Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 16
By Wade Kwon- santa has severe type 2 diabetes
Seriously, what
did you expect from such a
diet of cookies? - parade of cubicles
The stapler does not
suffer from boredom. It moves
often cube to cube. - a gentle drift
Eventually,
the cold gave way to flurries
descending darkly. - the tradition
Round up the fans to
watch the game, drink beer, yell at
the refs, root root root. - a pancake kind of morning
The house needs warmth. It’s
a pancake kind of morning.
Heat up the syrup. - you better watch out
Santa has turned on
spyware and night vision to
decide naughty, nice. - predictions for the next decade
Flying cars, yoga
weddings, telepathic phones,
wars without borders. - a campaign without end
The race starts anew.
Someone will someday lead this
town, but not this year. - sent from above
A squirrel has the
run of the attic, keeping
humans up at night. - adventures at the online mall
Hard to flirt with the
virtual checkout girl when
cart’s filled with doilies. - no wonder
Piling on the years
slowly drains the wonder from
a once bright outlook. - post-modern sleigh ride
Solar-powered sleigh
comes with DVD player,
espresso machine. - crimson pride
In tough times, a band
of football crazies pins their
hopes on Bama’s boys. - a different kind of fun
It’s a different kind
of fun when the light goes on
and teaching connects. - fight on
No one knows your pain
but you. And still, you soldier
on because you must. - that was the decade that was
War on Terror, Web
2.0, reality
TV, red/blue states. - trickles and pours
Drips and deluges,
showers and sprinkles, water
torture never ends. - shopping in the closet
Zip disks, notebooks, pens,
souvenir cups, CDs, a
melted candy cane. - creature feature
The day you forget
makeup is the day you see
friends at the movies. - the case for steroids
Man was meant to hit
lots of home runs and bench press
700 pounds. - short days, long days
Winter arrives on
time, with the shortest days filled
with the longest lists. - the airing of grievances
Mon ami, what a
disappointment you’ve been. And
how dreadful your frown. - the good in all
If for one day the
world’s people can become good,
let it never end. - repeat the sounding joy
The Lord is come! Let
Earth receive her king. And hea-
ven and nature sing. - christmas was here
Pine needles, stray bow,
wrapping shards, gift receipts, tubs
of leftovers, peace. - roar in the back yard
Metal monster sends
leaves flying into messy
piles with much thunder. - tomorrow always dies
The promise of a
new 24 hours wears
thin in just a day. - the busiest street in town
The busiest street
in town sees a car or two,
maybe a lost dog. - till the very end
The fireworks and
black-eyed peas can’t wait for the
calendar to change. - a bad breakup
I looked upon the
passing year and decade with
a hint of contempt. - and now your moment of ’10
Once bit10, 10der
caress brings a sweet 10sion
never forgot10. - blades of gory
The rink seems even
bumpier when hugged at high
speed along the ice. - oh, frostbite
Bitter cold punches
warm-blooded Southerners right
below Bible Belt. - flaky threats
They are coming, and
nothing you do can stop the
cruel snowy stampede. - i wish it were colder
Today, I wish it
were colder. I can still feel
my fourth toe and neck. - supermarket sweep
Blizzard forecast sends
shoppers on rampage for the
essentials: bread, milk. - game prep
Pace nervously, make
comfort food, wear team colors,
find a way to win. - writ her name in crimson flame
Fight on, men! Remem-
ber the Rose Bowl, we’ll win then.
Dixie’s football pride. - the cupcake factory
The little people
frost their little cakes on a
little wooden bench. - the case of the missing afternoon
It is enough to
share the couch and watch TV
mysteries for warmth. - but it’s a dry cold
Shivers and shakes, ice
and chills. Winter has gone South
for the, um, winter. - after carson, before armageddon
The Late Night Wars of
’10 began with Leno bomb
planted in prime time. - t-shirts unlimited
Each event, group, run,
slogan has been captured with
another T-shirt. - promise unfulfilled
The people will be
burned only so many times
until they give up hope. - help haiti
Now is the time for
the world to lend a hand to
our Haitian neighbors. - return of the bug
Even after flu
vaccine, cootie shot, body
succumbs to sickness. - habits
Let’s do the same thing
a thousand times because it
takes little effort. - a matter of service
Do not expect good
service until you give good
service unprompted. - rebooting birmingham again
The reset button
is faded and worn, having
been used quite a bit. - stains of history
Swiftly the currents
of events rush by, little
understood for now. - the 39th parallel
Cross this border to
see beyond the mists of youth.
Gaze into more life. - a dare-to-be-great situation
Buy, sell or process?
As long as you get paid a
princely, tidy sum. - no punching at the dinner table
As satisfying
as it could be, please refrain
from feast fisticuffs. - a reporter’s secret
He never goes home,
never stops calling, writes and
rewrites with gusto. - the road to success
The road to success
looks nothing like a highway.
Yet the path is worn. - a rush ahead to the blood
Smell that? It’s the scent
of a good story waiting
to be told to all. - oh, stop
“Did you hear about
Fred?” “Fred rules!” “What’s this I hear
about Fred?” “Get him!” - stronger than she looks
I can tell her just
about anything. She won’t
buckle or break down. - negotiations
Not so much about
the plans. Just about the way
we woo each other. - anywhere there’s cake
Spongy rich inside
with a healthy heaping of
frosting. Milk? Gravy. - the vapors
Time to bring back the
vapors, fainting spells and the
phrase, “I do declare.” - fate accompli
We are headed to
the cliff, unable to veer
away or slow down. - before there was cake
Powdered sugar leaves
a tell-tale trail along the
kitchen countertop. - under the blue tarp
The bones rot away
with each pissy rain cloud, hurt
by frail shingled skin. - keep digging that grave
Ignorance becomes
quicksand. Stubbornness becomes
policy. No hope. - the rehearsal
It’s somewhat like a
real performance, minus the
eyes and time limit. - made with real hummingbirds
Every last crumb must
be digested, lest the bak-
er be offended. - who dat?
Who dat? Who dat? Who
dat say dey gonna write dis
verse? Who dat? Who dat? - notepads and netbooks
The students scribble
rapidly on paper and
pixels. Learn later. - infinite wandering
Imagination
is a wonderful thing, till
you need to focus. - cookies for breakfast
Taboo treats at the
breakfast table not as nice
as the company. - mostly covered
Mild winter on pause
as celestial dandruff
smothers the Deep South. - the olympics of me
Easy gold medal
for me in spilling food on
shirt, typos, napping. - no tricks
Infant child can’t talk,
crawl, play trumpet, make dinner,
write essays, not drool. - cupid’s lament
Even with many
arrows on target, mortals
desire comfort. - a civilization of bureaucracy
Mayans built temples.
Egyptians built pyramids.
We stack paperwork. - the winter equation in dixie
Mostly mild, with a
chance of snow and ice, and some
occasional warmth. - insecurity risk
The gray light of the
kitchen reinforces a
sense of aloneness. - resolutions on, resolutions off
The gyms, deserted.
The credit cards, maxed way out.
Resolved, not hardly. - in the planning stages
Clean out the closet,
plan for vacation, smoke less,
world domination. - olympic dreams: brush with glory
The disk sails down the
rink, aimed with bristled intent
at icy bull’s eye. - olympic dreams: cavalcade on ice
Hicks, clowns and native
characters strap on skates to
wow judges and fans. - olympic dreams: ski, shoot, ski
With rifles at the
ready, skiers charge across
snowy countryside. - olympic dreams: good and bumpy
Mogul minefield stands
between agile skiers and
medals podium. - olympic dreams: i got my half-pipe
Baggy gymnasts of
the snowboards twist round and round,
hanging in mid-air. - olympic dreams: blue borders
Exposed veins pulse with
energy from the mountain
as ants slide between. - olympic dreams: down the frozen colon
The track has a rep.
The athletes have a mission:
Steer straight, fast and true. - olympic dreams: pucks unlimited
Faceoff. Deke, shot, block.
Icing, pass … fight! Penalty.
Shot, shot, score! Horn! Roar! - olympic dreams: vancouver mush
A host city with
too much warmth can’t keep much snow
on the mighty slopes. - at the holi table
To enjoy the feast,
you must prove your faith and wear
a colorful face. - a question of worth
The lone monk used an
abacus to calculate
his worth before God. - almost a blizzard
When it snows three times
in a season in the South.
invest in long johns. - peace be unto you
Conflict breeds options.
Fight back. Tuck tail. Induce guilt.
Give in. Or just talk. - the sin of defiance
Be not sorry, proud
jester, for your eternal
reward is coming. - step step glide
They dance before a
half-empty room, half-dressed, full
of joie de vivre. - heavier than previously thought
The gold statue, an
indicator not of true
merit, but good hype. - minimum flow
The couch can only
go so many ways in a
room before it cries. - the run
Dawn comes, and out the
door. Legs begin to churn back
and forth down the street. - adventure is out there
Beyond the confines
of daily routine is a
world of grand mischief. - need-to-know basis
Lifelong learning starts
with observing, then thorough
questioning. Truth comes. - under foot
Culinary plans
can falter when four-legged
friend strolls through kitchen.
• • •
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