Wade on Birmingham

Wade’s 101: Haiku retrospective 6

  1. galactic top
    Each twinkle in sky
    orbits other twinkles in
    cosmic whirligig.
  2. whoa whoa whoa
    I’ve often wondered
    about horses. But not in
    a sexual way.
  3. twenty-eight days later
    Short month still leaves too
    much undone. Need petition
    for new, longer day.
  4. gossip warning label
    Anything you may
    have heard can cause terminal
    cancer of the soul.
  5. the end of myspace
    Generic whore would
    like to be your friend and swipe
    credit card numbers.
  6. so useful
    Ideas are the
    easy part. Getting them done
    seems to be the catch.
  7. antagonists anonymous
    If rehab can cure
    bigotry, the 12th step must
    be lobotomy.
  8. need for tiny speed
    Baby crawls, puppy
    scampers in sudden race to
    floor-bound finish line.
  9. why they make credit cards
    Consumerist in
    me wants things I don’t really
    need or can afford.
  10. kamikaze koan
    Theirs not to reason
    why. Theirs but to do and die.
    Noble six hundred!
  11. builds character
    Modesty becomes
    you when accepting praise and
    pans with easy grace.
  12. dining out dilemma
    If the servers are
    hot, does that make up for the
    bad service each time?
  13. eternal savings time
    But has the daylight
    accepted Jesus Christ as
    its one true savior?
  14. why you are punching yourself
    Moodiness consumes
    my well-being as I fight
    the darkness within.
  15. the sentence after hi
    When hitting on a
    special someone, try not to
    embellish, and smile.
  16. perfect, not so much
    When all goes as planned,
    that’s actually something
    that went wrong instead.
  17. when worlds coincide
    No more boundaries
    between lives makes for such a
    confusing mixture.
  18. culinary magic
    Essentially, you
    start with eggs and somehow end
    up with egg salad.
  19. limited anarchy
    The rules don’t apply,
    except when you’re powerless
    to create chaos.
  20. erin go bragh humbug
    Drink, drink drink, puke, drink.
    Everyone’s a little bit
    Irish. And stupid.
  21. so much for synergy
    I don’t really need
    assistance, but helps if you
    get out of my way.
  22. the legend of the parking lot
    Busted jalopy
    manages to keep pace with
    snazzy, sporty tart.
  23. and now it’s too hot
    Glorious sunny
    day gives way to indoors where
    air doesn’t come on.
  24. tennyson lord tennyson
    In the Spring a young
    man’s fancy lightly turns to
    thoughts of love. … I go.
  25. uniquely blah
    Each one of us is
    special in our own way, but
    also rather dull.
  26. catchy if you can
    Can’t get enough of
    this one song, trying to get
    it stuck in my head.
  27. ho hum yum
    What’s missing in new
    recipe concoction? It
    may be the flavor.
  28. retail the tale
    Shopping spree ends with
    stacks of bags, piles of receipts.
    Buyer’s remorse soon.
  29. escape cause
    As much as I think
    I know the situation,
    it’s often baffling.
  30. restaurant runaround
    Either eatery
    changed its layout, or tables
    possessed by devil.
  31. march of history 1
    Women’s history:
    Anthony, Tubman, Curie,
    um, Paris Hilton?
  32. march of history 2
    Four years in Iraq:
    one nation bleeds while other
    dickers over plan.
  33. march of history 3
    Selma endures prez
    hopefuls. Obama, Clinton
    to be prez footnotes?
  34. yellow drain
    Drops fall from heaven
    to scrub miserable grains
    of pollen from earth.
  35. dog track
    Masters lead by their
    collars and leashes so their
    two-legged friends follow.
  36. week wound up
    That blur you see is
    me trying to keep up with
    schedule gone awry.
  37. deconstructing aphrodite
    A fool and his love
    are soon parted. At least, that’s
    what she said to me.
  38. time out passed
    If ever there were
    a time for vacation, it
    would have been today.
  39. moods of april
    It’s hot. It’s cold. It’s
    hot. It’s cold. Spring, such a coy
    mischievous season.
  40. winey behavior
    Loosen up. Slip off
    worries of the office with
    a glass of stomped grapes.
  41. the preciousness of air
    Tire tires of
    inflated existence, goes
    flat on principle.
  42. hat parade
    Bright bonnets bob from
    perches atop mounds of hair
    to peek from each pew.
  43. jazz ain’t easy
    Zip zazz, a-hoodoo,
    skeet ska wah-wuz-sebedoo.
    I can’t scat at all.
  44. four eyes, can’t see
    The river stretches out
    to a distant shore while we
    wave to the barges.
  45. world cafe
    Waitress scurries, cup
    in hand, chicory at the
    ready. Order’s up.
  46. chessmaster of magazine street
    Knight to queen’s seven.
    Checkmate in 13 moves and
    less than five minutes.
  47. doghouse design
    Even pooch needs place
    to rest wagging tail, floppy
    ears to dream of bones.
  48. swift of imagination
    Team of runners take
    on Christmas theme in April,
    with Santa’s wheelchair.
  49. leaving new orleans
    No parades, no sun,
    no parting words with new pals.
    Get in the truck. Go.
  50. oh, the places they’ve gone
    To hear about sites
    of recent trips is like a
    sharp living postcard.
  51. new house smell
    Hallway picture frames
    stand watch as banister leads
    to rooms rearranged.
  52. highs and lows
    Too hot, then too cold.
    Spring conundrum at office.
    It’s thermostat war!
  53. the moving target
    A lil’ ADD
    goes a long way. So does a
    lil’ intense focus.
  54. eyes wide halfway
    Eyelids fall and I’m
    off to another land and
    I fall for your eyes.
  55. photocamp focus
    Unconference yields
    unignorance, unboredom
    and understanding.
  56. stay the coarse
    To redefine sloth
    takes little effort as we
    remain steady on.
  57. the gaia next time
    In case you missed Earth
    Day, warm spell continued while
    we drove everywhere.
  58. handout burnout
    Getting enough sleep,
    nutrition, exercise and
    love? Sorry, all out.
  59. field trip frenzy
    Chaperones wrangle
    gang of adolescents in
    vain. Hormone surplus.
  60. beached wails
    Shoreline reveals bad
    amalgam of bared bodies
    in need of clothing.
  61. such was the life that was
    More stuff happens to
    me than can be captured in
    an endless word stream.
  62. caught mapping
    Wrong turn leads to roads
    not untaken. Long shortcut
    adds hours to drive.
  63. small town, big town
    Friendly face pops up
    to head out after return
    from small town to big.
  64. tv turnon week
    The last book I read
    took three months and several
    renewals. I tried.
  65. seasonal affective order
    Spring has sprung. Next up,
    summer will have summered. Fall
    will have fallen. Brr.
  66. untitlement
    I’m not a ma’am, I’m
    a sir. Except, I don’t feel
    that quite fits either.
  67. retail roll call
    Perfect trophy found
    on hunting expedition.
    Birthday gift? Present.
  68. up late at patton creek
    Webheads cheer after
    dark as superhero crawls
    in for first showing.
  69. shelf life
    Experience should
    count in putting up shelves, yet
    it takes forever.
  70. the fruit of knowledge
    View from the inside
    can be eye-opening and
    kind of scary, too.
  71. misery may
    Shaking off a cold
    in winter doesn’t compare
    to one in warm month.
  72. highland avenue hijinks
    Patio tables
    lure revelers as birthday
    boy pulls in a crowd.
  73. slope hope
    Semi-grassy knoll
    awaits new plantings. Lushness
    can migrate uphill.
  74. cross purposes
    My soul-crushing task
    destroys from within as I
    seek a better world.
  75. line dancing
    Confessions lead to
    confusion over how far
    to go in the truth.
  76. marker of a man
    Legacy summed up
    in 162
    words on special plaque.
  77. leaves be gone
    Yard care is easy
    with right tools: telephone, pen
    and open checkbook.
  78. hold on to your muffins
    Steady as she goes
    until big changes sweep us
    along to new spot.
  79. prancing pachyderms
    Elephants dance through
    the dense jungle, trampling all
    to a disco beat.
  80. on the babble
    Chatty stream prattles
    on while surrounding pine tree
    listen patiently.
  81. price of failure
    Tension builds. Headache
    throbs. Teeth clench. Body drags. Mouth
    droops. Insides crumble.
  82. clearing the decks
    Clean-up commences.
    Paper trail vanishes. Floor,
    tables re-emerge.
  83. spice wars
    Coarse salt offends ground
    pepper. Old oregano
    has thyme on its side.
  84. weed patch dispatch
    renewal lies the barren
    beds of the back yard.
  85. the waffle iron of my dreams
    impulse buy, getting something
    for more than nothing.
  86. by the bookmakers
    Authors write the best
    tributes, all tweedy in their
    prosaic high praise.
  87. collegetown in may
    Town sidewalks somewhat
    empty without commotion
    of student bustle.
  88. something’s fishy
    Trout swim within bounds
    of their plexiglas prison.
    Which one is dinner?
  89. saint patty
    What makes good burger
    takes combination of fat,
    seasoning, grilling.
  90. it takes momentum
    The challenge is to
    keep going after you’ve been
    going for some time.
  91. chez smoke detector
    Recipe doesn’t
    mention keeping fumes at bay
    when using oven.
  92. puppy equation
    Wagging tail plus a
    stumbling gait minus old age
    equals cutesy dog.
  93. so what did you do for 72 hours?
    Precious little gets
    done as compatriots share
    tales of long weekend.
  94. dry heaves part 1
    Lawn crackles under
    light tread. Lovely shade of brown
    for this time of year.
  95. dry heaves part 2
    Air comes in flavors
    now: pine, misty morning, stale
    and barbecue haze.
  96. dry heaves part 3
    Forecast calls for more
    of same: extended stretches
    of drought, then more drought.
  97. dry heaves part 4
    Thunderstorms tease with
    dribs of rain scattered among
    pockets of wasteland.
  98. bizarro brunch
    Check comes first, before
    food arrives at table. Tip
    dropping by minute.
  99. a stage afield
    Music in the groove.
    Grassy enclave beneath tall
    pines swaying to beat.
  100. what i say and what i do
    What I say and what
    I do often intersect
    in freakish fashion.
  101. the road
    The stapler, the mouse
    can’t compete with clarion
    call to hit the road.

• • •

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