Photo: CAJC in the PNW (CC)

It’s Election Day 2022, midterms edition. Polls are open till 7 tonight with races at the local, state and national levels, plus 10 state amendments.

Q: Where do I vote?

A: Call Jefferson County: (205) 325-5550, Jefferson County (Bessemer only): (205) 481-4105, Shelby County: (205) 669-3913.

Or Search Your Polling Place on AlabamaVotes.gov.

Wade on Birmingham:
election results tonight

Remember, if you have problems at your polling place:

• Notify a poll worker immediately.
• Call the secretary of state at 1-800-274-VOTE (8683) or visit his site.
• And tell the probate court for Jefferson County (205-325-5203) or Shelby County (205-669-3713). Nationwide: 866-OUR-VOTE (687-8683) or 866ourvote.org.
• E-mail us at Vote2022[at]wadeonbirmingham.com.

You can request a provisional ballot under special circumstances.

Q: What can I expect to see on the ballots?

A: Check out these sample ballots for each county.

You’re voting for U.S. Senator, Representative, state (including governor) and county officials, plus amendments.

Who are you voting for today? Tell us in the comments.

• • •

More Vote 2022 coverage.

It’s almost time for the midterm general election …

• We have the sample ballots for Jefferson and Shelby Counties for the primaries.

Find your polling place/districts.

The ballot has federal, state and county offices, along with 10 state amendments. We have an explainer on the amendments. And check out the Alabama Voter Guide 2022, with voting procedures and frequently asked questions.

For easier viewing, you can print, download or zoom to full screen with each ballot.

Election Day is Nov. 8.

• • •

Sample ballots for all 67 counties.

• • •

Jefferson County

[Mobile version]

• • •

Shelby County

[Mobile version]

• • •

State amendments explained

[Mobile version]

• • •

Alabama Voter Guide 2022

[Mobile version]

• • •

More Vote 2022 coverage.

Video: Enjoy the history of the holiday.

Happy Halloween!

Video: The history of Labor Day in America

Happy Labor Day! Enjoy this history lesson from the U.S. Department of Labor.

[Share on Twitter | Facebook]

1. my whole life is kayfabe
   Feuding with people
   who aren’t involved, aligning
   with heels and faces.
2. last days of high school
   One final goodbye
   to teachers and classmates who
   shared this adulting.
3. house shopping 2022
   Make crazy offers,
   waive the inspection, and still
   lose to investors.
4. acidic aspirations
   Take psilocybin
   and conquer the fear of death
   while tripping big balls.
5. the right number of exclamation points
   Hello! It’s good to
   meet you!! And a period
   to show I’m not nuts.
6. election time in alabama
   The kooky battle
   to go further right than your
   distinguished rivals.
7. three is a tragic number
   Ten years ago, the
   Birmingham News chose to give
   up and publish less.
8. the coming of summer
   Clean out the pool, try
   on your swimsuit, and prepare
   for the hottest days.
9. dear graduates 2022
   We broke the world so
   you’d have something to fix in
   your ample spare time.
10. specs appeal
    New eyeglasses for
    a new look: suave, stunning and
    sophisticated.
11. “you don’t look your age”
    The compliment from
    the pharmacist’s assistant
    made my day complete.
12. a saturday offline
    Mother and daughters
    united over a day
    without noisy screens.
13. in remembrance
    We spend a day to
    honor the fallen, the brave
    ones who gave their all.
14. disease-free summer
    Let’s hope the boosters,
    masks and distancing pay off
    in the next season.
15. nice is not the same as kind
    Worth pondering while
    sizing up people around
    us and their motives.
16. mycelial networking
    Competing trees share
    sun and minerals through an
    underground network.
17. circle the block
    Walking the same stretch
    every day and looking for
    what we missed before.
18. gimme one of everything
    The candy store stocked
    a myriad of sweet treats
    and delicacies.
19. cult of productivity
    Don’t let a minute
    slip away without wringing
    some work outta it.
20. feeling useless
    Overprepared and
    underused, a wan combo
    holding workers back.
21. affirm gesture
    He would tell himself
    in the mirror, “I am great,
    and I am special.”
22. parallel parking: the musical
    ♫ Where oh where can I
    park? There’s a spot! Can I fit?
    Will I hit the cur-r-r-r-r-r-rb? ♫
23. the ethical parker
    Take up only one
    space. Don’t back in. Wait till the
    gate is fully clear.
24. ammosexuals
    Ammosexuals
    brandish lethal weapons as
    the bodies pile up.
25. a dish of copypasta
    The digital screed
    made its way through the forums
    hungry for violence.
26. four holes
    Her mouth left her in
    writhing agony, defanged
    of her wisdom teeth.
27. the unkempt neighbor
    The place next door has
    an abundance of weeds and
    a rickety porch.
28. lake life
    Sitting on the dock,
    legs dangling, watching the boats
    churn through the water.
29. the littlest crazies
    The youngest face down
    anxiety, depression
    and bouts of self harm.
30. cobblestone nightmare
    Jostling teeth loose while
    bumping along a million-
    year-old unpaved road.
31. the burden of paying down the burden
    The mountain of debt
    shrinks payday to payday, with
    something left to spend.
32. city on the grow
    She felt the stirring
    of civic pride and planned to
    move away quickly.
33. bus stops of the future
    Sleek design meets queued
    riders ready to board their
    civic chariot.
34. the gelato shop on the cobblestone street
    Kids pressed their noses
    to the window, trying to
    decide which flavor.
35. summer to-dos
    Lounge around the pool,
    catch fireflies in a jar,
    nap in a hammock.
36. the secret girlfriend
    He didn’t tell his
    friends that he was dating and
    found someone special.
37. in case of situational anxiety
    Go rigid throughout
    the body, unable to
    take in what’s coming.
38. ducking the shooter
    She dipped her hands in
    her friend’s blood to paint herself
    and lay very still.
39. green card blues
    They married for love
    and citizenship, ready
    to pass any test.
40. learning to eat again
    We deal with food, a
    necessity but sometimes
    a fierce enemy.
41. trek to the cahaba lilies
    Wading the river
    to see glorious blooms while
    they’re still in season.
42. sweaty chores
    The humidity
    pours out of us as we work
    outside this summer.
43. petty patrol
    We keep score for so
    long we forget what it was
    that riled us before.
44. regions field, sixth inning
    A hot dog and a
    taco raced around the field
    to the cheers of fans.
45. the wooden chimes
    Swaying stems, the wind
    playing those bamboo trees in
    nature’s symphony.
46. nineties and hundreds
    Air conditioners
    unable to match summer
    blasts of brutal heat.
47. long walks to nowhere
    Six thousand steps or
    two-and-a-half miles on the
    treadmill, one hour.
48. freedom for me but not for thee
    This land is your land,
    this land is not my land, this
    land was made for you.
49. nine-month sentence
    Women, guilty or
    innocent, can face the same
    time for the same “crime.”
50. worrying 9 to 5
    On-the-job stress that
    grows with each shift, a pressure
    that’s unrelenting.
51. the world games in birmingham
    Masters of discount
    sports assemble for friendly
    competitiveness.
52. the pause
    Before suffering,
    before mindless anarchy,
    we take a moment.
53. deliberately forward
    Bravery is the
    act of putting one foot in
    front of the other.
54. but never tennis
    The treads worn smooth by
    years of pacing and walking,
    shuffling and running.
55. the chores that never seem to get done
    Better put them off
    till next week, or next month, or
    next season. They’ll keep.
56. long message service
    Their texting thread wound
    through breakups and meet-cutes, past
    heartaches and wonders.
57. the missing geese
    The feathered fiends were
    nowhere to be found in the
    sprawling city park.
58. indifference vs. inert
    No forward motion
    and no incentive. Versus
    unable to move.
59. no cover fridays
    I’d rather converse
    than listen to the band, trade
    words than hear the beats.
60. stood up
    She had some place to
    be better than our late date,
    as if she’s all that.
61. magnanimity 2022
    They planned to shelter
    homeless in plywood ovens
    in the scorching sun.
62. ode to a fruit pie
    Apples and sugar
    melded in a thin pastry
    inside its wrapper.
63. the runaway tooth
    One fang among the
    many set off on its own
    despite group pressure.
64. tension up high
    I feel anxious more
    than ever and all throughout
    my poor old body.
65. no candle blower outers
    Delight in the grand
    fortunes of others and have
    them delight in yours.
66. ridiculously consistent
    The patterns emerge:
    Why be somewhat consistent
    when you can be all?
67. coming into your own
    Learning to be your-
    self. Standing up for yourself.
    Being true to you.
68. one bruised toenail
    The feet survived the
    new walking routine except
    for one bruised toenail.
69. boy meets girl, something something something
    One good thing about
    seeing movies high is not
    caring how it ends.
70. the click
    Suddenly it all
    makes sense. Everything just falls
    into place like so.
71. mandatory fun is mandatory
    Despite carefree smiles,
    corporate dictates insist on
    fun no matter what.
72. heat is the true killer
    Forget tornadoes
    and blizzards, heat is the true
    killer among men.
73. the protests must go on
    The patriarchy
    belches. So foul the stench that
    we must cry out more.
74. the parking did them in
    The concert was great,
    but the escape was blocked on
    all sides by traffic.
75. the pool
    She rode atop the
    salty waves for a slice of
    her backyard heaven.
76. a furious hush
    The madder he got,
    the quieter he became,
    seething in silence.
77. one small selfie for man
    They posed in front of
    a rocket, and you could see
    the stars in their eyes.
78. who’s in charge of what?
    He’s in charge of the
    grill and tires. She’s in charge
    of everything else.
79. chill vibe
    Not too busy, not
    too loud, just an evening of
    soft music and words.
80. boned appetit
    This state taxes food,
    not for the revenue but
    out of danged sheer spite.
81. an inherited problem
    The bosses stuck him
    on an out-of-the-way team,
    hoping for … something.
82. the drone
    On and on he went,
    pausing not for breath or for
    reply, endlessly …
83. her eyes gave it away
    As she waited on
    tables, she hoped no one would
    see how high she was.
84. studying psychedelics
    On the precipice
    of exploring creation
    and total being.
85. death of summer
    No more late night game
    tournaments, no more hanging
    out around the pool.
86. first day of class
    Pencils sharpened, shoes
    tied, lunches packed. Everyone
    have a good school year!
87. 2-d hollywood
    The cardboard cutouts
    stood ready to glamorize
    modest mundane lives.
88. headlines and tan lines
    The Facebook news tab
    is the standard mix of tech
    stocks and Page 3 Girls.
89. duolingo, but make it geeky
    He tried his best to
    learn from the book, practicing
    his new coding skills.
90. working stiffed
    Stop with the “look at
    me.” You don’t get a cookie
    for doing your job.
91. what not to teach
    History. Facts. Sex
    ed. Critical Race Theory.
    Science. Deep thinking.
92. modern horoscopes
    Turn off your ringer
    and crawl back in bed, Pisces.
    He ain’t texting you.
93. weaponized vocabulary
    Her words cut deeply,
    making her loathsome point oh
    so sarcastically.
94. the telescope a million miles away
    Peering into space,
    looking back billions of years
    to our origins.
95. monkeypox see, monkeypox do
    We have already
    weathered one pandemic, what’s
    another disease?
96. marvel, phase 8
    Ninety episodes,
    19 movies, three concerts
    and five new theme parks.
97. no one stood up
    The city cut the
    library budget, leaving
    no choice but to close.
98. the perfect patriarchy
    It is not enough
    to own women. We must smash
    their free will as well.
99. matrix of deception
    From the shadows they
    pulled the strings. No one could find
    them, much less stop them.
100. the bully
     At times, I have been
     the bully. And at times, the
     bullied. Choose wisely.
101. the bearable heat
     The AC couldn’t
     decide between too cold and
     too hot. Lukewarm days.

• • •

Read more Wade’s 101.

Read more poetry at Wade’s Daily Haiku.

Subscribe via RSS to Wade’s Daily Haiku.

[Share on Twitter | Facebook]

Video: WCBS-2 report on the newest Americans in New York.

•

Happy birthday, America!

Meet the members of the Army taking the oath to become American citizens this weekend at the New York Public Library.

Video: an origin story

Happy Memorial Day!

Learn more about how the holiday started in Charleston, S.C.

Election results from today’s primaries in Alabama …

More election coverage in our Vote 2022 special report.

The runoff takes place June 21.

Voter turnout:

• Alabama: 21.96 percent
• Jefferson County: 22.34 percent

(Updating throughout the evening.)

Democrats

(Contested races only)

Winner in red | Runoff candidates in blue

Republicans

(Contested races only)

Winner in red | Runoff candidates in blue

Amendments

Winner in red

Twitter

Turnout is low. Don't ask me what that means except that many Alabamians clearly didn't find the campaigns engaging.

— Kyle Whitmire (@WarOnDumb) May 24, 2022

I have the privilege of voting at Rosa Parks’ church and you better believe I take it seriously. Don’t forget to vote, Alabama! #vote #alpolitics pic.twitter.com/QwAWResSr3

— Leah Nelson says Go Huskies; don’t roll, Tide (@leahanelson) May 24, 2022

Thoroughly unscientific, FWIW observation from speaking with voters throughout central Alabama this morning: I encountered more unprompted complaints about the negative campaign advertising this year than I have in previous elections. #alpolitics

— Brian Lyman (@lyman_brian) May 24, 2022

Assuming Ivey wins in November and finishes her second full term in office in 2027, she will have served the longest continuous term of any governor in Alabama history. #alpolitics

— Brian Lyman (@lyman_brian) May 25, 2022

• • •

More Vote 2022 coverage.

Mike Maguire (CC)

Time to start marking ballots. The polls are open till 7 tonight for Alabama’s midterm elections.

Q: Where do I vote?

A: Call Jefferson County: (205) 325-5550, Jefferson County (Bessemer only): (205) 481-4105, Shelby County: (205) 669-3913.

Or Search Your Polling Place on AlabamaVotes.gov.

Wade on Birmingham:
election results tonight

Remember, if you have problems at your polling place:

• Notify a poll worker immediately.
• Call the secretary of state at 1-800-274-VOTE (8683) or visit his site, StopVoterFraudNow.com.
• And tell the probate court for Jefferson County (205-325-5203) or Shelby County (205-669-3713).
• Nationwide: 866-OUR-VOTE (687-8683)
• E-mail us at Vote2022[at]wadeonbirmingham.com.

Q: What can I expect to see on the ballots?

A: Check out these sample ballots for each county.

You’re voting for U.S. Senator, state (including governor) and county officials.

Who are you voting for today? Tell us in the comments.

• • •

More Vote 2022 coverage.

The midterm elections are upon us. On May 24, cast your ballots in Alabama for state and local races.

We have the sample ballots for Jefferson and Shelby Counties for the primaries.

Find your polling place/districts.

Check out the top state and county offices up for grabs. And peruse the Alabama Voter Guide 2022, with voting procedures and frequently asked questions.

For easier viewing, you can print, download or zoom to full screen with each ballot.

Vote next Tuesday, with runoffs on June 21.

• • •

Sample ballots for all 67 counties.

• • •

Jefferson County: Democratic ballot

[Mobile version]

Jefferson County: Republican ballot

[Mobile version]

• • •

Shelby County: Democratic ballot

[Mobile version]

Shelby County: Republican ballot

[Mobile version]

• • •

Alabama Voter Guide 2022

[Mobile version]

• • •

Candidate guides:

• BirminghamWatch

• • •

More Vote 2022 coverage.

[Share on Twitter | Facebook]

1. smoke break, winter edition
   Bundle the fuck up
   for a 5-minute sojourn
   by the back entrance.
2. use the good china today
   Candles, wines, cigars,
   gift cards, linens … break them all
   out and use them up.
3. poetic instant analysis
   Scanning the lines for
   wordplay and symbolism,
   tripping on meter.
4. hearing the words of the verse
   A melodic burst
   of syllables, a brief hush
   of understanding.
5. feminist turned misogynist
   Once a hero, now
   a goat. Made us believe he
   was part of the cause.
6. modern valentines 1
   Please accept these terms
   and conditions as shown to
   be my valentine.
7. modern valentines 2
   Swipe right, hey gurl, a
   few suggestive emoji,
   pre-date, confirmed date.
8. modern valentines 3
   A non-binary
   throuple with hints of poly
   and no jealousy.
9. cupid 2022
   Arrows tipped with love
   potion and double dose of
   Moderna vaccine.
10. ultimate poker face
    Remarkable self-
    poise, or the last one ever
    before dropping dead.
11. the whitest supremacy
    The thought police do
    kindly request that books by
    black authors be banned.
12. the great resignation
    What happens when a
    society finds out the
    true value of work?
13. no time for breathing
    He practiced a form
    of keen mindfulness that ran
    on autopilot.
14. dog in training
    Learning to beg and
    roll and sit and come and stay
    for praise and biscuits.
15. with facebook, your junk is someone else’s treasure
    I gave away a
    20-year-old TV set
    in just 2 hours.
16. technical(ly) gibberish
    (It’s not exactly
    gibberish since very smart
    people make it work.)
17. make it awkward
    Share too much, dance in
    front of a crowd, and swipe right
    on people you know.
18. dry month
    Lock up the liquor
    cabinet and throw away
    the six-packs of beers.
19. impossible choices
    How do we weigh the
    science and economics
    when we failed them both?
20. jetting off to paris
    Ah, to spend the week
    with haute cuisine and sublime
    music, living well.
21. interactive artscapes
    When the artist and
    audience connect over
    social media.
22. the swear jar
    Clean up language through
    fiscal remuneration
    by violation.
23. the beauties of space
    An uncle and his
    nephew bond over the worlds
    they might see someday.
24. a problem for future me
    Let’s go the cheap route
    and have the consequences
    play out however.
25. do we do it for the gratitude?
    Is it so much to
    ask for a “thank you” or does
    that corrupt motives?
26. world war 3
    A nuclear power
    invades a sovereign land.
    It’s almost midnight.
27. mind games
    Conservatorships
    can safeguard the mentally
    ill or make things worse.
28. guess the copay
    This doctor’s visit
    will cost me 40 bucks or
    200 dollars.
29. the laziest of friends
    They might text, they might
    meet up, they might share some laughs.
    But probably not.
30. the courage to sing
    Approach the front of
    the stage, take a deep breath and
    let out that first note.
31. a gentle reminder
    Be brave enough to
    (if stuck in complacency)
    suck at something new.
32. the revival of book burnings
    Destroy empathy
    by setting aflame those cursed
    books that inflame hearts.
33. the mid-morning nap
    A brief siesta
    to prep the body for lunch
    and afternoon drudge.
34. the medical bill nightmare
    To pay thousands for
    drugs again and again or
    face an early grave.
35. the indoor garden
    The special lamps bring
    sunshine to the wisps of plants
    stretching in comfort.
36. recreational high
    Out of commission
    for a few hours as the
    brain relaxes all.
37. the forever loan
    The most expensive
    cap and gown ever ensures
    this cumbersome debt.
38. so saucy
    Irreverent imps
    seize control of staid placid
    psyches to spread mirth.
39. in reddit we trust
    Online gossips vote
    up (or down) sordid rumors
    for entertainment.
40. pet conspiracy theories
    Believe what you will,
    but know that still crazier
    ideas take root.
41. the nine days of spring break
    Celebrating a
    week of uninterrupted
    fun and/or mischief.
42. the mating call of the fox
    The back yard echoes
    with passionate cries from some
    wild bushy-tailed freaks.
43. the pleasures of an incubating season
    Days grow warmer and
    longer as winter goes in-
    to hibernation.
44. paperworked
    This pile to be filed.
    This pile to be shredded. This
    pile to be eaten.
45. hiber nation
    A modern stupor
    brought about by always-on
    screens in all venues.
46. an appropriate dosage
    With Girl Scout cookies,
    one box equals one serving.
    Yes, one measly box.
47. bulletproof
    Backpack shields and drills
    for days … nothing to disarm
    potential shooters.
48. summer of soul
    When Harlem lit up
    with a galaxy of stars
    all on one big stage.
49. the fix
    Just one more. That’ll
    make it all right. Can’t function
    till it’s in my hands.
50. to the shredder
    Old phone records, scads
    of brochures and legal junk,
    reams of paper dross.
51. presence and presents
    They’re instructed to
    come empty handed yet they
    bear gifts just the same.
52. far or fiyah
    Success depends on
    whether “fire” has just one
    or two syllables.
53. hiking with six eyes
    Their cameras came out
    for engrossing foliage
    and weirdly shaped rocks.
54. staffing shortages and other delights
    Every time I ask
    for “no mayo,” the sandwich
    arrives with mayo.
55. not in a joking mood
    Troubled times leads to
    an absence of whimsy while
    the whole world burns down.
56. back to reading
    The absolute joy
    of holding a book and thumbing
    through its rough pages.
57. a chapter a day
    Devouring this
    book in nightly sessions while
    boredom falls away.
58. the re-creative process
    Reading old poems
    and thinking “How did that thing
    come out of my brain?”
59. eye candy for the neighbors
    What good is having
    the house painted when you can’t
    see it from inside?
60. scrape scrape scrape scrape
    Washing isn’t all.
    You have to scrape and scratch each
    square inch of old paint.
61. no one notices
    Not the couple at
    the bar. Not the cyclist in
    the street. Just no one.
62. the hypnotic scroll
    I can’t turn away
    from the endless options to
    watch, like and subscribe.
63. return of the cold war
    Powers clash over
    dueling ideologies
    and outdated slights.
64. threats of a madman
    A huge fortune to
    protect no matter the cost
    to the citizens.
65. the public in public health
    Endless cycles of
    mandated masks. The lesson
    is to never try.
66. the pollening
    Yellow dust swirling
    everywhere, sinuses in
    total misery.
67. instant dissatisfaction
    When you click on “Buy,”
    but the shipping won’t happen
    for 6 to 8 weeks.
68. how to binge
    Theme song. Episode.
    Closing credits. Repeat. Move
    on to the next show.
69. my montage
    Clock in. Do my job.
    Clock out. Eat my dinner. Read
    a book. Go to bed.
70. writing in the sky
    Her hands and arms and
    face telegraphed ancient thoughts
    in potent fashion.
71. coming out party
    Once dead and newly
    risen, he appears for his
    heavenly reward.
72. return to office
    Taking the last 2
    years of struggle and success
    and forgetting them.
73. talking type
    An lol, an
    ikr and a couple
    of hbu’s, too.
74. confronting a fear
    Saying aloud the
    parts that have me confounded
    and begging for help.
75. first date at a wine bar
    I haven’t laughed so
    hard in a long time and been
    able to relax.
76. the grownup party
    All the little ones
    wanted to do was stay up
    late and play some games.
77. the grownup party part 2
    All the older ones
    wanted to do was converse
    deeply and drink rum.
78. best buds everywhere
    A forest stroll shows
    off the fragrant flowers just
    coming into bloom.
79. addicted to illegals
    A cop show for just
    anyone and everyone
    who has eyeballs, pulse.
80. keys to literary success
    Start slowly to draw
    the reader in, go faster,
    end on a climax!!
81. get the grill ready
    Dump out the ashes
    and scrape the gunk off the grill.
    Ready for some meats.
82. even drummers get the love
    When rock stars die, fans
    mourn them all, especially
    those who smashed things hard.
83. an audience of one or two
    No matter how small
    the following, to give it
    all you’ve got each time.
84. slipping into the ether
    A heaviness falls
    and thoughts and steps slur in a
    bumble of nonsense.
85. the sacrifices for barbecue
    Working the pit at
    four in the morning, tending
    those meats carefully.
86. the 50-year-old dad
    He could still give some
    piggyback rides while saving
    for their college funds.
87. lazy man’s pancakes
    Forget the milk and
    eggs, just remember to add
    the baking powder.
88. the promise of work ahead
    Her eyes lit up at
    the prospect of remaining
    busy through the week.
89. hello and goodbye
    The introvert slips
    in for a quick appearance
    before sneaking out.
90. keeping tabs
    A browser straining
    under the weight of dozens
    of open websites.
91. canines come and go
    The bad dog mom keeps
    her nail appointment while her
    mutt’s in surgery.
92. groaning for juice
    Phones should wail each time
    their batteries run down so
    we know they’re in pain.
93. laundry for beginners
    Trying to wash clothes
    with differing instructions
    and rules in one load.
94. the kilimanjaro effect
    Almost to the top,
    freezing like never before,
    gasping in thin air.
95. gesturing stream of consciousness
    So fluent in sign
    language that he could ramble
    carelessly with hands.
96. out of the mouths of rubes
    Cancel culture? More
    like consequence culture for
    lousy opinions.
97. the need for checks in 2022
    To pay only the
    landscaper because Venmo
    charges a small fee.
98. rank ’em
    Destination spots.
    “Cheers” episodes. Power tools.
    Vanilla ice creams.
99. the many uses of cereal
    Breakfast, snack, ice cream
    topping, dessert bars, hiding
    spot for toys, fiber.
100. adventures in conscious states
     A few milligrams
     and the mind is allowed to
     slip the grasp of self.
101. a bookkeeper’s place
     A running tally
     of numbers numbers numbers
     which must all add up.

• • •

Read more Wade’s 101.

Read more poetry at Wade’s Daily Haiku.

Subscribe via RSS to Wade’s Daily Haiku.

[Share on Twitter | Facebook]

[Share on Twitter | Facebook]

1. happiest of holidays
   A nonstop orgy
   of gifts, eating, dressing up
   and some reflection.
2. the true cost of higher education
   A little learning
   can contribute to a life
   weighed down with deep debt.
3. secret windfall
   A surprise bonus
   pumping up the coffers with
   necessary cash.
4. weeny forecast
   Littlest monsters
   scavenge streets for sugary
   treats and slight mischief.
5. writers get it, too
   Impostor syndrome
   rears its ugly head before
   I can start typing.
6. dancing under the stars
   We gathered at the
   old park to drink beers and hear
   the bands play all day.
7. the darkest highway
   The headlights barely
   pierce the nighttime before our
   car. A light rain falls.
8. happy birthday, biff
   Alive for 50,
   friends for 40, a long time
   with a good buddy.
9. before the party starts
   Nervously munching
   on crudité, waiting for
   old friends to arrive.
10. a few minutes here and there
    I need to spend more
    time writing in the nooks and
    crannies of each day.
11. modern package tracking
    Wormhole. Cleveland, then
    Narnia. Drone drops ninja
    bot. Wake up with box.
12. damn kids
    They know everything
    about what’s in and nothing
    about their elders.
13. the endless race
    Brain and body. Sheer
    exhaustion. Consequences
    of running full speed.
14. get high, get thai
    Grab some gummies and
    let the week melt away. Feel
    the great weightlessness.
15. never in short supply
    Could we stop making
    so many war veterans
    and start waging peace?
16. the sport of scrolling
    Looking for hotties.
    Need inspiration. Killing
    brain cells. Hate-scrolling.
17. any port in a storm
    Lower your standards,
    and raise your hopes, for cuffing
    season has begun.
18. the cure for incuriousity
    Explore the depths of
    the people in your life and
    discover wonders.
19. the quilt
    Investing each piece
    with feeling, meaning, making
    a textile thesis.
20. the hazards of wordsmithing
    Some days the words flow.
    Others, they must be pried out
    with a screwdriver.
21. everyone appreciates a good sideshow
    To puncture the staid
    veil of reality, go
    forth and get weirder.
22. pro dreams in a college town
    Birmingham’s quest for
    pro status: Cinderella
    story or nightmare?
23. the job interview: the beginner
    Fumble for the right
    words, make the manager see
    you as competent.
24. a melodious evil
    She hums a motif,
    giving the composer a
    way to score her sins.
25. if it bleeds, it undermines the fabric of society
    If news outlets aren’t
    trying to scare viewers to
    death, what is the point?
26. as opposed to shut-ins and boors
    Inspiration comes
    from having a robust life
    and clever instincts.
27. keeping cool
    The fridge wanted a
    holiday, but I wouldn’t
    budge. Heated exchange.
28. a country 2021
    He lost his girlfriend
    and his dog this year, sadness
    waiting for lyrics.
29. the rites of gratitude
    Being grateful makes
    us happier, so give thanks
    every day you can.
30. every day is black friday
    We shop from our phones
    and check out on our doorsteps.
    It’s retail’s revenge.
31. ready for any apocalypse
    She weaves her fabrics
    and raises her hens, prepared
    for the fall of man.
32. midway through dune
    The anxiety
    waits quietly, ready to
    pounce when given space.
33. hobbyists and practitioners
    Should all creations
    be interrogated as
    Art? Can we stand it?
34. the plague of drought
    As water dwindles,
    will we go to war over
    remaining droplets?
35. the extra noel is for spite
    May all my friends go
    to hell. Noel noel no-
    el noel noel.
36. reflections of van gogh
    Projectors beam his
    works across expansive walls
    while we stroll through them.
37. a new stadium, gently used
    The vocal few packed
    half the stands, while the rest stayed
    filled with ghostly hopes.
38. being mortal
    What’s harder: dying,
    or living on in a world
    of indifference?
39. digital death rituals
    We gather to mourn
    on Facebook, swapping stories
    and pics of the dead.
40. questions for down the road
    Will I have enough
    money? Or virility?
    Or will to keep on?
41. ode to a modern dance troupe
    They defy the laws
    of gravity, with grace, with
    physicality.
42. art pop
    Impressionism
    for Joe Sixpack, smudges of
    paint for the masses.
43. tidings of great joy
    The best present we
    have to give is ourselves in
    this do-over year.
44. the end is nigh
    Death is coming. We
    greet it with awe, with sorrow,
    with celebration.
45. the plan to outlive everyone
    The only flaw is
    having no one left to talk
    with at the day’s end.
46. mystery dance
    They twirl and tumble
    onstage, and I don’t get the
    movement and meaning.
47. all downhill from here
    The best verse I have
    ever written is buried
    among published heaps.
48. afflict the comfortable
    We’d rather sink in
    the morass of ignorance
    than learn painful truths.
49. a relationship built on uncertainty
    It’s a pattern of
    not trusting our needs and not
    sharing our questions.
50. the spending continues
    Experiences
    over things, and yet both use
    capitalism.
51. nations and money, law and society
    The fabric of our
    reality is largely
    based on shared grand myths.
52. vaccines, critical race theory, nascar
    Cannot avoid it:
    Everything’s political
    though it shouldn’t be.
53. plague to end all plagues
    Five million dead, it
    will probably hang out for
    a while. Get boosted.
54. the unpuzzle
    Tricky problem less
    tricky after time away
    and a good night’s sleep.
55. greet the winter fondly
    Before long, the nights
    will shrink again and harsh cold
    will give way to warmth.
56. symphony of paper, twine and tape
    Nothing beats the joy
    and contentment of wrapping
    a gift perfectly.
57. season of loneliness
    Togetherness means
    nothing to those without loved
    ones to draw closer.
58. the quiet of christmas eve
    When kids finally
    fall asleep and parents swear
    softly building bikes.
59. how many candles?
    It’s someone’s birthday
    today. And what a joyous
    occasion it is!
60. resolve to be nicer
    “Be kind” might be the
    only commandment we need
    to get by in life.
61. the quality of banter
    The quality of
    banter determines the fun
    to be had en masse.
62. naughty card games
    Their innuendo
    proceeded with every card
    dealt, every brow raised.
63. she doesn’t do pets
    Not on her couch, and
    definitely not in her
    bed. Cuteness, be gone!
64. banned words, 2021 edition
    Canceled, woke, extra,
    deplatform and air fryer.
    (Let’s hang on to “vax.”)
65. eve
    A waltz, a kiss, a
    toast, a vow, a glance, a shared
    look and a new year.
66. our third pandemic year
    Let us resolve to
    take care of each other, while
    we care for ourselves.
67. the year of the cell
    Will it be a year
    of true connection or a
    year spent on our phones?
68. philosophical streaming
    Should life be binged in
    a mad rush or savored bite
    by bite? Gulp, or chew?
69. wittier by sweat
    Wringing laughs from tame
    writing, punching up punch lines,
    hoping for howling.
70. hope for 2022
    Freedom from worry,
    from suffering, from violence,
    from things ’21.
71. a near insurrection
    We almost let them
    steal democracy when they
    stormed the Capitol.
72. democracy in peril
    Are we content to
    let the traitors spit lies and
    plan another siege?
73. latest-stage capitalism
    Amazon turned our
    old mall into a giant
    distribution hub.
74. mall used up
    One by one the stores
    fled, or worse, sank deeper in
    the fetid water.
75. pennies from hell
    The reliable
    old Walmart, where cheapness is
    the ultimate good.
76. gastronomic excesses
    Course after course, we
    indulged in fine wines and some
    exquisite dining.
77. the takeoff of the squadron
    A mighty few came
    to witness the launch of our
    minor league hoops team.
78. my favorite social media faux pas
    She thought Instagram
    was private and sent pics of
    her butt to all y’all.
79. a meeting over breakfast
    The best time to fuel
    up and trade secrets with an
    admirable friend.
80. jonesin’ for dopamine
    Notification.
    Check status. Alert. Quick glance.
    Repeat until dead.
81. mortal beings
    We’re all beginning
    to wither year by year till
    our ripeness is rot.
82. a man most reviled
    King found little love
    among white Americans
    as the ’60s raged.
83. clanton, usa
    Come sit a spell with
    me beneath the oversize
    peach water tower.
84. post-viewing supplemental reading
    I like to binge and
    then read up, water cooler
    moments on the fly.
85. finding life’s purpose
    Winding down each day,
    looking for something to do,
    how to fill a void.
86. the book bandit
    She sped through all kinds
    of fiction, sharing her love
    with literati.
87. chef nobody
    He wanted to cook
    more, but didn’t care for the
    shopping, prep and wait.
88. half crazy
    It’s very common:
    Half will be diagnosed with
    a mental illness.
89. mindscape
    The brain is a black
    box, able to imagine
    and help us sit straight.
90. scrolling habits
    Silent videos,
    noisy videos, lovely
    houses and train wrecks.
91. stop, look and listen
    Up and down the same
    streets, past the same houses, still
    seeing something new.
92. calculus of regret
    Possible joy and
    minor hazards, divided
    by risk and reward.
93. truth, beauty, etc.
    Why do we create
    art? To show off? To scratch an
    itch? To understand?
94. a painting, an opera, an nft
    Why do we consume
    art? To gain wisdom? To feed
    the soul? To unwind?
95. plugged in
    You’re either really
    in the know or the dumbest
    fool in history.
96. shivering
    Despair of winter
    is facing brutal cold in
    nothing but sweaters.
97. the camera goes where?
    Colonoscopy
    day: Prep in the wee hours,
    sleep through procedure.
98. the lens of others
    Divining meaning
    in a vaguely written verse
    while they stare blankly.
99. the simple joys of a simple diet
    Chicken, spinach, eggs,
    lentils, beans, more chicken and
    eggs, veggies, dinner.
100. mantras wanted
     Boil my complete
     philosophy down to a
     bumper sticker please.
101. january’s ultimate joy
     Dining room table
     surrounded by dear friends on
     a cold winter’s night.

• • •

Read more Wade’s 101.

Read more poetry at Wade’s Daily Haiku.

Subscribe via RSS to Wade’s Daily Haiku.

[Share on Twitter | Facebook]

Photo: Jerry Taylor

Happy New Year! May 2022 be healthy, healthy and healthy.

Video: James Corden brings a stellar lineup to sing
“Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town.”

Merry Christmas!

Video: Ten hours of Thanksgiving ambience

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! Enjoy this lonnnnng screensaver of holiday cheer, minus any family bickering.