Wade on Birmingham

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective

  1. blur of days
    I did this Sunday.
    (Or was that last Saturday?)
    Is today Tuesday?!

  2. what to wear
    Fall fashion forecast,
    Everything goes in cycles.
    Black is the new black.

  3. cubicle blues
    Office pal takes off
       for better job — so happy!
    (Can I have his desk?)

  4. sell out
    Poetry is free
    But writing time is money …
    I should charge five cents.

  5. a luv supreme
    Who’s the gal that rocks
    the big bench at the S.C.?
    Harriet Miers!

    Who’s the law lady
    with balls the size of Texas?
    Harriet Miers!

  6. all is lost
    The numbers 4, 8,
    15, 16, 23,
    and 42 suck.

    Mysterious isle
    lulls survivors with tropic–

    If a plane crashes
    In the middle of nowhere,
    Does it make sense? Wait …

    Hunger, fights, monster,
    Others, traps, island madness.
    Worst. Junket. Ever.

    Conflict. Then flashback.
    Weird stuff. Then flashback again.
    Ends with head scratching.

    Follow Jack? Why not?
    Follow Locke? Isn’t he nuts??
    Follow Kate? Hell yeah.

    Down the hatch we go.
    “Quarantine” is for wusses.
    The tribe has spoken.

  7. this flirt goes to 11
    Club disease redux:
    Shout to make conversation

  8. health scare
    Cough cough, sniffle, cough.
    Is it safe to be this sick?
    I’ll shoot the bird flu.

  9. band of bothers
    Live strong, wristband says.
    A talking bracelet? What the …
    Cancer of the spaz.

  10. barista’s nightmare
    Coffeehouse brings buzz.
    Not great if you hate java.
    “One dainty roast, please.”

  11. belly aching
    Greasy diner food
    doesn’t sit well in my tum.
    Eat healthy or die.

  12. three and out. repeat.
    Game still in progress,
    Will this madness never end?
    Zero to zero.

  13. up and autumn
    Fall wanders to town,
    Hues turn non-green with envy,
    No leaf left behind.

  14. desk conversation starter
    “I didn’t hear you.”
    “I move on little cat feet.”
    (“Don’t scare me like that.”)

  15. pet frenzy
    Cat and dog skitter
    in game of room-to-room tag.
    You’re it! No, you’re it!

  16. national past time
    World Series trudges on,
    Some team versus another.
    Wake me for hockey.

  17. nu-clear channel
    Radio active!
    Creed song repeats endlessly.
    Hope it stays broken.

  18. oh, shoot
    Almost hunting time,
    Guns, insults at the ready.
    We are all fair game.

  19. narrowing daylight
    Clocks need a break, too,
    One hour to rest tiny hands.
    Spring forward, fall back.

  20. comfy chair
    Race you to the chair
    So comfy and inviting
    Let’s sit for a spell.

  21. all hollow eve
    Candy-grubbing brats
    at my doorstep all night long.
    Trick or treat indeed.

  22. dry spell
    This drought has gone on
    far too long without relief.
    Let it rain on me.

  23. rosa parks r.i.p.
    Rosa laid to rest.
    Heavenly sign from above:
    “This seat for Ms. Parks.”

  24. november to dismember
    TV joy surging
    Guest stars, breaking news, big changes …
    Bless my box it’s sweeps!

  25. party time
    What time to party?
    So few dates to select from …
    Holidays a daze.

  26. laundry quandary
    Time to wash the clothes.
    Dryers getting colder fast.
    Quarter gets you five.

  27. can’t move
    So comfortable
    In my afternoon stupor.
    Sleep, perchance to nap.

  28. start your blowing
    Engines rev all day
    Scattering leaves to and fro
    Rakes!!! For heaven’s sakes!

  29. l’émeute de paris
    City of Lights burns,
    Youths riot around the clock,
    Zut! No mime is safe.

  30. hot hot hot
    November summer
    Eighty-degree days afoot
    A/C so breezy.

  31. car on fire
    Flaming vehicle
    lights up commute to office.
    Stop rubbernecking.

  32. steam america, world fleece
    Heated metal slab pushes
       wrinkles from the cotton sea.
    Will iron for food.

  33. town meeting
    We see the neighbors
    everywhere we go in town.
    Can’t they stay at home?

  34. lonely light
    Darker days ahead.
    Your smile, a beacon to trust
    as it leads us home.

  35. recipe mix
    What to cook this week?
    So much at supermarket …
    Takeout wins. Again.

  36. sudoku! gesundheit!
    The semi-blank grid
    demands digital input.
    Five. No, eight! Or six?

  37. stacked
    Piles of paperwork
    all ready to be ignored.
    Sweep away this junk.

  38. nagging retro question
    Relax, don’t do it.
    Come now, did Frankie ever
    get to Hollywood?

  39. orange you glad we didn’t say banana
    “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Me.”
    “Me who?” “Methinks this could be
    some lousy punchline.”

  40. curfew-sion
    Teen mob sees late show
    Unchecked by prying parents.
    Please don’t steal my ride.

  41. bugging out
    Nose runs at trouble.
    Nagging cough, fevered forehead.
    Time to stay in bed.

  42. the dream
    Chased by dark figure
    No escape from history
    Except to wake up.

  43. minute details
    Phone plan seems skimpy
    Not enough minutes per month
    How much over am I?!?

  44. close quarters
    Server checks again,
    She’s in my personal space.
    Get away from me!!

  45. gobble-licious
    Binge, gorge, stuff your face.
    Tom Turkey waits for no one.

  46. shopping conundrum
    Gift list keeps growing.
    Nothing quite matches up this year.
    Sigh. Gift cards for all.

  47. brand ex
    Labels come and go.
    Marketing is forever.
    You do buy that, right?

  48. mistaken identity theft
    Shredded pages fill the bags,
    safe from prying eyes of thieves …
    Unless they have tape.

  49. fine whine
    Complaint department
    has heard it all before, so
    keep your gripes short, sweet.

  50. at the parking meter
    Parked car driver sits.
    Why is that woman still there?
    Creepy creepy spot.

  51. buenos tacos
    Kit has all, knows all.
    Turkey beats beef for frying.
    Stuffed in crunchy shells.

  52. o christmas tree
    Fake fir mans corner.
    (Do they still make wooden trees?)
    The cheer is still real.

  53. nog your head
    Creamy beverage
    (smells like daddy after work)
    thickens down my throat.

  54. froze toes
    Chilly morn numbs face.
    Too frosty to rise from bed.
    Old Man Winter laughs.

  55. can’t top that holiday feeling
    Holiday sweater
    has embroidered snowpeople
    in blue pill “blizzard.”

  56. bite me, boss
    Toil without praise.
    Kill my supervisor, please,.
    then spit on the corpse.

  57. great smokies
    Fog of nicotine
    closes in on shallow breaths.
    Gasp gasp pant gasp wheeze.

  58. very small screen
    Watch shows on iPod.
    Tiny Regis, Ripa spar.
    Welcome to future?

  59. space, travel
    No parking in sight.
    Driving, looking and hoping.
    Make up your own spot.

  60. busy season
    Office parties? Check.
    Family gatherings? Check.
    Time for fun? Uh-oh …

  61. richard pryor r.i.p.
    Comedic genius
    and crazy motherfucker
    always on fire.

  62. fruit war
    Bananas attack.
    Apples fight back; peaches flee.
    It’s threat level orange.

  63. can’t stop
    Brake system failure
    leads to vehicular splat.
    So no slow mo? Whoa!

  64. sleepy time
    Head barely stays up
    Not enough shuteye for me.
    Must   not   fall   asl–   zzzzz.

  65. late-night diner
    Blinding fluorescents
    sting my weary eyes tonight.
    Burger will soothe ache.

  66. coded conversation
    Echoes of shop talk
    spill forth after a long day.
    It’s all geek to me.

  67. fa la la la la la la ha!
    Deck the halls with boughs
    (Boughs? Does anyone say that?)
    … (why halls? No alcoves?!)

  68. brutally malled
    Shoppers choke the aisles
    desperately seeking joy
    in prepackaged goods.

  69. kiddie caper
    Scampering toddler
    zips through door before you blink.
    Must run on giggles.

  70. be it resolved
    New resolutions …
    What should I fix in '06?
    Perfection eludes.

  71. two cents worthless
    Stamp price hike comes soon.
    Two cents more to send letters.
    What is mail again?

  72. patterned paper pusher
    Naked presents need
    to be wrapped, bowed, hidden quick!
    All in favor? Eye.

  73. winter of our discomfort
    Chilly surroundings
    make for constant shivering.
    Permanent sweater.

  74. rerun is a guy on what’s happening
    DVD box set:
    bliss for marathon viewing.
    Ep, ep, ep, then ep.

  75. watch wind-up
    Everywhere they watch
    with governmental finesse.
    I spy … you and me.

  76. the best gifts
    Gift pile shrinks quickly
    as wrappings litter the floor.
    Christmas cheer has come.

  77. so are the days of our kwanzaa
    Umoja, nia,
    and kujichagulia,
    imani (plus three).

  78. bookworm turn
    Page after page scanned …
    This lovely pastime, reading,
    fills day with meaning.

  79. off the lot
    New car has its smell
    even if it’s a used one.
    Smells like … rush of wind.

  80. brats worst
    Bad kids run amok.
    Whatever happened to shame?
    It’s their parents’ fault.

  81. mmv in review
    Katrina, Iraq,
    Tomkat, Scrushy, more Iraq,
    Jacko, Martha, Kong.

  82. cohen on and on
    As year comes to end …
    “Welcome to the '06, bitch.”
    Then Seth makes a quip.

  83. starting over
    Bad habits of old
    give way (hopefully) to our
    new resolutions.

  84. calendar con
    New year is here now.
    Where did time go exactly?
    Yep, feels like, oh, five.

  85. catching up
    Timeless voices come
    in tardy deliveries
    to brighten mailbox.

  86. conference panic room
    Boss drones on and on
    Will this meeting ever end?
    Pull fire alarm.

  87. unseasonably warm enough for you?
    Sunshine in winter
    warms my face from bitter wind.
    A glimpse of springtime.

  88. notorious upc
    Scan, then bag. Repeat.
    Self-serve is so much faster …
    wait, clerk must clear screen.

  89. not working out
    Gym bag packed in hall.
    Ready to go for yoga?
    Or sit and veg out?

  90. wish it were april
    Wish it were April
    so we could forget the cold
    and spring everywhere.

  91. refuse refuse
    Garbage bags line street
    sitting sentry with trash cans
    while city trucks hide.

  92. listening posts
    No privacy for
    citizens while watching out
    for terrorists. Shh.

  93. brook-back mountain
    Oh sweet caviar,
    Mercedes and stock options …
    I just can’t quit you.

  94. too early toddler
    Baby girl wakes up
    to demand bottle, blankie,
    bear, books and big hugs.

  95. debit by bit
    Checkbook reckoning
    comes out all wrong, leaving me
    dizzy from balance.

  96. customer, i hardly know her
    “Excuse me, could you …”
    “Wait, I need help finding the …”
    Clerks pass like phantoms.

  97. thoughts for a busy morning
    Where are my dang keys?
    Did I forget this meeting?
    Who took my stapler?

  98. avoiding gadget depot
    Super Bowl XL
    (extra large?) demands presence
    of new huge TV.

  99. driving, storm
    Highway hidden by
    sheets of rain; 18-wheeler
    nearly engulfs me.

  100. temp-estuous
    If you can’t stand heat,
    get the hell out of ‘Bama
    in winter??! Warm spell.

  101. gimme five, seven, five
    Secret of writing
    daily haiku: It’s pacing.
    First hundred? Toughest.

• • •

Read more Wade’s 101.

5 Yips for “Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective”

  1. Richard
    Thursday, January 19, 2006, 1:34 pm

    Another one-oh-one
    But lines add to three-oh-three.
    Much work for little reward.

  2. Bob S
    Monday, January 23, 2006, 8:33 pm

    I was astonished to read your haiku
    all is lost
    The numbers 4, 8,
    15, 16, 23,
    and 42 suck.

    these numbers are inscribed on a wall in my building – graffiti . Can’t be a coincidence… Why did you choose this number series?

    regards, and please do keep up the haiku.


  3. Wade
    Monday, January 23, 2006, 9:08 pm

    We are everywhere.

  4. christopher davis
    Thursday, January 29, 2009, 3:15 pm

    the first is my favorite. probably because i’ve found it increasingly difficult to recall what happened during the weekend when someone asks me on a monday what i did.


  5. Andie
    Thursday, January 29, 2009, 9:24 pm

    up and autumn
    Fall wanders to town,
    Hues turn non-green with envy,
    No leaf left behind.

    fruit war
    Bananas attack.
    Apples fight back; peaches flee.
    It’s threat level orange.

    brutally malled
    Shoppers choke the aisles
    desperately seeking joy
    in prepackaged goods.

    If you can’t stand heat,
    get the hell out of ‘Bama
    in winter??! Warm spell.

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