Wade on Birmingham

Archive for March, 2006

Wade’s 101: Headline retrospective

Friday, March 31st, 2006
  1. City council puts meeting videos, bickering sound clips for sale on iTunes
  2. Missing cats return with no explanation of disappearance
  3. Fan discovers either ‘Alabama’ or ‘Auburn’ could work in football-themed punchline
  4. Dance recital fails to spark love of arts in parents
  5. Engineering firm debates best crack pipe material
  6. Chimp remains mum on gubernatorial candidacy
  7. English Village candle store burns down over four days; smells like pumpkin, lemongrass
  8. Forest Park crone asks neighbors to turn down ‘wi-fi racket’
  9. Leave a penny, take a penny program nets three cents, plastic button
  10. Jocks, nerds reach tentative peace accord
  11. (more…)

leftover decision

Friday, March 31st, 2006

Car interior
smells like doggie bag. Time to
risk food poisoning?

• • •

Read more haiku.

Circus minimus

Friday, March 31st, 2006

Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing.

Cirque du Soleil has brought its artsy acrobatics for a two-night performance at the BJCC Arena, but with a heavier emphasis on music and choreography. Is its road show “Delirium” an arena event or Cirque lite?

(more…)

pipe down

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

Dozer cracks asphalt
to scoop hole in street while men
squawk on radios.

• • •

Read more haiku.

Heads and tales: A study in contradictions

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

breastfeedSuck it: The Alabama House says it’s OK for women to expose themselves to children, some no older a few months. Before you yell at your rep (you do know who your rep is, right?), it’s merely a bill to allow public breastfeeding. At least one level-headed representive, DuWayne Bridges, has thought of the children: “I think it would be good for (breastfeeding moms) to go to their automobile or to the restroom.” Meanwhile, a Huntsville strip club’s owner and manager have been indicted because women exposed themselves to children, some no older then 55 or 60 years old. Let’s just outlaw boobs and get it over with.
• House passes bill to allow breast feeding in public [Associated Press]

A ruse by any other name: American forces moved into the suburban stronghold of Vestavia Hills Wednesday, ending the long tyranical regime that had gripped this troubled village. Soldiers and civilians alike ripped down the name of the dictator Richard M. Scrushy from its library, dragging the signs through the streets. Residents greeted the soldiers as liberators, shouting “Y’all done good bagging Dick! (‘You have performed admirably freeing us from Richard’s stranglehold.’)” Meanwhile, Scrushy remains at large trying to recruit followers to his cult.
• Board votes Scrushy off name, sign [Birmingham News]

Money to burn: Alabamians filed a record 47,844 bankruptcies in 2005, in part to avoid tighter restrictions under a new federal bankruptcy law. “It is ironic that, at least in the short term, a law Congress hoped would reduce bankruptcies instead caused the largest upward spike in history,” said Samuel J. Gerdano, executive director of the American Bankruptcy Institute. Let’s just outlaw poverty and get it over with.
• Alabama cases hit record high level in '05 [Birmingham News]

Also:

  • State prepares for hurricane season by stockpiling bread, milk, Jesus videos
  • Transportation department plans to sell “Traffic Cam Topless Hotties”
  • Bored journalists read forbidden blogs for sSePcErLeLt mCeHsEsCaKgNeOsW

• • •

Send us your news tips.

block caption

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

Siren gets closer.
Fire truck tends to neighbor’s
late emergency.

• • •

Read more haiku.

Heads and tales: Making the scene

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

nashville postcardCopycat: So often, we read about how Birmingham wants to be more like Atlanta, Charlotte, Chattanooga, Nashville … Well, hold up. Our pal Ailene writes about how Birmingham’s Hope VI project has inspired Nashville (one of several cities) to go after federal dollars to revamp decaying public housing. In fact, Nashville has completed or nearly completed three Hope VI communities and has plans for a fourth. Critics say such renovations merely chase away the poorest residents. In Birmingham and in Nashville, it’s still too early to tell.
• Birmingham success story inspires other cities [(Nashville) Tennessean]

Labor lure: Alabama is attractive to industry, not because of currently unemployed workers, but because of workers willing to leave their jobs for a better opportunity. So says the state department of industrial relations, especially as the state unemployment rate remains very low. Or those business could just be holding out for big economic incentives that’s all the rage with the kids these days.
• Alabama touts its strengths [Birmingham Business Journal]

Oink oink: Alabama’s congressional delegation landed $345 million in pork-barrel projects, 16 times the amount corralled 10 years ago. Remember: It’s pork if other states steal it; it’s targeted economic development if we earn it.
• Alabamians in Congress adept at securing cash [Birmingham News]

Track of focus: The Barber Vintage Motorsports Museum is “truly one of the great museums of the world, with almost 900 bikes and a few cars lavishly displayed over 80,000 square feet.” At least, that’s what they say in one British newspaper. Even if you’re not into racing (Yankee), it’s still worth a Saturday afternoon visit.
• Man and machines [(London) Telegraph]

Also:

  • Vulcan changes name to ‘Bama_Stud75’
  • In Birmingham, urge to kill rising, fading, rising, fading
  • Water meter reader: Sometimes, we ‘just wing that mother’

• • •

Send us your news tips.

Just for Hicks: And now, your moment of 10

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

taylor hicks“American Idol” singers provided a 21st-century fix, but the future’s not so bright for our 10 finalists, as performance after performance fell flat. Could Birmingham’s Taylor Hicks avoid trouble?

Recap after the jump …

Updated with multimedia, elimination.

(more…)

txt rsvp

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

Wut r u doin
2nite   lets get fd up n
ill c u l8r

• • •

Read more haiku.

Heads and tales: Try, try again

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

testingTesty, testy: Thanks to scoring errors in standardized tests, 14 schools in Alabama were classified incorrectly in accountability reports under No Child Left Behind. Four schools were forced to transfer students even though they had actually achieved Adequate Yearly Progress status; the other 10 passed even though they should have been classified as “needs improvement.” A state education department spokeswoman said, “To take away AYP status now wouldn’t be the right thing to do and would really send the wrong message to these schools who are working so hard to meet academic goals.” Sure, but who’s going to hand out lollipops when these kids can’t get jobs because their diplomas “need improvement”?
• Firm’s error gave 14 Alabama schools the wrong status [Associated Press]

Meth stakes: What’s worse than a meth lab? A meth lab around children!! Under the new federal law, anyone caught making meth faces an additional 20 years in prison. Yet, the nonprofit Justice Policy Institute (favorite superhero: Martian Magistrate), based in Washington, says that drug-free zones around schools have failed to deter dealers or protect children. The study points out that Alabama has the biggest zones: a 3-mile radius around any school, or more than 28 square miles. Naturally, we’d suggest cranking that bitch up to a 4-mile radius.
• Federal laws stiffen sentences for meth drug traffickers [Birmingham News]

Too much trauma: For too long, trauma patients have been a drain on the system, but no longer. Victims in Birmingham will be unwitting participants in a medical study to determine the best IV solution. Normally, medical studies require informed consent from, um, conscious patients, but this National Institutes of Health study has special federal exemption. One risk is an allergic reaction, which isn’t a big deal, unless you’re in some sort of critical trauma situation. Those participating will have special yellow stars, we suspect.
• UAB to try new trauma therapy [Birmingham News]

Also:

  • Knife fight breaks out at Helena gun store
  • Trend report: trendiness on the rise
  • Sale at mall food court leaves shoppers queasy, bloated

• • •

Send us your news tips.

sit and spin

Monday, March 27th, 2006

Appliance true fact:
Dryer lives up to its name.
Clothes not dry. Drier.

• • •

Read more haiku.

Best of the brackets 2006

Monday, March 27th, 2006

Congratulations to B. Abrams, winner of a USB drive/pen in the Big Brackets for Bytes Bonanza contest.

(Drop me a line with your address, so I can send you the prize.)

How good is Abrams?

  • Well, our winner is so good at picking teams, none of the other players, including yours truly, can actually score any more points because our Final Four picks are lousy. (Abrams could boost the lead over second place from 180 points to 460(!) points with an LSU championship next Monday.)
  • Abrams is in the 98.5 percentile among ESPN contest entrants.
  • Abrams drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. (Or maybe that’s Chuck Norris — we get confused.)

Thank you to all of our participants.

Heads and tales: Mind yourself

Monday, March 27th, 2006

stethoscopeCrazy in Alabama: Despite a 33-year-old lawsuit settled in 2003, the state hasn’t taken care of its mentally ill patients. Demand on the four state hospitals has jumped 39 percent in five years, while public and private resources have shrunk. Can the state make good on its promise to look after those in need, without federal oversight? Are you nuts?
• No room for mentally ill [Birmingham News]

Ham it down: Tuscaloosa gave up on its downtown music festival, CityFest, in 2005. Now, even the barbecue contest used to carry on the tradition is gone, killing any immediate hopes of reviving the music event. What, they couldn’t find an incongruent title sponsor? Meanwhile, Alabaster’s fourth CityFest (no relation) has landed headliners Joe Nichols (whose country hits include “Brokenheartsville” and “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”) and … Foghat. So for those scoring at home (and those of you alone), that’s Alabaster: Foghat; Tuscaloosa: can’t sell barbecue to Southerners.
• CityFest barbecue contest gives up the ghost [Tuscaloosa News]

Mizzou much: UAB men’s basketball coach Mike Anderson is taking his ball and going to the University of Missouri. His salary is doubling to $1.3 million, after a successful 24-7 season and first-round tournament appearance. The UAB interim athletics director wants the new coach to also push the up-tempo style Anderson implemented. Maybe UAB could start a football program, too. Wait, it has one? Really?!
• UAB basketball coach takes national title quest to Big 12 [Birmingham News]

Also:

  • School fund-raiser marred by exposed payoff scheme to ‘seed pushers’
  • Vestavia Hills theater manager keeps projectors, ticket kiosks in pristine, barely functioning condition
  • 48-year-old goth still refuses to ‘not look so depressed’

• • •

Send us your news tips.

in the clear

Sunday, March 26th, 2006

Musty boxes and
cluttered closets must yield to
spring cleaning deadline.

• • •

Read more haiku.

solitude sitting

Saturday, March 25th, 2006

The lonely heart wants
nothing except to belong
to that someone else.

• • •

Read more haiku.