The magic happens
thanks to tireless elves who
cook, clean, write, fold clothes …

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They split the loaf as
they had many times before,
bonding with baguette.

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1. the great pumpkin claus
   Time for tricks and treats,
   so let’s put up the Christmas
   decorations now.
2. the unbathed
   Boy, dog conspire
   to stay in the yard and far
   away from the tub.
3. middling life crisis
   It’s not so much the
   timing as it is the waste
   of years and minutes.
4. the fastidious and the fury
   The napkin rings must
   be just so, the dining room
   dust free. Perfect clench.
5. graveyard of broken gadgets
   Old cell phones, iPods
   don’t head to the farm, but to
   a wiry grave.
6. five by five
   High five. Nine to five.
   Take five. Five-finger discount.
   Five years and counting.
7. when i’m not creating
   A faint snore marks the
   onset of slumber, dreaming
   up new ideas.
8. the mountain
   The mountain to climb
   is not made of piled earth but of
   paperwork and debts.
9. paroled
   Sometimes employees
   don’t recognize freedom till
   they’re sprung from their jobs.
10. the cracks are showing
    Battered spirits seek
    shelter against the bumps and
    bruises of living.
11. the right candy
    The right candy is
    whatever lands in your bag
    from trick or treating.
12. ghost hunters
    Some people see ghosts
    not on Halloween but in
    the car, the closet.
13. being scared
    Can’t get the scream out
    with all the blood and noise and
    fleeing for your life.
14. hell house 2010
    Bingo addicts, file
    sharers, sexting pervs, oil
    spillers and furries.
15. an excuse to be trampy
    Demure? Bah, humbug.
    Ladies, make this Halloween
    one we won’t forget.
16. trick rolled
    Step 1: Ring doorbell.
    Step 2: Ignite bag of poo.
    Step 3: Run for it!
17. costumes for 2010
    Like Button, Old Spice
    guy, Baby Lady Gaga,
    “Inception” … somehow.
18. pig in a garden
    Snout sniffs for morsels
    hiding in the soil, curled
    pink tail wiggles round.
19. cooling trend
    The shorter days, the
    longer nights, darkness roams with
    frosty companions.
20. a house cleaning, of sorts
    The G-men pulled some
    bad apples in a barrel
    full of rotten ones.
21. bundled up
    Inner warmth powers
    non-electric blanket while
    curled up on the couch.
22. talk therapy
    The voices within
    have come to a decision:
    sausage, extra cheese.
23. the next destination
    Riding on the bus
    listening to the motor
    strain for one more mile.
24. rivalries
    Friends come and go, but
    bitter rivalries endure
    for generations.
25. the ancient book of numbers
    Yellow pages filled
    with obscure methods to reach
    people on the stay.
26. smf
    In times of madness,
    shake your tiny fists of rage
    at an uncouth world.
27. the 33
    Even in the dark
    bowels of the earth, hope lives
    for the survivors.
28. to kill a mockingbird 2010
    Boo Radley scurries
    between McMansions scouting
    for diversity.
29. chat affair
    Hi. What’s up? Nothing,
    u? Same. K. Dinner? Maybe.
    Lemme know. Later.
30. devils in disguise
    These days, evil ones
    parade naked in the streets
    to blind, cheering crowds.
31. to be someone else
    Slip on the guise of
    a better persona to
    explore your psyche.
32. holiday sprint
    Dash to the malls, dress
    up for parties, cook tons of
    food, play overtime.
33. ballad of the ballot
    Sometimes, they voted
    for. Sometimes, against. But they
    made the time to choose.
34. firehouse of democracy
    The electorate
    stood their ground, scribbling in dots
    amid fire trucks.
35. the birthday boy
    The birthday boy gets
    cake, presents, a pony ride
    and lots of warm hugs.
36. the coalition of the unwilling
    They will not change their
    ways, their hearts, their minds, not for
    all the sense around.
37. even cold november rain
    Never mind darkness,
    we can find a way. ‘Cause noth-
    in’ lasts forever.
38. a faint gobble
    Somewhere at a plant,
    your Thanksgiving turkey rides
    a death conveyor.
39. for the pregnant tweeter
    When will the fetus
    come and meet us? Will he greet
    us or just tweet us?
40. one-hour computation
    Daylight Saving has
    little interest but compounds
    bad sleeping habits.
41. for kathy
    Deadlines pass, but great
    words filled with vitality
    endure forever.
42. belief system
    Even the thinnest
    of beliefs can withstand the
    mightiest of blows.
43. if everyone else is insane
    The boundaries of
    sanity are far more per-
    meable than hoped.
44. dust to dust
    Will any of the
    pettiness matter when we
    reach the end of days?
45. the do nothings
    The do nothings gab
    and commend themselves on a
    job not done at all.
46. the guest who wouldn’t leave
    He won’t take the hint,
    leaving germs and sickness strewn
    about the household.
47. intersection crash
    Limited time and
    many opportunities
    collide at junction.
48. subtle product placement
    This haiku is brought
    to you by Halliburton
    and Diet Pepsi.
49. blogging while driving
    Mixing SEO
    and MPH seems like crash
    course in 404.
50. the countdown has begun
    Shoppers will invade
    stores at the crack of dawn, then
    rush home for football.
51. in the walmart parking lot on a freezing night
    Two girls wander with
    empty pitchers begging for
    change, not dirty looks.
52. put a ring on it
    Engagement season
    ends with tears, starts with wallet
    turned to ice pebble.
53. invasion of the giant balloons
    The mammoth cartoon
    figures float with sharp eyes peeled
    for sharp points en route.
54. the hunt for skinny jeans
    Pair after pair trot
    into the cold fitting room,
    dismissed in a huff.
55. the tsa handshake
    Weary traveler,
    worry not for bombs in your
    genitalia.
56. all about pacing
    Small bites and lots of
    chewing can get you through the
    feasting holiday.
57. funereal advice
    The preacher told the
    staid mourners to love more, love
    now and love freely.
58. fit to be yuletide
    Christmas shopping done?
    Commendable achievement.
    And yet we hate you.
59. turkey watch, day 4
    Up to our giblets
    in leftovers, with nary
    a taste for sevenths.
60. winding down the year
    Do we look back at
    what was done, to now for what’s
    left, to next year’s goals?
61. bumper people
    The rain is just an
    excuse for lousy drivers
    to come out and slay.
62. winter’s bane
    The humidity
    and heat have flown south for the
    season. In comes chills.
63. the think tank
    As the tub filled with
    water, the overworked mom
    sank into her thoughts.
64. simple gift cards
    Get whatever you
    want at the earmuff outlet,
    up to 10 dollars.
65. the problems of others
    I can only guess
    at the problems of others
    while self pitying.
66. it starts in the oven
    The scent wafts from the
    cookies-to-be to noses
    innocent till now.
67. naughty nice real-time data
    Children text Santa
    with ever-changing toy lists
    while ignoring joy.
68. hot holiday items
    Jobs, health insurance,
    groceries, bills paid on time,
    working cars, quiet.
69. imaginary flurries
    The chill in the air
    would burst forth with snow, but the
    clouds will not comply.
70. last night of hanukkah
    A blessing: May you
    be sealed totally for good.
    Let’s spin the dreidel.
71. worn down
    Life has a way of
    wearing down the spunk and the
    spirit. Damn it all.
72. 40 years and 40 nights
    A few gray hairs, a
    set of wisdom wrinkles, an
    eye for horizons.
73. santa from the south pole
    Gun rack on the sleigh,
    sticker of Calvin peeing
    on Easter Bunny.
74. eyes front
    Why do I look when
    I pee? I’ve seen this show at
    least a million times.
75. when it gets this cold
    When it gets this cold,
    squirrels become popsicles
    and eyes become ice.
76. cookies for dinner
    Sweet temptations lure
    us from a balanced meal to
    a late sugar crash.
77. a colder, harder kind of snow
    The children were thrilled
    to leave school early and build
    a sleetman at home.
78. responding to a full heart
    The world always needs
    more love. Let some out so all
    can share in the warmth.
79. best journalism advice i ever received
    Be fair, be accu-
    rate. Or, if that fails, just be
    fairly accurate.
80. flip, flip, flip
    The page turns. The words
    caress the battered mind like
    a salve. The page turns.
81. the show-off
    The illusionist
    stepped before the audience
    and made them believe.
82. long live darkness
    The sun goes down and
    stays down while the moon frolics
    amidst frozen stars.
83. restless pajamas
    The hours seem like
    eternities as wee ones
    wait for reindeer thuds.
84. mall madness
    The parking lot is
    crammed. The food court is seething.
    Clerks are winging it.
85. all reindeer are go
    Comet is pumped, and
    Dasher and Donner want to
    lead. Rudolph? Aglow.
86. don’t need no presents
    Don’t need no new tie,
    or sauce pan or video
    game. Just your Yule smile.
87. as planned
    Did the year go as
    planned, or was it a jumble
    of events and lulls?
88. just like the ones i used to know
    A white Christmas came
    to Alabama, draping
    Dixie with surprise.
89. say goodbye to 2010
    Vuvuzela, top
    kill, Antoine Dodson, double
    rainbow, Inception.
90. the happy hour of a so-so day
    The jukebox cranks up
    to drown sorrows in pop hits
    as bottle caps fly.
91. the creature under the deck
    The creature under
    the deck only emerges
    for cans of cat food.
92. the odometer on the calendar
    It’s about to be
    11:11 on
    1-1-11!
93. the renewal
    Do not fear what is
    to come, what cannot be made
    to obey. Be bold.
94. the fields of winter
    Desolate the land
    stood, outstretched, barren, yet full
    of seeds for blooming.
95. stride
    Hit it and go far,
    break it and fall off the path,
    maintain it and run.
96. nothing but the hum of the lights
    Morning cubicle
    sits amongst the herd. Coffee
    steam rises in wisps.
97. the silly hour
    Late at night, we’d stop
    cramming, start roaming, looking
    for mischief and snacks.
98. the miracle worker
    The father crawled from
    bed to journey in darkness
    work and come home late.
99. milk sandwich
    Worse than snow forecast
    in the South? Pre-snow stampede
    in the bread, milk aisles.
100. the year so far, an early report
     Snow threat, possible
     national championship,
     shooting in Tucson.
101. championship rings
     The toughest team wears
     the fanciest rings, which makes
     no sense in real life.

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One for an old friend,
who’s generous to a fault.
One for a stranger.

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Fairhope native Krista Klumpp will be competing
for $1 million on “Survivor: Redemption Island.”

Sure, Auburn won a national championship by outwitting, outplaying and outlasting 22 other players.

But could the football team do it in jungles of Nicaragua? As solo contestants? For 39 days?

No, Cam Newton isn’t running away to be a reality TV star. But former Auburn head cheerleader Krista Klumpp will compete on CBS’ “Survivor: Redemption Island.” The 25-year-old pharmaceutical sales rep lives in Columbia, S.C., but grew up in Fairhope.

She graduated from Auburn University in 2008 with a degree in mass communications. Klumpp was also Miss Phenix City, making it to fourth runner-up for Miss Alabama USA in 2007 and 2009.

“I’m really proud to be from Alabama, growing up a true Southerner,” Klumpp says. “It might sound weird, but I’m real excited about not having to wash my hair for 39 days.”

Photo: Auburn Athletics

Krista Klumpp cheers for Auburn behind
ESPN commentator Lee Corso during “College GameDay.”

Her contestant bio on the “Survivor” website has a few more details …

• Tribe: Zapatera
• Current residence: Columbia, S.C.
• Personal claim to fame: Being elected head cheerleader at Auburn University is my personal claim to fame. I then became a second generation Auburn University head cheerleader.
• Inspiration in life: My grandparents who were married for 67 years.
• Hobbies: Water sports, traveling and running.
• Pet peeve: When people wear sunglasses inside.
• Three words to describe you: Driven, competitive and approachable.
• “Survivor” contestant you are most like: I thought I was most like Natalie White because we had such similar backgrounds, but I expect to play the game with a little more edge. [White won her season in Samoa by defeating the notorious Russell Hantz. Like Klumpp, is a Southerner, in this case from Arkansas and a pharmaceutical sales rep.]
• Reason for being on “Survivor”: To prove that a former cheerleader and pageant girl can win the hardest game ever. Also, the money! If anyone says anything different, they are lying!

Other fun facts about Klumpp …

• Her great-grandfather Steve Riggs and a friend invented the one and only processed cheese product, Velveeta, she says.
• Her grandfather, her parents and her older sister attended Auburn.
• Her mother was an Auburn cheerleader during the late 1970s.
• The movies she can’t live without? “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit.”

The 22nd season will take place in Nicaragua, like the preceding season. Eighteen contestants compete for the grand prize of $1 million. In a new twist this season, those voted off will not be sent home but instead to Redemption Island to continue on limited food and other supplies. That castaway will compete with the next eliminated contestant to remain.

While 16 contestants were revealed Wednesday, two mystery contestants were held back. [Spoiler alert: Do NOT read the next paragraph if you don’t want to know the other two contestants.]

Most online experts say that Russell Hantz will return for his third season and “Boston Rob” Mariano for his fourth. The two previously faced off  in 2010’s “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” against previous winner James “J.T.” Thomas of Mobile. Mariano battled in his first season, “Survivor: Marquesas,” Birmingham native Paschal English and the eventual winner, Troy University alum Vecepia Towery. Neither Hantz nor Mariano has ever finished higher than second place.

Video: Krista Klumpp talks about her background
and sizes up the other contestants.

“Survivor: Redemption Island” will air at 7 p.m. Wednesdays on CBS 42, starting Feb. 16.

• Krista Klumpp on Facebook | LinkedIn | MySpace

•

“Survivor” fans: If you would like to write recaps and features
for Wade on Birmingham, please contact me for details.

One thought aloud makes
for a bright and lively talk
about anything.

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The pitch white world melts
a little more even as
we shiver and shake.

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A look at today’s newspapers, with front pages showing Auburn’s victory over Oregon for the BCS National Championship on Monday.

Alabama

The Anniston Star

The Birmingham News

The Decatur Daily

The (Florence) Times-Daily

The Huntsville Times

The Montgomery Advertiser

The (Mobile) Press-Register

The Tuscaloosa News

Oregon

Corvallis Gazette-Times

The (Eugene) Register-Guard

(Klamath Falls) Herald and News

(Medford) Mail Tribune

The Oregonian, Portland

(Salem) Statesman Journal

Zoom to full screen, zoom in on page details
and embed on your site.

Also:

• Auburn defeats South Carolina for 2010 SEC Championship: newspapers’ front pages
• Alabama wins 2010 National Championship as seen on newspaper front pages

Tigers break 53-year drought

Video: Auburn’s Gene Chizik and Cam Newton share
their post-game thoughts.

If it’s January in Alabama, it must mean BCS National Championship time.

The state can now lay claim to back-to-back titles, as Auburn defeated Oregon 22-19 Monday night. The winning field goal came as the game clock expired, a 28-yard boot from the Tigers’ Wes Byrum.

But the men of the hour were quarterback and Heisman winner Cam Newton, defensive tackle Nick Fairley and coach Gene Chizik. The game proved to be more of a defensive clash, as both teams sputtered through the first half.

Auburn finished a perfect 14-0, bringing home the school’s second national championship; the first in 1957 under coach Shug Jordan. The Tigers’ win marks the fifth consecutive BCS title win by an SEC team.

Alabama won the 2010 BCS title game against Texas, with help from its Heisman winner, Mark Ingram.

Earlier in the bowl season, Alabama demolished Michigan State 49-7 on New Year’s Day in the Capital One Bowl in Orlando. And way back on Dec. 18, Troy beat Ohio 48-21 in the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl.

Video: With the winning field goal,
Auburn celebrates a national championship.

In dead of winter,
hear the clash of linebackers
huffing for glory.

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Mother Nature sought
to protect her land with a
thick layer of ice.

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One jumped in head first,
one sniffed, then whimpered aloud,
the third stayed inside.

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Snow threat, possible
national championship,
shooting in Tucson.

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Worse than snow forecast
in the South? Pre-snow stampede
in the bread, milk aisles.

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The father crawled from
bed to journey in darkness
work and come home late.

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