Wade on Birmingham

Wade’s 101: You’re so Birmingham if … (2010 Twitter version)


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  1. The only political or social cause you’ve ever been involved with was to legalize stronger beer. (@david_carter)
  2. You can’t stop wishing corruption didn’t kill City Stages. #didanybody’schecknotbounce? (@sandybirmingham)
  3. You’ve never used public transportation in Birmingham. (@bwdaly)
  4. You go to a “meat n’ three” because someone said that they have “good vegetables.” (@rebecca_morrow)
  5. Your panhandler rides a nicer bike than yours. (@WadeOnTweets)
  6. You think Surin is a really nice restaurant. (@Iva4Gov)
  7. You’re a judge with a law degree from an unaccredited law school. (@bwdaly)
  8. You can do an impression of Bill Bolen saying “Momma.” (@bwdaly)
  9. You are sitting around trying to think up clever sayings for #You’reSoBirminghamIf. (@filamentartists)
  10. You say “Vulcan” and not “The Vulcan.” (@CreekRat)
  11. You’ve never lived in a real city and don’t understand how bad things are here. (@bwdaly)
  12. You used to drink beer at Norm’s. (@CreekRat)
  13. You grew up 30+ miles out in the suburbs, but still claim the ‘ham as your “hometown.” (@feralparakeet)
  14. You know the truth of Birmingham retail: If you can’t park and see it, the shop is unlikely to survive. (@politicalparlor)
  15. You’ve ever wanted to get the clippers after James Spann’s hair to shave that little center part off. (@StaceyHood)
  16. You bought your 205 jersey at a yard sale or Goodwill. (@WadeOnTweets)
  17. You voted for Ruben, Bo and Taylor. 🙂 (@sandybirmingham)
  18. You constantly tell people how awesome Birmingham is, even though you know it’s a lie. (@david_carter)
  19. You don’t know how to get over the mountain without using 65 or 31/280. (@bwdaly)
  20. You can drive from downtown to the Inverness Target without getting on 280. (@piercingwit)
  21. Anyone you ever elected went to jail. (@WadeOnTweets)
  22. You discussed how sad you were when the Stallions and the Fire folded, but you never went to a game. (@MellowBHAM)
  23. You wish the Iron Bowl was moved back to Legion Field. (@Iva4Gov)
  24. You’ve always wanted copies of the Legion Field lions to guard your driveway. (@theCapNdavid)
  25. You’re one of the badasses from @BAAMfest who proved you don’t need the city government to put on a successful festival. (@bwdaly)
  26. You have to fly through a hub in Atlanta, Memphis, Houston, etc. to get to the West Coast. (@Iva4Gov)
  27. You judge the severity of severe weather by how James Spann is dressed. (Coat off, sleeves up: Better pay attention!) (@kristenmstewart)
  28. You went to an all-white or all-black school. (@bwdaly)
  29. Your only political trope is race. (@bwdaly)
  30. You’ve ever heard slot machines described as part of the civil rights movement. (@chris_depew)
  31. You prefer faith to knowledge. (@bwdaly)
  32. You’ve had a supermarket checkout person refuse to sell you beer at 11:53 a.m. on a Sunday. (@messyepicure)
  33. You remember going to Century Plaza! (@briancauble)
  34. Your megachurch has its own ZIP code. (@WadeOnTweets)
  35. You’ve dressed up as a former Jefferson County commissioner for Halloween. (@UrbanPat)
  36. You confess to friends that your parents were racists … “but I’m not!” (@collirp)
  37. You pick a lunch place solely based on its dancing sign guy. (@WadeOnTweets)
  38. You have a favorite Mike Royer hairpiece. (@joey__t)
  39. You kill the messenger. (@bwdaly)
  40. You believe “progress” requires the destruction of our history. (@tbdcreativeinc)
  41. You don’t valet. (@Iva4Gov)
  42. You’ve moved out of the city, but still keep whining about its leaders. (@seankelley)
  43. The compass on your iPhone points toward Vulcan. (@andyspain)
  44. You have hope and work for change despite the naysayers. (@bikeskirt)
  45. You are so paranoid about what outsiders think you can’t laugh at your own expense. (@chris_depew)
  46. You drink Grapico and Buffalo Rock. (@Iva4Gov)
  47. The new Bass Pro Shops store is a destination for you. (@aathu)
  48. You look forward to seeing what Mickey Ferguson is going to do on Halloween! (@Iva4Gov)
  49. Your life was enhanced by Cecil Whitmire. (@bwdaly)
  50. You do that ghetto “Electric Slide” to every damn song. (@yendisak)
  51. You know not to read the comments on AL.com. (@Owsley9)
  52. You go off-roading on unpaved city streets. (@WadeOnTweets)
  53. You know Marty and Ona really well. (@aathu)
  54. You whine that criticism is part of the problem. (@bwdaly)
  55. You can’t find the humor in the negatives. (@filamentartists)
  56. You use Dale’s Steak Seasoning. (@Iva4Gov)
  57. You have no idea of the pernicious effect of college football on Alabama’s public university system. (@bwdaly)
  58. You remember seeing Survivor @WrightCenterSU. (@WrightCenterSU)
  59. You’ve known or met at least two people that have worked for EBSCO. (@rebecca_morrow)
  60. You whine about metro traffic but would never dream of taking a bus. (@AR_Kirby)
  61. Your favorite sports team is at the college level or below. (@khcreative)
  62. You pop a woody every time a new chain store or chain restaurant opens. (@bwdaly)
  63. You helped elect Larry Langford mayor without a runoff. (@bwdaly)
  64. You grew up wanting to live in the big city and ended up in Birmingham. (@WadeOnTweets)
  65. You recognize something good must be afoot, if the naysayers come out play. (@Owsley9)
  66. You wish the Birmingham Barons played more games at Rickwood (and actually in Birmingham). (@politicalparlor)
  67. You’d drive downtown for hockey but not to Hoover for baseball. (@WadeOnTweets)
  68. You’re generous. Birmingham is ranked as the most charitable city in the United States! http://bit.ly/aEiJXW (@alabamapossible)
  69. You have the front of Vulcan as your view instead of the butt. (@motionmind)
  70. You confuse tourists needing directions and say, “Follow me …” (@aathu)
  71. You know the steam table at Fife’s. Yum. #ILoveBirmingham (@Jerry_Griffies)
  72. You remember when Dreamland only had ribs, white bread and sauce. (@StaceyHood)
  73. You’ve ever spent a week’s pay on a tailgate party. (@chris_depew)
  74. Your political campaign has distributed flyers calling your opponent an Uncle Tom. (@bwdaly)
  75. You give and understand directions that are nothing but numbers: 31, 280, 459, 150, 119 … (@KnowTea)
  76. You write a blog post for @aldotcom about this hashtag. http://ow.ly/2vmWd (@KristenHeptin)
  77. You’re addicted to Milo’s sweet tea. (@aathu)
  78. You are a struggling freelancer. (@filamentartists)
  79. You learn that you and the person you just met have seven mutual acquaintances. (@AR_Kirby)
  80. Your “minister” was part of Richard Scrushy’s Amen Mafia. (@bwdaly)
  81. You miss Ollie’s barbecue. (@DrNemoJr)
  82. You have no sense of irony. (@bwdaly)
  83. Everybody in your circle is banging one another. (@yendisak)
  84. You think Pam Huff has been on TV for too long. (@aathu)
  85. Your parking meter is actually a sawed-off pole. (@WadeOnTweets)
  86. You are sick and tired of hearing the word “potential.” (@filamentartists)
  87. Your sewer bill could pay for clean drinking water for three African villages. (@sandybirmingham)
  88. Most of your tweets are about shopping. (@bwdaly)
  89. Everyone you know — grannies, hippies and pastors included — is in at least one football pool. (@chris_depew)
  90. You don’t tell your customers who you pull for in the Iron Bowl because you don’t want them to hold this against you. (@APPRAISALSOURCE)
  91. You have a favorite BBQ joint, sports talk show, hot dog place, high-grav brew and wing shack. (@WadeOnTweets)
  92. You had a dream last night featuring Jim Skinner. (I did.) (@bwdaly)
  93. Your former mayor is a shopping addict. And is now in jail. (@cmhallua)
  94. You only spend money in the Lakeview District drinking. (@aathu)
  95. You buy sweet tea at the grocery store. (@juliesenter)
  96. You’ve ever felt sick when you heard someone say “the neighborhood changed” and realized what they meant. (@glennybrock)
  97. You call Pam Huff “Ham Puff.” (@bwdaly)
  98. You have more square feet of TV than linear feet of books. (@bwdaly)
  99. You aspire to live in Hoover. (@aathu)
  100. You jus’ got you one o’ nem “tweeter pages.” (@aathu)
  101. You ignore the fact that most of the city’s population is poor and struggling, while you just care about lunch/bars/events. (@david_carter)

The full list of #YoureSoBirminghamIf tweets from Aug. 26, 2010.

• • •

Read more Wade’s 101.

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5 Yips for “Wade’s 101: You’re so Birmingham if … (2010 Twitter version)”

  1. Jen Barnett
    Friday, August 27, 2010, 12:44 pm

    We were just talking about how so many people hate on Surin, some here but much more so in Atlanta. I can tell the food is a little different from other Thai places (deliciously so, to me), but I can’t figure out what they do that’s such an affront.

    Can someone educate me? Do you have to have eaten in Thailand to understand?

  2. Wade
    Friday, August 27, 2010, 4:17 pm

    Other than that single tweet, I hadn’t heard any Surin backlash.

    Surin has always been a favorite of mine. I guess I’m not as hip as everyone else, but then, who cares?

  3. Jen barnett
    Friday, August 27, 2010, 7:02 pm

    I love Surin, too. You can see people dissing it on chow, urbanspoon, etc., but I just can’t make out why. Probably because I’m so Birmingham…

  4. Rachel @ Grasping for Objectivity
    Sunday, August 29, 2010, 3:24 pm

    Love the list! You mean people outside of Birmingham don’t know Ham Puff??

  5. Jen Barnett
    Monday, August 30, 2010, 5:01 am

    I still think of Brenda LaDun as the new chick.

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