Find that special someone
1. Direct marketing: “Have you seen me?”
2. Billboards look cheap; electronic billboards are classy.
3. Rent puppy. Meet singles in park. Let dog go free.
4. Bribe bartender to create new highly addictive drink named after you.
5. Craigslist, but only if you’re looking for serial killers with e-mail access.
6. Hire street team to build buzz on your smile, grooming.
7. Hack into freeway signs: “Warning: Hottie ahead.”
8. Invest in trendy Iraqi mail-order bride.
9. Stalk, but don’t look desperate.
10. Bankruptcy hearing crashers.

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Task list grows each day
(can’t say no to anyone!).
Help me sort through this.

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Wanted: part-time muse
for literary passion
and light housekeeping.

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Olympic fever
has us in its icy grip.
Shh! Curling is on!

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All downhill from here: The event very few have been awaiting starts tonight, the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy. Hometown gold medalist Vonetta Flowers is back to defend her historic gold medal in bobsledding with an unexpected teammate, Jean “Mean Girl” Racine Prahm. But she’s really excited that her three-year-old son Jorden is beginning to develop his hearing, despite early deafness caused by impaired brain development: “He’s hearing like a 2-week-old baby. He has to learn what he’s hearing. We’re excited that he is responding.” Flowers and Prahm compete on Feb. 21.

The Opening Ceremonies air from 7 to 11 tonight on NBC 13, and while usually amusing, won’t be nearly as funny as our other favorite televised spectacle.
• For Flowers, an Emotional Four Years [Associated Press]

Trophy gal: Birmingham native Emmylou Harris picked up her 12th Grammy Award on Wednesday, winning Female Country Vocal Performance for “The Connection,” off her 2005 CD, "Heartaches and Highways: The Very Best of Emmylou Harris." For those who don’t know Emmylou like we know Emmylou, this CD is a great way to delve into her fantastic body of songs.
• Grammy winners [Associated Press]

Showstopper: Daisy Dean, matriarch of the “Dean and Company” public access show/family, died at age 94(?) on Jan. 24. You may have caught the low-budget high-spirited affair on Bright House cable, which has aired weekly since 1980. Dean appeared onscreen with her daughter and granddaughter for the variety show, but started out early on as an original Rockette and Hollywood actress. At age 10, she saw her mother and grandmother gunned down in front of their Kansas general store. The show continues to air at 7:30 p.m. Mondays on channel 4.
• Last of the Showgirls [Black and White]

Also:

• Cupid caught in Hoover, deported to Mexico
• Frigid forecast causes run on soup, DVDs, moonshine
• We can’t wait for Presidents Day, either

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Self-induced depression can be a good thing, despite what the happy pillmakers would have you believe. Two New York folkies brought their solo-but-supportive acts Wednesday night to Moonlight Music Cafe for a dark, dreary acoustic set.

Sam Shaber and Edie Carey performed in turn their songs of longing and solitude for a 95-minute show, interspersing music with banter to lighten the mood.

Can you have a good time at enduring somber tunes? Sadly, yes.

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Too much social stuff
brings on fear of going out,
makes me stay home safe.

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Overflow: Something stinks in Jefferson County. The Environmental Protection Agency reports that the county has violated 13 categories of a court agreement to fix the sewer system at a cost of $3 billion. That means sewage can spill into basements and streets — even in dry weather — instead of reaching a treatment plant. Yuck. Some violations go back as far as nine years.
• Sewer rules broken [Birmingham News]

Gasping at straws: Birmingham-based McWane Inc. is shelling out $3 million in fines to the feds for rigging air pollution tests and using equipment out of compliance. The crimes took place at one of its subsidiary companies in Provo, Utah. And you thought McWane only poisoned the hometown crowd … Nope, enough death and malfeasance for everybody.
• McWane settles Utah pollution charges [Birmingham News]

Highway to … well …: Interstate 65 will expand to eight lanes, with construction commencing this summer. The 38-mile project will extend from Gardendale to the Shelby County Airport. We don’t usually mention road projects, especially because they’re short-term solutions that lead to worse traffic and pollution. (Repeat after us: More capacity leads to more cars, which leads to … more traffic.)

But, the interstate will include high-occupancy vehicle lanes, the first in Alabama. We like HOV lanes because they’re cheap (paint and some signs), fast and increase the passengers-to-vehicles ratio, a critical requirement of better transportation planning. Too bad we didn’t put in HOV lanes 10 years ago — but we could change lanes on U.S. 280 and I-20/59 tomorrow …
• I-65 to widen through county [Shelby County Reporter]

Also:

• Mayor, county commission “hug it out”
• Calera mom stuns supermarket shoppers by telling daughter “no”
• Get your Valentine’s hopes up now, before it’s too late

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In comes tax: Alabama ranks in the bottom five again … in tax burdens for citizens. While that might be cause to celebrate for some, an antiquated tax system such as ours holds back needed services for Alabamians across the board, while shifting the burden to those least able to afford it. Like the rest of the nation, the state collected more per person in 2004 than 1994, a jump of 38 percent. Most of it goes to education. More data are available for all states.
• Alabama collecting 38 percent more taxes than in 1994 [Associated Press]

Roads to riches: Cities along Interstates 20 and 59 in St. Clair County have seen sales tax revenue explode from 2003 to 2005 — by as much as 50 percent. Development in the area is fueling the financial growth, even though several cities kept tax rates the same. The county has a one-cent sales tax for education, another for general purposes.
• Tax revenues soar in towns near I-20, I-59 [Birmingham News]

Do you like me? Yes No: The romantics of Birmingham have expressed themselves in short mash notes in time for that most romantic of holidays, Ferris Wheel Day. ([sniff] Where’s ours?) Here’s but a sampling: “Dear Fat Ass, You make my heart explode with love. Always, Your Wife p.s. We are out of paper towels.”
• Love Notes! [Birmingham Weekly]

Also:

• Museum field trip results in horseplay, shouting
• Secret of Bessemer smokehouse’s barbecue sauce? Thiamin hydrochloride
• Nickelback, Metallica take radio station’s playlist changes personally

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Chores, pets, work, fun, sleep,
plus time to think, plan, de-stress.
It’s all a juggle.

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Jokes at my expense …
Are words flung carelessly, or
am I sensitive?

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Four more flamed: Four more churches were found today destroyed by fire, 60 miles west of five torched churches in Bibb County last week. Officials have no suspects or motives. Of the 59 church fires in the past five years, a third were ruled arson. The nine fires in the past week are assumed to be related and likely arson.
• Alabama church fire probe spreads to four more on rural roads [Associated Press]

Get on the bus: Parents in Bessemer won’t have to wonder if the school bus is running late anymore, thanks to new GPS units on all 27 buses. The gadgets, at a cost of $38,000, will show where buses are in real time. But this is kinda scary: Director of transportation Joey Sims said, “Next year, we can start tracking each student who rides the bus. We can scan each student’s ID card as he enters and departs the bus, and we’ll be able to tell whether they got on or off the bus.” Guess the tracking chips in the brain can’t be too far behind …
• Bessemer buses to get GPS [Birmingham News]

Bloggergate: Looking for a little companionship? One sexy DC insider describes herself as “single, straight and a Scorpio” and even posted a photo with her bare midriff (heavens!) on the Internet. At least, until 34-year-old Stormie Janzen had to tone it down. Why? Because, by day, she’s the scheduler for Sen. Jeff Sessions, and her MySpace blog had the potential for embarrassment. Heck, if her pornish name didn’t bring shame, why should her (now-restricted) blog? At 34, she’s way too old for Internet predators anyway. Besides, only losers hang out on MySpace.
• Sessions’ aide revealed on sexy Internet diary [Montgomery Advertiser]

Also:

• Imposter groundhog ruins winter, spring for Birminghamians
• Mailman bites tongue over Dora bachelor’s magazines, Netflix choices
• “World’s Greatest Redneck” mug shaped more like moonshine flask

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Comic panel draws
criticism and riots.
Yet, Cathy lives. Ack!!!!!!

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A couple of weeknight events at Moonlight Music Cafe in Vestavia Hills caught our attention.

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Beer, burgers, flicks, trucks,
(Disney, ESPN, Grey’s).
Your Super Bowl ads.

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