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1. santa has severe type 2 diabetes
   Seriously, what
   did you expect from such a
   diet of cookies?
2. parade of cubicles
   The stapler does not
   suffer from boredom. It moves
   often cube to cube.
3. a gentle drift
   Eventually,
   the cold gave way to flurries
   descending darkly.
4. the tradition
   Round up the fans to
   watch the game, drink beer, yell at
   the refs, root root root.
5. a pancake kind of morning
   The house needs warmth. It’s
   a pancake kind of morning.
   Heat up the syrup.
6. you better watch out
   Santa has turned on
   spyware and night vision to
   decide naughty, nice.
7. predictions for the next decade
   Flying cars, yoga
   weddings, telepathic phones,
   wars without borders.
8. a campaign without end
   The race starts anew.
   Someone will someday lead this
   town, but not this year.
9. sent from above
   A squirrel has the
   run of the attic, keeping
   humans up at night.
10. adventures at the online mall
    Hard to flirt with the
    virtual checkout girl when
    cart’s filled with doilies.
11. no wonder
    Piling on the years
    slowly drains the wonder from
    a once bright outlook.
12. post-modern sleigh ride
    Solar-powered sleigh
    comes with DVD player,
    espresso machine.
13. crimson pride
    In tough times, a band
    of football crazies pins their
    hopes on Bama’s boys.
14. a different kind of fun
    It’s a different kind
    of fun when the light goes on
    and teaching connects.
15. fight on
    No one knows your pain
    but you. And still, you soldier
    on because you must.
16. that was the decade that was
    War on Terror, Web
    2.0, reality
    TV, red/blue states.
17. trickles and pours
    Drips and deluges,
    showers and sprinkles, water
    torture never ends.
18. shopping in the closet
    Zip disks, notebooks, pens,
    souvenir cups, CDs, a
    melted candy cane.
19. creature feature
    The day you forget
    makeup is the day you see
    friends at the movies.
20. the case for steroids
    Man was meant to hit
    lots of home runs and bench press
    700 pounds.
21. short days, long days
    Winter arrives on
    time, with the shortest days filled
    with the longest lists.
22. the airing of grievances
    Mon ami, what a
    disappointment you’ve been. And
    how dreadful your frown.
23. the good in all
    If for one day the
    world’s people can become good,
    let it never end.
24. repeat the sounding joy
    The Lord is come! Let
    Earth receive her king. And hea-
    ven and nature sing.
25. christmas was here
    Pine needles, stray bow,
    wrapping shards, gift receipts, tubs
    of leftovers, peace.
26. roar in the back yard
    Metal monster sends
    leaves flying into messy
    piles with much thunder.
27. tomorrow always dies
    The promise of a
    new 24 hours wears
    thin in just a day.
28. the busiest street in town
    The busiest street
    in town sees a car or two,
    maybe a lost dog.
29. till the very end
    The fireworks and
    black-eyed peas can’t wait for the
    calendar to change.
30. a bad breakup
    I looked upon the
    passing year and decade with
    a hint of contempt.
31. and now your moment of ’10
    Once bit10, 10der
    caress brings a sweet 10sion
    never forgot10.
32. blades of gory
    The rink seems even
    bumpier when hugged at high
    speed along the ice.
33. oh, frostbite
    Bitter cold punches
    warm-blooded Southerners right
    below Bible Belt.
34. flaky threats
    They are coming, and
    nothing you do can stop the
    cruel snowy stampede.
35. i wish it were colder
    Today, I wish it
    were colder. I can still feel
    my fourth toe and neck.
36. supermarket sweep
    Blizzard forecast sends
    shoppers on rampage for the
    essentials: bread, milk.
37. game prep
    Pace nervously, make
    comfort food, wear team colors,
    find a way to win.
38. writ her name in crimson flame
    Fight on, men! Remem-
    ber the Rose Bowl, we’ll win then.
    Dixie’s football pride.
39. the cupcake factory
    The little people
    frost their little cakes on a
    little wooden bench.
40. the case of the missing afternoon
    It is enough to
    share the couch and watch TV
    mysteries for warmth.
41. but it’s a dry cold
    Shivers and shakes, ice
    and chills. Winter has gone South
    for the, um, winter.
42. after carson, before armageddon
    The Late Night Wars of
    ’10 began with Leno bomb
    planted in prime time.
43. t-shirts unlimited
    Each event, group, run,
    slogan has been captured with
    another T-shirt.
44. promise unfulfilled
    The people will be
    burned only so many times
    until they give up hope.
45. help haiti
    Now is the time for
    the world to lend a hand to
    our Haitian neighbors.
46. return of the bug
    Even after flu
    vaccine, cootie shot, body
    succumbs to sickness.
47. habits
    Let’s do the same thing
    a thousand times because it
    takes little effort.
48. a matter of service
    Do not expect good
    service until you give good
    service unprompted.
49. rebooting birmingham again
    The reset button
    is faded and worn, having
    been used quite a bit.
50. stains of history
    Swiftly the currents
    of events rush by, little
    understood for now.
51. the 39th parallel
    Cross this border to
    see beyond the mists of youth.
    Gaze into more life.
52. a dare-to-be-great situation
    Buy, sell or process?
    As long as you get paid a
    princely, tidy sum.
53. no punching at the dinner table
    As satisfying
    as it could be, please refrain
    from feast fisticuffs.
54. a reporter’s secret
    He never goes home,
    never stops calling, writes and
    rewrites with gusto.
55. the road to success
    The road to success
    looks nothing like a highway.
    Yet the path is worn.
56. a rush ahead to the blood
    Smell that? It’s the scent
    of a good story waiting
    to be told to all.
57. oh, stop
    “Did you hear about
    Fred?” “Fred rules!” “What’s this I hear
    about Fred?” “Get him!”
58. stronger than she looks
    I can tell her just
    about anything. She won’t
    buckle or break down.
59. negotiations
    Not so much about
    the plans. Just about the way
    we woo each other.
60. anywhere there’s cake
    Spongy rich inside
    with a healthy heaping of
    frosting. Milk? Gravy.
61. the vapors
    Time to bring back the
    vapors, fainting spells and the
    phrase, “I do declare.”
62. fate accompli
    We are headed to
    the cliff, unable to veer
    away or slow down.
63. before there was cake
    Powdered sugar leaves
    a tell-tale trail along the
    kitchen countertop.
64. under the blue tarp
    The bones rot away
    with each pissy rain cloud, hurt
    by frail shingled skin.
65. keep digging that grave
    Ignorance becomes
    quicksand. Stubbornness becomes
    policy. No hope.
66. the rehearsal
    It’s somewhat like a
    real performance, minus the
    eyes and time limit.
67. made with real hummingbirds
    Every last crumb must
    be digested, lest the bak-
    er be offended.
68. who dat?
    Who dat? Who dat? Who
    dat say dey gonna write dis
    verse? Who dat? Who dat?
69. notepads and netbooks
    The students scribble
    rapidly on paper and
    pixels. Learn later.
70. infinite wandering
    Imagination
    is a wonderful thing, till
    you need to focus.
71. cookies for breakfast
    Taboo treats at the
    breakfast table not as nice
    as the company.
72. mostly covered
    Mild winter on pause
    as celestial dandruff
    smothers the Deep South.
73. the olympics of me
    Easy gold medal
    for me in spilling food on
    shirt, typos, napping.
74. no tricks
    Infant child can’t talk,
    crawl, play trumpet, make dinner,
    write essays, not drool.
75. cupid’s lament
    Even with many
    arrows on target, mortals
    desire comfort.
76. a civilization of bureaucracy
    Mayans built temples.
    Egyptians built pyramids.
    We stack paperwork.
77. the winter equation in dixie
    Mostly mild, with a
    chance of snow and ice, and some
    occasional warmth.
78. insecurity risk
    The gray light of the
    kitchen reinforces a
    sense of aloneness.
79. resolutions on, resolutions off
    The gyms, deserted.
    The credit cards, maxed way out.
    Resolved, not hardly.
80. in the planning stages
    Clean out the closet,
    plan for vacation, smoke less,
    world domination.
81. olympic dreams: brush with glory
    The disk sails down the
    rink, aimed with bristled intent
    at icy bull’s eye.
82. olympic dreams: cavalcade on ice
    Hicks, clowns and native
    characters strap on skates to
    wow judges and fans.
83. olympic dreams: ski, shoot, ski
    With rifles at the
    ready, skiers charge across
    snowy countryside.
84. olympic dreams: good and bumpy
    Mogul minefield stands
    between agile skiers and
    medals podium.
85. olympic dreams: i got my half-pipe
    Baggy gymnasts of
    the snowboards twist round and round,
    hanging in mid-air.
86. olympic dreams: blue borders
    Exposed veins pulse with
    energy from the mountain
    as ants slide between.
87. olympic dreams: down the frozen colon
    The track has a rep.
    The athletes have a mission:
    Steer straight, fast and true.
88. olympic dreams: pucks unlimited
    Faceoff. Deke, shot, block.
    Icing, pass … fight! Penalty.
    Shot, shot, score! Horn! Roar!
89. olympic dreams: vancouver mush
    A host city with
    too much warmth can’t keep much snow
    on the mighty slopes.
90. at the holi table
    To enjoy the feast,
    you must prove your faith and wear
    a colorful face.
91. a question of worth
    The lone monk used an
    abacus to calculate
    his worth before God.
92. almost a blizzard
    When it snows three times
    in a season in the South.
    invest in long johns.
93. peace be unto you
    Conflict breeds options.
    Fight back. Tuck tail. Induce guilt.
    Give in. Or just talk.
94. the sin of defiance
    Be not sorry, proud
    jester, for your eternal
    reward is coming.
95. step step glide
    They dance before a
    half-empty room, half-dressed, full
    of joie de vivre.
96. heavier than previously thought
    The gold statue, an
    indicator not of true
    merit, but good hype.
97. minimum flow
    The couch can only
    go so many ways in a
    room before it cries.
98. the run
    Dawn comes, and out the
    door. Legs begin to churn back
    and forth down the street.
99. adventure is out there
    Beyond the confines
    of daily routine is a
    world of grand mischief.
100. need-to-know basis
     Lifelong learning starts
     with observing, then thorough
     questioning. Truth comes.
101. under foot
     Culinary plans
     can falter when four-legged
     friend strolls through kitchen.

• • •

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1. notes from voltaire
   Life is a shipwreck,
   but we must not forget to
   sing in the lifeboats.
2. relative insignificance
   A man can feel small
   next to a saint, who feels small
   next to a belief.
3. pick a direction
   Turn left, then right and
   head for daylight. Soon, you will
   see an opening.
4. the liberal lion sleeps tonight
   Teddy Kennedy
   gave life to public service
   so we don’t have to.
5. smiling and wagging
   Pet me, says the hound
   on the patio. And we
   oblige the canine.
6. traffic snarl
   Clogged lanes move inch by
   inch in never-ending race
   between points A, B.
7. the days are getting shorter
   Impatient autumn,
   wait your turn. The unruly
   summer needs more time.
8. football season: can you hear the roar?
   Can you hear the roar
   coming from across the quad?
   It’s time for kickoff.
9. football season: dear coach
   Please take us to the
   national championship
   (or else, you’re fired).
10. football season: all bets are on
    What’s the line on the
    game? Not that I want to bet
    or call my bookie.
11. football season: painted chest dudes
    Noble collegians
    preen with school spirit on their
    fermented torsos.
12. football season: hey ref
    Do you know why you
    suck? I shall tell you why. You
    suck because you suck.
13. football season: sideline hazard
    When approached by the
    mascot, make no eye contact
    and don’t shake its hand.
14. football season: yell, then yell some more
    The raging crowd roars
    its lusty approval as
    the team marches in.
15. the naming of a decade
    The aughts? The naughts? The
    zeros? The oh-ohs? Decade
    ends in just four months.
16. working world
    Overproductive,
    underpaid, stressed out, under
    deadline, over it.
17. at the drive-in
    I declared my love
    over shakes and a burger,
    hold the mushiness.
18. 09-09-09
    Dogs for dogging, hands
    for clapping. Birds for birding,
    and fish for fishing.
19. hip to be unemployed
    Meet you at the bar
    for networking after some
    time at coffee shop.
20. inconsolable souls
    Did we really just
    leave 9/11 victims
    without true justice?
21. art in review
    How can so many
    artists spend so much time and
    yet produce such crap?
22. impromptu sing-along
    We don’t start and end
    each others’ sentences. We
    belt out made-up tunes.
23. the unhappiest place on earth
    What Walmart offers
    (besides low prices): show of
    human misery.
24. courtesy of the love bandit
    A mysterious
    note appears: “Meet me in the
    bedroom, without pants.”
25. kindness
    Look back, and see all
    who treated you with kindness
    when you weren’t looking.
26. fizz
    The glass bubbles in
    anticipation. Lips to
    devour the drops.
27. d-i-v-o-r-c-e
    A parting of the
    ways, man the lifeboats, let one
    man put asunder.
28. wash away your sins
    The clouds formed the new
    sky, a torrential dome of
    unending downpour.
29. the chosen ones
    Get gussied up, preen
    for the cameras, hear them pick
    other, cry inside.
30. the fog
    Where is the coffee?
    Why is the alarm blaring?
    Morning comes too soon.
31. wake up
    Wake up, world. Don’t you
    know there’s injustice and sin?
    (Like there’s always been.)
32. last edition
    The presses rolled one
    last time, and the very last
    newspaperman left.
33. poisoned from within
    The municipal
    halls were choked with false leaders
    lining their pockets.
34. saw it in a movie once
    This dude swooped in and
    knocked out the villain, then made
    out with, like, three chicks.
35. stale popcorn
    The rattling of the
    tough popped kernels goes well with
    the warm flat soda.
36. restless audience
    They waited in line,
    they waited in seats. Start the
    movie already!
37. march of the chairs
    The rolling chairs sped
    down the hallway, while folding
    chairs ambled along.
38. beyond sleepy
    Eyelids remain at
    attention, desperately
    in need of at ease.
39. weather that demands specific tops
    Air with a bite, light
    with a waxing crispness, and
    sweaters without holes.
40. this play is just for us
    If we sit very
    still, the performance will keep
    us gripped in drama.
41. things you learn
    How to tie your shoes,
    bake a pie, drive a car, kiss
    properly, feel good.
42. trapped on a shuttle bus
    The route takes us no-
    where, yet it’s where we belong,
    looking out windows.
43. yard warfare
    The yard next door has
    an abundance of leaves, which
    makes this yard pristine.
44. mask of uncertainty
    Halloween costume
    rejects: Jacko, birther, swine
    flu, Larry Langford.
45. the unblogged life
    The unblogged life is
    not worth tweeting, Socrates
    said via Facebook.
46. in the grip of fall
    Art festivals, cool
    air, an abundance of dead
    leaves and Christmas sales.
47. nature by night
    Silhouettes of trees
    form towering dancers. Dusk
    settles in for now.
48. a little bit behind
    Later turns into
    next week, which becomes sometime
    eventually.
49. the palace gourds
    A pumpkin for each
    table, a dancer for each
    stage. Cue the frolic.
50. cutting smile
    Eyes of triangles,
    crooked nose, and a toothy
    sad grin carved by hand.
51. all it takes
    All it takes is a
    look from you, a thoughtful gaze,
    a playful hug … (swoon).
52. the obvious punchline
    Where is the dislike
    button? That’s what she said. I’m-
    ma let you finish.
53. bundle of nerves
    Stomach a’quiver.
    Unable to sit or stand
    still. Peace of mind gone.
54. an empty closet
    Hangers dangle on
    the rod, in a sad closet
    without her effects.
55. the unfinished haiku
    The grand poet took
    up his quill with a flourish
    but came up short
56. that was the whole of her sermon
    Only connect the
    prose and the passion, and both
    will be exalted.
57. the bells have stopped ringing
    The standing army
    of one-armed bandits take cash
    as muted beggars.
58. introvert’s delight
    Learning to reach out,
    then finding a dark hole to
    climb in and recharge.
59. last on the tarmac
    Luggage comes spilling
    out from the steel belly, glad
    to be home at last.
60. timed travel
    Two hours forward,
    90-minute delay. Flight
    breaks late barrier.
61. fiction-finding mission
    Among the bogs and
    swamps, intrepid children looked
    for minotaur eggs.
62. feats of moderate human strength
    When it comes to doors —
    elevator, revolving —
    he has leverage.
63. fortunes on the field
    All eyes from the stands
    and from living rooms were glued
    to the final play.
64. pick up the pieces
    Love endures, despite
    aches and despair and baggage
    and fear and hardship.
65. city in two
    City of progress
    or site of urban decay.
    A mayor on trial.
66. deck the haunted halls
    Any decor plans
    beyond orange/black scheme, fake webs
    and witches and ghosts?
67. political thievery
    A crook stole more than
    just the county’s wealth. He stole
    our trust and goodwill.
68. the horizon within reach
    A new day, a new
    chance to clear out old tactics
    and lift Birmingham.
69. birmingham renewed: baby steps
    Who we are as a
    city comes not from who leads
    but who does the work.
70. birmingham renewed: exorcising ghosts
    Are we haunted? Must
    we fear those who would corrupt
    this town for their gain?
71. country song 2009
    She done defriended
    me on Facebook and tweeted
    me for the last time.
72. all souls’ day
    They came for a stay,
    to check on those not ready
    yet for their last trip.
73. daylight saving redux
    Would it be OK
    to get an extra hour
    of sleep, clock keepers?
74. what do you want to hear?
    I’ll tell you what you
    want to hear. But only if
    you listen closely.
75. birmingham renewed: the reins
    The reins are tattered,
    yet still tethered to horses,
    strong but unguided.
76. birmingham renewed: let’s undo something
    The mistrust, the lies,
    the hopelessness, the rancor,
    the path to nowhere.
77. birmingham renewed: smash cynicism
    Begone, cynics and
    sycophants. Let us begin
    with true dialogue.
78. birmingham renewed: vulcan says
    The god of the forge
    leapt from the mountaintop to
    keep watch from up close.
79. birmingham renewed: what we have
    Good people, good food,
    stubbornness, sense of humor
    and stories galore.
80. gobbler holocaust
    Somewhere, in the pens,
    struts a turkey who’ll be my
    Thanksgiving repast.
81. forgotten wars
    We sometimes forget
    those conflicts that kept us free,
    and those who fought them.
82. the old-timers
    The old-timers sit
    and chuckle in their booths each
    and every morning.
83. think bigger
    Do not dwell on what
    has been done, what has “worked,” but
    go forth with gumption.
84. the saddest pup in the world
    Don’t think you can con
    me out of dinner bites. I
    see your tail wagging.
85. among the ruins
    Among the ruins
    of the decaying forest
    lurked the rogue possum.
86. fulfillment
    Fulfillment is warm,
    clean laundry, walking along
    with the one, deep breaths.
87. brisk
    The wind whips up, as
    if to show who’s in charge while
    autumn takes its hold.
88. let out a woo hoo
    Let out a “Woo hoo!”
    when something goes right, when you
    feel like making noise.
89. vampire weekend
    They live off blood and
    apparently fervored teen
    girl adulation.
90. wish list for mayor
    Good ideas, some
    common sense, vision, fiscal
    stewardship and charm.
91. home stretched
    Moments of silence
    deafen the fields of high school
    teams out of playoffs.
92. slowly the leaves turn
    Too much water, not
    enough water, and the leaves
    go pale without fail.
93. visions of cranberries
    The table is set.
    Soon, Tom Turkey will bring feasts
    to all good children.
94. you may say
    I’m a dreamer. I’m
    not the only one. I hope
    someday you’ll join us.
95. the view from the shore
    From rude beginnings,
    a prosperous, kind, violent
    nation came to be.
96. the iron bowl in 17 syllables
    Tradition, empty
    malls, rivalry, crimson white,
    orange blue, braggin’ rights.
97. just a little more effort
    Some more writing here,
    some more cleaning all around.
    Who needs any sleep?
98. unable to escape its melody
    Over and over
    the piano sounds out the
    notes heard just by me.
99. chat away
    Type your sentiments
    on a tiny window in
    a phosphorous screen.
100. so much good stuff
     Don’t be surprised by
     so much good stuff. Be alert:
     Catch it in advance.
101. make the season bright
     Head down the street to
     reward neighbors with an off-
     key Christmas carol.

• • •

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1. welcome to the neighborhood
   It is the hour
   when children devour, lawns
   are cut, and we walk.
2. motivated to stall
   The deadline looms, yet
   the work pile remains. Maybe
   motivation soon.
3. anywhere a classroom
   Wherever a thirst
   for knowledge, a font appears
   to quench with wisdom.

(more…)

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1. a flaw in weather technology
   Who ever heard of
   meteorological
   seasonal rodent?
2. 140 characters at a time
   I joined Twitter at
   long last, but now I won’t have
   time to surf Friendster.
3. a little too frosty
   When you can see your
   breath with your eyes closed, it’s way
   too cold to exhale.

(more…)

1. the eerie quiet
   After the crater,
   an unspoken wake begins,
   to pay our respects.
2. uncool beans
   Sitting in Starbucks
   makes me smell like burnt coffee
   long after I leave.
3. ponderings on mid-life
   It was then his life
   had spun out of control, a
   hopeless wreck of dreams.

(more…)

1. yin and yang
   Much is given, much
   is asked. Somewhere, the harvest
   matches the hungry.
2. pastoral inhabitants
   Farm roll call: goats, cats,
   peacock, chickens, puppies, cows,
   llamas, pigs and worms.
3. composed at a keyboard
   Can we break grip of
   technology’s distractions?
   Are we not machines?

(more…)

Torch Relay
1. Stops to light a lot of smokes along U.S. 31.
2. And to roast a pig.
3. Chased by dogs, nearly extinguished by fire hoses.
4. Flame changes to green if no traffic fatalities occur.
5. Due to severe drought conditions, torch transported by hearse surrounded by trooper cars most of the time.
6. As per contract, torchbearers must smile while using sponsor’s product, Cialis With Lime.
7. Fire bad. But free publicity good.
8. Charles Barkley runs it into Legion Field, tripping over his mouth a couple of times.
9. And lighting the cauldron, it’s the 1980 Birmingham Bulls squad!
10. And parking the cars, it’s the 1980 Birmingham Bulls squad.
(more…)

1. litter rally
   Rubbish! Unkempt room
   surrenders to posse of
   garbage bags. Rubbish!
2. firefly serenity
   They blink across the
   deep blue darkness, heralding
   winter’s departure.
3. pollen on hard times
   The yellow coats are
   coming. The yellow coats are
   coming. No escape.

(more…)

1. have holly jolly kwanzaa
   The shops are abuzz
   with bargain hunts and a few
   unhappy returns.
2. bargain has-bin
   Crazy deep discounts
   drive shoppers wild with armfuls
   of clearance goodies.
3. empty gaze
   Vacant stares greet my
   eyes from all points, including
   my own reflection.

(more…)

1. keeping hope alive
   When will the next great
   leader step forward and drag
   us into the light?
2. diplomatic tide
   Citizens of the
   world find their way to the hills
   of Alabama.
3. are you smarter than a mayoral candidate?
   Forum sheds little
   light on dark reality
   of city’s problems.

(more…)

1. techno chronic
   Simplest of gadgets
   baffles smartest of humans.
   Time to reboot life.
2. stage 6 (2007)
   Vault isn’t a real
   event, just a sponsor of
   Dance Depot dwelling.
    
   Take the floor as two.
   Swing your partner round and round.
   So much fun you sweat.
3. stage 5 (2007)
   Festival for kids?
   But they’re small and can’t afford
   Publix shopping. Yet.

(more…)

1. galactic top
   Each twinkle in sky
   orbits other twinkles in
   cosmic whirligig.
2. whoa whoa whoa
   I’ve often wondered
   about horses. But not in
   a sexual way.
3. twenty-eight days later
   Short month still leaves too
   much undone. Need petition
   for new, longer day.

(more…)

1. could be verse
   Real poems have lines
   like “somber remembrance” and
   “enchanted embrace.”
2. breaking point
   Ultimate test of
   customer service: Can you
   give me change for 10?
3. overheard while shoplifting
   If you think that’s bad,
   wait until you hear about
   my other gallstone.

(more…)

1. I know that of which I speak.
2. Let’s face it: Tis better to have loved and won.
3. Now is the winter of our dysfunction.
4. If you love someone, set them… up?
5. I laugh in the face of commitment.
6. Some call me the gangster of love (and I’ve ordered a hit on Cupid).
7. Bad question: Who are you, and what are you doing in my bed?
8. Worse question: Who are you, and what are you doing in my pants?
9. I may be cheap, but I’m also easy.
10. Today’s mantra: shoulda seen it comin’, shoulda seen it comin’, shoulda seen it comin’…

(more…)

1. Houndstooth jockstrap.
2. Find a way to bring back the Statue of Liberty play.
3. Trademark motivational bumper sticker, “Get thee behind me, Saban!”
4. Get sweet tattoo of Big Al …
5. … and get that stupid “Dolphins Forever” tattoo lasered off.
6. Recruit large impressionable teens to beat the holy hell out of other large impressionable teens for 12 or so Saturdays.
7. Paunch it up with steady diet of Golden Flake and Coca-Cola.
8. Give 110 percent. Take the team to the next level. Play with intensity.
9. Finally, finally splurge on premium unleaded gas.
10. Walk on water. Then turn water into dirty, well-trod wine.

(more…)