It’s not for the pay.
The consummate grump does it
for the love of pain.

• • •

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Let the other guy
do it. Coffee breaks won’t take
themselves, now, will they?

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Let’s live in our own
universes, unchecked by
facts or sanity.

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The hyphen lay still
between parentheses, just
out of his comma.

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The roving robot
wrangled wandering carts from
lot purgatory.

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1. santa’s second job
   To make ends meet, St.
   Nick delivers pizzas and
   subs across Finland.
2. the season of light hors d’oeuvres
   Maybe a nibble,
   some eggnog, a cookie and …
   a tray of meatballs.
3. turf wars: the blaze awakens
   First they came for the
   Blazers, and I did not speak
   out, because Roll Tide.
4. on the loss of camaraderie
   Time in the trenches
   builds character but also
   forges true friendships.
5. speaks volumes
   The best compliment
   I paid the wretch was to keep
   my mouth tightly shut.
6. the illusion of what is earned
   Achievement measured
   against sweat turns up as a
   lousy ratio.
7. goodbye, cruel branch
   The leaves decided
   en masse to give in and leap
   to a certain doom.
8. fortune favors the bold
   She and he walked through
   the town square as night closed in
   and they thought, why not?
9. and the heart beats a little faster
   He feared he missed her
   by a decade or two but
   vowed to catch up quick.
10. once upon a tinder
    She swiped through one frog
    after another, seeking
    a digital prince.
11. to my not-so-secret admirer
    The thoughtful words for
    the inscription seared his heart
    more so than the book.
12. like a two-by-four to her heart
    Romance was a no-
    good, two-timer, and love was
    a four-letter word.
13. love among the introverts
    They acknowledged their
    passion with an intimate
    and smoldering nod.
14. in her own skin
    She would, at times, find
    her self pleasantly surprised
    and somewhat amiss.
15. love contract
    Mystery room, light
    bondage, full obedience,
    three meals, no “Twilight.”
16. a bookmark
    The passage pulled her
    back over and over, words
    that tugged at her heart.
17. hazards of a good read
    He zipped through her taut
    pages, not quite focused on
    the words but the scribe.
18. perfect matches without candles
    Sometimes, it’s better
    to curse the darkness while you
    cuddle up at night.
19. baby, it’s consensual outside
    I really can’t stay.
    — But, baby, it’s cold outside.
    Don’t call me “baby.”
20. aisles to go before i sleep
    Would she like something
    sparkly, or silky, or a
    present from the heart?
21. pedals down
    They wound their way home
    on bicycles built for two,
    (Their hearts popped wheelies.)
22. sweeties
    She mixed the dough. He
    prepped baking sheets. They had a
    litter of cookies.
23. tea and honey
    Steam rose from the cups
    of green tea as they held hands
    in the afternoon.
24. a festivus miracle
    A holiday worth
    celebrating in verse with
    enough syllables.
25. carbo-loading for the marathon flight
    A couple of the
    reindeer do Paleo, the
    rest are gluten-free.
26. christmas keepsakes
    Take the laughter and
    smiles and thoughtful cards and gifts
    to cherish always.
27. how to recycle a year
    Let us not discard
    a passing year but re-use
    the best days again.
28. the second most 2014 thing ever
    My bae? Turnt for this
    Uber lumbersexual
    fare with Ebola.
29. the unrepentant cheerleader
    She spoke out for all
    things good, never minding the
    decay around her.
30. the canvas of 365 days
    Should a calendar
    be filled with moments to come
    or blank with suspense?
31. lifehack, level 2015
    Ignore all advice
    on T-shirts and memes, stick to
    flattering haiku.
32. the international regret line
    On this side, regrets
    and sorrow. On the tomor-
    row side, hopes and dreams.
33. feet first
    Dip the toes in. Get
    steady. One step, then one more.
    Forward, never back.
34. every day is a new year
    Every day is spring,
    summer, winter, fall. Every
    night births a new dawn.
35. the quaint notion of privacy
    The government’s spies
    to those little creatures who
    want in the bathroom.
36. what progress looks like
    Sometimes, a flopping
    fish gasping for oxygen.
    Sometimes, near stillness.
37. the ice yet to come
    It is coming, this
    true winter, this merciless
    paralyzing storm.
38. all it takes is a wall of cloth
    Separate or hide,
    mask or protect, decorate
    or drape. Curtain doom.
39. cautious by nature
    All the anti-germ
    soap and helmets in the world
    couldn’t stop the beat.
40. pipe, a negative
    Oh, dripping faucet,
    how you vex me … except when
    the temps are freezing.
41. the blues as a way of life
    Misery, with a
    steady riff and many lost
    dogs, plus loves gone bad.
42. let birmingham be birmingham
    Foolish spending and
    aspirational facades
    in all their glory.
43. mama always said
    Look before crossing
    the street. Mind your manners. Eat
    all your vegetables.
44. the gap
    Between haves and have
    nots. Between black and white. And
    between left and right.
45. where will the garden grow?
    Some sun, some shade, a
    bit of rain and a lot of
    love over the months.
46. texts at 60 mph
    omg what did
    he say nexr? tell tht bitch to
    shut it. wher u at
47. drink the sand
    The problem with a
    lack of leadership is the
    horrible vacuum.
48. free air everywhere
    Lots of atmosphere
    to hold up birds and planes but
    not for my tire.
49. a million wonderful crazy ideas
    Each idea that
    flies in, nests in the brain and
    seeps into the cracks.
50. the spy who empowered me
    Under cover of
    darkness, he stole the blueprints
    to my secure heart.
51. annoying choices
    Ignorance, rudeness,
    arrogance, stinginess, cats,
    talking at movies.
52. figure rate
    Math makes a day more
    fun by 82.4
    percent. It adds up.
53. the trek of least resistance
    Behind him were some
    44 footprints, marking
    a journey of one.
54. the cur of destiny
    When failure is a
    mad dog nipping at your heels,
    do you run or cave?
55. at long last loathe
    They got close, then too
    close, then slightly apart with
    an air of mistrust.
56. when two become one
    Hearts of Dixie find
    union in a land where parts
    may or may not match.
57. if you don’t mind spots
    The proper way to
    load the dishwasher is to
    get him very drunk.
58. the kindly miser
    He hoarded his gold
    and gave his moldy crusts to
    those starving wretches.
59. the device, the source, the auteur, the viewer
    Antenna, then a
    cable or dish. Maybe now
    a phone and tablet.
60. what goes around stays around
    The crud came to stay
    for a weekend and then a
    week more. Tissues, please.
61. let it snow elsewhere
    No more fighting for
    the last loaf and gallon. No
    more lost school and work.
62. the planner
    Inspiration comes
    from an outline of steps and
    deadlines in one file.
63. a battle somewhere
    Two near-champions
    prepare for epic fight, while
    I pick a movie.
64. front porch posturing
    He fended off the
    interlopers with nothing
    more than a tall tale.
65. rodent rituals
    Will a sweeping cold
    front bring more rain tomorrow?
    Ask the damn groundhog.
66. string bean dreams
    A day will come when
    tiny rows of crops nourish
    our sun-baked bodies.
67. harmony among the ribs
    The smoking hut crammed
    barbecue lovers of all
    stripes for a sit-down.
68. the healing of the mind
    They suffer in the
    silence of the void till heard
    and loved by healers.
69. making money
    Sheets of paper, disks
    of metal with holes, bits and
    bytes, chickens to trade.
70. estranged fruit
    Bananas cannot
    marry bananas, only
    peaches. Just ask God.
71. hour three at the dmv
    The guards eye us with
    suspicion. The lines grow with
    unlicensed drivers.
72. the purposely driven life
    Let our planners and
    schedules overflow with plans
    to remain busy.
73. the poorly chosen few
    They come prepared, sort
    of, to take up slack and spark
    a hope-like feeling.
74. a plan for romance
    Let’s get takeout and
    light a fire, listen to
    jazz and talk softly.
75. elevate the discourse
    Feed the audience
    with information and per-
    spective and respect.
76. ebay rich
    Piles of junk from the
    attic travel to far-off
    states to become cash.
77. love in the south
    Romantic notions
    over bullfrog croaks, sweet tea
    and abstinence vows.
78. frigid panic
    Will the schools shut down?
    Will the bridges freeze over?
    Will the snow kill us?
79. easier to give up
    Time to let those goals
    for the “new” year fade away
    like lost promises.
80. the skid
    The routine goes so
    smoothly, then a slight shift and
    it’s spinning like mad.
81. on birdman
    Let us celebrate
    actors in their natural
    habitat, the stage.
82. broken china
    The revolution
    wound down as plates crashed to earth,
    out for one last spin.
83. the legalization of potlikker
    A substance that brings
    only pleasure, addictive
    and medicinal.
84. the fine line between televised comedy and drama
    Laugh for up to (but
    not over) 30 minutes,
    cry at 31.
85. for a spell
    Sit, catch up, gossip,
    relax, unwind, listen to
    the birds, settle in.
86. something gold can stay
    The parties fade and
    the talk shows take over once
    the trophies go home.
87. as winter passes by
    Children pray for snow.
    Parents pray for sanity.
    Grocers pray for fear.
88. a spirited toast
    Here’s to ego, the
    cause of, and solution to,
    all of life’s problems.
89. the pettiest of concerns
    Cable outage, long
    lines, parking meters, ringing
    phones, loud neighbors, dust.
90. the colors of the long-winded
    Easily the most
    pointless debates we have are
    Internet debates.
91. all winter in a day
    Snow and ice warnings,
    bread and milk fights and canceled
    plans and frozen pipes.
92. the sky a little lighter
    Coming around the
    bend, a young woman brings her
    fresh spirit. It’s spring.
93. the kids pick the menu
    He picks nuggets and
    she picks tater tots and they
    pick chocolate milk.
94. drive-in saturday night
    The sun goes down, the
    lights come up, the stars shine on
    the luminous screen.
95. a dream about carbs
    Cupcakes and doughnuts
    rain from the sky into my
    smiling hollow belly.
96. a thin sheet of death
    The blacktop hid a
    thin sheet of death, commonly
    referred to as ice.
97. the refreshening
    What’s more refreshing:
    ice cream on a scorching day
    or tea in winter?
98. the unwanted gift of gab
    Let us discover
    problems and talk them to death,
    for want of action.
99. fertile ground
    One part leaves, one part
    mineral, one part moss, one
    part water, plus luck.
100. addicted to the bitter
     A thought process stuck
     in reverse pushes the gross
     sludge to the forefront.
101. unmoved
     He would not budge, not
     for love or pain or money.
     No, he would not budge.

• • •

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Photo: Steve Johnson (CC)

A look at Birmingham in videos …

Birmingham Dance Theatre performs “Blood on the Leaves” at the Sixth Avenue Baptist Church for a Black History Month program. From Halo Radio.

•

Little Big Town performs “Boondocks” Friday at the BJCC Concert Hall. From Jaycy Nail.

•

Hyperlapse of the drive from Birmingham to Selma, with Rollins College students on field study. From Julian Chambliss.

•

A 1985 USFL preseason game between the Houston Gamblers and the Birmingham Stallions at Legion Field. From USFL Forever.

•

Wedowee troupe The Dance Center on Main performs “River Deep, Mountain High” at the Kids Artistic Revue competition last week at the Alabama Theatre. From KARtv.

•

GreatMillStone tours Kelly Ingram Park downtown. From Gmsbornagain.

•

A look at the Birmingham Vulcans’ youth rugby program for age 6 to 19. From Birmingham Vulcans.

•

How Catherine and Matt found each other. From Main Street Productions.

•

Greer’s story for the Heart Ball fund-raiser for the American Heart Association. From Vulcan Media.

•

The Birmingham-Southern swim and dive team. From Presley Langley.
• • •

Send us links to your videos. | More videos on the Birmingham channel.

A thought process stuck
in reverse pushes the gross
sludge to the forefront.

• • •

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Photo: Olli Henze (CC)

My picks for #sundayread for March 8, 2015:

• 67 reasons guests give to attend Y’all Connect
• Gay Talese returns to Selma, a place “none of us can quite escape”
• Virginia Woolf on Writing and Self-Doubt, by Maria Popova @brainpicker
• Workshop in Huntsville on April 25 — you pick the topic
• A Chinese book tour, with Peter Hessler and his censor
• What Netflix Can Teach Content Marketers, by @TheCoolestCool (via @MrBenites)
• David Foster Wallace and the Nature of Fact, by @JoshRoiland
• The Dark Side of Caffeine, by Murray Carpenter @Murray_journo
• Flashback: Project Bulk: Day 189: I can see clearly now
• My first garden
• @sistaelaine, the Woman Who Led the Black Panthers (via @wordpressdotcom)
• Scientists to edit DNA of tomorrow’s babies. Should they? By @AntonioRegalado
• Utah’s shockingly simple, cost-effective way to end homelessness, by Scott Carrier
• Cover to Cover, by @TomGauld

More posts from Wade this week:

• Options to see Y’all Connect 2015 on video
• The Birmingham channel: Kids, cars and causes

The latest #sundayread tweets

#sundayread Tweets

• More #sundayread recommendations from me

One part leaves, one part
mineral, one part moss, one
part water, plus luck.

• • •

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Let us discover
problems and talk them to death,
for want of action.

• • •

Read more haiku.

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What’s more refreshing:
ice cream on a scorching day
or tea in winter?

• • •

Read more haiku.

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The blacktop hid a
thin sheet of death, commonly
referred to as ice.

• • •

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Cupcakes and doughnuts
rain from the sky into my
smiling hollow belly.

• • •

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The sun goes down, the
lights come up, the stars shine on
the luminous screen.

• • •

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