With such a wide field of nominees, how will Birmingham voters decide how to cast such an important vote?

The mayoral election? Nah, the Birmingham News’ annual Readers’ Choice Awards, which closes at 11 tonight. More than 500 nominated their faves in 80-plus categories. Now, you can vote among five contenders in each category in the online ballot, broken into three sections: City Life, Food and Drink and Leisure and Entertainment.

But this isn’t about the best of the city.

This is about mocking the regrettable list of candidates (and thereby indirectly mocking the nominating readers and the selection process). How will they stack up against the 2006 winners? Did our pal Matt at Alabama Live make the right call with his picks?

Our catty contenders, after the jump …

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Mating dance not as
complicated as choosing
side hug or full hug.

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Yummy grass-fed cows
deliver forbidden fuel
via mass slaughter.

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Wanna see a movie this weekend? How about 150 of them?

The ninth annual Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival starts tonight, with the biblical comedic romp, “The Ten.” Tickets for tonight’s 8 p.m. opener are $13 at the door.

It’s $30 for Saturday and Sunday, or $7 per film ($17 for three films). More info on the official site.

So what’s the story on this year’s festival? More previews, more interviews, plus you could win free Sidewalk stuff …

A dish best served cold | Check out “Lunch,” a funny short by first-time filmmaker and Birmingham resident James Brown. His lunch was stolen from the office fridge — now, he wants revenge. But don’t take my word for it as a hired publicist, hear James on WBHM’s “Tapestry” [MP3] from Thursday. And watch this trailer:

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Weary warrior nods
off as battle plans unfurl
to legions of troops.

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Extra keys, baby’s
eyes, folded laptop, pickup
still parked on driveway.

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Contributing writer Stacy Vance reviewed “Row Hard No Excuses” by director Luke Wolbach:

Two people, 3,000 miles, 100 days at sea.

I love a good adventure story. Man attempts to conquer nature. Nature takes the lead. Man becomes one with nature. Or does he?

In the documentary “Row Hard No Excuses,” John Zeigler and Tom Mailhot set out to travel the open seas in a trans-Atlantic rowing race from the Canary Islands to Barbados.

The film screens Sunday at the Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival.

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And if you believe
that, I’ve got a shiny new
pony to sell you.

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Last chance! We need more volunteers to make the trip from Birmingham to Biloxi and New Orleans. So far, 16 good citizens have stepped forward for the Magic City Mission, a weeklong volunteer trip in November.

We’re going to have all kinds of fun helping residents rebuild their cities. The weather will be just right, and you’ll be able to say you made a difference.

It’s as easy as can be. Check your schedule, pick your city, and contact me to sign up. No special skills needed — just a willingness to jump in and work hard.

Signup deadline is Friday!

If you have questions, let me know.

Magic City Mission: Make it your mission to help the Gulf Coast.

A question becomes
more troubling than an outright
conniption out loud.

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Contributing writer Stacy Vance reviewed “Overflow” by Birmingham director Jana Harris:

For those of us who miss the guilty pleasure of the ABC after-school special, “Overflow” gives a respectable shot at resurrecting the teenage drama, complete with the valuable lesson to take away.

The film screens Sunday at the Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival.

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The past comes back time
after time in a town so
small but forgiving.

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Sipping iced tea while
lazing on the back porch for
hours, days and nights.

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Craving something serious in bite-size pieces? Try this block of shorts from Alabama filmmakers at this weekend’s Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival.

But be warned: It’s heavy slogging through these dainty dramas.

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Melting brain shorts out.
Nothing left to do except
reboot for weekend.

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