Wade on Birmingham

Green and gold and black and blue: On the murder of UAB sports

Wednesday, December 3, 2014 by Wade Kwon

UAB Marshall

Blazer tight end Kennard Backman leaps as UAB faces
No. 18 Marshall in its final home game.

Author’s note: In the past, I have worked in my capacity as a communications consultant for the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

•

Summary: After the loss of its football program, UAB must fire its president and leave the UA system to avoid future calamity.

Dec. 2 would have been a news-filled day without the end of UAB football, and bowling, and rifle.

• Pat Sullivan, a beloved Auburn quarterback and 1972 Heisman winner, stepped down as Samford’s football coach after seven seasons. He turned around a program even as he battled health issues.

• Charles Krulak announced his retirement as president of Birmingham-Southern College, ending in May. His 4-year service brought about a remarkable turnaround for a school drowning in a surprise $67 million debt. Before coming to Birmingham, Krulak served as U.S. Marine Commandant general and MBNA vice president.

UAB would see its own share of departing coaches and a different kind of turnaround from its leader.

Dr. Ray Watts, barely 22 months into his tenure as president, has forged an ugly legacy. He has done so through his unwavering service to the University of Alabama system trustees, rather than UAB’s students and employees, not to mention Birmingham proper (that bothersome B in UAB).

Watts managed to murder UAB football, after a history of 23 years, a 117–150–2 record, plus one bowl game. Caught in the crossfire were UAB’s bowling and rifle teams. He pulled the trigger, and the board of trustees gave him the gun.

UAB is the only FBS school in 19 years to drop football; University of the Pacific ended its program in 1995. Twenty schools have added football or moved up to FBS in that period, including Troy (which welcomed a new coach Monday) and South Alabama (headed to the first Camellia Bowl, Dec. 20 in Montgomery).

His leadership has been laughably disastrous, and UAB should find a way to oust him as soon as possible.

Previously: Should UAB football continue?

Some saw the warning signs earlier. Justin Craft, a former UAB player and member of the UAB Football Foundation, sounded the alarm in a Nov. 5 letter. New coach Bill Clark, who would lead the team to a 6-6 record and a possible bowl game, wasn’t being considered for an extension on his paltry 3-year contract; no non-conference games beyond 2016 were being discussed.

Watts met with Craft on Halloween, but Craft said he received no definitive answers from Watts about the program’s future.

Watts’ public statement offered no hope, referring only to a consulting firm’s report (below) that would determine football’s fate.

Over at Samford, Sullivan leaves a hero as the all-time leader in victories and a string of winning seasons. Attendance hovered just under 5,000. The Bulldogs made the FCS playoffs in 2013, the first time in more than 20 years.

Clark pulled off his mini-turnaround in a single season without an on-campus stadium, without an indoor practice facility (Mayor Bell and the UAB Football Foundation offered to foot the $10 million bill), without the support of UAB’s top official.

In seeing a couple of UAB games over the years as a guest of the university, I remember talking with then-president Carol Garrison at the tailgate party. She has chatted up guests at the pre-game receptions, talked to the squad in the locker room and graced the luxury box at Legion Field.

Watts, to anyone’s knowledge, hasn’t been to any of this year’s six home games at rickety old Legion Field, where attendance more than doubled.

Video: UAB president Ray Watts meets the football team
(perhaps for the first time) to kill the program.

Samford, of course, is a private institution with autonomy and lower expectations in the FCS division. UAB is part of the UA system, represented on a board with only four UAB alumni out of 15 members (the rest UA alums), though UAB brings in three times the revenue.

On Saturday, UAB beat Southern Miss on the road for its sixth win, becoming bowl eligible for only the second the fourth time in program history. The Football Writers Association of America gave the Blazers its Big Game National Team of the Week award.

On Sunday, Sports Illustrated broke the story that UAB was about to dump football. Watts was silent, away on vacation in New York for Thanksgiving weekend.

On Monday, hundreds of student protestors marched to the administration building and demanded answers. Watts’ campus parking space was vacant. Watts, in hiding from his own students, offered a statement nearly identical to the one from a few weeks before.

On Tuesday, protestors again marched to the administration building. Watts could drag this out no longer, his office announcing a meeting with the football team at 2 p.m. and a media conference at 3:30. During the afternoon, the official word came by email: UAB would eliminate the football, bowling and rifle programs.

Watts emailed students. He didn’t announce it in person first to students. He emailed it. And not to alumni, even as student volunteers continued to place fund-raising calls for the $1 billion Campaign for UAB.

The school begs for money, but when alumni and the City of Birmingham offered millions of dollars, Watts said no.

Football was the real target. And it was an easy one: It loses money, as most FBS programs do. Even Auburn, which played for a national championship this year. He said as much during a closed meeting to a disbelieving group of players, who confronted him about his singular focus on the numbers.

When Watts tried to slip out the back door after that meeting, an angry mob of students shouted and lunged at him, pounding on the SUV taking him to the media conference. He needed an armed escort to make it to the vehicle.

Watts explained his position to the media, citing the consulting firm’s report that estimates UAB athletics’ spending at $100 million total over the next 5 years while mentioning the university’s cancer research.

He played the cancer card, even though research funding through grants isn’t the same as athletics revenue through conferences, television, licensing and donations.

CarrSports Consulting report for UAB on how to
cut football, 16 pages

•

CarrSports Consulting report for James Madison University
on how to move up to the FBS division, 65 pages

The report from CarrSports Consulting has been in the offing for months, even when Clark was hired as football coach in January. It’s less a consideration of the question of football and more a how-to guide on dropping football.

Title IX requires a balance of men’s and women’s sports in number and participation, so out go rifle and bowling’s all-female teams after football. In come men’s cross country and track to keep the university in NCAA Division I sports.

UAB will get the boot from Conference USA, which requires members to sponsor a football team. Ironically, the conference men’s and women’s basketball tournaments will take place March 11-14 at the BJCC Arena and on campus at Bartow Arena.

The financial intangibles muddy the picture, such as in enrollment, Blazer merchandise and donations.

Chuck Krulak has received accolades not only for his fund-raising at Birmingham-Southern, but his hands-on attitude, living in the dorms, eating daily in the cafeteria. Many alumni were justly concerned about the school’s financial malpractice, but he won them over in his first year by putting the college in the black for the first time in 7 years.

Krulak never took a salary during his 4 years on the job. Watts’ annual salary is $853,464, the 11th highest among American public universities. But Birmingham-Southern is a small, private college, one that resumed its Division III football program in 2007 after a 68-year hiatus. UAB has more faculty members than BSC has students.

In August, Krulak co-wrote an op-ed piece for the Chicago Tribune asking President Obama to force the military and CIA to come clean on the use of torture in Iraq. He shows courage and leadership in financial, practical and moral issues.

Watts demonstrates no such courage, no such knack for leadership. He displays no grasp of candor, no backbone, no vision for making the university and her students stronger and smarter.

He will drag UAB, Birmingham’s largest employer, into an abyss.

The first step is clear: My pal Steven E. Chappell named his new site FireRayWatts.com.

Don’t look for help from the UA board of trustees, which denies any involvement. The same board that approves all UAB athletic personnel contracts (bye bye, Jimbo Fisher) and nixed plans for an on-campus stadium in 2011. The same board that bows to the dictates of the overly influential trustee Paul Bryant Jr.

And don’t look for help from ex officio board member Gov. Bentley. Bryant donated $25,000 to his re-election campaign, as editor Jeff Poor noted.

Purge Watts, this sorry, gutless wonder, from campus as soon as possible.

The second step will be more difficult. Because none of this was really about football. It’s about self-determination.

UAB cannot function with absentee landlords, as reporter Kyle Whitmire notes in his al.com essay. He likens UAB to UA’s plantation, great for the masters and terrible for Birmingham. (As I would liken al.com/Birmingham News to Advance Digital’s plantation …)

Since Birmingham cannot hope to win over the trustees, it must wrest UAB from the UA system. Let the trustees bat around the Huntsville campus instead.

UAB must have autonomy or face the whims of an untrustworthy board, one that can and will make decisions that continue to damage the city’s crown jewel. What next … academics, research, the arts, new construction, housing? Imagine a worse successor as university president. Imagine fewer amenities to attract top professors, undergraduate applicants and research dollars.

Only a month ago, the suggestion of decimating UAB football would’ve seemed crazy.

It will take the authority of the Legislature to grant such a divorce from the UA system. Last week, Rep. Jack Williams proposed a bill to remake the board, but a far more drastic reshuffling is required.

The Blazers won’t play again in Birmingham, but if they’re very lucky, they might still go to a bowl game at 6-6. ESPN’s Brett McMurphy is alone in picking UAB for any bowl: the first Popeye’s Bahamas Bowl vs. Western Michigan on Christmas Eve.

It’s one last chance for those orphaned players and coach to shine before a national TV audience and perhaps find new schools that won’t lie to them and use them up for sport.

•

P.S. Columnist John Archibald writes an epitaph for UAB football: “In the end we lost again, because Birmingham did not support its own. … Support local sport. High schools and colleges …”

If only his employer, Alabama Media Group, had followed his advice, instead of giving the Blazers such inadequate coverage during the season …

• • •

  • Kevin Scarbinsky, al.com: “Ray Watts and his balance sheet kill UAB football, and strong men shed honest tears”
  • Jon Solomon, CBS Sports: “The day UAB football died a painful death”
  • New York Times: “It’s a Game of Spiraling Costs, So a College Tosses Out Football”
  • Kyle Whitmire, al.com: “The leader vs the lackey: UAB’s Ray Watts could learn a lot from BSC’s Charles Krulak”
  • John Archibald, al.com: “Evidence mounts that killing of UAB football was premeditated”

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What are your thoughts on UAB, football, self-governance and the future? Share them in the comments.

on the loss of camaraderie

Wednesday, December 3, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Time in the trenches
builds character but also
forges true friendships.

• • •

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German Christmas market coming Saturday to downtown

Tuesday, December 2, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Das Haus, Weihnachtsmarkt

 The Weihnachtsmarkt will have vendors offering ornaments,
gifts and more for shoppers.

Das Haus will hold its fourth annual Weihnachtsmarkt. Based on a tradition dating back to the Middle Ages, this Christmas market will have arts and crafts, ornaments, trees and gifts.

Also available for sale are German beer, mulled wine or Glühwein, plus brats on buns, pretzels, potato pancakes or Kartoffelpuffer and pastries.

The day includes musical performances, children’s entertainers and a visit from Santa Claus.

The free event runs from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday at Das Haus, 2318 Second Ave. N., downtown [map]. For more information, visit the Facebook event page or email fdskgermanclub@gmail.com.

Das Haus

turf wars: the blaze awakens

Tuesday, December 2, 2014 by Wade Kwon

First they came for the
Blazers, and I did not speak
out, because Roll Tide.

• • •

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The Birmingham channel: Culture after culture after culture

Monday, December 1, 2014 by Wade Kwon

A look at Birmingham in videos …

Sunday’s impromptu “Save UAB Football” rally on campus. From Ralph Marion.

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Cystic Fibrosis Foundation holds its Birmingham’s Finest $100,00 fund-raiser at B and A Warehouse. Fromfrictionoflife.

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WBMG (now WIAT) Action News Birmingham Nightdesk opening from 1989. From PrincessAriel2014.

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Milow performs “Where My Head Used to Be” and “You and Me” back in June at the Red Cat Coffeehouse in Lakeview. From Afterhours: Live from The Red Cat Birmingham.

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Flogging Molly’s Nov. 24 show at Iron City on Southside. From Sean Mahoney.

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Birmingham’s Blazing Bhangra performs at UAB’s Nov. 15 Diwali celebration at the Alys Stephens Center. From UAB Indian Cultural Association.

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Sharrif Simmons on Birmingham hip-hop. From al.com.

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Christian singer Rachael Mann interviewed on WDJC (93.7 FM). From Rachael Mann.

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Two suns in the sky. From rashid198029.

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Easter 2014. From Patricia Muñoz.

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Sharroky Hollie interviews Arnetta Streeter, who marched in Birmingham in 1963 as a girl. From Validate Affirm.

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Augustana performs “Fire” in 2011. From Plateau 9 Productions.

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Promo for Arc Light Stories’ events (and yes, I’m in this clip). From Arc Light Stories.

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http://instagram.com/p/wCn0DqQBwK/

Sunday on the Trussville trails and the Horse Track Ditch. From Mark Leo.

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See the Westover Christmas parade.

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See a hamster’s holiday celebration.

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See Rhodes Scholar Ameen Barghi talk about his upbringing.

• • •

Send us links to your videos. | More videos on the Birmingham channel.

the season of light hors d’oeuvres

Monday, December 1, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Maybe a nibble,
some eggnog, a cookie and …
a tray of meatballs.

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Books: Excerpt from Chelsea Berler’s ‘The Curious One’

Sunday, November 30, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Chelsea Berler, The Curious One

The following chapter is an excerpt from Birmingham author Chelsea Berler’s autobiographical book, “The Curious One: From Food Stamps to CEO — One Woman’s Journey through Struggle, Tragedy, Success and Love” [aff. link]. She is the founder and the chief executive officer of the Solamar Agency, a marketing firm in North Shelby County.

Berler discusses a moment of revelation in working on taxes and growing her young company.

• • •

Introduction

“I’m not telling you it is going to be easy,
I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”

— Art Williams

The Big Moment came when I was doing my taxes. I know, figuring out what number you have to write on that check to Uncle Sam is not usually the most exciting time in a person’s life. But for me, it was a huge moment, one that had major significance.

It was about 2 years ago. I was 27 years old, and I’d been running my own business, Solamar Agency, for about 5 years.

One of my very dear friends was our financial guy (and still is). He’d been with us the whole time. Since the beginning. But when we started out, we were really, really small. So while he was taking care of all the financial stuff for me, I never really thought much about it.

In fact, because I was so focused on serving my clients and my team and putting one foot in front of the other and just doing my work, I never really paid all that much attention to the reports he sent me at the end of every month, year after year. You know, those profit-and-loss statements with the numbers on it that explained just how much money we were making every month?

But then I got that one, life-changing year-end report. And it said my company made about $500,000 that year.

Me. At 27. Just made half a million dollars.

Wait a second … how did this happen?

I sat there and kind of stared at the number on the report, like it would suddenly make perfect sense to me if I looked at it long and hard enough.

Or maybe the “5” would suddenly turn into a “2” … or some other, more reasonable, number that made more sense to me.

But that didn’t happen. It wasn’t going to happen. Because as I sat there staring at the paper, it started to sink in.

Maybe it did make sense. Maybe it really was possible.

I thought back over the years I’d been running my business. Basically, what I’d been doing was working my tail off. I was going through a lot — I’d gotten my second divorce (yes, at 24—more on that later …) and the way I dealt with it was just by working, working, working.

That was pretty much my coping mechanism for any sort of problem that might come up in my life. I worked my way through it. It gave me something positive to do that distracted me from whatever was making me feel crappy at the time.

Not like I was super-ambitious or some major planner. I wasn’t necessarily thinking about my goals, or where the business was going, or even if the business was going. For me, the simple fact that I was getting some money at the end of the month after making payroll and paying all the other bills was like, “This is great.”

Eventually, I got over the divorce and met an incredible man. But I kept on working. It was the way I defined myself.

And looking at that report, and at the giant, massive, very grownup number on it, I realized what had been sneaking up on me for years.

All that work had paid off. I really did have a real business.

This was a real thing.

Maybe the fact that, right around the same time, we had opened up our first physical office could have provided a clue. Some sort of “Hey, progress is being made here” kind of message. But I never really equated opening the office with “success.” It was more about my lifestyle. I had been a hermit for such a long time, sitting at my computer in my house working, that basically, I just wanted to get out of the house. I wanted to have a place to go to work, and people to talk to when I got there. I’d been hiring people virtually for years, but I had started hiring people locally. And I needed a place to put those people …

I never expected it all to add up to half a million dollars. But suddenly, I realized that I did it. It happened.

And it was a pretty amazing moment.

I was flooded with all these feelings.

I finally felt like I had made something of myself.

Like I was part of something bigger than me.

Like I wanted to tell everyone to screw off.

I felt real.

It was the last place people (especially those people I wanted to tell to screw off) expected to find me.

And that’s maybe the biggest reason the whole $500K thing freaked me out. I grew up knowing, or thinking I knew, a pretty depressing fact. That not everything is possible.

Pretty much the opposite of what you’re supposed to grow up knowing, right?

I grew up in a very small town in North Dakota, with very little money and even fewer possibilities. Not that there was (or is) anything wrong with the town or the people in it. They made me who I am today. I love North Dakota, and I’ll be forever grateful for my roots.

But it’s just the kind of town where everybody knows everybody, and you get married and you stay there and you have kids and your kids stay there and everybody stays there forever and ever and ever.

I never, ever thought I would see another state, or even get out of my little town.

I had no idea how that would even be possible.

They have this one, very specific life path they teach you in school to help you succeed.

  1. You go to high school.
  2. You go to college, usually an in-state school.
  3. You become a teacher, or a doctor, or a lawyer.
  4. You come home and work and raise your family there.

It’s a perfectly great plan for people who want to be doctors or lawyers or teachers.

But that just didn’t feel like me.

Of course, like in every town big and small, there are also the dropouts that don’t go to college; they don’t even stay in high school. So they don’t do anything with themselves except maybe sit at the local bar.

I didn’t see myself as one of those people either.

And then there are the people who don’t go to college, but just have a bunch of cute babies and stay home and live on a family farm.

That’s where I figured I fit in. I always assumed I was going to end up married with kids in my hometown. That’s what most people like me did. Or pretty much what all people like me did. How could I think I was going to be any different?

The problem was, deep down inside, I felt different.

There was a part of me that was always rebelling against “the way things were.” I had these vague dreams of “arriving,” although where I was going to arrive, I wasn’t quite sure. Or wishing and hoping that I could create something lasting, not that I had any idea what that would be.

I just knew that I wasn’t like everybody else.

And in my town, in my world, that wasn’t exactly a comforting feeling. I was scared as hell that I would fail, that I wouldn’t have anything to show for myself and wouldn’t be able to create anything at all.

But that didn’t stop me from having visions of something different. Something bigger.

I just didn’t know what it would be.

Now, 20 years or so later, I do. Which, I guess, is why I’m writing this book.

As I write this, 2 years after that moment with my tax forms, my business is hovering right under the million-dollar mark.

And because I have reached this level of success, before turning 30, suddenly, I’m getting noticed. Suddenly, people look at me and think things like, “Oh, she is smart.” Or, “Oh, she does have something going on.”

Which makes me laugh, because they didn’t always feel that way!

I was the girl that didn’t fit the mold. That didn’t follow the path. How was I ever supposed to be successful if I didn’t conform and do what I was supposed to do?

But here’s the more important point: Maybe you feel like that, too.

Because a lot of people do.

Maybe no one ever told you that there’s a bigger world out there, and that you can not only get out in it and see it and be a part of it, but actually add something to it.

I know no one told me. I had to figure that part out on my own.

So I’m here to tell you that you do have options. I was a person who was born into a life where there didn’t seem to be a lot of options. But I had them — they just weren’t immediately visible.

And you have them, too. You really do.

Living a life that fits you and makes you happy, leaving your mark on the world even if you don’t exactly know what that mark will be, is possible.

You don’t have to do it their way.

You just have to find your way.

People might tell you you’re crazy. They might say what you want isn’t possible. They may — and this hurts — even tell you they don’t believe in you.

It doesn’t matter.

As long as you stay curious, and stay thirsty for more, and keep trying new things and reaching for new experiences, anything is possible. I know it is. Not only have I lived it, but I’m still living it today.

Sure, there are times when I think that I could lead an easier life: I could stop running all over the country, hang out with my husband and just have fun and relax. Maybe someday I will. But right now, I want more for myself.

And I also want more for people that haven’t had that opportunity to be curious.

Because if all this could happen for a girl from Scranton, N.D., it can happen to you, too.

Are you curious? Then come with me …

• • •

Chelsea Berler will hold a book signing for “The Curious One” from 2 to 4 p.m. Dec. 14 at 2nd and Charles, 1705 Montgomery Highway, Hoover [map].

“The Curious One” (March 2014, self-published)

Chelsea Berler

#sundayread for Nov. 30, 2014

Sunday, November 30, 2014 by Wade Kwon

teddy bear book

Photo: Laura Bernhardt (CC)

My picks for #sundayread for Nov. 30, 2014:

More posts from Wade this week:

The latest #sundayread tweets

santa’s second job

Sunday, November 30, 2014 by Wade Kwon

To make ends meet, St.
Nick delivers pizzas and
subs across Finland.

• • •

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Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 33

Saturday, November 29, 2014 by Wade Kwon

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  1. divided by perspective
    Who needs alternate
    universes? Damn alter-
    nate realities.
  2. someone stole all the magazines
    The waiting room had
    nothing to read, save for some
    pamphlets and blank forms.
  3. talk talk talk talk talk talk talk
    The faces emit
    chattering sounds in place of
    any kind of news.
  4. suspicious minds
    Conniving strangers.
    Or paranoia. Suspects
    and clues everywhere.
  5. the spelling of katz
    The “g” is silent,
    while the “ei” is pronounced
    “aye.” Is that so hard?
  6. putting us through our paces
    Walking becomes a
    statistic for the mainframes.
    They watch every step.
  7. inspiring words
    “The rent’s due today.”
    “The boss would like to see you.”
    “We’ve nothing to lose.”
  8. everyone sweats
    Picture of this guy
    sweating, this lady sweating,
    everyone sweating.
  9. the options of a consumer society
    Aisles of colors and
    sizes and brands and options
    to bloat the landfill.
  10. dali’s smartwatch
    His conception of
    time warped with the urgency
    of the text message.
  11. the last pitch
    The mascot danced in
    place. The ballboys collected
    their gear. The crowd stood.
  12. wages within
    The value of work
    rises and falls, not with the
    times but with the souls.
  13. a heads-down classroom
    Bored kids roll their eyes
    at the feast of knowledge, left
    to their devices.
  14. the no-boil death trap
    The microwave lies
    in wait for a pure liquid
    and countless minutes.
  15. the heaviest lifting
    Outrage is easy.
    But channeling it into
    action is better.
  16. the voices of eternal radio
    He spoke to unseen
    masses about unexplored
    ideas unbound.
  17. a storm delayed by atmospheric detours
    The rain should be here
    by 3 o’clock, then 4, but
    no later than 6.
  18. a trip to the doughnut shop
    Every case had pink
    and blue and brown and tan and
    frosted confections.
  19. remembering the crew of wwii
    He poured out a few
    ounces of Metamucil
    for his dead homies.
  20. sunsets unlimited
    The passing of fads,
    the withering of circles,
    more will take their place.
  21. the longest distance
    The longest distance
    is between the promise and
    the consummation.
  22. patriot acts
    Spying on our own
    citizens. Attacking non-
    violent protestors.
  23. paddle royale
    The oldest players
    in the world square off on the
    smallest court ever.
  24. the petty joys
    Letting doors close on
    an elevator. Snagging
    the last doughnut. Whee.
  25. hands like lightning
    Every time he clapped,
    a bug lost its wings, their flight
    grounded with applause.
  26. the next step
    The next step can be
    down the beach or off a cliff
    or back to safety.
  27. tickled by words
    Bon mots can make for
    guffaws and wide eyes, even
    chest thumps and re-reads.
  28. the patron saint of empires
    St. Sterling brought forth
    new commerce, and the people
    bankrupted themselves.
  29. some ones and super zeroes
    Binary problems:
    It works or it don’t; advance
    or remain in place.
  30. mother nature whispers
    She sends her regards
    for a resplendent autumn
    with a cooling breeze.
  31. all thumbs
    In the digital
    age, are we our devices
    or mere bags of flesh?
  32. a cut above
    She gave up her locks
    so others could cover their
    naked scalps with love.
  33. the publishers on strike
    The authors moved on
    to their Kindle singles and
    handcrafted ebooks.
  34. the stockbrokers’ almanac
    Unseasonably
    bullish, with periodic
    gusts of price fixing.
  35. the batman i know
    A billionaire with
    a strong work ethic and an
    insomniac’s bent.
  36. an unnatural smile
    The soul nor the lips
    were willing to take part of
    a facial charade.
  37. last chance for romance
    Intimacy led
    to contempt. They knew too much
    to ever go back.
  38. the empty coffin
    He faked his own death,
    but even worse, he faked his
    own life for nothing.
  39. abraham lincoln visits the future
    Emancipation
    worked out well, but what’s with the
    expensive coffees?
  40. raining after work
    Inspiration passed
    my bus stop several times, but
    my ride never came.
  41. glory whole
    The hollow pursuit
    of fame befits its Gen Y
    gang of aspirants.
  42. gourd a more perfect union
    Pumpkin in my beer.
    Pumpkin in my coffee. Food
    mashups should be squashed.
  43. expediency in the working world
    Better to ask for
    forgiveness than to obtain
    permission before.
  44. streams of consciousnesses
    The flow of jumbled
    thoughts and half-truths sputtered to
    more nonstop drivel.
  45. the voyage to a new port
    He left the shore with
    no cares, sailing toward home with
    the promise of kin.
  46. slipping degrees
    A slight chill and a
    few goose bumps settle in as
    winter looms closer.
  47. no guilt, just pleasure
    How lovely are the
    simple sweets of our youth when
    shared over some tea?
  48. zombie or not zombie
    A nation forged by
    exhaustion, expectations
    and excesses. (Yawn!)
  49. mash note 404
    He declared his love
    in a beautiful text that
    was stuck in the cloud.
  50. sisterly city envy
    What they have, we want.
    What they struggle wi/we mock.
    What they do, we shun.
  51. the girl in the third row far left
    Her magnetic smile
    kept me going through the lulls
    and hiccups. Thank you.
  52. the essence of hope
    The last chocolate chip.
    The text message saying yes.
    The sun settling down.
  53. faces of dearth
    What is the correct
    emoji for “indifferent
    with a side of guile”?
  54. b and b and be
    The morning started
    with hot coffee, warm muffins
    and birds flying south.
  55. the insecure confessions
    They would reveal their
    disorders and bank accounts
    to faux confidantes.
  56. the orphaned lot
    The weeds had free reign
    till the suburban posse
    got them evicted.
  57. hills mountains crossings bluffs ridges biomes
    A strip mall can go
    practically anywhere with
    the right greased pockets.
  58. metaphysician, heal thyself
    What if all of the
    hypochondriacs are right
    and placebos kill?
  59. charms with every breath
    He would take the page
    and transform it into a
    symphony of speech.
  60. how much longer till candy and costumes?
    Children everywhere
    (and a few adults) gave up
    on sleep for tricks, treats.
  61. panic waits waits waits attacks
    You will be sitting
    quietly, when the earth shakes
    and the mind screams pain.
  62. the shadow of asclepius
    She took notes on the
    doctor’s notes and patient’s notes,
    all for paperwork.
  63. ask me anything
    Questions get answers.
    False assertions get steamed looks.
    Come ons get sly grins.
  64. breaking, the surface
    Nothing will ever
    be more important than how
    celebrities look.
  65. as if by magic
    The hurried touch-ups,
    the sweat and fret, it all seems
    as if by magic.
  66. squashed plans
    The Great Pumpkin will
    skip visits this year out of
    fear of ebola.
  67. the laziest weekend
    It begins with a
    24-hour nap and
    then another one.
  68. a sense of a sense of humor
    Eyebrow raised, smirk, smile,
    bigger smile, tiny laugh, a
    chuckle, belly laugh.
  69. it takes a cabal of strangers
    Ills of postmodern
    society can be traced
    to isolation.
  70. the sugariest treat of all
    Little did the ghouls
    expect a gallon of sweet
    tea poured in their sacks.
  71. the cracks
    Society runs
    as long as we overlook
    daily mistreatment.
  72. costume drama
    No one knows who you
    are, and yet everyone knows
    who you want to be.
  73. but everyone was thinking football
    Turkeys to stuff, fall
    festivals to run, sweaters
    to air, leaves to rake.
  74. the power of check boxes
    Mark a box, then one
    more. Fill in enough and you
    have democracy.
  75. the book on the nightstand
    The ideas on
    the pages collect dust while
    the reader keeps on.
  76. who will untangle the strings?
    Corruption and lies,
    theft and disenfranchisement,
    crimes left to crooks.
  77. annual down time
    The white blood cells tell
    the rest of the body to
    pack it in this week.
  78. more of the same
    Status quo as a
    platform and candidate wins
    even in harsh times.
  79. twenty-first century luddites
    Dial-up connection
    and a tendency toward
    manual gear shifts.
  80. a proper shade of despair
    She would stare at the
    broken moon and wonder if
    her piece had been claimed.
  81. the hyphen is a long series of distractions
    Games, humming, drinking,
    gossip, snacking, doodling, texts,
    reality shows.
  82. man vs. machine
    The last man in the
    world still had to think up an
    eight-letter password.
  83. limb from limb
    Soldiers come home in
    pieces, broken by bombs. We
    owe more than one day.
  84. what can’t be unseen
    Of all the world’s vast
    horrors, none offends more than
    willful ignorance.
  85. urban pictionary
    They captured rooftops
    and skylines for digital
    posterity’s sake.
  86. the feast almost at hand
    Get those waistbands loose
    and those jawbones warmed up for
    gluttonous gorging.
  87. pain without a face
    Not even a twitch
    betrayed the agony of
    brutal depression.
  88. almost midnight at the doughnut shop
    Clumps of teenagers
    dance, rap, tweet, giggle and fool
    around while in line.
  89. a representative will be with you momentarily
    A third of our lives
    is spent asleep, a third on
    the phone with support.
  90. huddled and cozy
    No bitter wind can
    strip warmth from this campfire
    as we gasp at stars.
  91. both liberating and alienating
    No one is thinking
    about you. And no one is
    thinking about you.
  92. inside time for rex
    The mutt padded in
    and plopped down on the kitchen
    floor, safe from the cold.
  93. the slice at the end of the meal
    Pie is good, pie is
    kind, pie doesn’t judge, pie gives
    joy, pie renews faith.
  94. head bugs on a king-size mattress
    His anxieties
    crept into bed with him and
    took all the blankets.
  95. the age of design and wonder
    Roaming vacuums clean
    our floors while Christmas lights flash
    in synch with Dokken.
  96. be less literal
    A wordy world of
    similes and metaphors
    slams into orbit.
  97. the rigors of turkey day
    Thankfulness, and then
    consumption. Slothfulness, then
    consumption again.
  98. oppression 101
    Government-sanctioned
    violence. Protests. Arrest? Trial.
    “Not guilty.” Repeat.
  99. so many thanks
    Do not struggle with
    gratitude but let it seep
    in with every breath.
  100. black friday remainders
    A 3 a.m. start
    puts you behind only by
    a day or two, tops.
  101. pistols in triple overtime
    Half the state would like
    to crush the other half and
    feeling’s mutual.

• • •

Bonus haiku in “To the nines: Wade on Birmingham’s ninth anniversary.”

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magnetic fridge poetry

Photo: Steve Johnson (CC)

Four Birmingham teams headed to state championships in Auburn

Friday, November 28, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Hoover, Clay-Chalkville, Pleasant Grove and Leeds have one final game next week

Clay-Chalkville beat Gardendale in the regular season on the
way to a perfect record and a 6A title fight against Saraland
next week.

In a football-crazed state, why not more football?

The 3-day binge of high school championships has expanded with two more games. The Alabama High School Athletic Association changed to a seven-classification system in January, sending the state’s 32 largest schools to 7A.

The Birmingham-area teams competing for state titles are Hoover, Clay-Chalkville, Pleasant Grove and Leeds. Hoover faces Prattville for the first 7A championship; the two teams won 11 of the last 12 6A titles.

Clay-Chalkville won the 6A title in 1999; the Cougars face Saraland making its first trip to the finals. Pleasant Grove also makes its first trip to the 5A finals, taking on St. Paul’s, which won the title in 2007. Leeds won the 3A title twice before moving up to 4A; the Green Wave faces three-time 4A champs Deshler.

The seven championship matches will kick off with an exhibition flag football game between Hewitt-Trussville and Lawrence County. The Unified Sports program, part of Special Olympics, puts students with mental disabilities with other athletes for competition and fun. The Alabama Special Olympics is helping put on the Wednesday afternoon game.

All Super Seven games take place Wednesday through Dec. 5 at Auburn’s Jordan-Hare Stadium, airing on Fox 6.1 and 6.2 and streaming online. Tickets are $12 per day and available online.

Wednesday

  • 3:30 p.m.: Exhibition flag football: Hewitt-Trussville vs. Lawrence County
  • 7 p.m.: Class 7A – Prattville (11-2) vs. Hoover (11-2)

Thursday

  • 11 a.m.: Class 3A – Dale County (14-0) vs. Madison Academy (13-1)
  • 3 p.m.: Class 1A – Maplesville (13-0) vs. Hubbertville (13-0)
  • 7 p.m.: Class 5A – St. Paul’s (14-0) vs. Pleasant Grove (12-2)

Dec. 5

  • 11 a.m.: Class 4A – Leeds (13-1) vs. Deshler (12-1)
  • 3 p.m.: Class 2A – Elba (14-0) vs. Fyffe (14-0)
  • 7 p.m.: Class 6A – Clay-Chalkville (14-0) vs. Saraland (13-1)

Super 7 / AHSAA

Christmas 2014: parades and tree lightings across Birmingham

Friday, November 28, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Squirrel - Homewood Christmas parade

This festive squirrel rides his motorcycle at
the annual Homewood Christmas parade.

Christmas parades and tree lightings will take place in more than two dozen cities across Jefferson and Shelby Counties. Take a look at the list to join in the free festivities …

Alabaster: parade with Noah Galloway as grand marshal, 10 a.m. Dec. 6, starts near Ernest McCarty Ford, 1471 First St. N. [map]

Bessemer: parade, 2 p.m. Dec. 13, starts at Debardeleben Park [map]

Birmingham: parade and tree lighting, 5-7 p.m. Tuesday; parade starts at Kelly Ingram Park [map], tree lighting at Linn Park [map]

Calera: parade, 6 p.m. Dec. 6, starts at National Guard, 1320 Eighth Ave. [map]

Center Point: parade, 11 a.m. Dec. 13, starts at Cathedral of the Cross, 1480 Center Point Pkwy. [map]

Chelsea: parade, 10 a.m. Dec. 20, starts at Chelsea Middle School, 2321 Shelby County 39 [map]

Clay: tree lighting, 5:30 p.m. Sunday at Cosby Lake Park [map]; parade, 3:30 p.m. Dec. 13, starts at Clay-Chalkville High School, 6623 Roe Chandler Road [map]

Columbiana: parade and tree lighting, 5:30 p.m. Thursday; parade starts at 7 p.m. at Main Street [map]

Gardendale: parade and tree lighting, 6-9 p.m. Thursday, starts at Mt. Olive Road [map]

Graysville: tree lighting, 6 p.m. Thursday at City Hall, 246 S. Main St. [map]; parade, 10 a.m. Dec. 6, starts at North Main Street [map]

Helena: parade, 1 p.m. Dec. 6, starts at Helena Road [map]

Hoover: tree lighting, 5 p.m. Monday, City Hall, 100 Municipal Ln. [map]

Homewood: parade and tree lighting, 6 p.m. Dec. 9, City Hall, 2850 19th St. S. [map]; parade starts at 6:30 p.m. from the library, 1721 Oxmoor Road [map], then tree lighting at City Hall plaza

Irondale: parade and tree lighting, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Dec. 6, starts at Irondale Elementary School, 225 S. 16th St., ends with tree lighting at City Hall, 101 20th St. S. [map]

Leeds: parade, 7 p.m. Dec. 12, through downtown [map]

Midfield: parade and tree lighting, 10 a.m. Dec. 6, starts at Midfield Community Center [map]

Moody: parade, 5 p.m. Dec. 13, starts at Adesa, 804 Sollie Drive [map]

Mountain Brook: parade, 3 p.m. Dec. 7, starts at Cahaba Road in Mountain Brook Village [map]

Pelham: tree lighting, 6:30 p.m. Monday, Pelham Civic Complex, 500 Amphitheater Road [map]

Pinson: parade, 10 a.m. Dec. 6, starts at Pinson Valley High School, 6895 Alabama 75 [map]

Pleasant Grove: tree lighting, 7 p.m. Thursday at City Hall, 501 Park Road [map]; parade, 9-11 a.m. Dec. 6, starts at CVS, 27 Park Road [map]

Trussville: parade and tree lighting, 3 p.m. Dec. 13, starts at Parkway Drive and Oak Street [map]

Vestavia Hills: tree lighting, 6-8 p.m. Dec 9, Vestavia Hills City Center, 700 Montgomery Highway [map]; parade, 2-4 p.m. Dec. 14, starts at Liberty Park Sports Complex, 4700 Sicard Hollow Road [map]

Vincent: parade, 6-8 p.m. Thursday, starts at Vincent Middle High School, 42505 Shelby County 25 [map]

Westover: parade, 10 a.m. Dec. 13, along Old U.S. 280 [map]

Wilton: parade, 10 a.m. Dec. 6, starts at Bible Baptist Church, 293 Stephens St. [map]

Video: Westover Christmas parade

Did we miss your town’s parade? Let us know in the comments.

black friday remainders

Friday, November 28, 2014 by Wade Kwon

A 3 a.m. start
puts you behind only by
a day or two, tops.

• • •

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 27, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Video: A tiny hamster shares Thanksgiving with friends.

Happy Thanksgiving! May your day be shared with loved ones in special hats.

tiny hamster Thanksgiving

so many thanks

Thursday, November 27, 2014 by Wade Kwon

Do not struggle with
gratitude but let it seep
in with every breath.

• • •

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