwhile, a 21-year-old engineering student at the University of Alabama won nearly $1 million in a Vegas poker tournament. Shannon Shorr of Irondale has earned $1.3 million total this year. And if he needs a body man, we volunteer.
• Birmingham man serves in the president’s shadow [Birmingham News]

Also:

• Sandwich maker’s jargon baffles customer in search of hoagie
• Barons expected to finish season
• Missing Hueytown dog last seen chewing on something or other

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is important to us so
please hold on till dead.

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Niece scampers away
from unfamiliar giants
tromping through kitchen.

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Attacking AIDS: Team UAB is fighting a war abroad — and winning. The Centre for Infectious Disease Research in Zambia, a UAB affiliate, started putting more than 25,000 HIV-positive patients on life-saving antiretroviral therapy. It’s part of a $15 billion, 15-country effort. Dr. Jeffrey S.A. Stringer, director of the center, writes in Wednesday’s Journal of the American Medical Association that treating AIDS on a massive scale in Africa can be done. Meanwhile, nearly 500,000 Zambians are HIV positive, and 200,000 need those drugs to live. “Many dying patients ‘literally came in in wheelbarrows, a common form of ambulance in Lusaka,’ the Zambian capital, Stringer said. We’ll win the war, but the casualties will be far too high.
• AIDS eases grip on Africa [Birmingham News]

Rehabilitator, heal thyself: HealthSouth was a dominant player in sports medicine and rehabilitation. Still is, though it has stumbled since its accounting scandal. Since then, it took bold steps to regain investor trust and remain afloat. The next step for the Birmingham-based health care giant will be to shed three divisions, sticking solely with inpatient rehabilitation. It also plans to be publicly traded on the New York Stock Exchange by October. Is this the makings of the greatest comeback in sports (medicine) history? It ain’t over till the jailbird Scrushy sings …
• HealthSouth announces plan for restructuring [Birmingham News]

Hail, yeah! EWTN, the Catholic global cable network based in Irondale, is marking its 25th anniversary, just two weeks behind that other cult sensation. Mother Angelica, the founder and face of the network, still remains in poor health and didn’t attend Saturday’s celebration at the BJCC Arena. How powerful is the network? It has a $30 million annual budget, receiving as much as $3 million in donations a month. Plus, you know it has God on its side, always a help.
• Catholic TV network has celebration [Birmingham News]

The tyranny of safety: The Tiger Walk, the decades-old pre-game ritual at Auburn, is being declawed, sorta. Barricades separating players from fans will line Donahue Drive for the first time this fall. It’s amusing to think 300-pound linebackers need protection from throngs of drunk exuberant fans. Graduate and former player Rich Trucks said, “I couldn’t believe it either. … I got more kisses in Tiger Walk than I got my entire career in college.” Real kisses, too, not audited ones.
• Auburn fans, players have mixed feelings about Tiger Walk changes [Opelika-Auburn News]

Also:

• Suburban cops also get big Birmingham brushoff from chief
• Boutique sale triggers squeals, handbag riot
• Autumn expected to be extra dry, somewhat leafy

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Even in long drought,
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to those who need it.

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